The Family Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘I guess we better get dressed soon,’ Dylan said as he looked down at me, curling my blonde hair around my ear.

  ‘Do we have to?’

  He smiled. ‘Asher and Hekla will be wondering where I am. They might think I’ve been kidnapped by you. Not to mention my brother.’

  I bit my lip. ‘That is totally my plan.’ I stretched my arms above my head. ‘Okay, let’s go get some breakfast.’

  We helped each other dress, Dylan kissing my shoulder before pulling my jumper over my head, my lips on his taut stomach as I did up his jeans.

  When he started the truck, I placed my hand on his knee and he smiled at me. ‘This feels right.’

  ‘Yes, it does,’ I replied.

  When we arrived at Asher’s, Cole was just getting out of his hire car.

  ‘Well, look at you two,’ he said as he looked at our conjoined hands. Something I couldn’t quite pinpoint flickered in his eyes. But then he strode up to me and pressed his cold cheek against mine as he hugged me. ‘I’m so pleased you and Dylan found each other again.’

  ‘Jesus, you sound like a dating show host,’ Dylan said.

  Cole rolled his eyes. ‘My brother, as romantic as ever.’

  The front door opened and Hekla appeared. She was dressed in a long flowing jumpsuit made of silk, a colourful scarf in her hair. ‘Come in, for God’s sake, it’s freezing out there.’ As we walked in, she paused and looked at Dylan. ‘Why were you outside anyway, Dylan?’

  ‘He never came back,’ Cole said with a grin.

  Hekla looked at him, then at me, a small smile spreading over her face. ‘Ah, I see. I thought I sensed desire in the air.’ Dylan and I exchanged a smile. Hekla really was quite something. ‘Come, we have breakfast laid out.’

  We all walked into the dining room as Hekla instructed one of their staff to bring coffee and tea. Asher was at the end of the table reading a paper. His face lit up when he saw us.

  ‘How wonderful to see you again,’ he said, gesturing for us to sit down. He looked at Cole. ‘Let’s eat first then head to the study to talk before you fly out. You must bring your wife and child next time,’ he added as he took a sip of coffee. ‘You can make a family holiday of it.’

  Cole was quiet for a moment. ‘Can I be honest?’ he eventually asked. ‘It feels more like a holiday when they’re not here. I love my family but I also enjoy the time I get away from them. God, that sounds bad, doesn’t it?’

  I thought of how quickly he’d been willing to fly out here on a whim … and how flirtatious he’d been with the tour guide.

  ‘Completely understandable,’ Asher said.

  ‘Do you have children?’ I asked Asher and Hekla.

  Asher reached over, squeezing his wife’s hand as he gave her a sad smile. ‘We don’t.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be fair on a child,’ Hekla said. ‘We are not very good sacrificing our little pleasures. Plus we both work too hard; our jobs are our babies really.’

  ‘Sacrifice,’ Dylan said, deep in thought as he peered out of the window. ‘That’s what family is all about, I guess.’

  Cole narrowed his eyes at him.

  ‘So what’s your job baby then?’ I asked Hekla.

  ‘Hekla heads the most wonderful art charity,’ Asher said with pride. ‘It’s called List An Landamaera.’

  ‘Art Without Boundaries,’ Hekla translated with a smile. ‘We help those with disabilities fulfil their creative dreams.’

  ‘Sounds wonderful,’ I said.

  ‘And so does your work. I think you and I are alike,’ Hekla said to me.

  I examined her face. ‘How so?’

  ‘We’re career women. Can you really see yourself giving up your wonderful career to have children? You must travel most months of the year to rather inhospitable places. Not the kind of places you can bring a child to.’

  ‘My producer Julia manages it,’ I replied. Or did she? She’d still had to take five years off when her children were young and had admitted to me once how hard it had been to immerse herself back into the documentary-making world.

  ‘You’re the same too, aren’t you, Dylan?’ Cole said. ‘About not having kids. You always said you didn’t want them.’

  Dylan shot his brother a look. ‘I said that years ago, Cole.’

  ‘I think it is a brave thing to admit,’ Hekla said, ‘especially for a woman, that we might not want children.’

  ‘I never said I didn’t want children,’ I said. Dylan and I exchanged a look. It felt like Asher and Hekla were desperate to impose their lifestyle on us.

  ‘Either way, we are alike, Gwyneth,’ Hekla insisted. ‘Like me, you have not had to rely on your parents. Mine haven’t passed away like yours but I did leave them the first chance I got, never looked back either. I was doing an apprenticeship with an artist by the time I was sixteen, was even renting my own little room in the middle of Reykjavik.’

  ‘Gwyneth, you were working for that wildlife filmmaker when you were sixteen, weren’t you?’ Cole asked.

  Just then, food was brought in. Luckily, the subject moved on as we ate our breakfast. Afterwards, Cole and Asher had their meeting while Hekla showed Dylan some sculptures she’d acquired. I remained in the living room, gazing out at the iced fields as I drank coffee, enjoying the silence.

  Then I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Cole stride in. He sat across from me and helped himself to some coffee.

  ‘How are you finding Dylan?’ he asked, looking at me sideways.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Does he seem different from the way he was when you knew him a year ago?’

  I thought about it. ‘Not really. Why? Do you think he seems different?’

  ‘He disappeared for two months, didn’t he?’

  ‘I think that’s brave. I think it’s given him the space he needed.’

  Cole nodded. ‘He never wanted to enter the family business. You know that, right?’

  I looked down at my cup, not saying anything. Of course I knew. But it wasn’t my place to say.

  ‘And who said I wanted to enter the family business either?’ Cole added.

  I looked at Cole in surprise. ‘But I thought you loved it all?’

  ‘Didn’t really have a chance to figure out what I wanted to do before I was steamrollered in. Anyway,’ he said, smiling, ‘this is depressing. Tell me about you and Dylan. Are you two official?’

  I laughed. ‘You really do sound like a date show host!’

  He shrugged. ‘I can’t lie, I love a good romance story.’

  ‘It’s only been one night. We haven’t really talked about it.’

  ‘He’s smitten with you, it’s clear.’ His face grew serious. ‘Hekla was right in what she said in there though, about your job. You going to be able to manage a relationship with all your travelling?’

  I placed my coffee down and leant in towards Cole. ‘Ah, now I see why you were trying to draw comparisons between me and Hekla. Talk about protective brother!’

  ‘Seriously though?’ And he was serious, his blue eyes on mine. ‘It might be difficult holding serious relationships down?’

  I thought about it. ‘In the past, yes. But with Dylan, it feels so different. For the first time, I feel I can have both: the career and the relationship.’ I felt myself growing excited. ‘For example, I know Dylan likes to travel. He wants to do more of it. Maybe he could come on shoots with me, do woodwork on the way and sell what he makes?’ Cole’s face darkened. ‘God, sorry,’ I quickly added. ‘I know you need him in the business. It’s just a pipe dream. We haven’t talked about it, of course we haven’t! If things do work out, I guess we’d need to find a middle way.’

  ‘And that is?’

  I shrugged. ‘UK-based shoots for me? That way, Dylan can stay in Scotland.’

  ‘And you’d be happy with that? You were just talking about travelling the world together.’

  The fire crackled, sending orange embers flying into the air. ‘Maybe it’s time for me t
o take a break from all that.’ And as I said it, I realised it really was time. ‘In fact, I’ve provisionally signed up for a new documentary filming in Finland in the summer. But I think I might just turn it down.’

  Cole arched an eyebrow. ‘Interesting.’ He looked at his watch. ‘I better start making a move – my plane sets off in a few hours.’

  We both stood up. ‘It’s been good to see you,’ I said, ‘even if it has been brief.’

  He smiled. ‘You too. So what now for you? Back to London?’

  I looked out at the snowy landscape. Something inside me told me I wasn’t ready to go home just yet. I shrugged. ‘Who knows?’

  ‘Hopefully we’ll see you in Scotland before too long.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  As I said that, Dylan walked into the room with Asher.

  ‘Time to go?’ Dylan asked Cole.

  Cole exchanged a look with Asher then nodded. ‘Yep, a short and sweet visit.’ He strode over to Asher and shook his hand. ‘It’s been good seeing you, Asher, and seeing this beautiful house.’

  ‘A beautiful house you two made possible,’ he said, smiling at the two brothers. ‘Give my love to your parents.’

  ‘I will. Do think about what I said, won’t you?’ Cole asked him.

  Asher looked over at Dylan then nodded. ‘Of course.’

  Cole turned to Dylan. ‘Walk me out?’

  The brothers left me and Asher alone.

  ‘Good meeting?’ I asked him.

  ‘I’m not sure Cole will see it as that.’

  ‘Ah.’ I didn’t want to push him. It was none of my business.

  He gestured towards a scarf lying on the side. ‘Is that yours?’

  ‘Oh, it’s Cole’s!’ I jumped up and grabbed it. ‘I’ll take it out.’

  I walked from the room into the hallway. But as I drew closer to the open front door, I could hear raised voices coming from outside. I stopped, not sure what to do.

  ‘Are you fucking crazy?’ I heard Cole say. ‘You can’t tell her! What the hell’s wrong with you, Dylan? Are you having a mid-twenties crisis or something? Asher told me you’re thinking about leaving the family business, you know. Thanks for ruining any chance we have of getting more work from him.’

  ‘That’s all you’re about, isn’t it?’ Dylan snapped back. ‘Making money and keeping secrets.’

  ‘Well, evidently you don’t give a shit about either!’

  ‘I just need to get it out,’ Dylan replied, voice filled with emotion. ‘Surely you understand that? You have Rhonda to talk to about it. But I have no one.’

  ‘You have us, your family,’ Cole said, pleading with his brother.

  ‘Are you kidding? We never talk about it. It’s like it didn’t happen but it did. Jesus, it did.’

  ‘You don’t even know Gwyneth, not properly,’ Cole said.

  ‘You didn’t know Rhonda long when it happened. If you can tell Rhonda, I can tell Gwyneth.’ I could hear the sound of footsteps, like Dylan was pacing back and forth.

  ‘Rhonda was there when it happened,’ Cole replied. ‘You know that. I didn’t have to tell her, she saw it for herself.’

  I stepped back into the darkness of the landing. I could see them both now, face to face, fists clenched.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ Dylan said with a bitter laugh. ‘I keep forgetting the reason you married her. No wonder you’re having affairs left, right and centre, anything to close your eyes to your marriage of convenience.’

  Cole shoved Dylan and Dylan stumbled back. ‘How dare you say that?’ Cole hissed.

  ‘You saying it’s not true?’ Dylan retorted. ‘Only the day before it happened you were telling me you were planning to dump her after the holidays. Couldn’t do that after she saw it all, couldn’t risk her blabbing her mouth off, scorned ex and all that. Had to think on your feet, didn’t you?’

  Cole didn’t say anything, just took a deep breath, eyes sparking with anger.

  ‘Or was it Mum who came up with the idea?’ Dylan continued. ‘Did Mum tell you to keep Rhonda sweet?’ There was a pause then a bitter laugh from Dylan. ‘I knew it. I fucking knew it. Jesus, Cole, don’t you want to stop living under the shadow of what happened? It’s all going to shit anyway with Rosa and Gavin putting in that land appeal. You realise if they win, it would have all been for nothing?’

  Rosa and Gavin. The people who owned the farmhouse.

  ‘Why the hell do you think I’m fighting to get Asher’s business?’ Cole retorted. ‘We need the money! We need you! You’ve not been the same since you met Gwyneth. And now you want to tell her everything despite hardly knowing her.’

  ‘I do know her. This thing we have, I can’t explain it.’

  Cole rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, it’s called lust.’

  ‘It isn’t like that!’

  ‘I know you, Dylan. I know how you get.’

  Dylan shook his head. ‘We can trust Gwyneth, I swear. She has her own secrets, I see it in her face; it’s like looking in a mirror.’

  I stepped back farther into the darkness, heart thumping. Was I really that transparent? I tucked the scarf into a drawer in one of the tables in the hallway then walked back into the living room as the two men continued talking in hushed whispers outside. I’d already heard too much.

  As I sat waiting for Dylan in the living room, I half-heartedly listened to Asher talk about his business. But my mind was on what I’d overheard, especially the last bit. It occurred to me that maybe that was what had drawn Dylan and me together, the fact that something dark lurked inside. Was that really a healthy foundation for a relationship?

  Not if we couldn’t share the secrets that lived deep within our hearts.

  When Dylan walked into the room, he looked deep in thought. I made a resolution that as soon as we got some time alone together, I’d tell him about everything: about my parents, about what I’d done. And then maybe he’d tell me about his secrets too. We’d start fresh, clean, open, like he wanted. Like I wanted.

  But first we needed to figure out what we’d do next. I could see myself staying in Iceland, just for a bit. Maybe we’d go to my flat in London after, spend some time figuring out what was next for us.

  Hekla walked in then. I watched as she checked her phone for messages. I admired her, but I didn’t want to be like her, being so driven by work that she put it above everything else. It was time I stopped running away from what I wanted. It was time I set down some solid roots.

  I stood up and went to Dylan, taking his hand. I expected him to smile. But instead his handsome face was expressionless. He looked at Asher and Hekla. ‘Thanks for breakfast, it was great.’ Then he turned to me. ‘Right, shall I give you a lift back then?’

  ‘You mean to get my stuff?’

  He shrugged. ‘Sure.’

  We said our goodbyes then got into the truck. Dylan still seemed deep in thought throughout the journey. I hoped he might tell me what had been burdening him all this time. I put my hand on his leg, to show him I was ready to listen. He turned to look at me, searching my face with an urgency that surprised me. Then he turned away again.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ I asked.

  ‘Just tired.’

  ‘If you need to talk …’

  He hesitated a moment then smiled. ‘Fine, honestly. I’m just tired.’ He gazed into the distance. ‘See that building?’ I nodded. ‘That’s Asher’s farmland where I’ve been doing my woodwork.’

  ‘I’d love to see it! Can we go look?’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Of course!’

  He shrugged. ‘Okay.’

  A few moments later, we were driving towards a barren stretch of icy land. There were several dilapidated buildings scattered around, some with their roofs caved in by heavy snow. In the distance stood a small forest with views of a tiny frozen lake.

  ‘This was once a working farm,’ Dylan explained as we turned down a bumpy old lane. ‘Asher’s been talking about building some offices here.’

  ‘I
t’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘It would be such a shame to build offices on it.’

  Dylan nodded fiercely. ‘That’s exactly what I said to Asher. Cole hates me for it: he thinks I’ve ruined the company’s chances of getting another contract. But it seems such a waste to build workspaces here. This needs to be a family home.’

  He stopped the truck and we got out, pulling on our coats and gloves. I grabbed my camera and followed him through a labyrinth of buildings, peering into the broken and dusty windows. At the end of the estate was a large barn. Dylan led me to it and opened the door to reveal a large area with sawdust all over the floor, a circular saw in the middle of it. A small mattress lay on the ground covered in fur throws and blankets, and a wooden table topped with books and a bottle of water was next to it. Plugged in nearby was a small heater and leaning against one of the beams were beautiful wooden sculptures, some of them of animals.

  ‘You did these?’ I asked. Dylan nodded. I walked over to one, a majestic seal, and placed my hands on the smooth wood.

  ‘Your Duchess,’ he said.

  I turned to look over my shoulder at him. ‘How could you have done this so quickly?’

  ‘I saw her when I visited you on set. It’s taken me two months.’

  ‘My God, it’s beautiful.’ I walked over to him and put my arms around his neck. ‘You are so talented.’

  He searched my face, his body rigid against mine. I pressed my lips against his, hoping to kiss away the tension from the argument he’d had with his brother. He hesitated at first, then he kissed me back, hard and urgent, squeezing me against him. I swept my hand over the outline of his chest, standing on tiptoes to kiss his neck. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he looked at me. Then he pressed his lips against mine again. I responded, hungry for the feel of him inside me again and for some reassurance that it wasn’t me who’d caused his strange mood.

  We quickly undressed each other and burrowed beneath the fur throws for warmth as we explored each other’s bodies. As we made love, Dylan looked into my eyes. But they didn’t sparkle with a mixture of mischief and desire like they had the night before. Instead, he looked troubled as he explored my face. When he came, he closed his eyes, looking almost pained. I wanted to ask him again what was wrong but didn’t want to appear needy. So instead I wrapped my arms around him and rested my cheek against his large back. I wasn’t used to the details of relationships, the intricate dance that I heard other people went through. I wasn’t quite sure how to play it when someone was quite obviously brooding. Everything so far for me had been so casual. I simply hadn’t cared enough.