Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  It was that feeling that renewed me, and I knew I had to fight against Dana and the Commission so that everyone could feel that kind of love.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  When I had changed and washed up, I quietly ducked into Mykail’s room. It had taken a long time for my father to leave me alone. He was acting as though he had not seen me in months. My mother, who had been taking a shower when I returned home, came downstairs and told me that my father was being silly, thinking I was in some kind of danger.

  The words hurt more than she would ever know.

  But finally, I was in the room with Mykail, sitting on his bed as we had so often done.

  “How was tonight?”

  “Dana wants me to go to the Commission after school.”

  “I see…”

  “I think I can make it so that I don’t have to go there every day after school…maybe,” I said slowly. “I think I can have it so that I go there for a certain time of the day, but I won’t have to be stuck there at all hours, like Clark.”

  “…you’re actually thinking of going?” Mykail blinked in disbelief.

  “It’s a way to get closer to him,” I pointing out. “I can start snooping around.”

  “Speaking of which,” Mykail said, turning to the bedside table and opening the drawer, pulling out the notes Clark had given me and the map of the Commission that Mykail had drawn before. “I looked over the notes and I deciphered what the person was talking about.”

  “I thought you knew it just by looking at it,” I said.

  “Well, for the most part,” he affirmed, looking at the papers. “Whoever wrote this has sloppy handwriting, but they have a lot of great information, if we can trust it.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, the first page took me a while, but I realized that it is the access codes for each ward, and even the access code for Eyna’s cell,” Mykail said, turning the page around to show me. “These are the codes for the electronic locks to get into the ward.”

  “Really?”

  “I don’t know how, but somehow, this person got the codes,” he said. “I don’t know if they’re legitimate or if they change periodically, but considering the language that this was written in, I think we can trust it. It’s another experiment.”

  “What do the other pages say?”

  “The next page is what took me the longest,” he admitted. “I realized that he was talking about wards, but it took me a while to really get it. ‘J1’ is the experiment’s code for Ward One, and these numbers in the parenthesis are meant to show how many experiments in that ward would be best for the rebellion. Obviously, there are none in the first ward or in the second ward,” he explained, pointing to the lines he was talking about.

  “Why are the stars on either side of the zero for Ward One and both are in front of the zero for Ward Two?” I blinked. “Do they mean the same thing?”

  “Yes,” he nodded. “Most have codes like this,” he pointed to Ward One, “Numbers two, eight, and sometimes four, have codes like this,” he pointed to the stars in front of the zeroes on Ward Two.

  “Why?”

  “To confuse anyone who might be trying to figure this out on their own,” Mykail sighed. “To be fair, I really didn’t use this system of communication, so it was more difficult for me to decipher this. Whoever did this is someone who has either been in the Commission for a long time, or knows the code extremely well. Probably both.”

  “So, what does all this mean?” I asked, pointing to the string of numbers and other symbols after Ward Three.

  “Remember how I told you that every ward has their time outside?” he asked. “This is the schedule for their time the Dome.”

  He reached for the map he had drawn and flipped it over. There were some words scribbled on the back.

  “Here’s a basic table to show you about time and date,” he said.

  I was startled to see that he had not spelled any of the days of the week correctly. After a confused moment, it became clear that he was not entirely literate. When our eyes met, he looked embarrassed.

  “I know they’re not right…” he said quietly. “I was the most literate one of my family, if you can believe it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just never really thought of it.”

  “It’s fine…” he grumbled, eager to drop the subject.

  I looked back to the paper in order to avoid embarrassing him further.

  I was confronted with two columns of hours written in chronological order and then followed by random numbers and slashes in front of the number, around the number, or after the number, but with no noticeable pattern.

  “This seems to have no order with the slashes,” I groaned.

  “That’s the point. The numbers all mean something else without the slashes, so if those slashes are like that around that number, it means time, not anything else.”

  “Then…this says the days they have their break and the times they have that break in the day,” I noted, pointing at the second page of notes.

  “Yes. The other pages are all the specific information on the twenty-seven experiments listed,” Mykail explained, spreading out the papers between us. “This is their number, their cell number, their access code, the time the security switches for them…it’s incredible what this person has found out.”

  “Is this how all experiments communicate with one another?”

  “More or less,” Mykail said, nodding. “There is another writing system, but the sign language is more common.”

  “Sign language?” I repeated. “This is really sophisticated for such a horrible environment…” I commented on under my breath.

  “We had to find some way to communicate,” Mykail murmured. “It was the best way to keep what little we had of our sanity. We had to connect to others in the Commission.” He sighed and leafed through the papers. “Now, if we could just get blue prints of the Commission…” he mused. “Maybe Clark can get into Dana’s office and find some.”

  “Or I could, when I get a little closer to him.”

  “We might need to move quickly before the schedule changes,” he said, looking at all the notes. “I recall that the schedule does change, I just don’t know how often. There’s probably no real schedule to the changes, if I know Dana.”

  “Finding people to participate in the revolution has been difficult…” I said slowly. “I don’t really know how to begin reaching people.”

  “It’s best to talk to people about such things when they are in a high state of emotion,” Mykail told me. “Wait until Dana does something that bothers people, then it should not take much at all to rally them.”

  “It looks to me like most people blindly accept most of what he does because they know that they can’t do anything to stop him.”

  “Maybe,” Mykail admitted. “But that doesn’t mean that people like it all the time. Just know when to strike. All you have to do is show them that they are not alone in feeling angry and they will willingly help.”

  I sighed and rubbed my eyes, which immediately drew the attention of Mykail.

  “Having second thoughts?”

  I shook my head. “Not second thoughts,” I assured. “This is just…I’m worried we’re fighting a losing battle. I mean, Dana has the entire military at his disposal, doesn’t he? No matter how many people we break out, we can’t match the military.”

  “Maybe not,” he admitted. “But all we need to do is get some people angry. There are still children of the revolutionaries who believe in fighting for a cause as big as a revolution. We show the people what the Commission has done, we anger them, and then we gain more and more people to help.”

  I sighed. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

  He was still for a moment, studying me. Clearly I was letting too much of my concern show, so I smiled and shook my head.

  “Never mind, sorry.”

  He was still watching me and it made me ner
vous enough to reach forward and pick up the notes on the bed. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say anything, his hand closed around my wrist and his wings came forward, resting on the bed as he leaned forward, his other hand going to my jaw and tilting my head to capture my mouth in a kiss. I was so shocked that I could not move, and was even more startled when I felt his tongue tentatively pass between my lips.

  Despite everything I had heard from my friends, I was extremely innocent and really had no idea what it was like to kiss and make out with someone. The touch of his lips was electric, but the feel of his tongue left me boneless and weak. I leaned into him for support.

  Before I knew it, I was lying back on his bed, only this time I was fully conscious and actively participating.

  His wings were on either side of me, pressing down into the mattress, causing it to dip, one of his hands on my neck and the other running up and down my arm.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, shivering at the feelings of the feathers brushing my arms and the silky strands of his thin, blonde hair as I wove my fingers in it. I pulled him closer, wanting to feel him all around me. I felt safe, able to forget everything about the revolution and the fear Dana instilled in me. For that moment, it was only Mykail. Only his lips, only his hands, only the cocoon of his wings around us.

  I tentatively worked my lips against his, our tongues intermingling with our breaths as I felt my entire body flush. I could not open my eyes. All I could do was hold him to me, feel his hand against my side, and try to catch a short breath every time our lips parted for the briefest second.

  It was messy with no finesse, but it was amazing.

  I felt the bed shift once again as he moved his legs to rest over mine. He was pressed on top of me, his entire weight supported on his wings as we kissed. I shivered, the feeling sparking something deep inside my belly. When I felt his body grind against mine, I gasped and our mouths broke apart. Mykail backed away quickly, as if I bit him, and we both stared at one another, catching our breaths, flustered.

  I could not form a coherent thought to understand if I had done something wrong. All I knew was that my head was spinning, and I wished the feeling would last forever.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, taking a few deep breaths as I tried to collect my thoughts. “I didn’t mean to move so quickly…”

  I shook my head and lazily reached my hand out, touching his arm, though my head was so foggy I could not pull myself completely upright.

  “No, don’t say that.”

  “I don’t want to push anything,” he said. The look in his eyes was tender and frightened at the same time. “I’m sorry.”

  “Please, don’t apologize,” I pleaded. I managed to wrap my fingers around his wrist and pull weakly, trying to get him to come back to me, to cocoon me in his wings again and make me feel that there was nothing else in the world but the two of us.

  He hesitated, but shifted to his side, one of his wings extending. The large white feathers shifted beautifully as the wing stretched to the ceiling before arching with the most grace I had ever seen to cover us both and rest on the bed. I smiled, knowing I looked like an idiot, but it was the most mystical, beautiful thing I had ever seen. I turned to Mykail, seeing his face close to mine, our noses almost touching.

  “This is dangerous,” he hissed.

  “Everything we’re doing lately is dangerous,” I told him with a smile. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

  “How can you be sure?” he breathed, looking at me with his eyes wide. For the first time, I saw how young he really looked. His expression was lost and confused, his voice soft and choked. “What Dana did to me…I’m not the same person I was. I’m…I’m no longer human.”

  “Being human isn’t about what you look like,” I breathed. “It’s all about what you feel. It seems like the Commission took people in because they looked and lived differently…but they all felt the same amount of pain and happiness in their lives. That’s what makes us human.” I placed my hand on the side of his face. “That’s what we have to fight for…”

  Mykail and I stared at one another for a very long time. I realized that the feelings I had toward him were much deeper than I originally believed. It was no longer just a missed heartbeat or flushed cheeks. My entire body reacted to him. All he had to do was look at me, and I felt myself change. The revelation scared me, but at the same time, he made me feel happy enough to embrace the foreign feeling.

  He leaned forward and hovered over my mouth so I could feel the warmth of his breath spread over my lips. When he did not move any closer, I closed the gap between us.

  The kiss was calmer, sweeter, but it did not last as long. I felt a warm feeling spread through my entire body, though it was not the spiraling shockwave from before. It was softer, gentler, and it left my heart soaring.

  He pulled away.

  “I’m starting to think that maybe all those prayers I said were finally answered,” he hissed. I smiled before I could stop myself.

  “You pray?”

  “The irony is not lost on me,” he chuckled. “Not so much praying to God, but praying that I would have the strength to stay alive and…well…praying that maybe one day I would meet someone who was accepting of what had happened to me.”

  “I don’t think accepting is the right word,” I said quietly. “I can’t ever accept what Dana did to you. I can accept what you are, but…not what happened to get you here.”

  Mykail nodded slowly, averting his eyes.

  “Do you remember it?” I asked, not sure if I should ask or not. He took a deep breath and his wings twitched. I felt the muscles in his neck tense under my hand as he took in another deep breath.

  “A little bit,” he admitted. “It’s…a little foggy…just like everything else that happens in the Commission.”

  I was glad to hear that I was not the only one who had difficulty remembering the Commission of the People clearly.

  “I remember the later testing…when the wings were stitched together.”

  I glanced at the feathered wings, not sure what he meant. He glanced at the one surrounding us.

  “The muscles were grown, the bone as well, and it was all carefully placed together and connected with my brain.”

  “How did they even manage…”

  “They have technologies that the world doesn’t even know exist yet,” he whispered. “Originally, I was part of the Machine of Neutralization program…but…after what happened with my brother…” his voice choked and he did not continue. Even though I was curious, I did not want to push him. “Anyway, they changed their minds at the last minute and just wanted to see if they could get someone to have wings and fly.”

  I closed my eyes, shaking my head.

  “I can’t even imagine.”

  “At least my testing is finished…” he muttered. “Dana won’t do anything else to me but others, particularly Eyna, the Commission will continue to morph them and change them to see what else they can do. It’s sickening.”

  “I was wondering something.”

  “What?”

  “What if we were to break Eyna out as well?”

  “No,” he said shortly. “No, out of the question.”

  “Why not?”

  “You saw him?” he asked. When I nodded he took a deep breath. “I’m assuming you saw him during his testing. You have no idea about how dangerous he is. He’s powerful…I’d almost say magical, crazy as that sounds.”

  “He could help, though, with that kind of power,” I said.

  “No one knows what he is capable of,” Mykail said strongly. “It’s best to just stop Dana before he finishes Eyna and then kill him. Let the technology and data die with him.”

  I flinched at the thought.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but…he’s dangerous.”

  “Aren’t you dangerous?” I hissed before I could stop myself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

  “No, no, you’re right.” He
took a deep breath and slowly let it out with a shrug. “I don’t know…it’s just…Eyna scares me, that’s all. He scares all the experiments.”

  I did not bring up Eyna again.

  * *** *

  That Sunday, Becca’s mother answered the door, a woman I had not yet met. She was beautiful in a very natural way and she had a smile that could light up an entire room.

  “You must be Lily,” she greeted. “I’ve heard so much about you from your father.”

  “From my father?” I repeated. I had stayed up all night with Mykail, which meant I only got an hour and a half of sleep, so I was slow in remembering that she worked with my father. “Oh, right!” I said, embarrassed.

  “Oh, you look tired,” she noted, looking me over. “Do you want some tea? I know those Commission meetings run pretty late.” She motioned me in. I hesitated, my foot hovering over the threshold.

  “What do you mean?” I said nervously.

  “Oh, sweetheart, we may not know what the Commission of the People talks about, but we do know that Mr. Christenson is a very busy man, and only has time to have the meetings late in the day.”

  “Oh…” I said, feeling relieved and strangely confused. I wondered exactly what people in this city knew—or believed they knew—about the Commission of the People.

  “So, would you like some tea?” she offered again.

  “No, thank you.”

  “Lily, is that you?” Becca called, making her way down the stairs. I smiled at seeing her grin at me. Whatever awkwardness there had been before was gone, and Becca was back to being my first friend in Central, even though we had not really talked about our strange, temporary falling-out.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey!” she beamed. She grabbed my hand and turned to her mother. “We’ll just be up in my room.”

  “I know, I know,” her mother said smiling. “Gossiping away.”

  “I would never!” Becca said with fake indignation. “Come on,” she chuckled, leading me to her room. I felt happy to see her again, but I was too tired to follow her quickly, so she had to practically drag me, closing her door before sitting on the bed.