Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  That night, Archangel was abuzz with excitement at the conclusion of finals and the beginning of the five-week break before the next term.

  I ignored the Commish Kids glaring on the balcony as I remained in the lower part of the club. Every one of the Commish Kids was in on the plan now, and while there was no opposition to the plot, there was still apprehension. No one bothered me, understanding that Clark and I were probably behind the entire plan with how we had been assigning roles and duties.

  I didn’t care that they knew. In reality, it was Mark’s plan, so we were following orders as well.

  I returned to our table near the bar, feeling adrenaline coursing through me as the bass thrummed against my ribs, causing my heart to race. I was smiling, feeling exhilarated and alive.

  “You look happy,” Jill noted, leaning against Devon. The two were in the early stages of being a couple and while a part of me was happy for them, another part of me was upset by the way their relationship was hurting Becca. She had become quiet and distant, blaming exhaustion for her behavior, but I knew it was a broken heart.

  Every chance I could, I would put my arm around her, and hug her or just pat her hand to assure her that I was there for her. She would always respond with a smile as she held back tears.

  Becca went to dance with Jill while Devon disappeared with Todd to meet some friends who had just shown up, which left me alone with Taylor.

  “So, how have you been? How’s Clark?” she started, smiling.

  “We’re fine,” I smiled. I was still not used to the relationship questions about Clark. I knew that girls gossiped about their boyfriends, but I had never had anything to contribute before. As Jill and Taylor began talking about the way their boyfriends behaved, they started asking me for information on Clark, which embarrassed me to no end. Mostly because I was really in a relationship with Mykail and when I did give information on the way Mykail was with me, I knew they were thinking of Clark, which was somehow embarrassing for me.

  “Have you guys done it yet?” Taylor asked bluntly.

  “What?!”

  “Oh, come on, you guys have been together for a while, now. It’s natural that by this point you two would be sleeping together.”

  “Well, we’re not!”

  “Geez, don’t get so testy,” Taylor chuckled. “What’s the matter? Not happy with it? Or is Clark being too much of a gentleman and not giving you what you want?”

  “Taylor!” I gasped, blinking at her in shock.

  “What? I’m not shy.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Come on, tell me what’s going on,” Taylor urged. “Have you done it yet?”

  I looked at my hands, taking a deep breath and then shaking my head, refusing to look her in the eye.

  “Do you want to change that?” Taylor smiled knowingly. Even though I was not looking at her face, I could hear the smirk in her voice. I nodded slowly.

  “So, go for it!”

  “But…I mean, I’ve never…”

  “So?” Taylor grinned. “It will happen at some point. It’s okay. You have to lose your virginity eventually.”

  “Doesn’t it hurt?” I whispered, glancing at her worriedly.

  She made a face.

  “A little…” she admitted. “I mean, your body isn’t used to having something there and you stretch, so it hurts. You’ll probably be sore for a while afterward.” She drummed her fingers against the table and smiled as I shifted uncomfortably. “But, if you really like him and he’s gentle, it will be worth it.”

  “But…what if he wants me to do other things?”

  “Like what?” Taylor chuckled. “It’s your first time, I doubt he’ll get really creative.” She looked thoughtful, lifting her eyebrows. “I’d be surprised if Clark has even thought of sex before, let alone know all the fun stuff…”

  “But it hurt you the first time?”

  “Yeah,” Taylor admitted. “But the second time was much better. I was a little sore, but it felt a lot better.” She placed her hand on mine. “There really is nothing more amazing. At first you might wonder why everyone is making such a big deal about it, but just remember that the first time is not how it will always feel. You’ll understand why it’s so amazing.”

  I blushed and looked down at my hands, feeling nervous and yet extremely excited.

  “Come on,” Taylor smiled. “Let’s go dance.”

  I spent the evening on the dance floor surrounded by moving bodies and humming bass. I felt myself swept up in the movement, the beat dictating the way my body moved in unison with the other students. My eyes were often closed, feeling the thumping of my heart and the music, losing my breath as adrenaline pumped through my veins.

  The buses came too soon and as I boarded the bus all I could think about was how electric my body felt. I could still feel the bass moving my blood around, my skin tingling as the cool air slipped in my coat as I moved outside.

  I walked quickly to my house, my thoughts jumbled and yet oddly quiet.

  I shivered as I walked in the front door.

  “Lily?” Mykail called, darting into the foyer area as I turned, smiling to him, slipping the coat off my shoulders.

  “Hi, sorry I’m late.”

  “You’re not,” he told me hesitantly. “Actually, you’re early…”

  “Oh,” I blinked, glancing at my wrist watch. “I am?”

  “Yes, you normally aren’t back for another hour…” he said. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything’s…” I stopped, my arm halfway to the coat hooks by the door. “Oh my God,” I chuckled, hanging my coat up and turning to him. “I took the wrong bus.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Normally I have to meet with the Commish Kids after the club empties…” I said, covering my mouth, shocked I had forgotten. “Oh well, I’ll just say I was feeling sick.”

  Mykail chuckled and rolled his eyes, even though his voice was strained.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, sensing his tension.

  “Um…” He looked behind him and then motioned for me to follow. “Come here.” I nervously trailed after him into the kitchen. He turned to face the refrigerator and pointed at the note left by Dana.

  “Did you see this?”

  “Yeah,” I assured, rolling my eyes.

  “You saw the response?”

  “The response?” I blinked.

  Below my message of hating Dana was another message written in Dana’s neat penmanship.

  “I love you, too.

  -Dana”

  “What the fuck…” I groaned, rolling my eyes again. I grabbed the paper from the refrigerator sharply and crumpled it up. “Asshole…”

  “You don’t understand, Lily,” Mykail said quietly. “He did this at some point when neither of us saw him in the house, and I am here all day.”

  I stopped crumpling the note and sighed, clenching it angrily in my fist.

  “He has a key…”

  “I know, but…” Mykail shook his head. “I’m sorry…it just startled me.” He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. I relaxed and turned around, dropping the note to the floor and wrapping my arms around his neck as he pressed his forehead to mine.

  “You look beautiful,” he whispered.

  “Thank you,” I breathed, my eyes closing.

  “I’m making you some dinner. It’s almost ready,” he smiled, kissing my forehead gently. My body craved the touch of his skin and his heat as he pulled away. I tried to hold him to me, but he slipped out of my arms.

  “I’ll help,” I smiled, stepping to his side and stirring the pasta while he worked on preparing the salad. We were mostly silent as we cooked. There was tension between us. I could not put a name to it, but I could feel it, thick and palpable, keeping alive the electricity that had been filling my body the entire evening.

  We ate quietly, exchanging small glances. It was obvious that Mykail was feeling the same way.

  When I
finished eating, he smiled and reached over, thumbing away the drop of sauce on my chin.

  “I’ll do the dishes,” he offered.

  “No, it’s okay,” I assured. “You cooked. I’ll clear.”

  “No,” he smiled. “Why don’t you go change into your pajamas and wash the makeup off your face and then we can watch a movie.”

  “…okay.”

  I leaned forward and pecked a quick kiss on his lips before stooping to grab my shoes and heading upstairs. I closed my door behind me, my hand resting on the doorknob for several long seconds before I pulled away, taking a deep breath and moving to the bathroom.

  I slipped out of my sheath dress and stepped into the shower, putting my hair up to keep it from getting wet and, therefore, losing the curls. I washed the sweat and the club from my skin and stepped out, quickly wrapping myself in a towel.

  After wiping down the mirror, I grabbed a makeup remover cloth and removed what makeup had remained after my shower. I let my hair down and arranged it so that it framed my face in a flattering way, combing it carefully.

  In my bedroom I took a deep breath to steady my nerves as I opened the top drawer of my dresser, pulling out the two items I had placed there a few weeks ago. The satin had been so pleasant to touch that I could only imagine what the nightgown felt like against my body and I bought it without thinking. Shedding my towel with shaking hands, I grabbed the nightgown and stepped into it before reaching for the matching panties.

  I darted to the full length mirror in my bathroom and looked myself over, surprised that my nipples were so easily visible through the deep red nightgown. I hardly recognized myself. Before I had become a part of the Commission of the People I could never have imagined myself dressing up in lingerie and trying to seduce someone.

  And yet, there I was.

  Closing my eyes and taking a five-count breath, I prepared myself as best I could.

  I stepped into the hallway and darted across the short expanse to Mykail’s open door, walking in and staring at his bed for a few long seconds before crawling onto it slowly, feeling my heart fluttering in excitement and anxiety.

  I felt everything acutely. The sheets on his bed were soft and smooth, and the cool air of the room made my hair stand on end. I placed myself on the bed, laying on my side, facing the door. After a few seconds in that position, I rolled onto my belly, throwing a look over my shoulder, bending my legs to point my feet in the air as I tried to imagine how the sight would look when Mykail walked in.

  Quickly deciding against the position, I turned back on my side and propped my head up, arranging my hair and then pulling my breasts for more cleavage and bending one of my legs, causing my hips to slant. I tried to force a smile to my lips, but it came out lopsided and nervous and I could feel it.

  I flopped onto my back with an agitated groan, starting to feel embarrassed and half-tempted to give up the idea.

  “Lily?” Mykail’s confused voice called as he reached the top of the stairs. I bolted upright with a gasp, which must have caught his attention because he turned to look in his room first.

  The look on his face when he saw me made me feel a little more confident and even more nervous simultaneously.

  “Hey,” I smiled.

  “Wha…what are you doing?” he asked with a hesitant laugh.

  “Waiting for you,” I said, embarrassed.

  “Oh…” he murmured. “Lily…I really appreciate this but…I don’t think—”

  “No, don’t say that,” I said, abandoning any thought of a sexy pose and crawling to the foot of the bed, holding a hand out to him. He hesitated and then stepped forward, ignoring my hand and sitting on the bed next to me, keeping his eyes averted.

  “Lily…is this something you really want?”

  “Why wouldn’t I want it?”

  “It’s just…there are a lot of reasons. I’m an experiment of the Commission. Dana is bound to find out. You’re only seventeen.”

  “Oh please, I don’t care about you being an experiment, and I sure as hell don’t care about Dana fucking Christenson. As for being seventeen, what time period is this? A lot of my friends have already lost their virginities and have been having sex for some time.”

  “But…you really should think about things like this,” Mykail continued. “You deserve someone who hasn’t done the things I have. Your first time…that’s a big deal.”

  “Maybe it is, but it’s my big deal,” I told him, turning his face to me. “It’s my decision, and this is something I want.” I looked at him seriously, my hand still on his face. “I’m pretty sure that I am in love with you, Mykail.”

  Mykail swallowed hard and closed his eyes, letting out a small breath.

  “I love you, too,” he told me. “Which is why I want to be sure that this is something you really want.”

  “It is.” I leaned closer, my other hand pressing against his thigh. He flinched from the touch at first, but I moved slow and smiled, pretending I didn’t notice. “I want to be with you…”

  “Be…because there are a lot of wrong reasons to do something like this…” Mykail said, sounding desperate to stall me. “And…and there can be consequences…”

  “I know…” I whispered, taking his earlobe in my mouth. I was beginning to feel his resolve slip. He let out a shaky breath and licked his lips.

  “Lily…”

  I pressed my finger against his lips and faced him with a tender smile.

  “Kiss me…”

  He met my mouth, his breath hot and his pulse racing under my hands. I smiled and felt myself relax. We had made out so many times that while the kiss was electric and exciting, it was also familiar and comforting.

  I took his face in both hands and guided him back onto the bed so he covered me with his body. I did not break the kiss even as he rested on top of me, his hands on either side of my shoulders. I felt the bed dip above my head, his wings surrounding me, the large joints pressing into the bed to support him.

  We continued to kiss as both his hands moved to my waist, his fingers gentle against the soft satin. The touch was electric and my body was already singing just from his fingers stroking through the nightgown.

  Finally, my head moved away and I took in a deep breath, feeling it shudder out of me as Mykail’s mouth moved to my neck, biting, his breath snaking over the wet skin and making me arch my back, my torso brushing his. He released another shaky breath and one of his hands traveled up my ribcage to palm my breast through the satin, causing my nipples to stand even higher. His fingers moved to the thin strap and move it away from my shoulder, sliding it down my arm while I moved my arm from his lower back to remove the strap.

  He pulled down the fabric of the nightgown and, like he had done the previous weekend, his mouth went to my chest, causing me to lose any doubt that might have been present.

  Even though he had seen me like this before, knowing that we were going to go all the way made the experience very different and slightly embarrassing. I felt childish with how I continued to think, “This is it. I’m going all the way…” but I could not stop the revelation from repeating in my mind.

  While my rational sense was mostly destroyed by Mykail’s fingers and mouth as he pushed my nightgown down to bunch at my waist, there was a part of me that was apprehensive. I tried not to psyche myself out about how losing my virginity was going to hurt, but it was a small nagging concern in the back of my mind that refused to be quiet.

  Mykail’s mouth moved to my sternum, pressing gentle kisses as he moved between my breasts, his hands skimming down my sides to the nightgown, pushing it from my waist to my hips, his fingers pausing and flexing over the fabric of my panties before he sat up, his fingers pulling the nightgown down my legs.

  Butterflies flittering eagerly in my stomach, I lifted my hips to facilitate the removal of the nightgown, Mykail’s fingers tracing over my legs as he moved the soft fabric to my ankles and set the nightgown behind him.

  I tried to lower m
y legs, but he took my ankles, his fingers gentle, pushing them toward me to bend my knees and allowing him to settle his hips closer to mine. His eyes locked with mine as he lifted my left ankle to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the inside of my calf, closing his eyes and turning his head to kiss me in the same spot longer. The action was so tender and sweet that my heart soared and I some of my embarrassment faded.

  His mouth moved from my calf to the inside of my knee before he lowered my leg and his hands traced up the backs of my thighs, causing my body to shiver in anticipation and desire. My embarrassment returned immediately when his arms hooked around my thighs and his head rested on my belly, his lips finding my belly button and pressing a tiny kiss above it.

  His mouth moved to the top of my right hip, kissing and nipping at the skin above the line of the panties before his lips trailed to my other hip where he repeated the same tender action.

  My body lit up so fast it was painful. I let out a combination of a moan and a sob as my back arched completely off the bed. After my body lowered again, I let out a sob that sounded like his name. He kissed that part of my skin again.

  “It’s alright,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

  My eyes rolled back in my head as the quiet words hummed along my spine. It was okay to let go. I could trust him.

  His fingers moved from my lower back down to my sides, his fingers carefully hooking into the remaining fabric and pulling the satin away.

  A spark of terror ran through me and my eyes snapped open, suddenly embarrassed about being bare in front of him. My eyes met with his and my fears dissipated as quickly as they had appeared. He was looking into my eyes, the look tender and filled with love as his fingers slowly and carefully moved the fabric down my legs.

  I let out a choked breath and my eyes closed again, my arousal going higher at the emotional connection in that moment.

  Finally, I was naked, and while I should have felt embarrassed and self-conscious, his gentle smile and soft eyes made it impossible for me to feel ashamed.

  “Mykail…” I called his name with a weak voice.