Duty or Desire

by Brenda Jackson

  He placed his Stetson on the rack before turning with Ciara in his arms. Bonnie didn’t waste any time taking his niece from him.

  “Things went well, and yes, yes and yes to your other questions.”

  Bonnie smiled. “I knew things would be all right once you talked to her yourself.”

  Pete wasn’t sure things would be all right, but he’d gotten tired of unintentionally offending Myra and figured he needed to stop while he was ahead. Bottom line, she was qualified to take care of Ciara and anything else would be up to him to keep in check. He knew now more than ever that doing such a thing wouldn’t be easy. Sharing space with her even with Ciara with them had been hard. He’d been aware of every breath and every move. How would he handle her being here with him in this house alone?

  If anything, what she’d told him should help. He wasn’t her type and was too old for her liking. He shouldn’t be offended by her comment since he was the one who’d made such a big deal of the age thing. But he had news for her; the twelve-year difference in their ages didn’t mean a damn thing. Bonnie had reminded him that his own father had been ten years older than his mom, and old man Arnold was fifteen years older than Ms. Viola and they’d been married for close to seventy years.

  Pete wondered why he was wasting so much thought on this issue. The important thing was that he and Myra had an understanding. Well, sort of. Deep down he believed she felt the entire subject had been ridiculous since she wasn’t the least bit interested in him, and he shouldn’t be the least bit interested in her.

  But he was, though. The best thing to do when she moved in was to stay out of her way and make sure she stayed out of his. His home didn’t have split levels. His master suite was at the end of a long hall and Myra should have no reason to venture that far down the hall since the bedroom she would be using had its own private bath and Ciara’s room was next door to hers. There was another guest room and his office next to Ciara’s room.

  On the other hand, he would have to walk down the hall and pass by both bedrooms to get to the living room and other parts of the house.

  “When will Myra be moving in?”

  “We agreed on Friday. That will give you time to pack and take care of things you need to handle at your place since you’ll be gone for a while. If you need me to do anything while you’re gone, let me know.”

  “I will and I appreciate it.” Bonnie glanced down at Ciara who’d fallen asleep in her arms. “Let me lay her down. It’s not even her nap time yet. What did you do to her to tire her out?”

  “I didn’t do anything. In fact, once she saw Myra Hollister, Ciara forgot I was alive.”

  Bonnie chuckled. “You sound jealous.”

  Did he? Was he? Possibly. He wasn’t used to Ciara being so taken with anyone she wasn’t accustomed to seeing on a regular basis. “I have no reason to be jealous, Bonnie.”

  “Oh, by the way,” Bonnie said as she headed down the hall, “Zane’s here checking on the horses. Told me to tell you he would stop by before leaving.”

  “Fine.” Zane was one of Derringer’s older brothers. Although he was a married man now, Zane once had a reputation as one of Denver’s most notorious womanizers. But then so had Derringer and Riley. Only difference was that Zane’s reputation had been a lot worse. He’d also been dubbed an expert when it came to women and was known to give out advice on the topic.

  Pete removed his jacket before walking over to the window. Snowfall was predicted tonight. He couldn’t wait until Ciara got older and he could build a snowman with her like he’d done with Matt while growing up. Those had been fun times when both of their parents had been alive and their only worry was making sure their homework was done before going to bed.

  He saw a movement out the window and recognized Zane walking toward the house. Zane, Derringer and their cousin Jason were partners in a lucrative horse breeding and training business, along with several of their Westmoreland cousins living in Montana and Texas. The partnership was doing extremely well financially, with horse buyers extending all the way to the Middle East. One of their horses, Prince Charming, had placed in the Kentucky Derby a few years ago. Since then, potential clients had been coming out of the woodwork in droves. As a result, they’d needed more land to hold the horses. Since Pete had more property than he knew what to do with, he’d leased a portion of it to the Westmorelands.

  Pete had never sought out Zane for advice on the topic of women before, but maybe he should run this situation regarding Myra by Zane. Hell, doing so couldn’t hurt.

  * * *

  Myra glanced around her bedroom. Although she had four days to pack, there was no use waiting until later. Like she’d told Pete, she didn’t have much stuff and the majority of her items could fit into her luggage.

  Pete.

  She couldn’t stop remembering the exact moment he’d suggested she call him Pete instead of Sheriff. She knew his real name was Peterson but that he had been called Pete since he was a baby. That information had come from Miss Bonnie, who’d told her a lot about him.

  Myra also knew he’d been engaged once and his girlfriend from high school had died just weeks before their wedding. She’d been participating in a local parade when she was thrown off her horse.

  Myra had been saddened by the story and a part of her heart had gone out to the man who’d lost the love of his life so close to their wedding day. That had been twelve years ago and she wondered if he was now seriously involved with anyone.

  She picked up her phone when it began ringing, recognized the ringtone. “Hello, Bella.”

  “Myra, how are you?”

  “I’m fine. What about you?”

  “Doing okay but I hear there will be a snowstorm beginning tonight. I hope you’re prepared,” Bella said.

  “I am. Besides, staying inside will give me a chance to work on my thesis.”

  “How is that coming?”

  “Great. I’m hoping to turn it in around this time next year.”

  “That’s outstanding. Another reason I’m calling is to invite you to the Westmorelands’ chow-down on Friday night.”

  “Oh, thanks for thinking of me again, but I’m moving on Friday.”

  “Moving?”

  “Yes. I’ve been hired to be Sheriff Higgins’s temporary nanny while Miss Bonnie is away.”

  “That’s wonderful. You’ll be perfect, and Pete will go to work each day knowing Ciara is in good hands. The girls will be disappointed not to see you on Friday.”

  Myra laughed when she thought of Bella and Jason’s twins. She had won them over, along with a few other Westmoreland kids, with her magic tricks when she’d attended their Friday night chow-down a few weeks ago.

  “Well, I’m going to have to pay them a visit once I get settled at the Higgins place. Then I can bring Ciara along.”

  “Oh, they will enjoy that, and we’ll look forward to your visit.”

  * * *

  “So, what’s on your mind, Pete?”

  Pete glanced over at Zane Westmoreland, whose long legs were stretched out in front of him as he took a sip of his beer. His wife, Channing, was expecting their first child and yet Zane had just finished telling Pete that Zane was the one craving stuff.

  “I need your expert advice on something.”

  Zane lifted a brow. “What?”

  “Not sure if you heard that Bonnie’s sister has cancer and she needs to be in Texas for about two months.”

  “Yes, Bonnie mentioned it when I first got here. I told her that I was sorry to hear that.”

  “Her leaving means I have to hire a nanny until she returns. I found one, a woman name Myra Hollister, but I detected possible problems.”

  Zane raised a brow. “What kind of problems?”

  “She’s a very beautiful woman.”

  Zane nodded. “I met Myra a couple of weeks ago when Bell
a invited her to one of the Westmoreland chow-downs, and you’re right, she’s a beautiful woman. She’s also single and so are you, so what’s the problem?”

  “She’s younger than me by twelve years.”

  “And?”

  Pete took a sip of his own beer. “I want things to remain professional between us while she’s living here.”

  Zane lifted a brow. “Why wouldn’t they? Or, why should they if you’re attracted to her?”

  Pete frowned. “Who said I was attracted to her?”

  Zane chuckled and then shook his head. “Oh, you want to be one of those, do you?”

  “One of what?”

  “A man in denial.”

  “I’ll admit to being attracted to her. A little.”

  “A little?” Zane shook his head, ginning.

  “What if I told you that she’s not interested in me?”

  “And how do you know that?”

  Pete took another sip of his beer. “I warned her that people might talk, with her being young and single and living under my roof. She told me not to worry about it since I wasn’t her type and that I’m older than the men she would normally date.”

  Zane snorted. “At twenty-four she’s probably not sure what type of man is her type, and maybe it’s time for her to date men your age to see what she’s been missing. If I were you, I’d see that as a challenge and prove her wrong on both accounts.”

  “Why would I want to do something like that?”

  The room was quiet for a moment and then Zane said, “You know what I think your real problem is, Pete?”

  In a way, Pete was afraid to ask because the great know-it-all-about-women Zane Westmoreland was known to tell it like it was and not sugarcoat anything. “What?”

  “Your problem is denial, plain and simple. You desire the woman, so admit it and stop trying to fight it.”

  Pete didn’t say anything, then he said, “I have to fight it, Zane.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want it. I’m not ready for it.”

  Zane frowned. “I’m sure you’ve dated and desired women before, Pete.”

  He nodded. “This is different.” He met Zane’s intense gaze for a long moment and only someone who knew him as well as Zane did would feel the depth of his turmoil.

  “Ellen would want you to move on with your life, Pete.”

  If another person told him that, Pete would be tempted to ram his fist into the nearest wall. “You don’t know that.”

  “I do know it and I’m wondering why in the hell you don’t. Have you forgotten that Ellen used to be one of Megan’s best friends? She hung around our place just as often as you did. She was a wonderful girl who didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. There’s no way she wouldn’t want you to move on with your life. I think the problem is one you’re bringing on yourself.”

  Zane took another sip of his beer and then added, “Apparently Myra Hollister is capable of making you want to move on and—”

  “Hey, wait a minute. Things aren’t that serious. We’re talking about an attraction and nothing more.”

  Zane shook his head. “But there is more, Pete. Attraction and desire aren’t the same. A man doesn’t desire every woman he’s attracted to.”

  When Pete didn’t say anything, Zane said, “If you’re trying to stop desiring her, don’t bother.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you can’t get rid of something you won’t acknowledge having. You have a thing for the woman, so admit it. You desire her, too, so admit that, as well. And if you don’t want either, then don’t hire her as your nanny because the more you’re around her, the more you’re going to desire her.”

  Pete met Zane’s gaze. “Too late. I have hired her.” He paused a moment and then said, “I don’t want chaos in my life, Zane.”

  Zane drew in a deep breath. “Any chaos will be of your own making. Desiring a woman is a healthy part of being a man, Pete. If you want to waste those emotions, go ahead. Doing so won’t eliminate this problem you have but will only increase it. If she stays here and you try to fight your desire, then eventually you’re going to snap.”

  Pete frowned. “I’m a lawman—I don’t snap.”

  “You’re a man first and you will snap.” Zane stood. “I’m going to give you the same advice I gave myself a few years ago.”

  “What?”

  “Stop trying to fight emotions you’re supposed to be feeling. Sooner or later you’re going to have to accept there’s a reason Myra Hollister has the ability to make you feel things that other women can’t.”

  Three

  Myra slowed her car and took a deep breath when she came to the marker for the Golden Glade Ranch. She thought the same thing now that she’d thought when she came this way for her initial interview. Sheriff Pete Higgins’s ranch was simply magnificent.

  It sat on what she figured to be over two hundred acres of land. On one side of the ranch house were rows and rows of pear trees, which fared surprisingly well in Denver’s cold weather. On the other side she saw herds of beautiful horses running in a gated area.

  Inwardly, she asked herself—for the umpteenth time since putting the last piece of her luggage inside the car—if she was making the right move. Now it went beyond just her personal finances. She was dealing with her peace of mind. A part of her had hoped Wallace would call so she could tell him the change of plans. That she’d been hired as a nanny after all. Then she would tell him about her misgivings.

  Knowing Wallace like she did, he would probably find it amusing that she had finally met someone who interested her...even though she felt the man shouldn’t interest her. Not only was it bad timing, it was a bad situation all around.

  It was days like this that she missed her parents more than ever because she would have talked to them, as well. They had never tried forcing her to date anyone. What made her happy had made them happy and she’d appreciated that.

  This would be her first holiday season without them and instead of celebrating like she knew they’d want her to do even without them, she would be returning to Charleston to fight her brother for the company he was trying to take away from her.

  As she continued down the long drive, her thoughts returned to her present predicament, which was being nanny to Ciara. It would only last two months, and chances were Pete would be gone most of the time. After all, he was the sheriff of Denver. And when he was at home, they probably wouldn’t see each other much.

  If she really believed that, then why was she feeling like she was about to have an anxiety attack?

  Finally, she brought her car to a stop in front of Pete’s home and drew in a deep breath. She would take care of Ciara and then she would be gone. Why was she suddenly feeling like these would be the longest two months of her life?

  * * *

  Pete was convinced that when it came to women, they had a language all their own. And it was one they’d deliberately created so a man couldn’t understand. He’d always thought that while hanging around the Westmoreland ladies. Now he was even more convinced, seeing how Bonnie and Myra interacted. He had a feeling that if Ciara was older, she would be right there, too.

  Just like she’d said she would do, Myra had arrived at lunchtime. He’d been standing at the window staring out when he’d seen her car pull up. He wouldn’t deny it; he’d been waiting for her. Mainly to help with any items she might need to get out of the car. At least that was the lame excuse he’d told himself. She hadn’t needed help and the one piece of huge luggage had been easy for her to roll inside. He had looked forward to helping her get settled and showing her around, but Bonnie had appeared. She’d let him know she would be showing Myra around and that he wasn’t needed.

  He had escaped to the basement where his man cave was located, although now it mostly resembled a baby cave. Ciara’s toys, al
ong with her playpen and swing, took up a lot of the room. Derringer had recommended the swing. It was great on those days when a football game was on. All Pete had to do was wind it up every twenty minutes. And thanks to Flipper, one of Bane Westmoreland’s Navy SEAL friends, who was a master diver and a tech wiz, Pete had a remote for Ciara’s swing. He could rewind the swing without moving off the sofa. How sweet was that?

  However, today Pete wanted to move around. Specifically, he wanted to go upstairs to the main floor to see what was going on. Footsteps were constantly grating across the ceiling and he figured Bonnie was showing Myra around. It was his house so shouldn’t he be doing that?

  He glanced over at Ciara in the swing. She looked like she didn’t have a care in the world. She didn’t. She wouldn’t. Not even when she reached the age of twenty-one, thanks to the trust fund he and her grandparents had established from the proceeds of her parents’ insurance policies.

  She did look sleepy, though. Maybe he should take her upstairs and put her down for her nap. Pete rubbed a hand across his face. It was pathetic that he was looking for any excuse to leave the comfort of his man cave and go upstairs to see Myra Hollister.

  If he didn’t know any better, he’d think it was a deliberate ploy of Bonnie’s, to keep him separated from Myra. Had Bonnie picked up on his attraction to Myra again today? Had she felt the heat while he watched Myra get out of her car wearing a pair of skinny jeans, knee boots and a dark gray pullover sweater? She’d looked good. Too good. If he hadn’t been desperately in need of a nanny, he would have backed out of the arrangement. Too late. The plans were finalized. Myra would be in his home, under his roof, sleeping in the bedroom down the hall from his, starting tonight.

  Over the next two months he would try like hell not to notice her. Other than being courteous when he saw her, he would pretend she didn’t exist. Her goal was to take care of his niece. His was to bury his head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge he was attracted to her.

  That he desired her.