Forever Is Not Enough

by E. L. Todd

  “Then why haven’t you asked me?” The moisture continued to build.

  I didn’t know if I should be honest.

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t realize this was bothering you.”

  “What does it matter?” she snapped. “Of course it bothers me. I’m tired of having my own apartment and then coming over every night to cook you dinner only to leave the next morning. I’m tired of Abby seeing me just as your girlfriend. Arsen, I want more. I didn’t think I needed to ask you to get you to do it.”

  “Silke, you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve told you that a million times.”

  “But those are just words.”

  “Look, Lydia passed away not that long ago. I can’t just marry you right now.”

  “Why not?” she demanded.

  “Because I can’t do that to Abby.”

  Now Silke looked heartbroken. “Abby doesn’t want you to marry me…?” Agony overcame her face and she looked distraught. It was like she lost everything in the world that ever mattered to her.

  “It’s not that…it’s just…she’s not ready right now.”

  “Abby doesn’t want me to be her stepmom…”

  “No, that’s not it. It’s just too soon. Give it a few months until Abby heals. Don’t take it personally.”

  “How can I not?” She sniffed then wiped her nose.

  “Silke.” I cupped her cheeks and looked into her face. “We will get married. I promise. Just give Abby some time.”

  Silke pulled my hands down. “I don’t know…”

  My heart was sinking into the floor. “You don’t know what?”

  “Everything…you lied to me, Arsen.”

  “I only did it to protect you. If this situation were reversed, I’d want you to lie to me. Knowing a guy wants to have an affair with you would just keep me up at night.”

  “Easy to say when you’re on the other side of this argument…”

  “Silke—”

  “Arsen.” She held up her hand to silence me. “I never bring up the past because it’s done. It’s over. But you seem to have forgotten all the shit you put me through. You hurt me so much, more than you’ll ever understand. When I took you back it was under the condition that we would always be honest with each other. You’ve already broken my trust a hundred times. And now you’ve done it again. It makes me wonder what else you’ve lied about…”

  My heart was beating so fast it hurt. “Nothing.”

  She searched my eyes for sincerity.

  “I’m sorry for lying and I’ll never do it again—I promise.”

  “That’s not going to make it better.” Her voice came out as a whisper. “How do I know if you really want this woman?”

  “Anytime a good-looking guy hits on you should I assume you want him?” Why wouldn’t she see reason right now?

  “If I lied about it, yes.”

  Ryan’s words came to my mind. Silke said things she didn’t mean when she was upset. I sincerely hope that was the case right now. Because she was scaring the fucking shit out of me.

  “Please leave,” she said with a sniff. She headed to her bedroom.

  I grabbed her again and pulled her back to me. “I only want you. I promise on anything and everything that’s the truth. It hurts me that you aren’t sure. It hurts me that you so easily question my love.”

  “It hurts me too…”

  I cupped her face and kissed her, hoping intimacy would repair the damage between us.

  It didn’t. She pushed me away. “Just go, Arsen.”

  “Our fight isn’t over.”

  “But it is over,” she said with more tears. “We’re over.”

  My heart fell down into my stomach, and panic spread through my body. The adrenaline kicked in and I felt my chest heave with pain. It felt like a million knives had pierced me everywhere. “Don’t ever say that to me.”

  She averted her gaze and wiped her tears away.

  “We’re never over.” I felt my eyes burn. “We’re forever.”

  “I thought so too…”

  My eyes filled with water and I felt faint. “Don’t do this. This isn’t fair.”

  “You think I want to do this?” she asked painfully.

  “I’m sorry I lied,” I said. “I’m not perfect and neither are you. But I do my best every single day. I always put you and Abby first and you know that. There is no other woman I will ever have. There is only you.”

  “Just go,” I whispered.

  “I’ll marry you tomorrow if that’s what you need.”

  She held up her hand. “No, it’s not.”

  Her words stung me.

  “What I need is for you to leave.”

  “This isn’t fair.” My voice shook with tears. “I love you. I love you so damn much. It was just one lie. And I only lied to protect you. What about everything else I do for you? I kiss the ground you walk on. I cherish you every single day. When have I ever made you feel less than a queen?”

  “Abby doesn’t want you to marry me,” she said. “This is your daughter we’re talking about.”

  “You’re taking it out of context. It’s just not the right time. Give it a few months.”

  “Your daughter goes first, Arsen.”

  “I know she does,” I said. “Which is why I’m going to wait. But the wait won’t last forever. Abby loves you and you know she does. She’s just going through a hard time. The poor child just lost her mother. Cut her some slack.”

  “I completely understand,” she said. “But Abby will always resent me because I’m not her mother.”

  “No, she won’t. You’re making assumptions.”

  “I’m just being realistic…”

  “I—”

  “I can’t talk about this anymore.” She clutched her chest like she was in pain. “I just want to be alone.”

  “I’m not leaving here unless we’re together. I’m not giving up on us. I worked too fucking hard to be with you to let some bitchy-ass-whore rip us apart like this.”

  “If you hadn’t lied this wouldn’t be happening.”

  I wanted to scream. “How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

  “And how many times do I have to repeat myself?” she whispered. “Now go.” She walked into her bedroom and shut the door.

  I stayed rooted to the spot, tears falling down my cheeks.

  My life just ended—then and there.

  ***

  When I walked into my apartment, it was late.

  Ryan was sitting on the couch and Abby was in bed.

  I collapsed into the chair at the kitchen table and covered my face with my palms. I was doing everything I could not to break down.

  “Didn’t go well, I take it?” Ryan turned off the TV and approached me at the table.

  I didn’t lower my hands because I couldn’t show my face.

  Ryan picked up on the pain emitting from my body. He sat in the chair beside me and placed his arm around my shoulders. “Son, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  Ryan was the only guy I could cry in front of. I could be everything and anything in front of him. The trust ran deep, indefinite. I lowered my hands and began to cry. “Silke left me…”

  “What?” he blurted. “Why?”

  “Because I lied.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Over that?”

  I breathed through the pain. “She thinks I lied to cover up something. She thinks I want this woman even though I clearly don’t.”

  “That’s preposterous.”

  “And then she said I don’t really want to be with her because I haven’t proposed. Now that I have my life together she thinks I want to play the field—which I don’t.”

  “Then just propose, Arsen.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Abby isn’t ready for it.”

  “You asked her?”

  “Yes…” I wiped the tears away.

  “Then y
ou should explain that to Silke.”

  “I did,” I said as I choked on a sob. “But she took it the wrong way. Now she thinks Abby never wants to make her a stepmom. Of course that isn’t true. She just needs some time.”

  “Fuck,” Ryan said.

  “I hope she’s just upset and she needs space…but I don’t think it will change anything.”

  Ryan gripped my shoulder tightly. “Arsen, I know this is hard right now. But I promise you Silke will come back to you. You have my word.”

  I turned to him with confusion in my eyes.

  “When have I ever gone back on my word?” he asked.

  “Never,” I whispered.

  “Okay. Then you can calm down.”

  “Ryan, you can’t just fix this for me like everything else.”

  “I know,” he said. “And I don’t plan on it. But I know you two are meant to be together. It will work out. She’s just upset right now. Give her some space and she’ll come back to you.”

  “She’s really upset.”

  “Trust me,” he said. “Give her space.”

  “But maybe I should—”

  “It’ll just push her further away.”

  I trusted Ryan more than anyone in the world. He always had my back and my best interest at heart. I had to put my faith in him.

  Because if I didn’t—I would crack.

  Chapter Nine

  Lexie

  When I entered my office there was an enormous vase of flowers sitting on the desk. They were an array of colors, including, purple, pink, and yellow. I stared at them as I came closer, and then I felt a pedal in my hand. It was as soft as silk.

  A card was stuck in the stems and I pulled it out and read it.

  Thinking about you—always.

  There wasn’t a signature but I didn’t need one. I knew exactly whom they were from. After I placed the card on my desk, I grabbed the flowers and moved them to a table. They were in my line of sight from the desk so I could enjoy them for the rest of the day.

  An involuntary smile stretched my lips and it wouldn’t go away. I tried to concentrate on work but all I could think about was Conrad, the sweetest man in the world. He made me feel beautiful on the days I felt hideous. And he made me feel loved when I felt insecure.

  My phone vibrated on my desk from a text message.

  Like my flowers?

  I grinned as I typed. Yes, they are beautiful.

  Has my gift earned me the right to take you to lunch?

  You already had that right, babe.

  Babe…I like it. I’ll pick you up at noon.

  I’ll see you then.

  Love you, baby.

  Even through a text message it sounded romantic. Love you too. Now I had to get back to work and not think about the handsome man I was insanely in love with.

  ***

  My secretary spoke over the intercom. “Lexie, there’s someone here to see you.” She lowered her voice like she was trying to whisper. “And he’s gorgeous.”

  I knew exactly who it was. “Send him in.”

  “Maybe I’ll keep him out here…”

  I chuckled. “That’s my boyfriend.”

  “Oh…” She stumbled in embarrassment. “I’m sorry—”

  “It’s okay. I can’t blame you.”

  A minute later, the door opened and Conrad walked inside. He wore a dark gray suit with a black tie. His shoulders were thick and broad, and his chest looked stronger than a concrete bridge. His head barely fit underneath the frame of the door because of his height.

  His short brown hair had a slight curl to it, and his blue eyes possessed darkness. It was intimidating and dangerous, but also sexy at the same time. His hands were in his pockets as he approached my desk.

  I didn’t stand up because I was too distracted with his appearance. I just stared at him because it was too hard to stop. My thighs squeezed together in longing and my lips burned in desire.

  He placed his hands on my desk and leaned toward me. “You look beautiful today.” He eyed my lips like he was speaking to them and not me.

  “Thank you. You look nice too.”

  He leaned in and gave me a seductive kiss. He didn’t use his tongue and only his lips. But even that was sexy. He sucked my bottom lip gently before he breathed into my mouth, lighting my entire body on fire. Then he kissed the corner of my mouth before he pulled away. “Lunch?”

  Lunch was the last thing on my mind. “Uh…sure.” Stars flashed in my eyes and I felt a little dizzy.

  Conrad had a slight smirk on his face like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

  I rose from the desk and grabbed my purse. I wobbled on my heels and almost fell over because my head was in the clouds.

  Conrad immediately caught me and scooped me into his arms like I was a pile of feathers. He looked into my face with a slight grin on his lips. “Be careful.”

  My arms automatically moved around his neck. I liked it when he held me like this. I felt tiny in his massive arms. “I’ll try.”

  He gave me another kiss before he gently placed me on the ground. But instead of stepping away, he grabbed my hips and pushed me into my desk. He yanked up my skirt savagely then pushed me flat over the surface. “I’ll get you off and then we can go.”

  Did I make it so obvious that I wanted to be fucked? Or was he just that cocky?

  He undid his slacks then slid his length inside me. It went in smoothly because I was already soaked. His palms moved to the surface of the wood on either side of me, and then he thrust into me hard.

  Oh my god, he felt so good. Was it the angle? Was it him? Or was it just because I was so madly in love with him that every time we were together it was this amazing?

  Conrad pressed his lips to my ear and whispered sweet nothings to me. His cock thrust inside me over and over, and I was in a state of euphoria. I didn’t want it to end but I also wanted to feel that explosion between my legs.

  “Your pussy is so tight, baby.”

  “Then stretch it out.”

  He pressed a kiss to the shell of my ear. “I will.”

  ***

  “Mr. Preston, how are you?” the host asked when he saw Conrad.

  “Well. You?” Conrad had one arm around my waist and the other in his pocket.

  “Great,” he said. “Will your father be joining you?”

  “No,” Conrad said. “It’s just me and my lady.”

  The host led us to a table, and before he could pull out the chair for me Conrad was there. He got me seated before he moved to the chair across the table. Then he picked up the menu and scanned through the items.

  I was satisfied from our rendezvous in the office but just looking at him made me want another round. Slight stubble formed on his face because he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and his dark hair contrasted against the brightness of his eyes. He had a strong jaw, and even his neck was coiled with muscle.

  “You like what you see?” Conrad asked without making eye contact with me.

  Was I making it that obvious? I looked down at my menu. “I’m getting a salad.”

  He put his menu aside like he knew what he wanted. “A salad? Baby, you’re tiny. Get real food.”

  “A salad is real food.”

  “Get a steak or something.”

  I tried not to laugh. “A steak? For lunch?”

  “Yeah, it would be hot.” He drank his water before he returned it to the table. “You never answered my question.” He gave me a pointed look.

  “What did you ask?”

  “You like what you see?” He leaned over the table and rested his elbows on the surface. A smolder was in his eyes.

  “That’s a redundant question.”

  “So, yes?” A triumphant look was in his eyes.

  “Maybe…”

  “I’ll give you another go when I take you back to the office.”

  My skin prickled in excitement.

  “I need another round anyway. I love the way your legs look in that s
kirt.”

  Conrad always gave me compliments left and right, and it always made me feel warm inside. “Thanks.”

  The waiter approached our table and took our order. Then he left us alone again.

  “What were the flowers for?” I asked.

  “I don’t understand your meaning.” He leaned back in his chair, his shoulders looking broad and intimidating.

  “What made you get them for me?”

  He shrugged. “I love you. You deserve to be cherished.”

  My cheeks flushed with heat.

  “Speaking of which, when am I going to meet your parents?” He stared me down with those dark eyes.

  He brought this up once before but I thought the subject was dropped. “Uh…I’m not sure.”

  “Well, why don’t you set something up?” he asked. “We can go to dinner.”

  Why was he pressing this so hard? “There’s no rush.” I looked at my menu again even though I already ordered. I just wanted something to stare at so I could avoid his gaze.

  “We’ve been together for almost a year,” he said calmly. “Aren’t they eager to meet me?”

  “Well, I’m not very close with my family…”

  His eyes narrowed on my face and hostility radiated through his body. “They don’t know about me, do they?”

  He asked me a direct question and I couldn’t lie my way out of it. “I just haven’t really talked to them.”

  “In a year?” he asked incredulously. “I introduced you to my parents a long time ago, even when we weren’t serious.”

  “I know…but it’s different. You see your family all the time.” I put the menu down and looked out the window. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. Conrad was vocal about his opinions, and he could run me into the ground if he wanted to.

  “Lexie.”

  He hardly ever said my name so I knew I was in trouble.

  “Look at me.”

  I released a sigh before I turned my gaze on him.

  “Do you not want me to meet your family?” He studied my face and watched my reaction.

  How did I handle this? I couldn’t tell him the real reason why I was hesitant. It was embarrassing. “It’s not that…”

  “Then what is it?” The anger started to come into his voice.

  “I just haven’t introduced anyone since Jared. It’ll be…awkward.”

  “Why awkward?” he asked.