Saving Grace

by Christine Zolendz

  "You sleep with Lea all the time," I stated back.

  "Yeah..."

  "And Conner, when you sleep with Lea, do you always have sex?" I asked trying to make my point clear without saying it outright.

  "Point taken Grace."

  When Conner and Lea left for work, I jumped into the shower and did all that was girly. I left my apartment before I needed to and sat in the small coffee shop on the corner of my block to calm my nerves. I got to the studio at exactly eleven o'clock.

  Walking into the studio gave me that feeling that I could only guess some people got when they walked into their places of worship. The euphoric sense that you could find the guidance to your existence, the answer to your prayers, or maybe the path to your soul's freedom, its redemption.

  I took a deep breath and stepped in, shutting the door behind me. I left my guitar back at my apartment because I knew there would be no real band practice for me today.

  Ethan sat behind his drum kit with his legs stretched out across the top of his bass drum. He twirled a drumstick in one hand. His long platinum blond hair was uncharacteristically loose, and he smiled wide when his eyes met mine.

  Brayden sat on one of the couches with his bass laid out across his lap. He ran a hand through his short brown hair and waved hello to me.

  "There's our gorgeous girl!" Alex was sitting behind his keyboard and ran out from behind it to grab me in a hug and swing me around like a rag doll.

  "Yay! Your casts are off!" I cheered when he let go.

  His dark hair flopped in front of his mischievous green eyes. His eyebrows rose up and his cheeks reddened. "Yeah, yesterday. Grace, my love, you look hotter than ever," he laughed.

  "Fine. Let's get this shit over," Shane's voice murmured from one of the couches. I looked over at him, but his eyes never turned in my direction. He stood up and walked forward folding his arms across his chest. "Yeah, so Alex is back. We really don't need another guitarist."

  There was a second of awkward silence.

  "Whoa, what the hell?" Alex asked. "Dude, I'll be only on keyboard now, Grace does guitar, she blows me outta the water anyway." He gave me a wink, "Did you like when I said you blow me, that part?"

  I just winked back, smiled and gave him an eye roll.

  Brayden walked over closer to Alex, "Yeah, this is stupid. Let's just get to practice so we can set up a gig at Boozer's, it's been weeks, dude."

  Shane hooked his guitar strap over his shoulders and hung his guitar in front of him. His eyes finally locked onto mine. "Yeah, well we got rules in this band. Nobody can sleep with another band member, so Alex stays on guitar and keyboard." His eyes held my stare, waiting for me to break, to shatter, to fall to pieces from his words. Nope. Isn't going to happen. He sauntered over and plugged his guitar into the biggest amp.

  Alex's eyebrows pulled together, "Dude, I haven't slept with anyone of you motherfuckers. You're the pretty boy who was in jail for four fucking weeks, Sir FuckmeBung."

  "I didn't sleep with any one of you guys either," Brayden called out. "Now can we just play?"

  Ethan's eyes snapped to mine and a look of horror crossed his face. I shook my head for him not to say anything. It wasn't worth it. Shane wasn't going to believe him. He just wanted to embarrass me and punish me.

  I met Shane's stare and smiled at him. "Um, I think Shane is talking about me." The room stilled and all eyes were on me. "Well, now that that is settled. I really did have a blast playing with you guys, and Alex," my eyes swept to Alex who stared open-mouthed at me. "Anytime you want to bring your guitar over to my place, I would love to play with you. I'll probably see you guys at the bar sometime." I turned on my heels and walked out of the studio and down the hall. I didn't look back. There was no way in the world I was going to let Shane Maxton see my expression.

  As the door closed, I could hear Alex yelling, "Which lucky son of a bitch got to tap that perfect ass?" Shane's answer was to start playing Bloodhound Gang's Ballad of Chasey Lain and just inserted my name in. If you've never heard the song, Google it and then you'll understand how very disgusted I was with him that I almost vomited in the hallway.

  I made my way up the stairs and out to the front lobby. When I got to the front doors, Ethan was in front of me, out of breath from running, and grabbing at my elbow. "Grace...wait. You can't just walk out like that, please tell me what is going on with Shane."

  I continued to walk out of the front door, but he pulled me to a stop on the sidewalk in front of his building. "Grace, I'm not a child. I don't like playing games. Tell me what's going on."

  I shook my head. "Shane caught me leaving your bedroom early in the morning. He automatically thought I slept with you."

  "Why didn't you explain to him that nothing happened?"

  "Ethan, I tried too. He cut me off every time and I was still drunk, so my verbal sparring skills were nonexistent. I could barely remember to breathe the correct way in front of him, let alone reason with him." I could feel my cheeks redden with my thoughts, "He ended up flinging me over his shoulder and dropped me in front of the Bone Room and asked me if I wanted to fuck him, and I quote, Because I could really get off on some head right now, since I've been in fucking jail for over a month. I usually don't like my girls still wet from Ethan, but hey, if you're game, but if not, get the fuck out of my hallway."

  "I knew it, I knew it the first time he met you," Ethan laughed and leaned against the front wall of his building.

  I sighed, "What are you talking about?"

  "Shane doesn't do jealous, Grace. He has some serious feelings for you," Ethan smiled.

  "What the hell color is the sky in your world, Ethan? The man just kicked me out of his band. The only serious feelings he has are extreme horniness and extreme disgust that he didn't get to me first." I walked away.

  Ethan was next to me, immediately walking down the street. "The first night he saw you, after that bar fight, he made me search the entire bar for a silver eyed girl so he could get her name, Grace."

  "Stop it, Ethan. I know exactly how Shane felt before we all went to Tucker's parents' house. One of the last things he told me was that he loved me," I said.

  Ethan's eyes almost popped out of his head. "Holy shit..."

  I held my hands up. "Yeah. But then I walked away with Blake because I was a fool, Ethan. Then he spends a month in jail because everybody assumed the worst in him, even you, one of his best friends. Ethan. You beat the crap out of him! And when he gets out of jail, he finds me sneaking out of your room in the middle of the night, drunk! I'm thinking his feelings might have gone straight to hell since."

  Ethan's gaze raised from me to something past my shoulders. I knew by the way the hairs on the back of my neck tingled that it was Shane. But, he just walked past us without saying a word.

  Chapter 12

  After watching Shane walk away, I said goodbye to Ethan and made my way home. I changed into sweats and spent the rest of the day running in the park. The weather was a mild 60 degrees and the smells of an early spring wafted through the trees. I made a mental note to try to take a trip to Lea's parent's house to pick up my bike, it was definitely moving into riding weather. I ran until my legs almost collapsed and night had fallen.

  It was five o'clock when I got back to my apartment and my phone was screaming for attention. There were ten texts and three voice messages from Lea, all telling me I had to come to Boozer's because everybody was going for drinks. What else is new? That's all these people ever did.

  Pass. Not tonight. There's no way I want to watch Shane throw his tantrums about me and Ethan or mess around with his girls. I showered and still wrapped in my damp towel, flung myself on my mattress and passed out.

  Sirens echoed through my skull waking me from a dead sleep. Oh, what a surprise, it's my cell phone. Again. In the dark of my room, I hit the screen and saw Lea's face. I swiped it open. "What do you want?" I groaned. "I'm sleeping."

  "Get out of bed and come to the bar. Wear something u
m...slutty." "What? Why? No...I'm sleeping. Leave me alone."

  "You need to get your ass over here before Shane goes home with the first skank he catches!" she hissed into the phone. A bubble of jealously surged through my belly making me bolt up. What the hell?

  Okay. Normal Shane behavior. I really shouldn't be jealous, it's Shane. Fuckshitfuck. I'm jealous. "I'll be right there." No use trying to deny it. I can't even fight with myself against the feelings. I wanted to be the skank he took home. Centuries of being true and moral, I got my heart broken, then I meet Shane Maxton and I throw all my ethics out the window. I'm so going to enjoy this. I'm so not ever going to get to see my angel again in heaven, because I'm so going straight to hell.

  Knee high black stiletto heeled boots, tight low rise hip hugging jeans, halter top, wild jet black waves and lipstick the color of deep red wine, I sauntered into the bar.

  My stomach plummeted when I saw Shane with a stunning brunette on his lap. Did he ever pick anyone not stunning, someone just average? Why did they all have to look like super models? The butterflies in my stomach slammed themselves against my insides cursing profanities at me. Hot bursts of adrenaline spiked across my chest and my fingers trembled. He sat in the middle of the group staring vacantly into a half full beer bottle. One of his hands played with the label of the bottle, peeling it back. The other hand rested on the empty chair next to him, he wasn't touching the girl on his lap.

  The skank, on the other hand was nuzzling her mouth in his neck. Watching her tongue flick out between her hot pink (Yes, I said hot freaking pink, who wears that color but thirteen year olds?) lips, I almost gagged on my own heart as it tried to projectile vomit itself out of my mouth.

  I stood there paralyzed, trying to process the messy mudslide of emotions that were screaming through the long dark empty corridors of my insides. Damn, I hated how this man made me feel, but God, I felt human, alive.

  Conversation was spilling out around the table, yet he sat there unaffected by everything, and everyone, like he didn't belong. Alex sat on the other side of him crooking his finger down the front of one of the waitresses' shirts as she giggled. Brayden, Ethan, Conner, and Lea sat with their backs to me and were talking in some heated conversation, their hands flailing about. Tucker, like the dog he is, was sitting drunkenly ogling Shane's skank and poking her arm to get her attention.

  Then Shane noticed me. As if he were trying to memorize each and every contour, his eyes roamed every inch of my body until they locked on my eyes and his lips parted open. His face was tense and pained; he was so fucking perfect it took my breath away. I ignored his stare, because really, it made my freaking heart flutter and my knees weak. And, let's not even think about what I was imagining I could do to him with my tongue or how I wanted to scream at the skank to get off his lap.

  "Wow, now that's a beautiful sight right there. Hel...lo, Grace," Tucker called out to me. Everybody turned their heads and smiled.

  Except for Shane, who lifted up his beer and drunkenly shouted, "Hey look who it is boys, the Holy fucking Grail of Pussies." He offered me a stupid drunk smirk and downed the rest of his beer. Uh oh.

  Alex reached over and shoved him on the shoulder, "What the fuck is your problem today, jackhole? Sit dow n, Grace, don't mind Shane, I think he's on the rag."

  Lea pulled over a chair for me and sat me across from Shane, at the very same minute he started shoving his tongue down the girl's throat. I died a little right there, just then. Died.

  The waitress who was hanging all over Alex stood up and cleared her throat, "Hey Grace, what can I get you tonight?"

  Before I could answer, Shane yelled from in between the skanks lips, "Mind Erasers with straw s, Mollie. And keep them coming, it's time to play a game." He stood up and the brunette fell to the floor and yelped. He looked down at her and laughed, "Whoops, psf. Better sit in your own seat Marie, this shit is going to get wild." The girl sat down and pouted. Yes, pouted, the lower lip stuck out and everything. Hot pink lipstick everywhere. Ugh, even on Shane's face.

  I gave her a little wave, "Marie, wow." I looked Shane dead in the eyes smiling. "Shane I'm impressed, usually you don't ever get their first names. She must be special."

  Tucker burs t out laughing, "Yeah, for tonight at least. Righ t, Shane!" He slapped his hands against the table. "Hey Grace, you need someone special for tonight?"

  Ethan stood up, walked behind Tucker laughing, and smacked him in the back of his head. "Shut the hell up, are you freaking twelve? Haven't you hit puberty yet, did anyone ever teach you how to speak to women?" he laughed.

  Shane's jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed a fraction. "How freaking sweet, Ethan's protecting the Holy Grail."

  "Oookay!" Lea cut everybody off. "What drinking game are we playing?"

  Mollie returned with our first round of Mind Eraser's with straws. She handed them out and left like her ass was on fire.

  Shane scooped up his drink in his hand and held his arms out stretched. He flailed his arms and his drink sloshed over the side of his glass and spilled down the front of Marie's shirt. She didn't even notice. "We're going to play a little game called Answer This. Rules are, you get to ask anyone a question and they either have to answer TRUTHFULLY, or if you're a pussy and don't want to answer, you have to drink your Mind Eraser. Whole damn thing through the straw." He stared straight at me, "And no fucking lies!"

  Alex raised his hands, "Oh, me first, and this is to everyone at the table. Okay, answer this...Where is the craziest place you have ever had sex?"

  Shane rolled his eyes and sat back down while everyone went down the line giving their answer.

  "Bathroom," Brayden said.

  "A fast food ball pit in the kid's play area," Alex laughed answering his own question. Everybody moaned. "What?" He said red in the face.

  Conner and Lea both giggled and said, "Ferris wheel." How is that even possible?

  When it was Shane's turn, Alex laughed and said, "Please do not say jail cell, because I'll piss myself right here, dude."

  "Shut up," Shane laughed. He looked at Marie, "My answer is probably going to change later, but right now fire escape."

  "Boozer's bathroom," Marie giggled. Eww!

  "Car," Tucker said.

  "Park," Ethan whispered.

  When it was my turn, I leaned forward, wrapped my lips around the straw, and drank my entire drink. Holy Mother of All That is Good and Alcoholy! What a head rush. Brain Freeze! Yum, it was like chocolate coffee.

  Shane didn't take his eyes off mine. For a fleeting moment, tightness settled around those ice-cold blue eyes of his and I wondered what his point to playing this game was. Then my knees started to tingle and my teeth went numb. What the heck was in that drink?

  This went on for three more rounds. People pegged other people in particular or the whole group. I drank two more Mind Erasers, the last one when Alex point blank asked me how many people I had slept with. Shane flipped out when I did and he slammed his hands down on the table and drunkenly yelled, "The point isn't to get fucking smashed, Grace! Be fucking HONEST!"

  I just sucked on the straw, with my eyes locked on his, until it made that slurpy nothing is left on the bottom sound and smiled, "Is that what the point is Shane?" I threw my straw at him.

  He bolted up out of his seat. "My turn for a question!" he yelled. His ridiculously beautiful face twisted in a scowl, "Answer this, Grace, how was it to fuck Ethan? While you're at it, answer this, while you were fucking Ethan, did you think about that ex-boyfriend of yours that you loved so damn fucking much you couldn't be with me? Remember Grace? The night you told me about him while your hands were wrapped around my dick!" He slammed his palms against the table and his drink spilled across the top it.

  Everybody fell silent. Next to me, Lea dropped her head in one of her hands and grabbed one of my hands to hold with the other. My head spun. Thank God, I had a few Mind Eraser's already, because if I were the least bit sober, I would have smacked him. Again. Harder this t
ime.

  I sat up straighter, leaning forward so I could be perfectly clear when I gave my answer. I gave Lea's hand a little squeeze. "I don't know how it is to fuck him Shane, I did not fuck Ethan. I have never slept with anyone, actually. I was saving myself for that ex-boyfriend...he was in...um ... jail, but when he got out, he didn't want me anymore and left." A sharp wave of embarrassment spiked through my veins. It spread out across my cheeks and down my neck, which I was sure, was leaving crimson streaks through my ivory skin.

  Shane dropped back down in his seat, speechless.

  Alex looked at me and then looked down into his lap, "Well, good evening there, Bruce McHardon, would you like to come out and meet the prettiest little virgin in the world? Grace, please, please, please, may I have your V-card. I will take such good care of it, I promise."

  I smiled at him and laughed sarcastically, "Thanks, Alex, but I'm pretty sure I've just been royally fucked over, so I'm good for now. Thanks."

  "There's no way you are a virgin! Like, you've never been with a guy before? What do you do?" Marie asked giving me a quick bark of laughter. Like the dog she was.

  I locked my stare on Shane again, "I've been with guys, just not full blown sex. And what do I do? Well one of my best friends is a vibrator. It goes from Oh Yeah to Who the Hell Needs a Man in ten seconds flat." I turned my gaze on her, "You should try it, Marie. In the long run, it'll be a lot less heartbreaking than Shane can be."

  Tucker jumped up, stumbled around the table and drunkenly threw an arm around me, "Grace, you're so beautiful. Please don't give Alex your V-card. I took you to Masa, Grace. We could go there again and get that champagne you love, and then we could get a room at any hotel in the city." One of his hands grasped my knee and I flung it off me enraged. Vomit burned the back of my throat.

  "Oh, wow. Hmm...um...I rather stick burning hot pokers in my eyes and eat crap, but thank you so much for the offer Tucker. It was so kind of you, seriously," I said through clenched teeth.