I Need You (Learning to Let Go)

by Hazel St James

  “Have a great weekend, Bryn. We’ll see you on Tuesday,” he told her quietly before patting her on the shoulder. Bryn just nodded as she whispered something to him. Dr. Jensen smiled down at her, looking around her to give a one handed wave to Sara, and turned away from them.

  Sara stood up and stretched her arms over her head, a large yawn breaking across her face as she pulled her car keys out of her pocket. Bryn gave her a smile and a half wink before they left the office. Happy to have her sister feeling more like herself, Sara smiled back as she wrapped both arms around Bryn’s waist, squeezing gently as they awkwardly walked the rest of the way to the car.

  Once she had dropped Bryn off at her apartment, Sara decided to check on one last place in town before heading to Darrin’s to finish up his bookwork. He would be home in less than thirty-six hours, and she was almost done rearranging and organizing his disastrous office. Sara shook her head as she thought about how many hours it had taken her to even find the surface of the desk. Not to mention all the un-cashed checks she had found in the debris. There was more than $5,000 worth of payments just lying around; some were from more than six months ago. Sara had merely put them all in an envelope in the drawer, ready to hand over to Darrin when he got back.

  Before Darrin had left, he had shown her some of his basic accounting practices, or lack thereof, and had encouraged her to organize his files. Sara wasn’t sure if he meant to re-organize the entire office, but there was no going back now. It had kept her overactive mind occupied over the last few nights, since she was having a hard time sleeping anymore. She had been a heavy sleeper, even after she moved into her trailer. There were so many distractions in her life right now, she assumed that she would eventually adjust and would fall back into her old routine soon.

  Sara pulled into the parking lot of the local municipal bar, hoping that she could wait tables, or even wash dishes if she had to for some extra money. Pride had no hold on her right now. She needed to find a way to make up for the loss in her income, and quickly, before she was booted out of her trailer.

  Opening the heavy back door, Sara waited to let her eyes adjust to the dimly lit hallway before she crept towards the bar. It was late afternoon, but the bar still had a number of customers, all of them older men that were nursing cheap bottled beer. Sara was starting to lose her nerve as she eyed the owner of the bar, a rough looking man in his mid-forties, sporting a shaved head, and a long, bushy goatee. His upper arms were massive, and he didn’t even try to cover them, opting instead to cut off the sleeves of his t-shirt. There really wasn’t any part of him that Sara found attractive; maybe it was the cold stare he gave her as she approached the bar. Or maybe he just was scaring the hell out of her.

  “Can I help you, missy?”

  Sara inched forward toward the bar, trembling as she looked down at her freshly painted red toe-nails peeking out of her wedged sandals. Steeling her nerve, she took a deep breath before blurting out, “I need a job, sir.”

  The man barked out a laugh as he tossed the towel he was holding in his hand over his shoulder, letting it rest there. He leaned forward on the bar, looking down at her before he answered, “How old are you?”

  Sara quietly answered, “I turned twenty in April, sir.”

  “Hmph, my aim is off. I would have pegged you for younger than that. One of my girls called in with the bottle flu just now, and I’m gonna be short-handed tonight. You ever wait tables before?”

  Sara tried to keep her voice from cracking in elation as she answered, “No, sir. I haven’t. But I’m a hard worker and I can learn.”

  The beefy bartender cocked one eyebrow up, looking like a deviant before answering, “Got a name?”

  “Sara. Sara Lonneman,” she said barely louder than a whisper.

  “If you’re gonna work here tonight, you gotta speak up, missy. Quiet won’t cut it. Think you can do that?” he said as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper.

  Sara rubbed her thumbs over the pads of her fingers, the motion comforting her before she calmly answered back, “Yes, sir. I can.”

  Holding his hand out for her to shake, Sara got close enough to place her trembling hand in his huge paw. “Good. Cut the ‘sir’ shit though. The name’s Craig. We’ll need you back here in an hour. I don’t much care what you wear as long as it’s decent and no body parts hang out anywhere they shouldn’t. And you’re gonna be on your feet all night, so be mindful of that when you pick out shoes. Got it?”

  Sara had to conscientiously remind herself not to say, yes sir, before she slowly answered, “Yes, Craig.”

  Barking out another laugh, he turned back to writing on the paper, mumbling something about “ain’t no fuckin’ sir” before Sara made it back out the door and into the July heat.

  Sara slowly crept out of her bedroom Saturday morning, trying to shake the fuzziness from her brain, and the ache in her body. Last night had been an absolute rush of anticipation, fear, hard work and then after serving drinks to a predominantly male crowd all night, she collapsed into bed in pleasant exhaustion.

  She smiled as she passed the bathroom mirror on the way to the shower. Her mascara was smeared down her cheeks, hair was sticking up in almost every direction, and she was sure that her breath was so rancid that she could kill someone with the stench. There wasn’t a thing that looked sexy about her this morning, but she had sure rocked her look last night. Sara had worn a short denim skirt with a halter top that she was sure had belonged to her sister, because it was way too skimpy to belong in her closet. The girls had done laundry together last Sunday at Bryn’s apartment, so it must have gotten mixed up with her things. The skin-tight red lacy fabric was so low cut that Sara had to practically pin her bra inside to keep it from showing, but she wasn’t going to go without one either. That just seemed like asking for trouble.

  Now it was almost noon on a Saturday, and she was just waking up from her almost ten hour shift at the bar. It had been just her and two other girls serving drinks for what seemed like the entire population of Amulet last night. She had a slow start to the evening, with her shyness getting the best of her, and people having to repeat their orders before she could get them right. One of the other girls could sense her nervousness, and snuck her a few shots to loosen her up early in the evening. It didn’t take long before her buzz would wear off, and another shot of liquid courage would end up at the waitress station.

  Sara was well aware of how much trouble all of them could get in for their actions, but she realized that she was making a lot more tips with her harmless flirting and didn’t seem to be able to manage the boldness without a bit of booze flowing through her veins. Craig was working the bar tonight, as well as another tall, lanky college kid, so Sara assumed that he was the one providing the shots. Sara remembered thinking, Craig’s the owner. What harm could it do?

  Being poor wasn’t making her conscience any stronger at this point, so she had continued “working” until last call at two am. The girls had just finishing cleaning up the lounge area and were talking about how much money they had made that night, when Craig tried giving her another fifty dollars for wages as well. Sara just shook her head, and stepped back, answering “Oh no, I’ve broken enough laws tonight. I’m good with the two hundred in tips I made.” Craig just roared with laughter, giving her a one-armed hug before letting her know that she was welcome to work there again, but next time on the clock and stone-cold sober. After a cup of coffee with the girls, and a quick sobriety test from Craig, she drove home to her trailer north of town.

  It had been a while since Sara had slept in her own bed, between sleeping over at Bryn’s and occasionally crashing in Darrin’s bed after working at his office until late at night. Her trailer was a dump, but it was clean and it was all she had. After a long hot shower, Sara dressed in some comfortable, black shorty shorts and one of Darrin’s long white plain t-shirts. She planned on spending the entire day doing very little, maybe going out to Darrin’s house to make sure that the off
ice was clean later this afternoon.

  Having some extra money right now, she also thought about going into town and splurging on a few groceries as well. Maybe not, she thought again as she realized that she better hold on to that money, since she wasn’t sure if Craig would really let her work there again. She still had plenty of bread and peanut butter left, plus she was heading over to Bryn’s apartment tonight to spend the night. Corey was in a wedding tonight, and Bryn had decided last night that she did not want to go along. So, he had asked Sara to spend the night at their apartment to keep Bryn company.

  Sara was happy that her sister was doing better, and even more so that they were able to be close friends, instead of the pathetic relationship they’d had most of their life. Not sure if Corey was asking her to stay with Bryn because he felt she needed a babysitter, or because he was trying to keep them from drifting apart again. Either way, she was happy to do it. Seeing the light return to Bryn’s eyes, even more than when she was dating the hot doctor, Sara was excited for her sister’s future. Now if she could just find a way to bring some hope to her own dire situation, she was golden.

  Her cell phone was buzzing on the charger in the kitchen when she came out to make herself a late breakfast. A quick glance at the time on the clock reminded her that she had slept until noon, so she could officially call it lunch. Checking her messages, she had two silly texts from Bryn, another one from Corey, and a third one from Darrin. Seeing his name on the list after no communication with him for over two weeks made her heart flutter, making her fingers fumble on the keypad before she finally could open the message to read the entire thing.

  On our way home early. Just got back in cell phone range. Will be home late tonight. I need you. Stay at my house tonight?

  Bryn kept reading the words “I need you” over and over, letting her mind make up what those words meant. It could mean that he physically needed her, or in other words, needed sex. Darrin had been very open in admitting that he and Sara had more sex in the two weeks they were dating, than he’d had in the last few years of his life put together. His words were more than likely just his libido speaking, but she imagined that just maybe, he really had missed her emotionally, too. Sara knew that she had definitely missed having him in her bed, and in her life, but they never really talked too much about their feelings for each other, leaving Sara to have to read between the lines most of the time. Seeing the words I need you, were enough to make her heart race speed up.

  Sara quickly typed back, Corey gone staying w Bryn 2nite bring you bkfst in the am missed you 2

  Within seconds, her phone vibrated and his replied flashed on her screen, okay. But I get you all day Sunday, deal?

  Sara’s insides clenched at the promise that his words held. The last few weeks without Darrin home had been so busy, that she didn’t have time to dwell on the fact that she was physically missing him, probably even more so than he was her. Well, after reading his last text message, maybe they were tied in the sexual frustration department right now.

  Yup. Can’t wait

  Sara giggled as she sank into her oversized couch with her sandwich and glass of ice water, careful as to not lean against the tear on the arm rest and make it even bigger. This couch was a thrift store find, but it was good enough for her not so regal derriere to sit on. Plus, she rarely had company here. If she spent the night with Darrin, it was always at his house, and if she stayed with Bryn, it was at her apartment. Sara wasn’t ashamed of her trailer, but she knew that her furnishings wouldn’t be on the cover of a fancy interior decorating magazine any time soon. That was okay. Her dad had always told the girls, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life had given them vodka, and invite the neighborhood over.

  Her phone vibrated in her lap, letting her know that she had another text. She almost choked on her sandwich as she read his text, I’m going to lick every inch of your body

  Sara slapped her free hand on her chest to help dislodge the piece of sandwich she had almost swallowed whole, then took a big swig of her ice water to wash it down. Laughing as she read the words over and over, she almost squealed in delight at the thought of sexting with Darrin. She could feel the dampness in her panties, signaling her body’s reaction to his suggestive words.

  Thinking long and hard on her reply, she almost chickened out on replying at all. Remembering how much fun she had last night after the booze made her loosen up, Sara felt mischievous as she typed back, “Gonna lick and suck your hard cock until you explode” She laughed as she realized there really was no texting shorthand for most of the words, so she took the time to type out the entire message.

  Within seconds, a message appeared, I might explode right now. Touch yourself for me

  Sara just stared at the phone for long minutes, shaking her head back and forth. She thought that they would exchange a few naughty words with each other, but this was something entirely different.

  Sara’s heart was hammering in her chest so hard, she was afraid that she was going to implode with the sexual tension radiating off her body. As she tried to lay back on the couch, getting comfortable enough before responding, she was startled when the phone vibrated again with another text, Sara? I didn’t mean to upset you

  Oh shit, Sara thought. I took too long to reply. No, Darrin, I was getting comfy. What do you want me to do?

  Oh, baby. Are you wet for me?

  Sara slipped her hand in between the band of her shorts and her panties, her finger easily sliding into her folds. God yes, was all she typed back.

  Good. I want you to tease your clit with your finger until you are ready. Then finger fuck yourself until you come.

  Sara started to do just that, until she had a thought that stilled her hand. She quickly texted back, R u driving?

  No, but if I were there with you, I would drive my cock inside you. Now get busy

  Sara worked herself with her finger until her hips were bucking against the couch, her orgasm just out of reach. She did as Darrin said and slipped her finger inside her sheath, using her thumb to flick her clit. Her resulting orgasm was hardly satisfying, yet it was just enough to take the edge off her growing need for Darrin. Once she had washed up, she typed a response to Darrin that made her grin, That was good, but the real thing is much better ;)

  Christ, Sara. I’m so hard now, it hurts. Skip breakfast in the morning. I know what I’m gonna eat

  Sara typed back a simple reply, k before she finished her lunch.

  Sara proceeded to have the most relaxing Saturday afternoon she’d had in a very long time. Donning a simple bikini, she headed outside with a towel to lie out in the July sun, hoping to get some color on her pale skin this afternoon. Everything is going to work out just fine, she lamented as she headed for the only bit of grass she had in the sun. For once, she actually believed herself.

  Chapter Eight

  “You know, you don’t have to spend the night here, Sara. I’ll be fine on my own.”

  The irritated tone in Bryn’s voice made Sara wince when she realized that her sister had been talking to her for the last few minutes, and she had absolutely no clue what was said. The first part of the conversation was about the motorcycle that her boss had given to her, the second part was completely null and void as her thoughts drifted to a certain rugged, but perfectly-chiseled, devastatingly gorgeous boyfriend that was more than certainly home by now.

  “What’s the problem, Sara?” Bryn prodded again.

  Sara shook her head as she answered, “No problem, lady. I kinda zone out when you talk about motorcycles is all. Sorry.”

  Bryn huffed, “Uh uh, Sara. Calling ‘bullshit’ on you. Your cheeks are pinker than Aunt Sue’s after she applies that god-awful Ms. Bess cotton candy blush on her face.”

  Sara give her sister a tight-lipped smile, before she stared at a point over her shoulder, not able to look her in the eyes while she came up with a suitable lie. Mere seconds had passed before a warm hand grabbed her wrist that was
resting on the back of the couch. Sara looked down in time to see that Bryn had pulled her wrist down, grasping her hand in a death grip. Looking from their joined hands, to the pained look on her sister’s face, Sara scooted closer to her sister. Bryn surprised her by lacing their fingers together and softly placed a kiss on Sara’s exposed knuckles.

  “I deserve the award for the worst sister of the world, Sara. I won’t deny that. I would like to change that, now, if you agree. You don’t have to tell me all about your relationship with Darrin, unless you want to. I don’t have any advice to give you anyway that wouldn’t make Darrin run like hell from you.” Bryn gave a pained laughed before she continued, “I do want us to be able to communicate with each other without using sarcasm, or criticizing each other, or even name-calling. Dr. Jensen is willing to do a few group sessions with you and I to get the ball rolling if you’re interested.”

  Sara felt as if she had just fallen down the proverbial “rabbit hole.” Did her sister just admit that there was more sarcasm to their relationship than anything else and offered to sit through counseling with her? The wheels in her brain started to churn as the information filtered through her mind, causing her lips to turn upwards in a wide grin. Bryn repeated the facial expression, even pulling her sister into a tight hug that she didn’t release for a long time. Sara pulled back as she felt wetness dripping onto her bare shoulder.

  “Oh, Bryn, don’t cry. Honey, I’ll do it.”

  Bryn wiped the tears from her cheeks as she barked out a laugh, “I got that already, Sara. These are happy tears. After all these years, I’m starting to actually feel like I don’t have to carry around all this anger anymore. It just might be possible to let it all go, and be able to see the good in people, not just the bad.”