A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1)

by Tina Cambria

  A few minutes later, Kendra called them into the kitchen for dinner. Sitting down to enjoy the stir-fried chicken she’d prepared, Shane found himself again wondering how the three of them would fit together as a family.

  “This is delicious,” he said, after sampling the food. She could be delicious too, in a different way. Why did his thoughts keep trying to stray to the physical pleasure he knew they could bring to each other? There had to be more to a lasting relationship than that. The physical side was an important part, but it couldn’t be the only part. He knew that.

  And he was certain Kendra knew it too. She’d shared her painful story about how that disgusting consultant had taken advantage of her for only one reason—sexual gratification.

  He wouldn’t try to go down that path again primarily for the sake of the physical pleasure he was sure would result. And he was certain the pleasure would be mutual. He knew she enjoyed their sexual relationship years ago.

  But she’d been burned before. More than once, in reality. Yeah, that irresponsible consultant had used her simply to satisfy his sexual urges while he was traveling on business. But Shane had to admit that he was actually the first to burn Kendra. And he’d burned her pretty bad. Probably worse than that other guy, if he was totally honest with himself.

  Because of the way he departed and lost contact with her, she didn’t really have any way of knowing if he’d mostly used her for the sex. And she’d ended up with a baby in the end.

  And while he was being so honest with himself, he also had to admit he wasn’t one hundred percent sure what his motives had been when he’d been with Kendra before. She was fun, sure. They had a lot in common.

  But was he thinking about anything long-term between them? Not really. His number one priority had been—and still was—getting his career going where he wanted it to go.

  “I hope the stir-fry isn’t too bland for you,” Kendra said. “I don’t prepare things too spicy. Matt likes his food on the mild side.”

  What had she said? Something about the wild side? He didn’t know why he’d gotten so lost in his thoughts. Trips down memory lane had never been his thing.

  Maybe memory lane was the place for his thoughts about his previous relationship with Kendra. There was too much working against them. He kept getting back to the fact that she’d kept his child a secret from him for so many years. It was too hard to move past all the obstacles blocking any kind of deep, meaningful relationship from blossoming between the two of them.

  No, he’d better keep away from her more sensual delights.

  “You’re a great cook,” he said, hoping it was an appropriate response to whatever she’d said a moment before.

  All of his logic and analytical skills told him to keep co-parenting and sex completely separate. She was a beautiful and extremely nice woman who happened to be the mother of his son. They’d work together to figure out how to raise that son. But trying to revisit those former times of bliss was nothing but a prescription for trouble. It’d be like throwing hot oil onto a fire that had almost been extinguished. Better to tamp out all the flames before they had a bona fide inferno on their hands.

  “Would you like some more?” Kendra’s question interrupted his thoughts again.

  Yeah, he would, but hadn’t he decided a moment ago that he was going to back away from it? Realizing she was referring to another helping of the chicken, he smiled half-heartedly at her.

  “Sure, pile it on,” he said. “I can’t remember the last time I had anything this good.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  It didn’t take long after dinner, a bath, and some play time in the living room for Matt to easily drift off to sleep. Shane sprawled on the sofa downstairs while Kendra tucked their son into bed. This had to be what some people called a cozy Saturday night. Pretty tame, but he kind of liked it.

  “Guess we really wore him out decorating the tree today,” she said, settling herself on the sofa next to where he was relaxing. The sounds of favorite holiday tunes filled the room. He nodded absently, seemingly lost in the musical descriptions of children awaiting Santa’s arrival, bone-chilling sleigh rides, and couples falling in love under the magical spell of holiday lights.

  She nodded toward the blackened flat screen. “No sporting events on TV tonight?”

  “There’s probably a game or two on,” he said. “Hard to find a time slot where the networks don’t manage to slip in something for the sports fans.”

  “Do you want me to search through the channels?”

  As she reached for the remote and moved closer to him, he became aware of her intoxicating scent. There it was again, so crisp yet romantic, bringing back an image of a young Kendra with her blouse unbuttoned and her jeans part-way off. And a younger version of himself pulling those jeans off the rest of the way. And then her panties. He felt aroused just thinking about it.

  What was she up to? He didn’t remember her scent being so strong and inviting earlier today. Had she freshened up her fragrance after she put Matt to bed? If she was trying to tempt him, she really didn’t have to work too hard.

  Suddenly remembering the promise he’d made to himself earlier about not venturing down that once familiar path again and their decision to focus on their son’s well-being, he cleared his throat and said, “No need to watch a game tonight. Why don’t we talk a little about plans for Matt?”

  “What kind of plans?”

  Shane noticed her eyes blinking rapidly, a sure sign of nervousness he’d seen when questioning people under stress. He needed to take it slow. She was holding four aces as far as his son went, and he didn’t want to walk away from the table with nothing to show for it. “You know, plans for how we’re going to manage this new relationship between Matt and me,” he said cautiously. “I can’t stay in your spare bedroom forever.”

  “No, I guess you can’t,” she said with a hint of a smile. “I’d really get in your way when I have to spend a lot of time on my computer.”

  Shane wondered if she was thinking she’d like him to move out of the spare bedroom and into her bedroom. He wouldn’t mind making an unscheduled stop there. But no, she’d made it clear last night that she didn’t want him to venture into that intimate territory. Figuring out how their relationship was going to affect Matt was Priority One.

  And he’d reiterated that to himself a few hours ago and decided he definitely wasn’t straying off the straight and narrow with her. But it was so darn hard when she was sitting excruciatingly close with that enchanting scent luring him in. And that long blond hair, a little messy—not enough to make her look sloppy, but mussed enough to make her more approachable, touchable—maybe even in the mood for fun?

  No, she’d laid it out pretty plainly last night. No matter what their hormones might be telling them, they needed to focus on their son. Matt’s needs were greater than any desire they might have to carry their feelings of arousal to the ultimate release. Shane would stick to his guns and keep this at the level of friendship only, no matter what he was feeling below the belt. He’d keep it friendly and innocent for the sake of his relationship with his son.

  “Should I try to find a football game on TV?” she asked again when he didn’t respond.

  “Huh? Oh, sorry.” He found himself trying to clear a mental fog laced with Kendra’s perfume from his head.

  As much as he liked football, he had something more important on his mind. “Unless you have a special match-up you want to see, like I was saying, I thought maybe it would be a good idea for us to work on the Matt situation.” He saw her eyes blinking rapidly again. “Without any background distractions.”

  “I don’t know if I like you referring to this as ‘the Matt situation.’ He’s a little boy, not a situation,” she said, pursing her lips.

  “Of course, I know he’s a little boy,” he snapped, before he could control the tone of his voice. “A little boy who’s growing up way too fast.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

 
He drew in a deep breath, unsure of how to begin. “This has been a hard day for me, Kendra.”

  “In what way?” She looked puzzled. “You mean moving that heavy potted plant and putting the tree together—that kind of stuff?”

  “No, I work out at the gym enough that carrying a potted plant a few feet isn’t a big deal.”

  Her eyes made an appraising sweep of his body. “I figured as much.” Then she looked him right in the eye. “So, what’s hard about hanging a bunch of little ornaments on a Christmas tree?”

  “I’m not talking about a physical challenge.” Again, he saw the confused expression on her face. “Seeing those ornaments reminded me of all the Christmases with Matt that I’ve missed.”

  His throat thickened. “Especially that one with his baby picture on his first Christmas. That one was really rough.”

  * * *

  Kendra slowly set the remote on the table, feeling as though she’d been hit over the head by a giant book of wisdom. A virtual whack to the skull awakened her understanding of what had really been happening that day. What she’d seen pretty much as a day for Matt to enjoy holiday time with his dad carried a whole lot of emotional baggage for Shane.

  It had been a different kind of day for her too. The first time she’d had to share Matt with his other parent on such a special occasion. But she’d truly enjoyed it.

  Seeing how happy Matt was to have his father participate with him in a holiday tradition had made the day worthwhile. And it had looked to her like Shane enjoyed the day just as much.

  Plus, she didn’t mind having him around the house. With his deep voice, the clomping sound of his footsteps—so much heavier than what she was usually used to in her home—she couldn’t help being aware that there was a real man in the house. And with his fresh, manly scent trailing behind, it felt right having him there.

  Men were supposed to be so tough. She hadn’t even considered that the day might be stirring emotions in him.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…”

  “Yeah, that’s a problem,” Shane said. “You don’t realize a lot of things.”

  She shrank back against the sofa cushions. “I’m trying to make things right. I really am.” Her eyes turned misty, and she fought to control herself. “I’m not perfect. I know that. But I can’t change what I did a long time ago.”

  The control she’d been fighting to retain slipped out of her grasp, and tears flowed down her cheeks. “I don’t know how to make you happy.”

  “Make me happy?” His voice revealed a combination of anger and confusion. “Why are you worried about making me happy? I thought we were focusing on Matt.”

  “We are,” she sobbed. “But I’m afraid you’ll get mad and try to take him away from me.”

  “Take him away from you? What are you talking about?” His voice sounded confused. “When did I ever say anything like that?”

  “You didn’t say it. Not specifically,” she said between sobs. “But the way you focus on your career and have no problem living anywhere in the world…I’m afraid of sharing Matt. You being somewhere far away and me having to send Matt to spend Christmas with you. If I weren’t with him on Christmas, I couldn’t bear it.”

  “Well, I had to go through quite a few Christmases without him.”

  “But you didn’t even know he existed,” she cried out.

  “Exactly.” His shoulders sagged. “I didn’t even know what I was missing. Because of you.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she gasped, her tears now coming in full force. “You’re making me feel like a monster.”

  “You’re not a monster,” he said, cautiously patting her arm. “Look, I didn’t intend to upset you like this. You arranged a nice day today. We all had a good time. And you made three delicious meals for us.”

  “I tried to make it quality family time.”

  He tenderly clasped her hands. “I do appreciate everything you did today. But I need time to adjust to all of this. Finding out that I’m a father is a pretty big deal.”

  She nodded weakly, not sure what to think. Shane needed time to adjust. How much time did he need? After he thought things through, would he hire an attorney to fight for his paternal rights?

  He moved closer to her and gave her shoulders a friendly squeeze. “I can see now that I shouldn’t even have brought up what I called ‘the Matt situation.’ I know full well how the Christmas season can be an extremely volatile time for people’s emotions. I’ve seen it with soldiers every year at this time.”

  “I’m sure it’s especially tough being deployed over the holidays.”

  Nodding, he wiped at the tears staining her cheeks. “Look, what do you say we try to enjoy the holidays and not worry about all these logistical issues until after the New Year?”

  She let out an audible sigh. “That would make things so much better. Do you mean it?”

  “As long as I can spend time with my son over the Christmas holidays, I think it’s really the best thing for all of us.”

  Her heart pounded, but it was singing with joy. This Christmas season wouldn’t be spoiled. Who knew what the years to come would bring? But for now, the mission would be to make sure everyone felt loved and able to rejoice in the blessings of the season.

  An idea came into her head. “What about Christmas Day?”

  “What about it?”

  “Do you have plans with your mother?”

  “We haven’t finalized anything yet.”

  “I’d love to have you here when Matt opens his gifts on Christmas morning.”

  “I’d love that too.”

  “And Alicia is having a big family get-together later in the afternoon. Dinner and a little gift exchange among all of us.”

  “I wouldn’t want to intrude…”

  “You’re part of the family now.” She blinked away the last of her remaining tears. “You’ll always be Matt’s father.”

  He shook his head numbly. “Like I said, I’m going to need time to adjust to all the changes.”

  “If you want, please come over to Alicia’s for Christmas dinner too. She won’t mind.”

  “I don’t know about my mother…”

  “Bring her too. Alicia won’t mind. Really, she won’t.”

  “Are you sure? Shane asked.

  Kendra nodded. “Alicia’s in-laws are going to their daughter’s house near Sacramento for Christmas this year. There’ll be plenty of room. Both you are your mother are more than welcome.”

  “Okay, I’ll check with my mother,” he said, smiling. “We’ll make this whole thing work…somehow. But I think it’ll be a slow go.”

  She hoped he was right about making things work. Any arrangement that took Matt away from her for an extended period would tear her up inside. But for now, she liked the idea of putting off thoughts of future plans until the holiday season was over. This was a special time, and she was relieved they weren’t going to mar it with talk of custody, financial support, and other potentially contentious topics.

  In reality, she knew Shane had the ability to turn her world upside down if he decided to fight for equal shared physical custody of Matt. Planting an innocent good-night kiss on his cheek and heading to her bedroom, she thought wryly that he’d already turned her world upside down. Reeled her right in years ago and then disappeared almost as quickly.

  And left a baby behind in his wake.

  She decided she’d hold off worrying about whether her world was truly turning upside down until the day after New Year’s. Unless Shane was some kind of scheming manipulator, he’d pretty much guaranteed her a happy holiday.

  Waking up the next morning to clear skies and fairly mild temperatures, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Temporarily, at least.

  She could put thoughts of potential disagreements about Matt’s custody out of her head for the next few weeks. It would be as easy as replacing those thoughts with visions of sugarplums. A picture of Matt materialized in her brain. He w
as opening his presents on Christmas morning while she and Shane sat side-by-side watching their son with loving eyes.

  And then maybe they’d turn to each other with a different kind of love in their eyes? Time would tell.

  When Shane asked her if she’d slept well, she answered honestly that she had. She felt lightness in her spirit all morning, through breakfast and a quick straightening of the house.

  And then as Shane and Matt decided to head out to the driveway for an impromptu session with the remote-control car, she attributed the change in her mood to contentment. Glancing out the front window to where father and son were laughing and playing together, everything was exactly as it should be.

  Or almost exactly as it should be. She was pretty sure one key element was missing. The relationship between their son’s mother and father. That was in some kind of limbo state.

  Would she and Shane end up as friends? Special friends, to be sure, but never venturing again beyond the bounds of friendship into that more intimate terrain where they’d journeyed years before?

  Or could there be more? The more time she spent with Shane, the more her attraction to him grew. She knew he felt it too. That scene on her sofa on Friday night proved that he was eager to revisit the places they’d been before. Deep down, she wanted to go there too.

  But not without some kind of commitment from Shane. It couldn’t be a physical liaison without an emotional connection. An emotional connection that went beyond their shared love for Matt.

  It had to be a bond they shared that transcended anything that involved their son. Something that joined them together, despite anything or anyone else.

  Deciding to take advantage of the time when Shane and Matt were occupied outdoors, she sat down at her computer in Shane’s temporary bedroom to quickly check her e-mail and put thoughts of her relationship with him off to the side. A buzzing sound from across the room interrupted her review of new messages.