The Perks of Kissing You (Perks Book 3)

by Stephanie Street

  I didn’t know how to feel about that. I guess, I felt a little relieved at the idea Kara knew about Jamie playing, but I was worried, too. Worried what it meant for Jamie playing football and for their relationship.

  “Wow.”

  “I know you two have been making out on our back porch, too.”

  Sheesh. Double whammy. I cringed. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “When was I supposed to? This is the first night you’ve been home in a couple of weeks.”

  That was true. I’ve been spending a lot of time away from home, except right after practice to help with dinner and do some chores.

  “Sorry. I’ll work on some stuff around here tomorrow after my meet.” We had a four-school cross country meet in the morning. All the junk food I just ate would not serve me well. What was I thinking?

  Oh. I know. I was thinking about Elise sitting on Jamie’s knee at lunch today and the fact that he didn’t push her off. I was thinking about the fact that the game had been over for an hour and a half and the bus should be back at the school by now and Jamie hasn’t texted or tried to call me. That meant he was going to the party. That meant he didn’t want me to go with him.

  “I’m not worried about the house being clean, Bailey.” Mom’s brow was pinched with concern. “I’m more worried about what’s going on with you and Jamie.”

  “I dared him.”

  “What?”

  “I did. I dared him to kiss me.” I plucked at the blanket covering my legs. “You were right, he does have a reputation. He makes out with girls at parties all the time and other times, too. It’s like a one and done thing and I called him out on being a jerk and a player.”

  “How did that end up in the two of you kissing?” Mom asked, absently patting Delia’s back.

  Ugh. How was I going to explain this to my mother? “I don’t know. I kind of got mad at him and dared him to kiss me and not feel anything for me. I guess, I was trying to get him to realize he hurts their feelings sometimes. All the girls he kisses. Most of them like him or would like him if he wasn’t always being such a jerk.”

  Mom watched me with careful eyes. It made me kind of mad. I was sure she was feeling sorry for me. The only way to get my best friend, who I’ve loved forever, to kiss me was to dare him. How pathetic was that?

  I didn’t want to be pathetic.

  “Oh, honey.”

  “It’s okay. It really is,” I sniffed. “But it was probably a huge mistake, too. Jamie’s-” my voice trailed off. I didn’t even know what Jamie was.

  “Jamie’s scared, Bailey.” She said it with such conviction I wanted to believe her.

  Instead, I snorted.

  “I’m serious-” Delia fussed, cutting her off. Mom was quiet for a second as she repositioned my baby sister until she settled. “Look, I know I’ve been preoccupied with the little kids for a long time now, but I’m not blind. And I’m not stupid.” Her piercing gaze met mine directly. “I know you love that boy and have for a long time. And it’s no secret he’s adored you since you were five.”

  Oh, brother.

  “Don’t look at me like that, young lady. You just don’t remember things clearly. Jamie’s been following you around like a lost puppy since the day you two met. Kara and I’ve just been waiting for the two of you to figure things out. It was only a matter of time.”

  “Oh, my goodness. Mom, that’s crazy. Jamie’s got girls falling all over him all the time. And now that he’s playing football, it’s even worse. He kissed me last night and today at lunch he was flirting with cheerleaders.”

  Mom frowned. “Well, I never said he wasn’t an idiot, Bailey.” Her face softened again. “And I’m sorry he’s hurting you. I just think he needs time to figure things out. He’s still grieving and I know sometimes Kara leans on him more than she wants to.”

  “I’m not going to sit around and let him use me until he gets his act together, Mom.” And I wasn’t. Jamie might NCMO other girls, but he wasn’t going to NCMO me.

  “Certainly not. I would never want you to do that.” Mom shook her head. It was a few moments before she spoke again and I could tell she’d considered her words before saying anything. “Making excuses for Jamie’s behavior isn’t right. And I’d never want you to do that. You deserve the best that any man has to offer you. Just- just remember that he’s scared. I know that sounds crazy, but he is. He’s lost so much. And when the time comes that he asks for your forgiveness, and believe me, he will, I hope you’ll remember that.”

  Jamie

  Hell.

  What was I doing? I was such an idiot. We were at a party after the game. Dallin was already buzzed and trailing after Rylee who’d dropped Seth without a backward glance once he was off the team. I’d talked to Dallin about her being a jersey chaser, but apparently, he didn’t care.

  Speaking of jersey chasers, Elise had been dogging my heels from the moment I’d walked through the door. Lights were low, the music was good, we’d just won a big game- I should be raring to go. All I had to do was give Elise a drop of encouragement and we’d be in a quiet corner somewhere.

  Her soft hand slid over my knee possessively. I wanted to swat her away. Actually, if I were honest, I wanted to leave and go find Bailey.

  Find her. I knew exactly where she was.

  I let my hand fall to Elise’s shoulder. She leaned into my side. She was pretty. She smelled good.

  She made my skin crawl.

  But I needed a distraction. Didn’t I?

  All around me, people were talking about the game. Hooking up. Dancing. I participated in their conversations, drew lazy circles on Elise’s arm, and tried to ignore the memory of the night before. The tears soaking my shirt. The broken glass I’d cleaned up before leaving for school this morning. She was already at her desk, her fingers moving at a steady pace over the keyboard, like she’d forgotten all about completely breaking down in her son’s arms.

  Well, I hadn’t forgotten.

  It’s all I’d been thinking about the whole day.

  I played a good game tonight. In fact, I played a great game. I’d accumulated passing yards and rushing yards as well as thrown for three touchdowns. Coach patted me hard on the shoulder when I passed him heading to my car. He didn’t say anything, but that was Coach speech for ‘you did it, kid’.

  I had a legit chance to play college football. It was why I was sitting at this party drinking a bottled water and not nursing a warm beer from the keg in the corner. If I was smart, I would leave this scene altogether. I should be focusing on resting my body, eating clean, and playing the best football I knew how to play.

  Instead, I was trying to forget.

  Forget Bailey.

  Forget my broken mother.

  Forget the fact that I was lying to everyone.

  Especially myself.

  Elise leaned in close, the scent of her perfume should have made me want her, but it didn’t.

  Not that it was going to matter, because I was an idiot.

  Chapter 20

  Bailey

  One awkward conversation with my mom later, I decided to just go to bed. It was late. I’d gotten one text from Dallin wondering why I wasn’t at the party (suspicion confirmed) and none from Jamie (hopes officially dashed). I spent the better part of an hour lying under my covers considering my talk with Mom and came to the conclusion that she was right about one thing- I deserved better than to be one of Jamie’s NCMO girls.

  Which was why I was not at all happy when he snuck into my room after midnight.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as he quietly closed my bedroom door.

  He didn’t seem surprised at the animosity in my voice. The regret and shame glowing in his eyes as he approached my bedside had me working furiously to throw up walls. I tried to prepare myself for this moment. I tried to tell myself it was okay, we could just go back to how things used to be before. But I knew that wasn’t true.

  “I wanted to see you.”


  I snorted and rolled my eyes.

  Jamie took two long, slow steps toward my bed. I narrowed my eyes. If he thought he was going to crawl in next to me, he had another think coming. He must have sensed his life was in danger because instead of lying beside me, he knelt next to the bed.

  He propped his elbows on the mattress and just stared at me.

  My eyes filled with tears against my will. I could smell her. Whoever she was, she’d marked him with her scent. I wasn’t as naive as I was before. The signs were there. Mussed hair. Wrinkled shirt. Slightly swollen lips.

  And, oh, it hurt.

  I couldn’t look at him. Tucking my blanket under my arm, I rolled away. For what had to be at least a full minute, Jamie was still as a statue behind me. All I could hear was the uneven cadence of his breathing. I wanted him to leave. My shoulders ached from the effort it took to keep them from trembling as I cried silently into my pillow.

  “Bales-” his fingers threaded through the ends of my hair and I hated how much I wanted to turn around and bury my face into his shoulder. “Bales, you promised you wouldn’t hate me when this was over.”

  I tried to hold in a sob and ended up choking on it. The resulting sound was pitiful even to my own ears.

  The problem was I never wanted it to be over.

  “And you promised you wouldn’t hurt me. Go away, Jamie.” I gathered my strength and my hair, pulling it from his grasp. I sunk deeper into my pillow and blanket and prayed he would just leave.

  He didn’t. At least, not right away. For several long minutes, Jamie stayed. As much as I wondered what he was thinking, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I didn’t want any details. It was enough that he’d done what he did.

  Saturday and Sunday when Dallin texted that he and Jamie were playing video games, I did the unthinkable and claimed to have girl issues to deal with. It was enough to keep Dallin from asking questions. Jamie didn’t even try to call or text. I’d seen him leave his house to watch film and go to a party on Saturday night, at least he was dressed for a party. I didn’t wait up to see what time he got home.

  Monday, I sent Dallin a message that I needed a ride and when I crawled into the passenger’s seat before school, I remembered why I usually rode with Jamie.

  “Oh, man, it stinks in here.” I grimaced, picking up a smelly gym sock off the front seat and tossing it into the back. It probably should have gone in the dumpster by the garage.

  “Yeah, sorry. I need to clean up,” Dallin replied in the offhand way he had that told me he was never going to clean his car.

  “It smells like something died in here.” I rolled my window down all the way even though it was fifty degrees outside.

  “I think it’s the take-out graveyard in the back.” Dallin gestured to the backseat with his thumb as he backed out of his driveway.

  I was afraid to look, but curiosity got the best of me. A mountain of fast food wrappers covered half the back seat. Cups with straws. Bags. There was even a half-eaten cheeseburger. And that was just the top layer. Who knew what lied beneath. If anyone was brave enough to open the door they’d be buried under a take-out avalanche.

  Well, I was just going to have to fix it myself. There was no way I was riding to and from school with Jamie, the betrayer, and riding in Dallin’s germ-infested car without a hazmat suit was too dangerous. Guess I knew what I was doing after practice today. I put a note in my phone to make Dallin stop by the convenience store for air fresheners to hang from his rear-view mirror.

  “That’s just disgusting, Dal.” I leaned closer to the window even though it was freezing.

  “Beggars can’t be choosers, Bales,” he replied with a grin as he cranked up the heater.

  Wasn’t that the truth?

  Jamie

  It took Dallin four days of driving Bailey to and from school before he finally blew. I waited through the expletives, knowing there might be a few. I was right. Thank goodness, the locker room was mostly empty because his voice was echoing off the walls so loud I felt like I was hearing every word three or four times.

  “Well?” He stood in front of me with his fists on his hips, at least I think he did. My head was down, my eyes trained on the grimy tile floor at my feet.

  “Well, what?” I finally met his gaze when he kicked my foot. He was as mad as I’ve ever seen him. It wasn’t like Dallin and I never scuffled, we did. But it was usually about stupid crap like Tom Brady or Peyton Manning (Peyton, by the way). Pizza or Chinese take-out (it just depended on my mood). It wasn’t often we challenged each other on choices we made as individuals. He was his own man and so was I.

  Except when it came to Bailey. I remember one time we were all messing around in my basement. We were probably eleven or twelve, middle school age for sure. We were still young enough that we wrestled around and didn’t pay attention to the same physical boundaries we have as we’ve gotten older. Dallin and I were probably being too rough, as usual, and I accidentally punched Bailey right in the face.

  Man, Dallin was on me so fast I never knew what hit me. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t meant to do it and that I apologized a hundred times after getting her an ice pack and some painkillers. Dallin was mad at me for days.

  “What?” he shouted in my face. “What the (insert expletive of choice) did you do to Bailey?” Dallin waited, fists ready, shoulders bunched, nose flaring he was breathing so hard.

  I sighed thinking about the ass kicking I was about to get. I wondered briefly if Coach would suspend us for a whole game for fighting. Not that I would fight back. I knew I deserved anything Dallin dished out.

  I was stalling and Dallin’s knuckles were getting whiter and whiter.

  There was no hope for it.

  “I kissed her.” Of course, that was the short version.

  Dallin’s eyes narrowed as he considered what I’d said. “You kissed her?”

  I nodded.

  The wheels were turning in his head, I could almost see the steam radiating from his hair. He was working it out. I saw the exact moment he realized what I was saying.

  “You NCMOed our best friend?” he bellowed just as his powerful fist met with my face.

  Damn.

  But I felt like such a jerk, I didn’t even defend myself and when Dallin’s fist cocked back for the second time, I just lifted my chin and waited.

  The hit never came.

  It wasn’t like Dallin didn’t know me. The misery must have been plain on my face. He sank down onto the bench across from me.

  “What were you thinking?” Dallin’s expression accused me. I didn’t blame him.

  I shrugged. “I guess I wasn’t.”

  Dallin shook his head. “Not good enough.” His fists clenched in his knees. “Even you aren’t stupid enough to mess around with Bailey.” His eyes narrowed and he jabbed a finger at my chest. “You like her.”

  No. No. No.

  I shook my head, denying his words. The action brought an ache to my body as though I had a fever, my whole system attempting to repel the lie.

  Dallin sat back, skeptical. “You mean to tell me you kissed Bailey and it didn’t mean anything to you? She doesn’t?”

  I scoffed. “Of course, she does.” Of course, it did. That was the whole point. But I wasn’t going to tell Dallin that.

  Dallin studied me. I felt exposed like all my thoughts and emotions were being examined through an x-ray machine.

  “You’re scared. You like her and it scares you shitless.” He was so matter of fact.

  I wanted to deny his words but I couldn’t. They were spot on. I held his gaze and said nothing.

  A hint of a smirk curled his lips. “I kissed her, too, you know.”

  What?

  I was going to be sick. I swayed on the bench, the emotions were that strong.

  Bailey kissed Dallin? Before she kissed me?

  The whole thought process was ridiculous and I knew it. Because deep down, I also knew if I had been Bailey’s first ki
ss, I would want to be her last.

  Dallin laughed. Full on belly laughed. Maybe I would punch him.

  “Dude, you look like you’re going to hurl.” He laughed again.

  “When?” I choked out.

  “I knew you liked her.” He pointed at me again in an I told you so kind of way.

  “When?” I asked again more firmly.

  Dallin grinned. “A couple of years ago when you went to your grandma’s over Christmas.”

  I remembered. As much as I loved my grandparents, I was bored out of my mind most of the time we were at their house. I remembered being frustrated that Dallin and Bailey got to hang out for two weeks while I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no friends and a houseful of adults.

  And they’d been hooking up behind my back, I thought bitterly.

  Once again, Dallin was watching the thoughts move across my face and he shook his head. “It wasn’t like that, man.”

  I sneered. “So, what was it like, man?” I recognized I didn’t have any right to feel so betrayed, but I couldn’t help it. They’d never told me.

  Dallin shrugged, for the first time appearing just a little unsure. “I don’t know. We were hanging out a lot and you weren’t around. It just sort of happened.”

  That didn’t make me feel any better.

  “But, dude, it was like kissing my sister.” Dallin’s eyes got big and he shuddered.

  “You don’t have a sister,” I reminded him.

  “No, I have Bailey and she’s as close as I could possibly get.” His gaze narrowed on me again. “Plus, she’s always been yours.”

  “No, she hasn’t,” I denied, but even as I rejected his words verbally, on the inside something clicked into place.

  Dallin gave into the urge to roll his eyes. “Dude, for such a smart guy, you’re an idiot.”

  I shook my head. “We’re best friends. We’ve always been friends.” For the first time in my life the idea of just being friends with Bailey hurt. It physically hurt.

  “Keep telling yourself that, bro.” Dallin folded his arms over his chest. “But I know you would never kiss Bailey unless you were sure you loved her.”