I Need You (Learning to Let Go)

by Hazel St James

  Sara got out of her car, stopping to look at her face in her side mirror, wiping off the mascara. Using the tips of her fingers, she rubbed hard enough until the black streaks disappeared.

  “It’s pretty hard to fix perfect, Sara.”

  There was a slight hitch in her breath as she stood up and turned around. Leaning against her car with one jean-clad hip, his right leg cocked up until his boot rested on the toe, and his arms crossed over his chest, Sara almost shivered in excitement when she met Chris’ eyes.

  Tears all but forgotten, Sara took one small step towards him, pausing slightly before she inched another foot closer. Chris uncrossed his arms, but kept his hands at his sides. She almost wished that he would tell her some grand story about being held against his will for this entire time and he had just recently escaped. Then he would just open up his arms and she’d run into them; letting him twirl her around and around until he kissed her passionately. But that was obviously not going to happen; Chris had a look of confusion on his face, yet he didn’t say anything else. He was waiting to see what she was going to do.

  Her blood was pounding in her ears when she made it mere inches from his overwhelming frame. The urge to drop her gaze to the ground was overwhelming, as he continued to pin his eyes on her face. She pulled in as much air as her lungs would allow, and then said in a rush, “Why did you leave me, Chris?”

  “I didn’t have a choice, Sara. My father was in the hospital with nearly every bone broken in his body. I ended up staying a lot longer than I intended to clean up the mess, but I came back for you as soon as I could.”

  Sara leaned against the car too, carefully avoiding touching him. “Why didn’t you at least try to call me?”

  “Well, number one, we didn’t exactly exchange numbers and number two, I did try to call you on the phone number that the school had listed for you, but it was disconnected.”

  Sara winced when she realized that the only number that she had written down for contact information was her cell phone in Colorado, and she had gotten rid of that as soon as she moved back to Wisconsin.

  Chris halted any further thoughts when he continued, “I had to go back home again to clean up some more shit that my father was in, and it took a lot longer than I expected.” Chris grabbed her hands and tugged until she was standing in front of him. “I’m not gonna lie, Sara. The shit that Pops was messed up in was illegal, and in turn, I was party to it. I didn’t want to start a relationship with you until I had finished all that. But, it’s done. I’m here. Please.”

  “I told Darrin goodbye, Chris.” It was hard to even think with him so close to her, his musky scent permeating her senses, but she needed to reel in her emotions before she was quivering at his feet. She relaxed her shoulders and continued, “We weren’t right for each other.”

  Sara moved her hands up slowly, until she could thread her index fingers through the loops of his jeans. Looking down at her hands, she closed her eyes and finished, “It took me a long time to stop thinking about you, even though I was mad at you. I never thought that you would have been forced to leave. I thought I was a one night stand and that I didn’t mean anything to you.”

  “It wasn’t just a one night stand and you know it. I never gave up hope that I would get back to you someday. You were the only thing that kept me sane in a very fucked up situation, Sara.”

  Sara couldn’t suppress the large smile that crossed her face, nor did she hid it from Chris. His strong arms wrapped around her, lifting her off the ground. Sara’s head was pressed against Chris’ chest as he turned them around, walking back across the parking lot. Feeling like she was dead weight, she wrapped her legs around Chris’ waist, and his arms tightened around her torso.

  “We need to be alone. I need to tell you about my father and the last year in Kentucky.”

  Chris didn’t stop walking, he kept going until they were at the edge of the parking lot, adjoining the last building on the end of the block: Shirley’s Motel. Sara had almost forgotten that it was even here in the downtown area; the more popular chain hotels were on the other side of town, near the shopping mall, and big name restaurants. Shirley’s was a decent enough place, but it lacked the amenities that most travelers would come to expect: cable TV, pool, bar-sized refrigerator and microwave, even a continental breakfast. At this motel, you could expect a bed with clean sheets, clean towels in the bathroom, and a radio in your room. There were regular metal keys that opened the doors, not sliding key cards, and all the rooms had doors that faced out onto Main Street.

  Chris set Sara down long enough to pull the keys out of his pocket and unlock the door to his room. Sara tried to walk backwards into the room, but Chris lifted her back up into his arms with his hands underneath her ass. This time when he carried her, she was high enough that she could hold onto the tops of his shoulders, not under his arms. Sara slowly ran her hands along the tight muscles, reveling in the hardness. Chris’ body felt different; it almost felt like there was more bulk to his body than before. He used to be lithe and strong, but now his body seemed to be bigger. More powerful.

  Once they were inside the small room, Chris used his foot to kick the door shut. He let go of her body until she slid back down, leaving her standing on her feet. He grasped her hands, lifting them until he could press soft kissed to her knuckles.

  Chris sat down on the bed, leaving her to stand in between his legs as he told her about going home to Kentucky to fight in the Underground Ring and paying off his father’s debts.

  “So, here I am, Sara. Practically beaten to hell by my own father. I even ended up spending a few days in jail for the fucker.” Sara winced, and lowered herself next to him on the bed as he continued to speak.

  “One of my first fights when I got home was with a kid that had no business being in that ring. I told him repeatedly to stay down, but he kept popping back up. He went for three full rounds before I finally gave in and plowed him a good one and knocked him out. The next day, the chief of police showed up at the house to arrest me for assault. Turns out the kid was his son.”

  Sara leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his injured shoulder. Chris didn’t flinch, nor did he move as Sara wrapped her arms around his waist, carefully avoiding pressing on his arm too much. He had stopped talking and was lost in thought as he continued to stare at a spot on the opposite wall.

  Chris turned to face her when he said the words that made Sara gasp. “You’re all I want, Sara. The sun will rise and set with you, little one. Please say you will be mine.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The familiar tightening inside her body quickly took root as his words bounced around in her brain. The sun will rise and set with you…Please say you’ll be mine…

  Sara already had her answer, and was rising from the bed before she could talk herself out of her decision. Walking to the center of the room, Sara turned around and looked back at the expressionless mask that Chris was wearing on his face. Her body had already started to hum as the memories of being submissive inundated all her nerve endings.

  A tremor rippled across her body as Sara held her hands out at her sides, and looked down at Chris’ boots. “I’m yours, Sir.”

  She didn’t see what the expression was on Chris’ face, but she could hear him take a shuttering breath before he stood from the bed and started towards her. He reached out, placing his warm hands around her neck, using his thumbs to lift her gaze to his own. They were standing so close, there was no mistaking the lust that was darkening Chris’ eyes as he continued to stroke her jawline with his thumbs. Not saying a word, he leaned in and brushed her lips with his own. He quickly pulled back as he moved his hands down her shoulders, placing light pressure on her body until she began to kneel at his feet.

  Once she was comfortable on her knees, his instructions from that night so long ago came back.

  “Present yourself means that you are to show me your beautiful body. Raise your arms behind your head, lace your fingers together a
nd stick your breasts out for me to view, to inspect. You keep your legs shoulder width apart and eyes on the floor. You always, always present yourself completely naked.”

  Wanting to feel that sense of total possession again, she started to comply with Chris’ unspoken directions and began peeling off her clothes. Sara needed to make sure that she was doing the right thing, so instead of keeping her eyes on the floor, she looked directly at Chris’ face instead. As she unclasped her lace bra and her breasts were free, Chris let out a low guttural sigh that made her insides start to flutter.

  Once all her clothes were laying in a pile next to her, and her hands were laced behind her head, Chris finally spoke, “Very nice, little one. I am pleased that you remembered my instructions.”

  Chris’ hand nestled into her hair, as he stood next to her. Not able to resist, Sara leaned against his thigh, closing her eyes as the rough material of his jeans rubbed against her cheek. Releasing the large gust of air that she was holding inside, Sara practically purred as Chris stroked her hair repeatedly. He didn’t make any further advances, and it seemed that they were both content to continue the intimacy created from this simple gesture alone.

  “Do you remember how this works, little one?”

  Sara looked up into Chris’ face and saw the soft look of adoration on his face. She smiled as the warmth of his feelings for her flowed through her body. He’s ready to play, but he won’t hurt me; I have the control.

  She lowered her eyes before she spoke again, “If I need you to stop, I say red. I remember, Chris.”

  “I haven’t done this in a long time, so I think it is safe to say that we will take it easy this first time. Use yellow if you need to regroup, and we can stop and talk. You can also make as much noise as you want. I am the only guest at the hotel right now, and we are far enough away from the desk that no one can hear us. But, I haven’t tested that theory, or anything.”

  The laughter in his voice was evident, and Sara couldn’t help but look up at his face. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a smile and he gave her a sexy wink. Sara was still filled with questions about the nine months they had been apart, and decided that she would risk speaking.

  “You said that you haven’t done this in a long time. Can I ask what you meant by that?”

  “Exactly what I said. I haven’t taken a submissive, or even had sex for that matter, since I left your beautiful body lying in my bed last year.” Chris trailed the tip of his finger down her cheek as he finished, “You’re it for me, Sara. Like I said, you are the pull that has kept me going through all this shit.”

  Chris took both of her hands in his, and pulled her to her feet. A calm had settled over his features as he lifted her into his arms and carried her over to the bed. Sitting with her, Chris quickly and effortless turned her over so that she was facedown across his lap, and his arm was pinning her down, leaving her rear sticking up in the air.

  “This isn’t about being punished, Sara. We both have made mistakes, me more than you. The important thing is that we found each other again,” he said as his hand rhythmically stroked the soft flesh on her bottom. He continued, “I want you to know that you are my everything, Sara. Instead of counting, I want you to say ‘I’m yours’ after each spank. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  After a few sensual caresses with his hand, the first blow landed with enough force to make her body try to lift off his lap. The pain was so intense, that Sara had to bite her tongue to keep a scream from escaping her lips. Tingles crept across her skin as the pain slowly morphed into a dull throb, and then an ache started inside her body that let her know she enjoyed everything that Chris did to her; reminded her that she was his and his alone. And damned, if it didn’t feel good.

  “Sara…” Chris said in on a deep growl, reminding her that she was supposed to speak.

  “I’m yours, Sir,” she softly said.

  “Yes, you are, little one.”

  The next smack came on her other cheek, but was just as hard as the first one. The pain didn’t last as long this time, and the fire began to build, leaving her practically moaning instead of whispering this time. “I’m yours, Sir.”

  Two more hits came quickly, alternating on her cheeks as he smacked her. He left his hand on her butt, slowly caressing the tender skin, making the sensations even stronger.

  “I’m yours, Sir.”

  “Focus the pain, Sara,” Chris said before raining multiple blows down and across her thighs and back up over the swell of her ass. There was no longer any pain, it was all just pure blissful sensation that radiated straight to her core, leaving her almost sobbing in frustration. He needed to touch her, or she was going to explode. To egg him on, Sara wriggled against his lap as his jean-covered erection poked her in the belly.

  Sara screamed and tried to pull away when he painfully pinched her arm. “Don’t try to top me, little one. I know what you need, and you will not force me to give in to your unspoken demands. Now, what do you say to me?”

  There was no denying the moisture that was pooling in between her legs as she tried to keep her lower half from grinding against his lap. Her arousal was so strong, she could smell it. Remembering that he had given her a command, she answered, “I’m yours, Sir.”

  “Yes, you are, Sara. You are mine for today, tomorrow and always. I won’t be without you ever again.”

  Sara’s mind was devoid of thought, making it hard to focus on what he had just said. All she could hear in her mind was always. He wanted to be with her for always, and she had absolutely no reservations about it, either. A happy sob clutched her throat and tears streamed down her face.

  Instead of striking her again, Chris let his finger drift down between her legs, swirling it in the moisture he found there.

  “So fucking wet.” His finger delved inside her channel; he pulled back out and added another. His rhythmic pumping started out slowly, and then the tempo increased until her back was arching. “Aargh!” she cried as the sucking noises from his fingers and the liquid pool inside her channel could be heard.

  Chris slowed the assault, as he turned his hand and fingers. His thumb brushed over her clit as his hand moved, setting off a torrid of sensations deep inside. Making a come hither motion deep inside, Chris ordered, “Come for me, Sara.” Her eyes felt like they were going to roll back inside her head as the blissful sensations from a colossal orgasm began to flow through her body.

  Not able to help herself, Sara let out a wail as he turned his hand back so that he could rest his thumb directly on her clit. The added stimulation set off another wave of pleasure throughout her body. Chris let out a few more tremors as he removed his fingers, leaving her boneless and limp laying across his lap.

  Her fingers dangled, barely touching the floor as she pulled the suddenly too heavy air into her lungs. A pain started in her chest as she continued to gasp for air. Chris could sense her distress and carefully lifted her back up and onto her feet. He stood up from the bed, wrapping his arm around her waist as she lay her forehead forward onto his chest.

  “Are you okay, Sara?”

  The catatonic state that she was in right now was more than likely a product of the multiple orgasms she had just experienced, but the tightness in her chest was something new.

  Her lips felt like they were numb as she tried to speak, “Y-y-ess,” she stuttered, “I think so.”

  Chris stepped back and bent down to lift her spent body. Carefully, he laid her down in the middle of the bed. Sara almost screamed in agony when her certainly bruised lower cheeks hit the bed, but the only sound that came out of her mouth was a tortured moan.

  Brushing the hair away from her eyes, Chris warily sat next to her on the bed. “Where do you hurt?”

  Sara started to shiver uncontrollably as Chris watched her with a worried look on his face. He pulled the edge of the comforter from the other side of the bed, and carefully tucked it around her. Turning to face Chris so that her sore bottom was off t
he scratchy fabric, she nestled her face against his thigh and tried to lift her arms up so that she could hold onto his waist. Her muscles protested the strain, and she could only get her hands high enough so that her fingers could curl into the waist band of his jeans.

  “My rear end hurts, of course. But other than that, my chest was hurting for a minute, but it is gone now.” Her voice didn’t even sound like her own right now; it sounded like a deep, baritone smoker’s inflection.

  Chris pulled the blanket off her backside, and leaned over to look at her butt. “Fuck, Sara. I’m sorry,” he said as he gently traced over what she assumed was a blossoming bruise on her butt. “Let’s get you into a warm bath. That should help lessen the sting.”

  Sara could only whine, “Uh uh. I’m too comfy right here.” She snuggled in to his side.

  Chris just chuckled as he unfurled her grip and rose from the bed, “That wasn’t really a request, little one. I’ll fill the tub for you. There isn’t enough room for both of us, so I’ll get you settled in there and sit with you for a while until I know you’ve recovered. Then I’m gonna go get us some supper. And maybe stop at the hardware store for some things.”

  Sara watched him walk into the bathroom, smiling inwardly at the thought of Chris restraining her with something that a hardware store could provide. Knowing that he was extremely creative to boot, she felt giddy when she remembered all the so-called toys that he had in Colorado, and they hadn’t even gotten to use a quarter of them. Now, there would not be any time restrictions, no worries about whether or not either of them wanted a relationship. Chris had made it clear, in no uncertain terms that she was his, and he was hers. There was a euphoria settling over her body, when he came back minutes later to her side. “Come on, my baby, up you go.”