I Need You (Learning to Let Go)

by Hazel St James

  I Need You

  Book Two of the Learning to Let Go Series

  By Hazel St James

  Copyright Hazel St James 2013

  Kindle Edition

  Cover Photo MJTH /Shutterstock

  To my hubs. It’s only gonna get better.

  To Blondie and MacGyver, my babies. Thank you for remembering to kiss me goodnight.

  To Riane Holt. I don’t know what I would do without you. You bring peace to my chaotic thoughts. I was blessed the day we met.

  To my beta readers, Dawn, Julia and Karen. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to share in my journey.

  To Tanya Keetch, The Word Maid. You should be awarded a medal for putting up with me. I am forever bringing you things to do at the very last second and begging for help. You are a kind soul.

  To Paul Svette, BB Books. You make it look so easy.

  To Angie. Thanks for all the encouragement, support and pimping.

  To my girls J and B. Love you both. Very little doesn’t go well with a bottle of wine. At least, not that we have found yet.

  To the Big J, thanks for letting me pick your brain.

  Last, but certainly not least, D-dog. Thanks for putting up with me. And for the awesome hot sauce story.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Prologue

  August 9th

  After being gone for three days, Sara was starting to miss her sister. Within the last month, they had started working on their differences, even spending time together without yelling. It felt good to have a healthy relationship with at least one member of her family, since their mother had made her living arrangements in Florida permanent. Truth be told, Sara was actually grateful that she was on her own now, without her mother’s unyielding control. It was easier for both of the girls to work on their issues without their mother questioning every decision they made.

  It was early evening on Sunday when Sara decided to head over to Bryn’s apartment with a huge laundry basket full of clothes. She had been using the laundromat in town, but had been steadily losing her favorite pieces of clothing. The first thing to go missing was her Aero jeans, and then her Love Pink sweatshirt. Deciding that it would be cheaper to do laundry at Bryn and her roommate, Corey’s apartment, it had become a Sunday ritual that the girls shared together for a month before Bryn had left for Sturgis.

  Sara let herself into the apartment with her spare key, cursing when she tripped on a pair of work boots thrown near the door. She wasn’t sure how Bryn could handle living with a slob like Corey, but she seemed to like picking up after him. One Sunday, Bryn had even gone as far as doing Corey’s laundry as well as her own. Sara smiled, thinking that Bryn was really a people pleaser deep down under that tough exterior.

  After starting a load of laundry, Sara decided to walk down to the lake while she waited. It was a beautiful August day, and she could walk along the boardwalk near Main Street and enjoy the sunshine. Her phone chirped in her jean shorts pocket, signaling that she had a text. It was from Darrin; he insisted on typing out his entire message instead of the cryptic shorthand Sara and Bryn used.

  You coming over tonight?

  Her reply was short and to the point, Yes, baby

  It didn’t take Sara long to end up walking all the way to the other end of town, next to the old historic train station. Sara watched as a fairly well-built man, dressed in all black and wearing a bandana around his head sat on a motorcycle with his shoulders slumped down, fiddling with a piece of paper in his hand.

  Sara was sure that the person on the bike was Brett, one of the twins that had accompanied her sister and their friends to Sturgis. Walking up to him, Sara called out softly, “Hi, Brett. I’m Sara Lonneman, Bryn’s little sister. Can I ask how she did on the ride out to Sturgis?”

  There was no way that Sara could have prepared herself for what she saw next. The man lifted his head, turning to face her in the same motion, but it was certainly not Brett Smith. Sara could feel the air rush out of her lungs when she recognized the gorgeous grey eyes and chiseled features.

  “Chris,” was all she could say before he bounded over to her, sweeping her up in his arms, spinning her around.

  “I found you, Sara. Oh, sweet Jesus, I finally found you, little one.”

  Chris set her down on the ground as he pulled her close to his body, the familiar mix of his cologne and manly scent permeated her nose. Without giving it a second thought, Sara pulled his face down and was kissing him, with all her passion flowing into the connection between their lips.

  Sara could hear tires squealing next to them, and a door slamming before she was being pulled back from a reluctant Chris. Suddenly, the crunching sound of a fist landing on bone split the evening air and Chris was flying backwards.

  “What the fuck are you doing with my girl, man?” was all Sara heard before her actions started to register in her brain.

  She only said one word before her world tipped on its axis, “Darrin.”

  Chapter One

  3 Months Earlier, May

  Sara Lonneman stopped dead in her tracks as she walked the short path from the house to the garage. She thought she could hear her mother humming behind her, but she spun around quickly, and there was no one there. “Thank God,” she muttered to herself keeping her steps short as she hurried to get out of sight from the house. She needed to put as much distance between herself and her mother as possible. If Sara had to lie one more time about knowing where her sister Bryn was, she was going to explode.

  Earlier in the day, Bryn had been in a motorcycle accident, and was now at the local ER. It didn’t seem too serious, but precautions were being taken. Sara didn’t know that Bryn rode a motorcycle, and she was damn sure that their overbearing mother didn’t know either. Most of the Lonneman family despised motorcycles, due to a family accident years ago.

  Corey had needed to get Bryn to the hospital as quickly as possible, and called his brother Darrin to help clean up the wreckage. Darrin lived near the Lonneman farm, and was the “handyman” whenever something broke. Sara just happened to be there when he got the call that her sister had been hurt. God forbid that Bryn would actually call her own sister for help; the two girls lived together with their mother in their family home for the last six months, but hardly spoke at all. In fact, no one in the house spoke much anymore; they were all as emotionally distant from each other as humanly possible.

  “SARA!!!” she heard coming from the kitchen.

  “What? I’m outside,” Sara yelled back. Sure enough her mother came to the front door, peeking out.

  “Is Bryn back yet? She was supposed to be home two hours ago with those papers from the bank. I need those statements from your father’s accounts before I can finish my book work.”

  “I’ll go over to Darrin’s shop and see if she is over there, Mom,” Sara tossed over her shoulder as she kept on walking.

  “Why would Darrin know where she is, Sara?”

  “I don’t know, Mom…I just really don�
��t want to sit around and watch you pace the floor anymore. I’ll be back later.” And with that she continued her walk. It wasn’t that far to Darrin’s house and it was a beautiful night.

  Sara glanced down at her stick shadow on the ground as she ambled down the gravel road. She sported some well-earned muscles from years of working on the farm, but her body held very few curves. Her mousy, light brown hair was boring, with no life or bounce at all. Kind of like her life right now. Her hair was plain, her body was plain, and her life was plain. Sara stopped walking, taking a deep breath of the country air before she gave in and started to cry. There was a time that someone thought of her as gorgeous, even calling her sexy more than once.

  It wasn’t very long ago that Sara was in Colorado working on a college degree. She had met a deliciously dangerous man that she spent one night with, sparking feelings in her that were foreign. Chris Lake was certainly an excellent lover, and taught Sara about sensual submission. Not knowing the difference between lust and love, Sara decided that she was merely obsessed with what Chris had done to her body. It didn’t matter anyway; he was gone the next morning. Now, it seemed like a life-time ago since she’d felt the rush of being wanted by someone.

  A short while later, Sara’s mother was in an accident on the farm, and she needed to come home to help. Her father had died when she was a freshman in high school, leaving just Sara, Bryn and her mother to run the family farm. Putting her own dreams aside for now, Sara was trying to make the family farm survive. In the end, it was too much for the girls to handle, and they sold all the livestock.

  Darrin was just returning home from the Marines when Sara came home from Colorado. Learning quickly that you have to make the most out of life, Sara threw everything she had into being helpful to her family. She wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity. Darrin was just starting up a handyman service, and it seemed like she was always the one that had to run to his shop to get parts, take him broken pieces of crap to repair, or pick up something he had just fixed.

  He was so handsome, he was mouthwatering to Sara; always wearing boot cut jeans that hugged his ass in the most tempting way, and work boots. Never sandals, never tennis shoes, not even a pair of loafers. He said that he had to be ready to run to the shop whenever he was needed, which was all the time. He was street smart, book smart, good with machines, cars, people and the list went on and on. He had been in the service for four years and had even earned a medal or two while serving in the Middle East. He didn’t talk about it much, usually avoiding the subject at all costs.

  Sara didn’t put a lot of stock in sexual relationships, but she eagerly remembered her night in Colorado and how good it felt. Darrin oddly reminded Sara of that strong male persona, and made her attraction to him even more compelling. There was only one problem–Darrin saw her as a kid.

  Sara had made it almost half way to Darrin’s house when she saw his truck pull out of his driveway. He was speeding down the gravel road, only slowing as he reached her. “Whatcha up to, kid?”

  “I was coming to see you. I can’t stand sitting there listening to Mom work herself up into a heart attack and Corey still has my car at the ER.”

  “Well, hop in. Where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t care, anywhere but here. How ’bout down to the lake?” Sara asked as she buckled herself into his truck.

  “Sounds good,” Darrin nodded at her. “But I was going to get something to eat first. You want to stop at the diner with me?”

  “Please. That sounds great, Darrin.” Sara had started twisting her hands together nervously in her lap. Darrin noticed this, and a crease formed as he furrowed his brow.

  “Worried about Bryn, kid?”

  Sara huffed, waiting for her emotions to settle before she answered the question. Her patience stretched to the end, Sara could feel her anger boiling up inside her body. Ready to explode, she blurted out, “No, I am not worried about Bryn. Corey is with her, she will be fine. What I am worried about is why you consider me a kid. The last time I checked, I am twenty years old, a woman, and certainly not a virgin. I just can’t seem to figure you out. How else can I show you that I want you, Darrin? Is it really my age? Do you want someone older than me, or even older than you? What, Darrin? I’m dying to know, here.”

  Darrin slammed on the brakes so hard that Sara flew forward in her seat, her seat belt the only thing holding her back. He pulled over to the side of the road, throwing the truck into park. Sara waited for him to yell, or kick her out of the truck, but he sat there, stone-faced. Twisting the steering wheel in his hands, his knuckles white from the exertion. He took a deep, steadying breath and released his hold. Turning to face her, he opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. He looked down at the seat and began rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, as if in pain.

  Sara closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that had already started to flow. “I’m sorry, Darrin. I shouldn’t have said all that. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

  Leaning across the seat, Darrin grabbed Sara’s hand. “I know how old you are, Sara. You are almost ten years younger than I am. When you were still in grade school, I was enlisting in the Marines. My perspective on life is a lot different than yours because of our age difference. I want you to meet someone that is young, full of life, ready to grab the world by the balls, not some scarred up Marine that just wants to enjoy the peace and quiet in the world.”

  “Why do you think so little of yourself, Darrin?”

  Shrugging, Darrin continued on, “I had my time in the sun. I choose to come home and spend my days here in the Dairy Land with a quiet life. I could have stayed in the Corp, but my heart wasn’t in it. I guess I wanted to come back to my roots.”

  Sara squeezed his hand, “Well, I am glad that you came back in one piece.”

  “Me too, Sara.” Darrin pulled their entwined hands up to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

  “Just in case you have forgotten, I had my chance, too, but I came home to Wisconsin.”

  Unbuckling her seat belt, Sara moved to the middle of the bench seat. There was a steady pull drawing her closer to Darrin, making her lean into his body. Sara let out a contented sigh as her head lay on his shoulder. “We can have it both ways, Darrin. We can have roots and still fly.”

  Darrin turned and placed a soft kiss in Sara’s hair. “I know. Just keep reminding me of that, kid… Ah shit, I’m sorry, Sara.”

  Sara sat up as she tried to hold in her laughter. Reaching over, she poked him in the ribs. “Can’t you just call me Sara? Or I have a ton of nicknames that I do like you could choose from. Blondie, Peanut, Thelma…Hell I don’t even mind being called ‘little one’. Just pick one of those.”

  Darrin huffed, “I can’t call you kid, but you’re okay with being called ‘little one?’ Who has ever dared to call you little one?”

  Sara instantly froze, her mind racing back to a different time and place. Her thoughts wandered for a minute to a huge loft apartment with an intricate metal bed frame, and a tattooed bad ass that sent tingles across her skin. “No one…anymore.”

  “Hmm, I could handle ‘little one’. It’s different.” Darrin’s voice quieted as he spoke, his eyes lowering to the floor, staring off into space.

  “Whatever, just don’t call me ‘kid’ anymore.”

  “Got it, little one,” his voice dropping an octave as he whispered the name. Lifting his gaze, Sara could see that his dark eyes were drinking her in, causing her stomach to flutter. Sara felt the electrifying need causing her skin to pebble, tingles building inside her body, clawing out with every breath she took.

  “I know that you are not a kid, Sara. You are beautiful, strong, and sensuous…everything that a man could want.” His words were coming from a haze surrounding Sara’s brain as his face inched closer to hers. His eyes continued to pin her to the seat, gazing deep, searching for permission to come closer.

  “Sara, I’ve tried to stay away, but I can’
t fight it anymore.” He stopped moving closer, barely inches from her lips. His next words came out in a throaty whisper, “If you’re sure this is what you want, I can show you how much I want you.”

  The suggestive words made her ripen with anticipation. Sara clutched her seat to keep from moving. She wanted him to make the first move, needed him to take her. Sara looked into his gaze, searching for the desire that she could hear in his voice. Seeing the lust that clouded his eyes, she barely managed to breath out, “Yes, Darrin.” Sara froze at her own words, feeling a chill race across her skin.

  Darrin lightly brushed his lips across hers, once, and then again, testing the waters. Sara held still as he proceeded to lightly trace her lower lip with his tongue. She whimpered, opening her mouth slightly. Darrin slid his tongue into her mouth, flicking back and forth in a sinuous dance. His hands wove into her hair, wrapping around the back of her head. Not able to move, Sara could only moan as Darrin tilted his head to the side, plundering her mouth. The pleasure center of her brain was on fire with the sensations from his passionate kiss.

  “Hey! Get a room!” Darrin jerked back quickly at taunting words, watching a truck full of high school students whiz by with a series of catcalls and honks.

  “Holy shit! I’m so sorry, Sara.” Darrin ran his hands through his hair, rolling his head from side to side.

  “Why are you sorry, Darrin? I thought we finally came to an understanding?” Sara’s heart was still pounding in her chest, her lips tingling. She wanted Darrin to keep assaulting her mouth, her neck, her body, everywhere.

  Darrin took a deep breath as he started the truck, whipping back around to go back towards the farm. “I lost my head for a moment. You deserve better, Sara. I’ll take you home.”

  “Damn it, Darrin! What is wrong with you? I want you, you want me. Why can’t you give in?” Her heart was no longer pounding in lust, it was hammering in fury, waiting to unleash all her pent up anger. “No, you know what? Fuck you, Darrin. You’re right, I do deserve better. I deserve someone that has enough balls to take what they want, especially when it is being served to them on a silver platter.”