Wishful Thinking (How To Be The Best Damn Faery Godmother In The World (Or Die Trying) Book 1)

by Helen Harper

  We investigated every nook and cranny, moving silently and swiftly through the darkness but still coming up short. I hissed through my teeth. Perhaps I’d been right the first time and there was indeed a secret entrance leading from the restrooms. Then, however, Billy trod on something and there was a dull thud. Something about that had sounded off.

  Beckoning to the others and indicating to Billy to step aside, I carefully lifted up the threadbare carpet. A trapdoor. This had to be it. Without wasting any more time, in case I lost my bottle entirely, I crouched down and flipped it open. A ladder led straight down. If I’d thought the nightclub had been dark and gloomy before, it was nothing compared to the yawning chasm which lay in front of us now.

  ‘We need light,’ Delilah whispered. She took hold of her wand and flicked it through the air. All at once, there was a bright white flash.

  ‘Not like that!’ I whispered urgently, shielding my eyes.

  ‘Sorry,’ she muttered, waving her wand once more and reducing the brilliant shine to a much softer glow. I bit my lip. I hoped no-one outside had seen that spasm of light. It was just as well the windows were darkened after all.

  Checking below me and registering nothing, I began to lower myself down the ladder’s rungs, one foot after the other. I descended a good twenty feet before I found solid ground again. Instead of roughly hewn stone walls and a damp, mouldy atmosphere, I was gazing round a large opulent room, with soft red carpet, elaborate antique paintings and gilt edging. It was about as far removed from the bare staff rooms over our heads as it was possible to get. This was definitely the trolls’ lair. I prayed that it was also definitely where Jasper and the others were being held.

  I beckoned to the others to join me. One by one, they lowered themselves down the ladder, gaping when they hit the floor and saw what I did.

  ‘Nice,’ Alicia whistled. She pointed at one of the paintings. ‘I swear that’s by Van Gogh.’ She walked over and began to prise it off the wall.

  ‘Leave it!’

  She turned round and gave me an irritated look. ‘They’re trolls. They can’t possibly appreciate this level of art.’

  ‘Alicia…’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Fine.’

  There was only one door in the entire room, a paneled mahogany affair that looked incredibly solid. I edged over and opened it slightly, peering out. Another corridor stretched out. It all but mirrored the staff one above our heads. The interior decorator for this section of the building had again done a far better job down here though.

  Shuffling out, and staying as quiet as I possibly could, I strained my ears for any sound of any sort. It was just as well no expense had been spared. The rich, luxuriant carpet helped mask my own footsteps. I sneaked along. I didn’t know what I was looking for but I reckoned I’d know it when I found it. At every closed door, I paused and listened. The only sound which rebounded was the hum of silence.

  ‘There are too many doors,’ Billy said behind me in a low voice. ‘This place is a maze.’

  I opened mouth to answer him when I saw Alicia’s eyes flare in sudden alarm. She gestured frantically. A moment later, I heard something too. From the other end of the corridor, someone was coming.

  We didn’t waste any time. Delilah flung open the nearest door and threw herself in. The rest of us followed, squashing ourselves into a tiny space filled with brooms and mopes and overflowing hanging shelves. I grabbed the door and closed it but the size of the cupboard and the size of our bodies meant that it no longer shut properly. I was forced to keep hold of the handle to avoid the door from springing back open and giving us away. Alicia was standing on my feet and my head appeared to be rammed into Delilah’s armpit. I could already feel the panic of claustrophobia setting in. Two sets of footsteps could be faintly heard plodding towards us.

  ‘We’re going to have to kill them. I don’t care what Bernard and the others say about the plan. We can’t continue holding them all here.’

  ‘If we kill them, then we’re bad as those fucking faery godmothers themselves.’

  ‘It’d be easier if they were dead.’

  ‘I won’t argue with that.’

  Both the voices and the footsteps melted away. I breathed out. They were still alive. They were all still alive. Jasper’s face flashed into my mind and my stomach lurched, although whether through fear or relief, I couldn’t have said.

  ‘I. Can’t. Breathe.’ Delilah’s words were muffled.

  Alicia sniffed. ‘This is closer than I ever wanted to get to any of you.’

  Ditto. I released my hold on the door handle. Then I pointed down the corridor in the direction the trolls had come from them. ‘They’re down there,’ I said quietly. ‘They have to be.’ I clenched my teeth. ‘Let’s go save our friends.’

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  The last door at the end of the hallway was unmarked. I couldn’t fail to notice the scratches in the woodwork frame, however. Almost like someone had dug their nails in to prevent themselves from being thrown inside. With a painfully dry mouth, I turned the handle, steeling myself from whatever horrors might lie inside.

  There were six mattresses. Each one was occupied by a body. Even with the aid of Delilah’s light magic, I couldn’t see any facial features.

  ‘What now?’ a female voice muttered from the closest mattress. ‘Haven’t you already bothered us enough today?’

  ‘Lydia?’ Alicia called. ‘Is that you?’

  It seemed as if everyone in the room, captives and rescuers all, held their breath. Then a tiny voice spoke back. ‘Alicia?’

  Thank fuck. All the tension in my body was released in a whoosh. We’d found them. We’d done it. Now all we had to do was get them out. All of the figures turned and sat up, chains jangling. They were each manacled to the wall. That was okay. I had the Director’s wand with me after all.

  ‘Jasper?’ I asked, my heart in my mouth.

  ‘Who’s Jasper?’

  Fuck a puck. He wasn’t here then. Bernard and the others must be holding Jasper and the Director somewhere else. I curled my hands into fists, feeling the bite of my fingernails as they cut into the fleshy part of my hand. Then I released them. First things first.

  ‘We’re here to get you all out,’ I said. ‘Just hang on. We’ve got you.’ I motioned to Billy, Delilah and Alicia. They all nodded and immediately began to work on releasing each faery godmother’s restraints.

  ‘Who are you?’ An older male faery blinked at me, confusion in his face. I recognised him immediately as Boris.

  ‘Saffron,’ I told him. ‘I’m a new faery godmother.’

  There was a faint snort from Alicia’s corner. Now that we’d actually found who we’d been looking for, her natural personality was beginning to reassert itself. ‘Actually, she’s not. She’s already been fired. She was a faery godmother for about five minutes. Now she’s not.’

  ‘But,’ Billy interrupted, ‘she is the reason why we’re here rescuing you all now.’

  ‘Tell me, Billy. How many rules have we broken by letting ourselves get kidnapped like this?’ Lydia asked.

  He let out a brief laugh. ‘I’ll write up all my reports later,’ he said. ‘For now let’s concentrate on getting you all the hell out of here.’

  ‘How many trolls are there?’ I asked, fumbling with the last chains on the faery next to me.

  ‘We’ve counted at least a dozen,’ he answered. ‘But different ones come and go.’

  I flicked my wand one last time and the manacles finally sprang free. He groaned in relief and began to rub his wrists. ‘And the Director?’ I asked urgently. ‘Or the Devil’s Advocate? Have you seen them too?’

  He stared at me through the gloom. His face was pale and drawn and there were two painful looking stumps on his hands where his little fingers had once been. Other than that, however, he seemed alright. At least physically anyway.

  ‘They’ve been captured too?’ he whispered, patently horrified at the thought.

  ‘
Where might they have been taken? We have to find them as quickly as possible and get out of here before any of the trolls notice what’s going on.’

  ‘The nightclub floor.’ He jerked his head upwards. ‘We were all brought there to start off with. And when they took…’ he swallowed and held up his hands, ‘and when they took our fingers they did it up there too.’ His face twisted. ‘They like to put the music on loud. I’m not sure if it’s to drown out our screams or because it makes it all more enjoyable for them. They hate us. They want us to hurt.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t know why. I didn’t even know trolls still existed until they grabbed me in the park.’

  This wasn’t the time for half-baked explanations. I only had a few of the facts anyway. It was pointless – and too time-consuming – to speculate.

  I turned to Billy. ‘The three of you have to get these guys out of here. Get them as far away as possible.’

  He nodded. ‘What will you do?’

  ‘The Director and the Devil’s Advocate are probably upstairs. I’m going to get them.’

  ‘On your own?’

  ‘Get these godmothers out of here, Billy. That’s what’s important right now. They’ve been here for long enough. Once you’ve gotten them away, you can always come back for the rest of us.’

  He gazed at me for a moment. Then he bit out a nod. ‘Come on, people,’ he said. ‘Let’s skedaddle.’

  I helped the godmother beside me up to his feet. ‘You’re Boris, right?’

  ‘Yes.’ He smiled at me. ‘It’s nice to meet you. It’s a shame it’s under these sort of circumstances.’

  I smiled back. ‘Tell me about it.’ Although actually this was a warmer welcome than the one I’d had in the actual office. I smiled again. ‘Come on. Let’s get you out of here.’ I edged over to the door and peered out. The corridor remained thankfully empty. ‘There are a few trolls wandering around. We’ll have to be quick and careful.’

  ‘Have you heard,’ Delilah murmured to Lydia, ‘that Caroline from Accounting is doing the dirty with…’

  ‘Delilah!’ I snapped.

  She blinked at me. ‘What? I’m trying to keep everyone’s mind off the fact that we’re still in mortal danger.’

  ‘A nice thought.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘But stick to the escape. You can gossip later.’

  Alicia took the front this time, leading everyone in single file down the corridor and to the ladder. Just before she began to ascend it, she glanced back, her eyes meeting mine. Then she nodded once and turned away. One by one, each faery godmother disappeared upwards. I tightly crossed my fingers. All they had to do was make it out of the building without being detected. Freedom was only a few breaths away.

  By the time I hauled myself up to the staff corridor, Billy, who was taking up the rear, was already slipping out of the door. I caught up, watching as they all sidled out of the main entrance and into the cool night air. Five captives gone. Only two more to go. I cracked my knuckles before drawing out the Director’s wand once again and holding it in front of me like the weapon it had the potential to be. I was ready. Or at least as ready as I’d ever be.

  I tiptoed through the main hallway, past the empty cloakroom and desk. Two saloon style doors covered in silver glitter lay just up ahead. There was no scream covering music thumping out, which I presumed could only be a good thing. I pressed forward before peered over the doors.

  The public part of nightclub was smaller than I’d expected. A bar had been built along one side, its back mirror lit up and displaying all manner of gins and vodkas and whiskies. There was an emergency exit to the other side and a smattering of tables and built in benches. Some sort of mezzanine floor hung over half of the space, where I presumed the VIP area and the DJ’s booth were located. Other than the two slumped over figures in the middle of the dance floor, whose appeared to still be breathing, I couldn’t detect anyone else in the vicinity. I knew that there were still at least two trolls in the building, however. But I didn’t know where they’d gone. It was a gamble whether to run towards the Director and Jasper and free them, or to be more cautious. The longer I waited, I decided, the more peril I was putting us all in. There was no point in wasting any more time.

  I pushed open the doors and ran forward, kneeling down first by Jasper. His nose had been broken and there was a considerable amount of bruising all over his face. His right arm was lying at an awkward angle. As far as I could tell, however, he still retained all of his body parts. Be thankful for small mercies.

  ‘Jasper,’ I whispered.

  He groaned.

  ‘Jasper, I need you to wake up. I can’t carry you out of here on my own.’ I poked him. ‘Come on, buddy.’

  His eyelids fluttered open, dull green irises filled with pain fixing onto me. His pupils flared and his body jerked. ‘Saffron?’

  ‘The one and only.’ I grabbed his uninjured arm and tried to pull him up. ‘Let’s go.’

  ‘When I kissed you before,’ he croaked, ‘in the park. It wasn’t because I thought anyone was watching. It was because I wanted to kiss you. I just wanted you to know that.’

  ‘I already knew that, you daft bugger. This is real life, not a romance novel.’ More’s the pity. I glared at him. ‘Stop with the dying declaration. I’m getting you out of here.’

  ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘Her first.’

  ‘I’ll get the Director right after you.’

  ‘She’s lost a lot of blood. And,’ he added weakly, ‘she’s the one they really want to hurt. Get her out of here.’

  ‘But…’

  ‘I’m the Devil’s Advocate. You have to do what I say.’

  I glared at him. ‘I really don’t.’

  ‘Please.’

  I sighed. Arguing wouldn’t help matters. ‘I’ll only be a minute.’ I scooted round. The Director was barely conscious. I felt for her pulse. Jasper was right. It was weak and thready. She needed urgent medical help. I could use her own wand to repair some of the superficial damage but I couldn’t do very much about blood loss. ‘I want you to remember,’ I whispered in her ear, ‘that I’m saving you right now. Me. Saffron Sawyer.’

  She moaned. I pointed the tip of the wand at her, allowing a gentle surge of magic to leap forth and encircle her. That would have to do for now. I bent over and scooped her up in a fireman’s lift, staggering up to my feet. Ex-employee of the year. That was me.

  I began moving back towards the saloon doors, albeit considerably more slowly now. I didn’t get very far. The sound of footsteps and voices drifted over. I threw myself and the Director towards the nearest cushioned benches. A moment later, Bernard, flanked by two other trolls, strode through the door.

  ‘I’m baaack!’ he called out. ‘Did you miss me? I do hope so. We’ll get started now. In fact…’ he faltered. ‘Why is there only one faery in the middle of my dance floor?’ he whipped round, immediately catching sight of me. To be fair, it wasn’t much of a hiding place. His eyes narrowed. ‘You again.’

  I left the Director where she was and pulled myself up to my feet. I made a show of dusting myself off and then gave him a disarming smile. ‘Me. Hello again. I was feeling a little left out that you didn’t want me so I thought I’d come and join the party anyway.’

  Bernard’s head snapped to the side. ‘Check on the other godmothers.’

  ‘They were all there half an hour ago.’

  ‘Check them!’ he roared. ‘Now!’

  The troll to his right scuttled off.

  ‘Call the others,’ he commanded the other one. This time, his minion didn’t wait. He sprang to order, sprinting out of the room. Uh oh.

  ‘I know what you’re thinking, little faery,’ Bernard said, taking a step towards me. ‘But you can’t beat us. You can’t beat me. I’ll crush you into the ground before you can lift that wand even an inch.’

  I raised my head and met his eyes. ‘You don’t really think I’m here on my own, do you?’ I managed to inject a note of amusement into my voice. ‘Every f
aery godmother in the country is converging on this building. We’re a team. We support each other and work together. We aren’t faery godmothers so we can be average. The only real competition we have is when we look into the mirror and see ourselves.’ I tutted. ‘If you’re not willing to learn any of that, Bernard, then no-one can help you.’

  He stared at me. ‘What the fuck are you on about?’

  ‘There’s no I in team.’

  ‘No,’ he agreed, ‘but there is in dimwit.’

  ‘You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow.’

  Bernard put his hands on his hips. ‘Alright, that’s quite enough of that.’ He glared at me. ‘You’re stalling.’

  Oh yes. Yes, I was. I changed tack. Motivational phrases would probably only add to his fury. They certainly never helped me in the slightest. ‘Why didn’t you kill any of them?’ I asked. ‘You could have. But you didn’t. Why not?’

  He smiled unpleasantly at me. ‘You noticed that, then. I haven’t killed anyone up until now because I’m not a faery godmother. I don’t decimate other races just because I feel like it.’

  ‘I don’t think…’

  ‘Shut up!’ he roared. ‘I’ve not killed anyone up till now. I’m about to change my mind though.’

  The saloon doors burst open and the other troll reappeared, panting. ‘They’ve gone,’ he said. ‘They’ve all gone.’

  ‘So be it.’ Bernard advanced towards me. ‘You’ve left me with no choice. Whoever you really are.’

  ‘Saffron,’ I said. ‘My name is Saffron.’ I began to dip into a curtsey. At the same time I raised my hand which was still clutching the Director’s wand. Unfortunately, however, I wasn’t fast enough. A stream of magic jetted out from Bernard’s hands, smacking into my side and sending me flying through the air. My spine hit the far wall and I crashed down to the floor. Bernard stalked over to me and knelt down. ‘You know what the best thing about being a troll is?’ he inquired. He raised his hand once more. ‘We don’t need wands to perform powerful spells.’ He slammed more magic into my body and I doubled over, seizing up with agonizing pain. Then he began to circle round me.