Reckless Beginnings

by Tina Hogan Grant

  With all thoughts of Steven pushed to the back of her mind, Tammy concentrated on parking the car. She never believed she’d see the day when she was reunited with Donna. For the past three days, she had thought on nothing else. Tangled up in a ball of emotions from anxiety and anticipation to excitement and joy, she was now nothing more than a bundle of nerves.

  After trying on five different outfits that morning, she’d finally settled on a pair of cream colored pants, matching heels, and a beige silk shirt. She had even splurged and bought Matt a rather expensive pair of denim overalls and a blue and white checkered shirt along with a matching baseball hat.

  Tammy had a million “what if” questions zipping through her mind. What if they didn’t get along? What if Donna wasn’t how she remembered her? What if Donna didn’t like her?

  Brushing her fears aside, Tammy smiled at her son. “You always give me strength, Matt, and you help me push myself through my troubles. I love you sooo much.” She leaned in and kissed him on his cheek. Matt squealed and laughed. “Come on, big boy, let’s go meet your auntie Donna.”

  Tammy scurried through the covered parking lot while looking in all directions. Cars zipped by her in the hunt for a parking space, others backed out, not paying attention. Twice she banged on the trunks of cars yelling “Hey!” before they almost plowed into her. Once outside, she shielded Matt’s eyes from the unwelcome glares of the bright sun. She only enjoyed the heat in moderation and was quickly growing tired of Southern California’s constant heat waves. She missed the four seasons. L.A. seemed to have just one: summer all year long.

  Tammy spotted terminal six across the road. Lost in the crowd of people waiting to cross, Tammy watched the bustle of tourists, cars and taxis traveling in all directions. Manners simply didn’t exist. Cars honked and people yelled and bumped into each other as they rushed to get to their destinations. The airport was a place of confusion, hostility, and rudeness, sparing no consideration for others. Holding Matt tighter, she crossed the road when the light turned green and hurried inside the terminal.

  Finding the inside to be a much calmer environment, Tammy breathed a sigh of relief and made her way over to the area of the airport marked as “Arrivals.” She stood on her tiptoes to see above the heads of others as she searched the monitors for Donna’s flight; it was landing in fifteen minutes. She then followed the signs leading to the baggage claim area. Now at six months old, Matt’s weight felt heavy in her tiring arms. She wished she’d grabbed his stroller from the trunk.

  Tammy wondered what Donna looked like. Too much time had passed since that now tattered photo of her was taken; the one she carried everywhere in her wallet. Donna had told her that her hair was now long and dyed blond, which Tammy had a hard time picturing. For the purposes of spotting each other in the airport, Tammy let Donna know her hair was still red and still the same style. Wavy, shoulder length, and feathered bangs.

  For the next forty-five minutes, while bouncing Matt on her knees, Tammy anxiously waited for Donna to appear. She honed her eyes in on every blond female that walked through the gate, searching for some sort of recognition. After frantically scanning what felt like hundreds of arriving passengers, finally, she saw her. Donna spotted Tammy at the same time. They both gasped. Donna froze. With Matt resting on her hip, Tammy rose slowly from her seat, raised her hand high in the air and waved hysterically. Donna waved back and broke out a smile, tears swelling in her eyes. Her nightmare had finally come to an end. She was safe. Jordon could no longer hurt or threaten her. Ready to start her new life, Donna quickened her pace as she approached her baby sister.

  Face to face, Donna looked skinny, wearing a tight black mini dress, black nylons, and black high heels. Tammy suddenly felt like a bit of a plain Jane in her boring beige suit. Donna’s makeup was heavy, with a thick layer of mascara, a ruby-red lipstick painted perfectly over her lips, and a matching red nail polish disguising her badly chewed nails.

  “Donna!” Tammy squealed.

  “Tammy!” Donna screamed back.

  Embracing her sister with her free arm, Tammy held Donna tight against her. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you too,” Donna cried in between her gush of tears.

  After a few moments of not wanting to let go of their long-awaited reunion, they finally parted. Still holding hands, both sisters took a step back to absorb the glorious sight of each other. Neither could believe they were actually standing face to face with the other.

  “You look good, Donna.”

  “So do you, sis.”

  Tammy turned her hip so Matt was facing her sister. “This is your nephew. His name is Matt. Matt, meet your auntie Donna.”

  Donna reached out and squeezed Matt’s cheek. “Hi, Matt. You’re so frigging cute!” She looked at Tammy. “Can I hold him?”

  “Of course you can.” Tammy leaned into Donna and bundled Matt into her arms.

  Never having held a child before, Donna felt a little awkward at first but soon warmed up when Matt shone her a huge smile. “Oh, you’re so precious. It’s so nice to meet you, Matt.” Donna glanced over at Tammy. “I can’t believe you’re a mother.”

  “It’s an amazing feeling, and so is watching aunt and nephew meet for the first time.” Tammy beamed with pride. “Now, come on, let’s go get your luggage,” she said while locking arms with her sister and chuckling. “I’ll let you have the pleasure of carrying Matt.”

  “It will be my pleasure.”

  * * *

  Over the next few weeks, the two sisters spent endless hours catching up on their lost five years. Tammy hadn’t noticed over the phone, but Donna no longer spoke with an English accent. For entertainment purposes, she had tried speaking with one but had failed miserably.

  Donna recalled how she’d shared a tearful reunion with their father and mother at the hospital. Tammy laughed when Donna told her that Mom had refused to stay at the hotel when she arrived. Instead, she had insisted on sleeping on a cot in Donna’s room until she was well enough to be released.

  Donna went on to tell Tammy that, after she’d left the hospital, they all stayed at the hotel and Mom and Dad treated her like a queen. They both took her shopping and bought her an entire wardrobe, and Mom even took her to have her hair done. For Donna, the three days at the hotel went by far too quickly. She shared with Tammy how saying goodbye at the airport had been really tough. She desperately wanted to spend more time with them but understood Mom and Dad had to get back to their lives. More importantly, she had a new one to begin in California.

  Donna choked up when she talked about her emotional reunion over the phone with her twin, Jenny, and discovered she had missed her wedding. They had talked for hours. Donna understood that Jenny couldn’t take time away from her work—caring for the elderly—at such short notice without jeopardizing her job or losing pay. “As soon as my status is sorted out here in the States, I promise I will come visit you and Mom in England,” Donna had told Jenny.

  When Donna spoke of Jenny, sadness crept over Tammy, too. She hadn’t seen her since she’d left England. They wrote occasionally and exchanged photos, but the distance between them had grown. In some ways, Tammy felt she had found one sister but lost another.

  Tammy explained to Donna that the motel was temporary while Steven looked for work and that Steven was staying with his mother so she could stay with Tammy.

  Donna wasn’t convinced that Tammy was telling her everything.

  After meeting Steven for the first time, which consisted of a brief fifteen-minute visit where he was oblivious to his son playing in the playpen and herself reading a magazine on the bed, Donna’s instincts had been proved right. She’d seen enough drug addicts to recognize one when she saw one.

  With only one mission in mind, Steven had pulled Tammy outside to exchange some private words. Donna couldn’t hear the entire conversation, but she knew what they were discussing. He wanted money from her. Stand your ground, sis, don’t give into hi
m, Donna thought when she overheard Tammy say “NO” in a strained, loud whisper.

  “Why not?” she heard Steven ask, his voice frustrated.

  Donna sat up to listen more closely. If Steven became violent, she was ready to rush out and butt in. She’d had her fair share of being bullied and wasn’t about to let it happen to her sister. Fortunately, there was no need. Tammy had stood her ground and re-entered the room while Steven, she assumed, had left. Probably racking his brains and trying to think who else he could hit up for money.

  “Okay, Tammy, what’s going on?” Donna asked in a stern voice.

  “What do you mean?” asked Tammy, checking on Matt as a distraction.

  “Oh come on, Tammy! He’s on drugs. He was high as a kite. I’ve been around the block a few times so I know when someone is using drugs. So, what’s the deal? What’s going on? Is that why you’re living in this dump? Because of his drugs?”

  Tammy knew she could no longer fool her sister. “Yes, he has a drug problem.” But then found herself defending him yet again. “But he’s trying really hard to quit.”

  Donna rolled her eyes. “You honestly believe that? Are you that stupid? If you keep allowing him to come around, he’s gonna keep harassing you for money. Jeez, Tammy, wake up!”

  Tammy knew she was right, but she still continued to make excuses. “I know that, Donna, but I have his child. I don’t want Matt to grow up without a father.”

  Donna tried desperately to talk some sense into her sister. She knew Tammy was fighting a losing battle. She had seen the same scenario repeatedly back in Boston. Many of the other prostitutes had children and were trying to support not only their kids but also the dad, who was invariably a drug addict or an alcoholic.

  She looked directly into her sister’s eyes and spoke sternly in a louder voice as a serious look blanketed her face. “This is no joke, Tammy. Quit defending him. He’s a deadbeat dad. What has he ever done for you and Matt? What do you mean when you say you don’t want Matt to be without a father? He’d probably be better off without him. I can’t tell you what to do, Tammy, but I can tell you what I think, and I think you’re a fool if you stay with him.”

  Tammy lowered her head in shame, embarrassed that Steven was Matt’s father; not that she would ever admit it. Even though she no longer had feelings for him, it wasn’t that easy to just pack up and leave. Donna didn’t know that he’d threatened to hunt her down and kill her if she left him, and she wasn’t about to tell her, either. This is something she was just going to have to figure out on her own.

  “It’s not that simple, Donna. You don’t understand.” She didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. “Listen, can we talk about this later. I have a bad headache. Can you watch Matt for a half hour? I’m going to take a bath.”

  “Sure. But taking a bath ain’t gonna solve your problems,” Donna said sarcastically.

  For the first time since Donna arrived, Tammy raised her voice at her. “Damn it, Donna! I said not now. Can we just drop it please?”

  Tammy glanced at the playpen when she heard Matt beginning to stir. He gurgled a few times and then went back to sleep. She lowered her voice. “When I’m ready, I’ll do something. Now is not the right time.”

  “It never is, baby sis. It never is.”

  Chapter 46

  Tammy eventually shared her troubled times with Donna and confessed that Steven was a heroin addict. She told her about his lying and stealing and how she struggled to make ends meet by spending money she’d worked hard to save. She confided in her about her fears of walking away and what he may do to hurt her and Matt if she did.

  Donna understood her fears. She, too, had been waiting for the right moment and building up the courage to escape her pimp so she could take her life back. In the end, he had done it for her; albeit by almost killing her and leaving her to die in an alley. She didn’t want that to happen to her sister. It seemed Tammy needed her as much as she needed Tammy, and Donna was determined to find a way to get her and Matt away from that monster of a man.

  Although Tammy never complained about taking care of Donna, feeding her, or buying her clothes at thrift stores, Donna didn’t want to be a burden and wasted no time in finding a job. Her choices were limited, having run away as a minor and never becoming legalized in the States. She walked up and down the streets of the neighborhood when Tammy was at work and, within a week, was hired as a stripper at a club a few blocks away.

  “A stripper!” Tammy screeched in shock when she heard the news. “Couldn’t you find anything better? How can you even do that?” she asked, horrified by the thought.

  “What choices do I have, Tammy? I’ll tell you something, it’s a lot safer than turning tricks on a corner and having to answer to a goddamn pimp. It’s a legit business. They have security, and the girls’ welfare is always a top priority. How do I do it, you ask? After a few beers, I loosen up. I become numb and I just do it. Do I enjoy it? No. It’s a job that pays well and will give me some independence. It’s all I can do right now, and I’m sorry if you don’t like it but there’s nothing else I can do,” Donna said defensively.

  Tammy instantly felt guilty. “I’m sorry, I have no right to judge you.”

  Donna was right. It was a vast improvement from turning tricks on the street and, much to Tammy’s surprise, she made more than a decent enough living. Tammy welcomed the help Donna offered with rent and food, something she’d never experienced with Steven. In addition, Donna was able to save some money in the hopes of getting her own place someday. Tammy objected profusely when she discovered she was stashing the savings in her suitcase.

  “I really wish you’d let me keep your money in my bank where it’ll be safe,” Tammy pleaded as flashbacks of finding the empty envelope zipped through her mind.

  “It’s fine in here. It ain’t going nowhere. Besides, if I need some, I don’t have to bother you to go to the bank. Don’t worry about it. Okay?” Donna said as she closed the suitcase and pushed it back under the bed.

  Donna had come a long way in the short time she’d been in California. Tammy admired her strength and how she’d managed to pick up the pieces of her broken life so she could live life on her own terms. She was proud of her. But Tammy got some unexpected news when Donna returned home one night, carrying a bouquet of roses.

  “Wow! Aren’t you special. Who’s the lucky guy?”

  Donna pranced into the room like a teenager experiencing her first crush. “His name is Jason and he’s gorgeous. He works as a ranch handler somewhere outside the city. He’s strong, muscular, and beautifully tanned. I spotted him as soon as he walked into the club. I was pretty stoked when he asked me out,” Donna announced, followed by a glorious laugh. “I’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and it’s amazing. Tammy, I’d never been on a real date before. It felt awkward at first. I was expecting him to throw dollars at me.” Donna laughed again. “But he treats me like royalty. I think I’m falling in love with him.”

  “That’s great, Donna.” Tammy smiled, genuinely happy for her sister. “How come you’ve never told me about this guy?”

  “I dunno. I didn’t know where it was going at first, I guess. Anyway, I’m telling you now. Be happy for me, sis.”

  Tammy walked over and hugged her sister. “Donna, I’m over the moon. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you. Here, hand me those flowers and I’ll put them in a vase for you.”

  * * *

  Within a month, the relationship between Steven and his mother had become strained to the point where Elizabeth was insisting he leave. Having more than outstayed his welcome, and with his mother beginning to see the dark side of her son, she ceased giving him money. In desperate need to feed his addiction, Steven started paying Tammy surprise visits to her work every day. Knowing she wouldn’t want a scene, he had been successful in demanding some cash out of her every time.

  But his luck was about to change. Tammy was walking round the corner from the kitchen one day when she saw her
manager, Paul, meet Steven at the entrance of the restaurant. Tammy ducked back behind a doorway to watch from a distance. Blocking the doorway with his full rounded body, Paul prevented Steven from entering. Paul glared at him, expressing only anger. “I know exactly what you’re up to. Tammy may be afraid of you, but I’m not. I’ve watched you come in here every day, tormenting her and taking money from her,” Paul snarled.

  “Hey, man, Tammy’s my girl, and it ain’t none of your fucking business, okay?” Steven snapped back.

  Paul leaned forward within inches of his face. “Yes, it is my business when you come in here and upset my waitress while she’s on my floor. I make it my business. You got that, punk?”

  Steven took a step back. “If my old lady wants to give me money, that’s up to her, not you. Who the hell do you think you are?”

  “Listen, asshole! I don’t want to see your scrawny assed face around here ever again. You got that? If I do, I’m calling the cops and having you arrested. Now get the fuck outta here, you fucking jerk!”

  Steven kicked open the door to the restaurant and left in fury—empty handed. Now what was he going to do? Tammy had been his last resort. As he stomped off down the street, it came to him. He had an idea. He knew how he could get some money and get it fast.

  Chapter 47

  Before Steven stormed off, Tammy knew he’d spotted her because he threw her a menacing stare over Paul’s shoulder. Tammy quickly turned the other way. For a few minutes, Paul stood by the open door to make sure Steven had left the property. Once confident the bastard was gone, he closed the door and approached Tammy. Noticing she was shaken by Steven’s presence, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Are you going to be okay? I eighty-sixed the guy from the restaurant. If he ever steps foot in here again, I’ll have him arrested.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m really sorry, Paul. I’ve told him so many times not to come here.”

  “Tammy, there’s no need for you to apologize. This is not your fault. You need to get away from that guy. He’s no good for you. If he causes any trouble for you tonight, you come right here. Do you understand?”