Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  Dana sighed heavily, as if I had just denied him permission to a party.

  “Fine,” he pouted. “You’re no fun.” He turned to Clark. “What were you two talking about?”

  “A school project,” Clark said slowly, his voice only barely wavering.

  “Ah,” Dana said, telling us that he did not really care what we had been discussing. “Speaking of, Clark, I want to thank you for looking over Eyna’s information. Your input was very helpful.”

  I whirled to look at Clark, my eyes wide.

  “What?” I hissed. He looked nervously between me and Dana. When I saw the leader of the Commission grin, I knew he revealed the information on purpose to upset me. As I realized that, I saw my first opportunity to turn Dana’s attack to my advantage. I felt myself get excited. I was going to try and play Dana’s game on his level.

  “Clark really is a bright boy for his age, and it was nice to have a fresh set of eyes,” Dana said.

  “What did you look over?” I pressed, trying to sound as interested as I could. I saw Clark’s surprise, but I dared not try to communicate with him silently while Dana was standing so close. Dana’s observant eyes would see it immediately.

  “Uh…” Clark stammered, caught off-guard.

  “Well, you see, Eyna’s body is functioning just fine, but he doesn’t seem interested in moving anymore,” Dana answered for the young man. “So, I had a few tests run on his brain functioning, and a few other things, but everything seemed normal. Clark didn’t see anything out of the ordinary either, but he did point out one test we forgot to run, which we will do on Tuesday.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe it’s nothing physical?” I asked, trying to keep myself from looking at the dark shades covering Dana’s powerful eyes—I looked at his mouth. “Maybe it’s mental.”

  “It’s possible,” Dana agreed with a half-hearted shrug. “But he refuses to even attack me when I walk into the cell, and that concerns me.”

  “Do you always expect your experiments to attack you?” I barked a laugh. “Do you ever think that one day they will overpower you?”

  “Maybe,” Dana admitted. “That’s what happened to Bryant Morris, after all.”

  I stopped.

  “What?”

  “Does that really surprise you?” Dana grinned darkly. “Mr. Morris was a brilliant man, but when he was obsessed with a goal or had a plan, he couldn’t see anything dangerous in that plan, even if it was standing right in front of him.” Dana cocked his head to the side and I couldn’t stop the jolt of fear that ran through me. “And in the end, he was killed by one of his most prized experiments.”

  I turned to Clark, who clearly had not heard the story before, either. Bryant Morris had died before I was born, so I had never thought much of his death. Given what Dana had explained, I realized that his death had probably been downplayed so the American people would never find out about the experiments in the Commission.

  “We’ve made improvements since then,” Dana said with a heavy sigh, as if his death had just been an unfortunate accident. “To properly keep things in order, we had to change everything. We had to think like the experiments. It’s always a concern that they will rise up. After all, it’s happened before.” Dana remained still for a moment before shrugging.

  “I guess that just proves what they say,” he said. I tensed as he leaned down to press his mouth to my ear. “You can never trust that you are safe. Even those closest to you can turn around and murder you when your back is turned.”

  He squeezed my shoulder and I felt his lips form a smile against my ear.

  “Remember that, Little Lily.”

  He walked away. I could not catch my breath until a few seconds later, when the door slamming shut frightened me.

  I looked at Clark and was strangely relieved to find that he looked just as terrified.

  The meeting was exceptionally boring. There were a few topics that caught my interest, such as the trip to Europe that the Commission was putting together. Apparently, there were foreign leaders who wanted to discuss government structure with the Commission of the People, and Dana was forming a delegation to go abroad and speak with them—a delegation that possibly included my parents.

  There were a few brief reports on the experiments and the number of people the Commission was rounding up. That month, apparently, they had taken in fifty-seven people in the entire country. They said it was a vast improvement and that things were starting to look up—whatever that meant. There was also discussion on Gregory Altereye and his men, who had found planets that could potentially support human life, and they were considering falling into orbit around one of them to see if there was already life on the surface.

  Other than those topics, I ignored the contents of the meeting.

  Afterward, my mother motioned for me to follow her. I blinked stupidly before falling into step behind her, realizing we were approaching Dana, who was speaking with Freddie’s mother.

  We stood by the conversation, waiting for a moment to step in while I stared at Freddie, who glared at me darkly. I tried not to let it scare or anger me, but I was upset. I was indignant that he was acting like the victim when he had been one of the boys who attacked me.

  “Thank you, Mr. Christenson,” Freddie’s mother said.

  “You’re welcome, Alyssa.” They walked away as Dana turned his attention to us. “Karen and Little Lily Sandover,” he greeted. “What can I do for you?”

  “We’re terribly sorry to bother you, Dana.” My mother was flushing, as if embarrassed, but the shy smile on her face told me that she was more flustered by being near him than asking her question. Annoyance caused my jaw to clench. It was no wonder she was so quick to defend the Commission. She was becoming fascinated with its leader, just like everyone else. If I had not been so angered from our earlier argument, I would have been upset that I was losing my mother to the Commission of the People.

  “Oh, it is no bother.”

  “I know that you haven’t finalized who is going to Europe, yet, but for those who have children and are going to leave for a month, do the children still have to come to the Commission meetings?”

  “Come, now, Karen,” Dana chuckled. “I have not officially announced who is in the delegation yet, but you know that both you and your husband are indispensable. Of course you are going,” he said. My mother smiled shyly and fiddled with her rings.

  At least plotting the rebellion would be easier with them gone.

  “That would leave Little Lily all alone, wouldn’t it?” he said slowly.

  There were no words to describe the horrible realization that ran through me at the words. My parents being gone was a perfect opportunity for him to offer to watch over me. In a way, that would be beneficial for getting closer to him, but I was unsure my sanity could handle the prolonged exposure.

  “No, not entirely alone,” Karen assured. “She would take care of Mykail, of course.”

  Dana turned to me quickly and the action startled me. Behind the glasses, I could feel his intense eyes boring into mine.

  “Yes, she will need to attend the meetings,” he said quietly, his voice dangerous.

  That was when it hit me. He had seen the possibility that Mykail and I would get closer, and it was the last thing he wanted. He had already told me that he didn’t want to share me, as if I was some sort of possession, and he viewed Mykail as competition.

  “In fact,” Dana continued, turning to my mother, “I was thinking of asking Little Lily to stay here at the Commission after school during the week.”

  “I’m sorry?” my mother asked, confused.

  “Considering the young people are getting more aggressive in the Commission, I would not want anything to happen to Little Lily. I feel like she’s already family, and I know that several of the boys here would love to call her their girlfriend.”

  “Really?” My mother sounded interested and I could not stop the roll of my eyes.

  “Yes, but if I may
say so, none of the boys are really worth her time.” He shook his head. “So, in order to keep her safe, I would like to have her come to the Commission after school.”

  “Oh…well…” My mother turned to see my reaction. I tried to tell her with my eyes that I was vehemently opposed, hoping she would get the hint and say no. She turned back to Dana. “I don’t know,” she said. “You are such a busy man, Dana. I would not want to impose. Besides, she would be all alone.”

  “No, not at all,” Dana assured with a gleaming smile. “Clark stays with me every day as well. There are plenty of ways for the young ones to amuse themselves.”

  “I think I should talk to Thomas about this,” my mother said.

  “Oh, yes, of course,” Dana agreed. “You discuss it with him and let me know.”

  “Thank you.” She turned to me and nodded. As we turned, Dana grinned at me

  I could not show any fear to Dana. I had to be strong and willing to face him. I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

  “Hey, Mom, I’ll be over in a little bit,” I told her. “I want to ask Mr. Christenson something.”

  “Alright,” she said, walking away, somehow convinced despite my shaky voice. I turned back to face Dana, who was waiting patiently.

  “Little Lily,” he greeted as I approached again.

  “What did you mean?”

  “Mean about what?”

  “About people close to you being able to murder you,” I clarified, my voice stronger than I expected. “What did you mean?”

  “Just as it sounds.”

  “Then the experiment that killed Bryant Morris was one that he was close to? How could he be close to an experiment?”

  “It’s very easy,” Dana said. “I am close to many of the experiments. You see, if I were to go down the same path as Mr. Morris, Eyna would be the death of me.”

  “Eyna?”

  “Mr. Morris was obsessed with the experiment that killed him,” Dana elaborated. “He would spend hours mulling over his charts, trying to fully understand him because, ever since the beginning, experiment four-eleven forty-one was different. He was rebellious and powerful. He did not fit the mold of the other experiments. He was puzzling, to say the least. Mr. Morris became obsessive to the point of spending every day with this experiment, even living with it to try and understand it better. Then, he let his guard down, and four-eleven forty-one killed him.”

  “What happened to the experiment?”

  “He was dealt with accordingly.” Dana smiled darkly and my hair stood on end. “You see, when you start working on the experiments, you can become obsessed very easily.” He paused. “I think we should have this discussion in my office.”

  “Why?” I asked a little too quickly.

  He chuckled. “I won’t harm you, Little Lily. Where would the fun be in that?”

  Before I could protest, he walked toward my mother and father. I forced my feet forward. I knew that the more time I spent with Dana, the easier it would be to get closer to him, but I was just starting to realized that I actually had to spend time with him, no matter how much my instincts told me not to.

  “Tommy!” Dana called. I saw my father cringe and turn around, surprised to see us both.

  “Dana,” he greeted.

  “I am going to take Little Lily back to my office. She wanted to ask me a few questions,” Dana stated matter-of-factly.

  “Oh…okay,” my father said, caught off-guard and a little wary. “How long will you be?”

  “I—”

  “Actually,” Dana cut me off, “Clark and his mother are staying late tonight. They can drive her home. There is no reason for you to stay.”

  “We can wait,” my father assured quickly. “We wouldn’t want to impose on Danielle.”

  “Nonsense,” Dana assured. “They have a driver. He can take her home if they are not ready to leave when we are done.” He smiled and placed an arm around my shoulders. “I can assure you that I will return her safely to you.”

  My father was torn but my mother seemed to have no problem with the idea. She smiled and turned to my father.

  “It’s alright, Thomas,” she said. “She’s safe.”

  “Yes, of course,” my father said, not wanting to accuse Dana of anything. “Okay, then…we’ll see you at home, honey.”

  Dana steered me through the door I had not been through since our first night at the Commission. I remembered the way to Dana’s office, but the memory was fuzzy, as if I had been in a dream the last time I had walked the halls.

  Dana walked me into his office and closed the door behind me. The office was dark, papers scattered over his table and his large, ornate desk. The office was messy and disorganized, papers even scattered to the floor on one side of the desk, some of them folded, thrown there haphazardly and stepped on.

  “So, Little Lily,” he started, walking past me and leaning against the front of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping the toe of one shoe against the floor, “why are you suddenly so interested in the experiments? Last time we spoke about them, you basically told me that I was wrong and to go fuck myself.”

  “I didn’t say it in so many words,” I said coldly. He laughed.

  “The reason I wanted to have this discussion in my office is because I like the way you are when you’re away from everyone else,” he said. “You really hold back in front of others. Why is that?”

  “I don’t,” I contradicted slowly.

  “Really?” he challenged. I shifted my feet awkwardly, standing near the door, trying to still my trembling legs. He lifted a hand and slowly removed his glasses, the action amazingly graceful. “May I ask you a personal question, Little Lily?”

  I could not answer him. I wanted to say no, but I figured he would ask regardless.

  “Do you hate me? Or are you just afraid of me?” he asked coolly, his eyes sharp.

  “…I hate you.”

  “Are you sure you don’t hate me because you’re afraid of me?” he pressed. “Generally, people are afraid of what they can’t understand, and then that fear can very easily turn to hate.” He shrugged one shoulder. “That’s what happens to all the people we bring into the Commission.”

  “No, that’s cruelty,” I growled. “It’s evil.”

  “It’s fear,” Dana corrected. “That’s all it is.” He stood straight and walked closer as I tried not to succumb to terror.

  “See?” he noted. “You are afraid of me.”

  “Everyone is afraid of you.”

  “Yes, and just like you, they all try to hide it.” Dana sighed. “Why not embrace it? Why not fall into it? What is so wrong about being afraid? Don’t you think it’s a little exciting?”

  “No.”

  Dana moved faster than I could blink and grabbed my wrists, pulling them up to pin them next to my head as he pushed me against his closed office door. I gasped, adrenaline rocketing through me. Dana studied me, slowly moving his head, his eyes locked with mine.

  He was beautiful.

  There was no doubt he really was beautiful—a predator wrapped in a human disguise, his appearance luring unexpected prey into his clutches. His eyes saw through everything, searching out every secret of the soul.

  Without warning, his hips pushed forward and pinned mine against the door.

  Another feeling pulsed through my body and I trembled without meaning to.

  “W-What are you doing?” I managed to breathe.

  “I’m proving my point.” He leaned close. “That adrenaline coursing through your body is heightening your senses, causing you to feel things with even more intensity. Imagine always living in this state…where even the most mundane task could be exhilarating.” He blinked slowly, the movement hypnotic. “Everything you have ever dealt with in your short life has been the product of fear. Starting from your conception all the way to this very moment. You have tried to avoid it, but it has consumed your life. Everything you have ever learned has been fear…”

 
“That’s not true.”

  “Fear is the easiest way to rule a human, and it’s the way we train each other. Evolutionary fear of not spreading genes leads to conception, learning how to walk and stay balanced is induced by the fear of falling, learning how to eat when you’re hungry out of fear of starvation…fear of any sort of pain or discomfort will lead a human to do anything.”

  “How is this your point?”

  “There is evolutionary fear and societal fear, and one is more dangerous than the other. Which one do you think I bring out in people?” I could not speak. “Do you know that there is only one person who does not hide their fear from me?” he whispered. “Can you guess who that is?” When I did not answer, he grinned wider. “Sean. He shows me his fear…he allows me to control his fear completely, and there is absolutely no fun in a willing victim.”

  I pushed him away as he laughed, unsurprised by my actions.

  “There we go,” he laughed. “Would you have done that if there were other people around?”

  “Yes!” I barked. “You’re a monster!”

  “Why? For doing what I want?” he laughed. “Little Lily, you have no idea how many years I lived in fear. Then, I realized something,” he said, keeping his distance. “I realized that the fear I felt was the same kind of fear everyone feels. So there’s no point in feeling fear for other people, because that fear can be projected right back onto them.”

  “What does that even mean?!” I snapped. “You are insane!”

  “Am I?” he challenged, his face changing in the blink of an eye, taking on the air of a teacher. “Why? Because I don’t conform to society? Because I’m different? Why am I insane?”

  For some reason, I could not come up with an answer that made sense, as I had always understood insanity as something one just knew.

  I quickly realized that Dana was pulling this conversation in circles and that we were going to end up fighting until he scared me badly enough to run away.

  I shook my head and sighed.

  “Do I really need to explain something so obvious? You’re the one who’s obsessed with your pet experiments. How is that not insane?” I said, trying to pull him back on track. He was still and silent for a few seconds before sighing.