Break Away: A Midwest Small Town Romance

by Vanessa Sheets

  “Do you remember what I said about drinking with people you don’t trust?” He keeps looking straight ahead, his voice low and rumbly.

  “I was with people I trusted. I was with Ezra, I just—”

  He snaps his head towards me and starts yelling. “Yeah, because Ezra was there when that dick was trying to rape you! Do you know what would have happened had I not showed up? Do you have any fucking idea? Why did you even go with him? Why would you give that asshole five minutes of your time?”

  “Because I wanted to tell him to go to fucking hell! I wanted him to beg for my forgiveness and then I wanted to scream in his face to go to hell! And yes, Noah, I know all too well what was happening to me. I was going to be raped and I put myself in a situation that I know damn well, I wasn’t going to get out of.” He quickly turns his attention back to the road and I watch as his shoulders begin to slump and a look of defeat washes over him.

  “What the hell is going on with you, Sofia? I have been out of my mind all day trying to figure out some way to take you and Enzo with me! I needed to talk to you, to make things right. I track you on your phone and when I do find you... I... I... find you getting— God girl, I have done everything in my power to try and protect you from men like that... that... piece of shit. You don’t get it. Do you? You would think, someone coming from such a jaded past with men that have never had your best interest in mind, that you would wake up and see what I have been trying to tell you! But you are so hell bent on having the last word and putting up this facade that you don’t need anyone, that it nearly got you scarred for life. I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to you tonight.” I watch as he rubs at the back of his neck in frustration and I instantly see red and start screaming at the top of my lungs.

  “DON’T YOU DARE!” I slam my hand on the dashboard and turn my whole body towards him. He slows down and whips the truck to the side of the road. “Do you have any idea what you have done? Any? You came into my life and woke up a part of me that I had no interest in waking. I had a plan and was doing just fine without you. Then, I let you in. Into my life, my brother's life, hell, I even thought about a future with....” I stop abruptly. My body begins to fill up with such a powerful emotion that I want to punch him, the window or anything that will offer me some sort of release. I turn away from him and look out the window, trying to distance myself from this whole fucked up situation. He grabs onto my arm, forcing me to look into his eyes.

  “Sofia, I need you to listen to me. Please.” I slap his hold off me with my other hand and begin violently shaking my head. Two miles in that black Ford truck are driven before I finally got the courage to say the words that had been bouncing madly around in my head. I squeeze my eyes shut, doing everything in my power to block out his eyes of blue.

  “You were in my future, Noah. You.” With a quick yank of the door handle, I shove it open and jump out of his truck. Without a second thought, I start running towards town, hearing Noah screaming out for me to come back. I block him out, the sound of my feet slamming onto the gravel an echo of the pounding beats of my broken and shattered heart.

  I’m trying everything not to be rude to the red-haired firecracker that sits a tall Jack and Coke on the bar in front of me. But I am very much over the obvious flirt that she is throwing my way. I am not here to pick up a one-night stand; I am here to try and get my mind off her. So maybe the most obvious place wouldn’t be in this run-down bar, just blocks from her house. But the drinks are strong and the people that are lining the bar on either side of me are leaving me alone. I wish that I could say the same for the bartender that’s now giving me an awkward, flirtatious smile.

  I have spent most of the day wracking my brain on how I am going to take these two with me. I have even gone as far as looking up houses on a realty site. I fell in love with one in Tennessee that had a wrap-around porch and a view of the mountains that Sofia could admire while she writes. It even has a swing set with a tree house that Enzo would play on for hours.

  But the fact of the matter is, that with Mona still having custody of Enzo, it doesn't matter how nice the house is. Sofia isn't leaving here without her brother.

  So, I did what I had to do. I had no choice.

  After talking with Crew today and finding out his intentions of staying with Mona and not heading out with me, I panicked. I started playing it out in my head, him living with Sofia and me not there to protect her from him. So, I told him that wasn’t happening and when he wouldn’t bend to my will, I paid him 50k to pack his shit and come back to my hotel. We are leaving for Texas in the morning and my heart hurts more than I ever imagined it could.

  Now, here I am. Sitting in this bar, wondering how I ever got involved in this mess. Or better yet, how I got her involved in my mess. She doesn't deserve to be wrapped up in my shit.

  When I left her last night, I wanted so badly to turn around and give her answers to the questions that she was asking. But I just couldn’t. I wish that it was that simple. I knew, though, that if I had told her the truth, I would have lost her for good. I would have lost her forever.

  I listen to the locals talk about how they aren’t supposed to be here and their wives can’t know that they’re here tonight. I stare at my drink that I haven’t even touched and hold back the urge that is building within me to tell them to go home. Go be with their wives and children. But I know that will only end up with me laying them out. They have no idea what they have. What they take for granted. How you feel when your past and what you did, prevents you from having the only thing that you want in your life. Her.

  Damnit.

  I pick up my phone and open the location app. I have to see her one last time before I leave this town and state for good.

  My legs burn from the blocks they have carried me. Up and down ditches, through backyards, and in between houses. I have now slowed to a normal pace and feel the cement beneath my feet turn into rough gravel as I make my way into our trailer park.

  I begin to spiral out of control as my mind replays what just happened tonight.

  The party.

  Cameron.

  Noah’s gun.

  As I get closer to my trailer, I notice something scattered across my lawn.

  What is that?

  My eyes start darting around, frantically trying to make sense of the piles strewn all over. I inhale sharply as I register what it is.

  My lamp. My comforter. My pillow. Two black garbage bags.

  What the hell is going on?

  I race up the front steps and grab onto my screen door but stop abruptly when it doesn’t budge. It’s locked. My breathing becomes heavy as I begin knocking on the door in a panicked frenzy, the aluminum shaking with every bang of my hand. My mother is at work, but Crew should be home. Did he do this? I hear the lock on the inside door slowly turn and am confused as I am left staring back at my mother. She looks more out of sorts than usual and I can tell that she is extremely drunk. She has that look in her eyes.

  “Mom, open the door. What's going on? Why is my bedroom all over the front yard?” She leans against the door jam and narrows her eyes at me. An eerie smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. I grab at the screen door and give it a few desperate pulls. “Unlock the door, what the hell?” She doesn’t move. She just keeps staring at me through the screen.

  “And why would I do that?” She reaches into her bra and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, plucks one out with her teeth and lights it up. I step back when she blows a huge puff of smoke through the screen at me.

  “Mom, go get Crew. This is stupid. Everyone’s on their porches staring at us.” I glance around at my neighbors who are now throwing back cold ones and patiently waiting for our drama to unfold. I press my face to the screen and yell into the trailer for Crew to let me in.

  “Oh, you mean your pompous asshole boyfriend didn’t tell you. Crew doesn’t live here anymore. He was going to stay with me. He told Noah that he wasn’t leaving town with him, that he wa
nted to be with me. But that piece of cocky shit that you have been screwing, came over today and got in his head and now he’s poof.” She rakes her fingers through her greasy, unwashed hair and slams her hand on the screen door. “Gone!” I turn around and frantically try to make sense of the mess on the ground.

  “So what does this have to do with me? I didn’t tell him to leave. You’re throwing me out because another guy left you? This doesn’t even make any sense?” Before I know it, she is clawing her way out the door and has me pinned up against the porch railing, screaming in my face.

  “I LOVED HIM. I actually loved that man, you little bitch. You just couldn’t keep your legs shut. Could you? You brought that holier than thou dick into our lives and he took away the only thing that I looked forward coming home to.” Her cold blue eyes are crazed, and she is about five minutes from black out drunk.

  “I didn’t tell Noah to take Crew with him. I had absolutely nothing to do with that.” She starts laughing, walks over to the steps and sits down. I watch her cautiously as she lights another cigarette off the one that is dangling out of her mouth.

  “He would still be here if Noah had stayed out of it. But he wasn’t going to let Crew be happy if he couldn’t be.” She stands up, grinds her old cigarette out with her foot and staggers past me. With her hand paused on the door handle, she takes a long drag off her cigarette. “I need you to get your shit off my lawn and leave. Now.” With that, she pulls the screen door shut and locks it.

  Lorenzo.

  I am submerged in a panic like no other and begin yanking on the door handle. With both hands pressed to the screen, I peer in. She has made her way to the counter and has her back to me. I have to fix this.

  “Mom, please. Don’t do this. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I can’t leave! Who is going to take care of Lorenzo?” She awkwardly turns around, holding a fresh drink in her hand. My heart sinks at the sight of the drunk and twisted smile that is plastered across her face.

  “Don’t you worry about your brother. He’s the same age as you were when you started taking care of yourself. And look at you now. You turned out just fine. Got yourself a fancy rich man to take care of you.” She takes a sloppy drink out of her glass and about falls over before grabbing onto the counter.

  I can’t leave him with her. The very thought of it makes me want to rip the screen door off its hinges.

  “Please, don’t do this. Just unlock the door and I promise you that I will never talk to Noah again. He left. He’s gone.” I press my forehead to the screen door and begin to pray, with every ounce of my being that she lets me back in.

  But she doesn’t.

  She storms across the trailer at me, and I jump as the door that I have dreaded walking through, every day of my life, slams shut in my face. What I would give to walk through it again.

  I LET THE TEARS fall, hard and fast, as Ezra and I cram my things into the back of my jeep. She doesn’t say anything because she knows that I am not ready to talk about it. Any of it. I am too busy playing a particular scene out in my head. Lorenzo walking through the front door tomorrow morning, running down the hall and whipping my bedroom door open. I am envisioning his sweet angelic face becoming confused as to why I am not in my bed and why all of my things are no longer there. What will she tell him? That I left him? No, no... she cannot let him think that. It will break his heart.

  No, I can’t let that happen.

  I frantically turn and run to go back in, but Ezra grabs my hand, pulling me back. I turn and face her.

  “I have to get in, I have to talk to her. Enzo is going to be crushed, I can’t leave him.” She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes her head.

  “You can’t go back in there, Sof. It will only end badly. Listen to me. You are going to get in your Jeep and you are going to drive away from here. You are staying with me for as long as you need to, and you are going to get him back! Legally.”

  She is right. I need to pull myself together so that I can get legal custody of my brother. It is time. I slam my tailgate shut and jump in my Jeep.

  I pull away and I can’t help myself from staring at this place that I have called my home for nineteen years. Memories begin to flood my mind, making my eyes burn with hot tears.

  Lorenzo, just shy of three, getting his leg stuck in between the porch rail. I was sure that I was going to have to call the fire department but thought fast to pour vegetable oil all over his leg.

  Summers full of babysitting neighborhood kids, just so that I could save up enough money to make sure that he would have Christmas presents under the tree.

  Watching his golden curls bounce in the spring sun as he ran around throwing plastic eggs into his basket. Eggs that I hid for him to find. Not my mother, who could have cared less if any holidays were special to him. I know this because Christmas was no more than disappointment under the tree for me. Every. Single. Year.

  My vision is blurred, and I should probably pull over, but I just keep driving and with each block that separates me from my little brother, I feel a horrific rage welling up in my gut. I let it be, though. I let it fester and boil and burn because this feeling is exactly what I need to fuel my desire to get him the hell out of there. And away from her.

  The highway is usually full of cars commuting back and forth to work. People not caring who they cut off. All in a hurry to get to where they need to be. But not tonight. It is quiet. It is wide open. It is empty. Unlike the thoughts racing within my head

  I left her.

  I saved her from the very thing that I have been warning her about and then... I left her.

  I wanted to kill him. I could have killed him. I wanted so badly to pull that trigger. But I didn’t. And why? Because if I had, I wouldn’t be able to protect her sitting behind a set of bars. Crew would have gone back to be with that two-bit whore and God knows what he would have done to Sofia while I was rotting away in some prison cell.

  So, I left her.

  I know that she is going to be fine. She is a fighter and will continue to do everything that she needs to do to get Enzo out of that situation.

  I pull up to my hotel doors and my mind erupts with memories that tug at my heart and play out in my head. Memories that will forever be burned into my very soul.

  The first time we met. Her awkward trip and fall in the kitchen. How I, without hesitation, grabbed onto her and felt so many emotions jolting through my body as I held her in my arms. Her sassy attitude that I loved to get going. The way she scrunched up her face in irritation at me when I ordered her food. How she tried so very hard to keep that wall up that she built. But deep down, she wanted nothing more than to be taken care of. The way her eyes captured the sun on our walks to the park and how her love for her baby brother is the purest love that I have ever witnessed.

  She had me. She owned me. And then... I left her.

  I hit the steering wheel and growl out into the lonely air that surrounds me in my cab. I hit it again and again and again until I feel my body give into the loss and heartache that is taking its hold over me. I lean my head back against the headrest and stare out into the night.

  I so badly want to turn my truck around and do a hundred and ten miles per hour all the way back to that beat up trailer. I want to run through her front door and tell her to pack her and Enzo’s shit because I'm taking them with me and there isn’t a goddamn thing she can say about it.

  But I can’t.

  Hell, had I known giving into the urges that I was fighting when I was around her would leave me sitting in my truck, staring out the window in a daze, shattered and broken, I would have just walked out of that trailer the day she walked in and never looked back.

  Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t change a thing.

  I rub at my jaw, trying to shake myself out of the state of mind that I am in as I grab my cell phone and keys. I need to get up to my room and get some sleep so that we can head out in the morning.

  I am slowly coming to the painful rea
lization that Sofia Lombardi will forever be a part of me. She will live in my memory for as long as my heart beats and my blood flows through my veins.

  I throw my cell and keys on the table next to the couch that Crew is passed out on. He has a beer in his hands and looks half dead with his mouth hanging open. If it wasn’t for him, I would be able to make it work with Sofia. We would have our forever, someday.

  If it wasn’t for that night and him staggering in on me, he would be nothing but a part of my past. I wouldn’t be living in fear and held hostage to his threats of telling the police everything he knows. Flashbacks start to take place in the dark part of my mind that I don’t visit often. The part of my mind that I couldn’t let Sofia into, for fear that it would change the way her loving brown eyes looked at me. Had I stayed with her, I would have only jeopardized her getting Enzo. I only wish that she knew the reason I left her was to protect her from my damaged and broken past.

  I find my way down the hall and begin undressing next to my bed. The crisp white hotel sheets trigger a memory of the night we shared together in Chicago. Our bodies twisted those sheets into a tangled mess and with our two racing hearts pressed together, we became one. I climb under the covers and lie in the empty room. A room full of nothing but silence and the city lights that have found their way through the darkness to land on my walls.

  And as I lie staring up at the ceiling, I go there. I go to that dark place. I need to remind myself why it is I am allowing Crew to hold me at gunpoint and control every aspect of my life. So, I go back to that day.

  I had just left Cami’s funeral. I don’t know if you can call it a funeral, being that there were only a few people there. Crew didn’t even make it through the whole service before staggering back to the bar. A few of her friends, friends that I had never met before, stood on the other side of her casket. They looked strung out and out of sorts. I had wondered if they had people that cared enough to get them help. Or if they were the products of another generation of addicts.