Copper (Hell's Handlers MC Book 4)

by Lilly Atlas

  The bottle exploded in a sharp spray of glass and whiskey.

  Very fitting considering his heart had just suffered the same fate.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  FIVE DAYS AFTER finding out he was in love with the mother of his niece, Copper sat outside behind the clubhouse polishing off yet another bottle of whiskey. He’d had more to drink in the past five days than the past five years.

  He was fucking struggling. Dealing with shit he’d never imagined he’d have to handle and doing a shitty-assed job at it.

  All signs were pointing to Shell’s information being accurate. His brother had stolen a total of fifteen thousand dollars from the club and turned it around to purchase crystal meth which he was both using and selling. Icing on the cake was the fact that he was buying the meth from Lefty’s guys.

  That discovery went down like fucking ground glass. Lefty must be laughing his ass off knowing Copper’s own brother was betraying the club and getting into bed with him.

  And speaking of getting into bed, Copper had been doing that particular activity alone for the past five nights. He just couldn’t drum up the courage to talk to Shell. The longer he thought about it—and with all the sitting around whiskey-consuming that he’d done, he’d thought about it a fuckton—he realized Izzy was probably dead on.

  Something about the entire situation reeked. And while he longed for Shell, ached to see her, touch her, speak with her, he was terrified of the truth. Because one of two options were accurate, and both choices made his skin crawl. Either his woman was a liar or his brother was a piece of shit who took advantage of a young girl.

  So, after forty years, he’d come to the realization he was a fucking coward. It was a hard pill to swallow.

  The back door to the clubhouse swung open, and someone ventured out. Copper didn’t bother to turn. Whichever of his brothers dared to come nag him over being a grouchy asshole would get to their point soon enough.

  As he took another drink, the footsteps drew closer. Softer than the heavy clomp of motorcycle boots, it must have been one of the ol’ ladies. Sure enough, Toni appeared by his side holding a fold-up chair.

  She opened it then plopped down rubbing her sweatshirt-covered arms. “Damn you, Copper. It’s freezing tonight.”

  The sun was minutes from dipping below the trees, and the temperature reflected that fact. Shell would be starting her shift, cleaning the large office building on the opposite side of town.

  “By all means,” he said. “Head on back inside.”

  With a scowl for him, Toni yanked the bottle out of his hand and took a long swing of his expensive whiskey. When she grimaced and shuddered, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “You think that shit would taste better for how much it costs,” she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

  “Not a whiskey girl, huh?”

  “Nope.”

  They fell into silence for a few moments just watching the sun lower. Toni was a sunset fan. It was her thing. She and Zach often disappeared around this time of day, checking out a new location to view the phenomena.

  Copper’s stomach wouldn’t settle. Had nothing to do with the quiet between them; it was the fucking voices in his own head. Taunting him with what ifs, whys, and images of his brother fucking his woman.

  Eventually, Toni sighed “Here’s what I know,” she said.

  He turned to her. Toni knew something?

  “I wanted to talk to you earlier, but Zach made me promise to give you some time. He said you haven’t been the friendliest of men lately.”

  “That’s one way of putting it.” Copper let out a rough laugh. “Bet my life that’s not what he said, though.”

  She gave him the side-eye then said, “You’re right, he actually said you were up to your asshole in self-pity, and acting like a constipated hyena.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah,” she said with a shrug as she snuggled herself. “So here it is. The day Rusty showed up at the diner to surprise you, remember?”

  Of course he remembered. It’d only been a few weeks ago, and he’d been over the fucking moon. “Yeah.”

  “The second Shell saw him, she darted into the bathroom and threw up. I got worried when she was in there for a long time so I went to check on her, and in a weak moment, she told me about Rusty. She was so freaked out, pleading with me to believe it wasn’t what I’d initially think. And you know what?”

  She’d gotten physically ill at the sight of Rusty? That had Copper frowning. “What?”

  “I believed her. Because I love her and know what kind of person she is.”

  “Toni, it’s not that simple. I’m being asked to choose sides between my brother and my woman.”

  “Yeah,” Toni said with a nod. “You are. And I think you know, somewhere deep in that thick skull of yours that there is not only a good choice but a right choice.”

  What the fuck was with all the ol’ ladies talking to him like he was dog shit the past few days? Though he had to admit their loyalty to Shell was admirable.

  “Rusty is an asshole,” Toni continued. “And you know it. You just don’t like it, so you’ve ignored it your entire life. I get it somewhat. You feel partly responsible for his shitty childhood. But guess what, Copper? Lot of us had shitty upbringings. We don’t all turn into backstabbing, thieving psychopaths. You’ve buried your head in the sand because of guilt or love or whatever. Now, you can’t ignore it anymore.”

  Christ, did every one of his men blab club business to their ol’ ladies? The information about Rusty stealing the money was supposed to be need to know only.

  “Anyway,” Toni said, holding her hand out for the bottle. He handed it over. This time she downed the whiskey with ease. “Not as bad now that I know what to expect. Anyway, Iz and I sat down with her and straight-up asked her if they dated or had a one night stand she’d regretted. She denied both those things.”

  Oh, God was it…

  His horror must have been written across his face because Toni said, “We asked her that too.”

  “What did she say?”

  She handed him the bottle and met his gaze with her serious one. “She said it was complicated and that she agreed to sleep with him but didn’t feel like she had a choice.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” There was always a choice. Maybe a shitty one, but still a choice. His stomach turned. Shit…is that what happened? Did Shell feel sleeping with Rusty was the better of two lousy options? Jesus, what the fuck could be awful enough to make her sleep with him?

  “I don’t know. She wasn’t willing to give us details without you knowing them first. Might be about time for you to get over yourself and go talk to your woman.”

  Copper grunted his response and stared at the trees blanketed by a now dark sky.

  Toni stood, hands in her sweatshirt pouch. “I know one other thing.”

  Raising an eyebrow, he looked up at her.

  “I know she loves you and would die before willingly hurting you. Have a good evening, Copper.”

  Toni made her way back to the building, the soft snick of the door indicating her departure. Copper stayed where he was, unmoving for hours. Until his fingers were frozen and his ass ached from the shitty fold up chair.

  At nine, he forced his stiff legs to uncurl and walked around the building to his bike. He hadn’t had a sip of whiskey since Toni left, and was sober as a judge.

  Mounting his bike, he inhaled the fresh mountain air. Toni was right. It was time to go to his woman. Pulling out his phone, he placed a quick call then rode out into the night.

  SHELL DRAGGED HER weary ass up her stoop. If she were any more tired, she’d have to use her hands to help heft her legs up the steps. Each and every muscle ached with the complete and total exhaustion of someone who hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in days. Five, to be exact. But it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.

  The scene from Copper’s office had replayed in her mind so many times, she’d analyzed
it from every possible angle. All led to the same heartbreaking conclusion. Copper hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her. Her worst nightmare and there was no waking from it. The past five days were full of second-guessing, guilt, and a renewed sense of the shame she’d spent so many hours in therapy combating.

  Would his reaction have been different had she confessed the truth herself?

  Should she have kept her mouth shut about seeing Rusty at the park?

  Hell, her doubt went back five years to wondering if she never should have left Townsend when she found out she was pregnant.

  She’d slogged through the past work week, put on a happy face for Beth, and did her damnedest to ignore the half-concerned, half-pitying looks from her girlfriends and the men of the MC. Then at night, once again lonely in her bed, she’d cried until her eyes blurred and her heart felt like a wet sponge wrung out until it was bone dry.

  With a sigh, Shell shoved her key in the door. She was sick of living in her own head, but couldn’t manage to turn off the obsessive thoughts. Her door swung open, and she trudged inside only to come up short with a gasp at the large man dwarfing her sofa.

  “Copper,” she said, hand flying to her drumming heart. “W-what are you doing here?” Suddenly, shock turned to worry, and she started down the hall. “Is Beth okay?”

  He rose and followed. “She’s fine, Shell. Having a sleepover with Toni and Zach tonight.”

  Her shoulders fell. Shit. This conversation was going to be so awful, he’d felt the need to send her daughter elsewhere.

  Slowly, Shell turned and forced herself to glance up at the man whose mere presence was breaking her heart. God, she’d missed him every second of the past five days. Even though he looked as wrecked as she felt with his messy hair, bloodshot eyes, and—was his shirt on backward—he was still irresistible to her. And she wanted nothing more than to fling herself in his arms and feel those strong limbs surround and protect her. It was one of the biggest regrets of the past few days. Had she known the way this would all end, she’d have been sure to hold him one last time before it all imploded.

  “I’d like to talk to you if you’re willing,” he said, making her eyes widen. No malice, no accusation in his tone, just resignation. He sounded broken, beaten down. Something she’d never heard from him. Being the cause of it made her ill.

  “Um, sure, we can talk.” Least of what she owed him, though she dreaded saying the words. “Do you, uh, want to sit?”

  With a curt nod, he returned to her small couch.

  “I’m going to stand if that’s okay,” Shell said. There was too much nervous energy zinging through her bloodstream to be still. The fatigue of moments ago replaced by a rush of adrenalin at the sight of Copper. She needed to prowl. Plus, if she touched him, she’d lose it, and there was no way that small couch would allow distance.

  “All right,” Copper said as he settled.

  “What do you want to know? Or where should I start?” She sighed. “I guess you want to know about Beth.”

  “Yes, among other things.”

  The fact his voice was so calm helped to keep her from coming undone. Throughout the years she’d rehearsed how she’d one day tell him, and now all that planning flew out the window, and she could barely think. Shell paced back and forth in front of the couch, wringing her hands. “Bear with me,” she said. “I’ve only told this story one time before. There’s only one person who knows the whole truth aside from me.” She risked a glance at him and saw his raised eyebrows.

  “Your mom?”

  The snort that left her had him frowning. “No. Not my mother. My mother knows none of this.” Heat filled her cheeks. “My therapist.”

  “Therapist?” His frown deepened.

  How mortifying was this entire conversation? “I was a little messed up for a while after…everything, so I saw a therapist for a few years.”

  “Shit.” Copper scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “So aside from some stranger you paid to help, you’ve dealt with this all alone?” It wasn’t an accusation, more a plea. She got the impression he was dying for her to contradict that statement. To tell him she’d had support and help through the most challenging years of her life.

  She stopped and stared at him. “When you hear the story, you’ll understand why I kept it to myself.” She started pacing again. His gaze on her felt like a physical touch, staying with her each time she turned and traipsed across the room. “Oh God, this is hard,” she whispered, pressing her fists over her suddenly stinging eyes.

  “Shell,” he said. “I’m not going to react like I did the other day. I promise.” His eyes relayed nothing but sincerity and openness.

  She laughed but didn’t find his words remotely funny. “You haven’t heard what I have to say yet. Okay, I’m just going to do it.” After a deep breath, she began. “When I was sixteen years old, I snuck out of the house one night and rode my bike to the clubhouse. Then I followed you, Zach, Maverick, and Rusty into the woods.”

  She could practically see Copper’s wheels turning as he rubbed his chin and tried to figure out times and dates.

  “It was the night you killed Reaper.”

  “Jesus,” he bit out. “You were there? Saw what happened?”

  Shell swallowed and shuddered at the memory of the night that set the course of her life in motion. “Sort of. I hid behind a tree and peeked out a few times. Saw Reaper on his knees. Your back was to me, but I could see everyone else’s face.” Lost in the story now, she stopped pacing and let the words flow. “After you killed him, I glanced around the tree again and made eye contact with Rusty. He’d spotted me. Knew I was there. For months I avoided him and was waiting for him to rat me out. But when he never did, I eventually relaxed and just went about my life.”

  “But…” Copper said.

  “But when I was almost seventeen, Rusty showed up at my house one day. My mom was at work.” She remembered that day like it was yesterday. The unease at being alone with Rusty which morphed into fear, then horror at his demands. “He hates you, Copper. Always has. Maybe hate isn’t the right word, but he’s so jealous of who you are and what you’ve built for yourself that he wants to destroy you. He came on to me that day. Strong. Wasn’t the first time he made inappropriate comments, but he’d never touched me before. When I turned him down and threatened to tell you, he just smirked at me.” She shuddered. “I still see that smirk in my nightmares. He always smirked. Every time he…” Shaking her head, she stared at a spot on the wall above Copper’s head.

  “What did he do?”

  Her gaze shifted to him. His fists were clenched on his knees, shoulders bunched, and jaw tight. Though still bloodshot, his eyes were focused, determined. Anger was igniting. Before long, it’d be a raging inferno. “He showed me a video on his phone. It was you, killing Reaper. And it showed everything so clearly. I’d been there, so I knew it wasn’t doctored. You were the only one it showed. Clear as day. Your voice, your face, you killing him.” A note of hysteria snuck into her voice.

  “Shell,” Copper said, rising from the loveseat. He came around the small coffee table and gripped her upper arms. “What did he say to you?”

  She struggled against his hold. He had to stop touching her if there was any chance of holding it together. “I was too young to handle that kind of choice,” she said, then laughed. “Though I’d choose the same today, sick as that is. I never really saw it as a choice at all.” Shit, now she was rambling, still unable to give life to the words.

  “Michelle.” Copper never used her full name. No one did. It sounded nice coming from him. Would have been much better if it happened in the quiet of night because he loved her instead of during the most painfully revealing conversation of her life. “Tell me what he said to you.”

  Fat tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. Memories of the pain and fear were so intense she wanted to wail and scream as though she was living it all over again. “He told me he’d turn the video over to the police
if I didn’t sleep with him whenever he came around. He lorded the threat over me for two years. Until he went to prison.”

  Copper released a strangled choking sound, and his hands dropped to his sides. The three feet he put between them felt like miles.

  “Two years?” he whispered.

  With a nod, Shell whispered, “A few times a month, when he got bored with the club girls, he’d show up at my door. He did two things every single time. Showed me the video and smirked like it was all some big joke."

  God, how she hated that fucking smirk. To this day it appeared in her nightmares, a reminder of a time she’d worked so hard to put behind her. Just once, she’d love the chance to punch Rusty right in the mouth while that smirk was present. Though she had a feeling once her story was told, Rusty would take a punch from her any day over what fate would be awaiting him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  COPPER CAUGHT EVERY word falling from her lips, but it was as though he was watching a movie. Present, observing, but slightly detached from the reality of it. Until she said Rusty threatened to have him sent to prison for murder if she didn’t fuck him. Then the harsh truth of what Shell had actually gone through slammed into his gut.

  And it hurt.

  Physically hurt.

  His stomach cramped, chest ached, and a throb built behind his eyes. “So you did it,” he croaked.

  One slow nod. “I did it,” she whispered. “I had to, Copper. The thought of you rotting away in jail for executing the man who murdered my father was unfathomable. As awful as the consequence of my decision was, the alternative was so much worse.”

  Christ. Sixteen. Sixfuckingteen years old and she’d given up her body to protect him. She’d taken on burdens even an adult would struggle with and bore them for years. Planned to bear them for the rest of her life.