Between the Cracks She Fell

by Lisa de Nikolits

  Let me try, Morgan offered. Then I heard him feverishly attacking the ground.

  Hey, you’re pretty good, Lenny said. Look at him go!

  The sound of frenzied digging carried on for what seemed like another age and then I heard Lenny speak.

  It’s deep enough, he said.

  It’s only about three feet, Morgan said, panting. I can do more.

  Fuck it. The sun’s coming up in a couple of hours. We need to get this thing done. We’re going to roll her into the hole, okay? We are not leaving the plastic behind. Are you ready? You take that end, I’ll hold here and Alek, you take that end.

  I heard sharp cracking sounds as they unrolled the tarp, and then I heard a heavy thunk as Kitty’s body fell into her grave.

  The fucking dog, Alek said. I don’t know why we have to bury the fucking dog with her. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for that dog.

  She would have wanted to be buried with him, Lenny said. Okay, now we cover her up.

  I’ll do it, Morgan said. I just want to go home and have a shower. This has been like the longest night ever.

  I was in absolute agreement. I was, however, supremely glad that Kitty was out of the library and in the ground; it somehow seemed more natural, more organic. And one way or another, I would make sure this was not her final resting place. She would get a proper gravestone, with “Barbara Jane aka Kitty Cat” on it. I would make sure of that.

  Fine. Now let’s all jump on the ground, Lenny said, and I heard them all stamping it down. And get leaves and branches and shit, he said. Make it look nice and natural.

  It’s good, Morgan said later. Come on, enough fucking around. Let’s go home.

  Yeah, Lenny said. A job well done. Not without error along the way, but well done in the end. Alek, bring the tarp.

  It stinks, Alek protested. I heard them arguing as they left, their voices fading as they walked towards the library.

  They were gone. What a night. It took a while for it to sink in, that I could move. That it was over.

  I uncurled myself and every muscle in my body screamed with pain. After being clenched so tightly, being unfurled hurt in a way I could not even have imagined. I sat up slowly, then stood up and rubbed my legs. I hobbled over to where they had buried Kitty, and it was hard to tell it from any other spot. They had covered it up well.

  I loooked around for distinguishing marks to remember the area by, and I saw a tall birch tree flanked by a large bush covered in red berries. I figured that would be enough. I could also see my front door from where I stood.

  The sky was no longer black, but dark blue with a sense of the morning to come. The clouds had lifted, and the day promised to be hot.

  I stumbled back to my room and let myself in. I sank down onto my bed and took off my shoes. I stretched out, and before I could even think about the events of the night, I was out cold, sleeping the dreamless sleep of the dead.

  35. THE NEIGHBOURLY NEEDS

  I SLEPT UNTIL NOON THE NEXT DAY. I was still wearing my disgusting pyjamas. The first thing I did was to peel them off and throw them into a plastic bag along with my other dirty clothes.

  I got dressed and went outside to brush my teeth. I waved a hello at Kitty’s grave. I felt much better that she was in the good clean earth, rather than being locked up in that filthy coffin of a library. While I knew she had never liked me, I was certain she was happier where she was now too, not so alone.

  I went back to my room, and contemplated spending the day in bed, just resting, but I had no way of getting a message to Em who would be worried. Or not. It was hard to tell with Em. Besides, I felt restless and out of sorts, and I could not sit still. And a trip to the laundromat was a necessity.

  My entire body felt the effects of last night’s harrowing events. My muscles had been stretched too far and worked too hard, and even my jaw was stiff. I wondered if I was coming down with something, but I figured it was just the exertions of the past few days, crowned by the intensity of the previous night.

  I felt a gnawing in my stomach and I headed to the Tim Horton’s, stopping first at the dollar store on the way for a box of detergent and scented dryer sheets.

  I got to the coffee shop and saw Lenny and the gang smoking outside. I gave Lenny a knowing look. He looked confused, as well he should.

  I went into the coffee shop, and who should be standing in line but Officer Arif Kareem.

  Serena, I said cheerily. How’re they hanging?

  Serena laughed. As well as can be expected, thank you, Joscelyn.

  After that exchange, I had nothing to say, and focused on the muffins and doughnuts as if they were the most interesting things I had ever seen.

  I was concentrating hard, trying to decide between oatmeal and a muffin, when I felt Serena close to me. I jumped slightly and turned to face her. Serena’s nose decoration of the day was a small emerald and I could smell her breath, which was toasty and not unpleasant.

  I had the horrible feeling she was going to ask me something about Imran, something which would reveal that I was living in the school. But it was not that.

  Tell your girlfriend with the dog that she’s got two days to get out of Dodge, she said, pleasantly enough. Will you do that?

  Emma? I was startled. What? Why? She’s not doing anything wrong. She’s just trying to leave a bad marriage. Give her a break, okay? Two days, that’s nothing.

  Goes to show you don’t know anything about her. Today is Wednesday. If she’s still here by next Monday, she’ll be answering questions down at the station. You get my meaning loud and clear?

  Loud and clear, I said, but I was very confused. I had just decided Serena wasn’t one of the bad guys, but now I didn’t know what to think.

  About your little tip, Serena added. Turns out it was good. They’d been watching that guy for a while but they’d taken their eye off the ball. Now they’ve stepped up security again. Well done. What made you look at him?

  Looking for a school friend…. Just a mistake, really.

  A good one. You’d make a good cop if you ditched your loser friends. What’s your day job when you’re not on holiday?

  I ignored her comment about my friends, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was fishing for information about my being in Canada.

  I’m an accountant. Any idea what that guy is planning?

  No. And I hope you don’t think all Muslims are jihad-crazy morons. It’s a good religion. It’s got its extremists like the rest.

  There were Catholic suicide bombers?

  The Crusades were no picnic for the Muslims, Serena retorted. You may want to do some reading.

  I read the Qur’an, I told her, and she snorted so hard I thought she would hurt herself.

  What’s wrong? I asked.

  Nothing. You can’t just read the Qur’an. Well, you can try, but it won’t mean anything to you. Besides, you can’t trust the translations, of which there are many.

  Well, I did try, I said. But you’re right, it didn’t mean anything. It read like a weird catalogue of repetitive misogynistic bad poetry written by some stoner student lining up for an open mic.

  By this time, Serena and I had pulled out of the lineup. I was clutching my extra large coffee and oatmeal with berries.

  Yeah well, I’m not getting into it with you. Religion. Best way to fuck up the world, Serena said, and I laughed.

  She gave me a mock salute and turned to leave. Stay outta trouble today, she said, and I nodded.

  I thought about her comment about me becoming a cop. The idea had a weird kind of appeal, and I wondered what one had to do to be one. I was really struggling to picture myself back in the world of accounting, adding and balancing numbers.

  I watched Serena leave. I did not relish having to tell Em what she had said. And besides, I was going to miss Em. This wasn’t g
ood news for either of us.

  I sat down and enjoyed my breakfast, and then went to the Goodwill and bought a new sweatshirt to replace the one I had ruined climbing in to see Kitty. I picked up a few battered trade paperbacks and went to the laundromat. I threw a huge washload in and waited for it to finish; then I put the clothes into the dryer with half a box of dryer sheets.

  After that, I grabbed a coffee and bagel for Em and went to find her.

  I carried the coffee to the car, wondering how to break the news to Em. When I arrived, I found her in tears, hugging Sammy.

  My first reaction was irritation. Great, I thought, yet another problem but then I rallied back to kindness when I realized that Em wasn’t just in tears. She was sobbing hysterically and hanging onto Sam.

  He can’t walk anymore, she wailed.

  I thought this wasn’t a good time to mention what Serena had said.

  Emmy, do you have any money at all?

  Nooo, Em wailed.

  I thought for a moment. Well, let’s get him to the vet. Who knows? Maybe it’s a quick fix, I said. Although I doubted it. We loaded Sam into his wagon and hauled him down the street.

  The vet was situated in a small house on a pretty little street called Violet Avenue, and a bell chimed when we entered the front room. Em was crying too hard to talk, so I explained there was something wrong with our dog but we didn’t know what.

  The receptionist was dressed in bright scrubs patterned with dogs and cats rolling about with their paws in the air. She seemed disinterested in the whole thing. She handed me a clipboard and a sheaf of forms and told us to take a seat.

  I filled in the form as best I could, giving my old address and Ashley’s cell phone as a contact number.

  The woman ushered us into the sterile room and while we waited, my sense that things were not going to improve got stronger. The vet was a tiny whippet of a woman, with white blonde hair in a painfully tight bun and several tangled thin gold chains that caught on her jutting collarbone. She was so small that I didn’t think she would be able to lift Sam, but she hoisted him on the table without difficulty and was surprisingly gentle with him.

  What’s up big fella? she said, peering into his eyes and mouth. You’re a handsome guy, aren’t you? What are his symptoms? she asked Emma.

  I answered. He limps and then all of a sudden his back gives out and he can’t walk. I looked at Emma who nodded.

  And now he can’t walk at all, Emma managed to say.

  That’s not good, the vet said. Are you in pain, big guy? I’m sorry. She rubbed his head, and Sam nestled into her in a way that made me jealous.

  I wanted to tell him to show some loyalty, but that was Sam, loving and kind. I rubbed his haunches, apologizing to him silently for being proprietary.

  I’d like to keep him in here for observation, do an X-ray, the vet said. I’m almost certain he will need an operation and the sooner the better. My guess is that there’s a lump on his spine and it’s paralyzing him. Also, I must be upfront and tell you there’s a fifty-fifty chance he’ll survive the operation. Are you prepared to take that chance?

  What fucking choice do I have? Em screamed, and Sammy turned and licked her.

  I’m sorry, I apologized for Emma. She’s been under a lot of stress and Sam means absolutely everything to her. How much will it cost?

  The vet went over to an antiquated computer and tapped in a few numbers while Sam lay down on the table and Emma bit her nails.

  Close to $2000, the vet said, give or take.

  Em dissolved further and buried her head in Sam’s thick coat. I made a quick decision.

  If you keep him now, when must we come and get him?

  Friday, the vet said. Friday night okay? I’ll call you at the number you gave us.

  She gathered Sam up in her arms and was nearly out the door when she paused. I am assuming you girls can pay?

  Absolutely, I said with certainty. You just do the operation right and make sure he lives okay?

  The vet nodded and left the room.

  Em went silent. It was as if the life had drained right out of her.

  Emmy? I hugged her. No response.

  Great, I thought. Now I’ve inherited a hundred-pound baby. I sighed.

  Come on Emmy, I’ve got an idea.

  I led Em out and took her back to the car. It had rained while we were inside with the vet. The air was cool and pure, and the asphalt had that steamy cleanliness, like when you open a dishwasher and all those shiny plates look back at you like polished little soldiers.

  Wait here for me, I said. Don’t go anywhere. I won’t be long.

  Em was slumped in the passenger seat where Sam had sat, and she stared ahead like an unblinking a robot. But at least she nodded.

  I needed to find Lenny.

  36. THE THUNDER

  THE DAY HAD TURNED INTO A SCORCHER and I hoped Lenny would be easy to find. I did not fancy walking all over town getting sunstroke. The relief the rain had brought was ousted by the angry sun and for a moment, I thought it would be a great idea to shave my head. I twisted my hair up into a bun, pasted my sweaty bangs backwards from my forehead, and tugged my hat down hard.

  I walked through the park and swarms of insects hovered in the golden light. Flying ants, aphids, and mosquitoes all came out to party on the surface of my skin. I scratched at the bites, drawing blood.

  And then I found Lenny.

  He was hanging out in the aerobics/drug-dealing pavilion and apart from him and his army, the place was deserted.

  He looked at me with something akin to fear as I approached.

  I need to talk to you, I said. Tell your battle boys to take a hike.

  The lieutenants bristled, but Lenny waved them off and they drifted away.

  So what can I do you for? Lenny’s eyes were red and he didn’t have his usual cocky air. I liked that he didn’t know that I knew why that was. It felt good to have something over Lenny, and I took a moment to savour that.

  I need you to do me a favour, I said, and he laughed a shrill chuckle that made him sound about ten years old.

  Why would I do anything for you? he asked.

  Tell me, Lenny, does great evil eventually triumph, no matter how strenuously it is resisted? Does it leave a sliver of ice in the blood, working its way through until it hits the heart?

  Evil may not be as far beneath our surfaces as we like to say it is, he quoted back at me. In fact, we fall towards it naturally, that is, not against our natures.

  What should I do? Anything? Nothing? If revenge is to be taken, when and how? I asked, making Gibreel’s words my own.

  Stop it, he said. I don’t care about books now. It’s too hot, and I’m too tired. I don’t know what you’re talking about specifically. It’s too fucking hot and I can’t take it. The air is like a fucking sauna.

  Fine, I’ll get to it then. Like I said, you’re going to do me a favour. And you know why you’re going to do me a favour? Because I know that Kitty’s dead, and I know Officer Serena Arif Kareems would be super interested to know too.

  Lenny went quiet. How do you know?

  I followed you all one night. You went to that creepy old school. I saw you.

  What do you want?

  Two thousand dollars by tomorrow morning.

  Lenny gave a jolt of shock. Where the fuck do you think I’m gonna get that kind of money?

  I know you already have it Lenny. You sell enough drugs, and you always have cash on you. And if you don’t have it, get out there and start selling, okay? I don’t care what you do. Sell your mother’s jewellery if you have to.

  Already did that, Lenny muttered. Not that it got a pack of smokes.

  Whatever, I don’t care. And here’s what you do. You meet me in the laundromat at ten tomorrow morning. Not here because the sweet Serena will be onto
us like flies on honey.

  Lenny looked sly. There’s nothing in the library he said. The cops can look all they want. So we partied there, so what? They won’t find Kitty there.

  But they will find her blood. And they will find enough evidence of foul play. And she’s gone missing. I paused. And I’ve got your bracelet with her blood on it.

  Lenny’s face assumed the pallor of a frog’s underbelly, and I smiled. His hand travelled to his wrist as if to confirm that yes, the bracelet was gone.

  Your chain-link bracelet, I confirmed, with your name on it. It’s thick, very solid. Actually, quite retro. I didn’t even know people wore them anymore. I noticed it when we met up the first time.

  My mother gave it to me, he said, and his voice was thick. Don’t you disrespect my mother.

  No disrespect intended, I said. But the point is, I have it, and I’ll give it to you for two thousand dollars. After that, I’ll have nothing on you. Nothing to go to the cops with. You’ll be safe as houses.

  Lenny sighed. Fine. Two thousand, tomorrow at ten.

  And, I said, just in case anything happens to me tomorrow…. I held up Ashley’s phone and snapped a quick shot of Lenny who tried to grab the phone from me, but I was too quick. I’m sending this to a buddy of mine, I said. He knows I’m meeting you tomorrow, and he knows that if he doesn’t hear from me by noon, to contact Serena and tell her to come looking for you.

  You’re one extra-special bitch, aren’t you? Lenny said, and his breath wasn’t so sweet anymore. It was bitter and old.

  Mouthwash, Lenny, I said pleasantly. You should try it. See you tomorrow.

  I backed away, turned, and walked towards the park. Maybe it was shock from all the violence I had witnessed in the past few days, but I felt dizzy and strange, and it suddenly seemed to me like summer was rotting. Summer’s spilled seed lay on the ground, fetid and decaying, taking its time to leave the world.

  I sat down next to a tree and breathed through my mouth; it was all too much. The air looked like a mirage in a heatwave, and I rested my forehead on my arms. I waited like that until the spell passed, but even when I stood up half an hour later, things still seemed weird. It was like the real world, everybody else’s world, was slipping away from me. I could not remember for a moment what safe and normal felt like. It was as if I had been shunted to some alternative universe where nothing good had any substance and, where just below the grass, the worms waited to turn me back to that from whence I came. And who was to say we had ever been here at all?