The Masked Poet

by Albert Enang Eng Usang

  she had bought towards her determination.

  'My God!' He exclaimed. 'Were you really this serious?'

  'Lets just be thankful you showed up in time. Somehow, I felt you may not show up, so I made ready. But you surprised me, a pointer to my belief you have always loved me.'

  - And the note was in poetic form to d.........................

  - Yes, to make you feel a well directed pain and regret it so you would not ever, absolve your conscience of being responsible for my death.

  - Jeezzz..... You certainly took this too far. No man is worth during for; not even me.

  - So says the rule book; the practice always turns out differently though.

  - Please, for future vicissitudes, don't ever do this, don't even have it in mind.

  - I pray one of those vicissitudes is not loosing you? I can't guarantee a sane mind in the event of that particular vicissitude, but if you always love me, and stay by my side, then be sure I will, not I can, but will scale over all other futuristic vicissitudes.

  - You are just impossible!

  - Don't worry about that; I loose it when you are not around. So, as you are here, I am very predictable.

  - But.........

  - Ssshhhh............... You are here now, lets forget about what would have been and face what is at the moment - you and me

  - I think you are right......

  It turned out to be a bigger event than the Masked Poet thought of. Delight did not only bring her friends, but also her associates, as well as many admirers. The Masked Poet also drew his string of acquaintances but it was nothing compared to Delight's. During his address, the Masked Poet informed the guests the First Date Eatery was not a general eatery. It was out of bounds for children as well as boys and girls under 18. Also, it is not a place to remedy one's hunger like other eateries as individuals, whether men or women, will not be permitted in or attended to; only couples are the accepted patronage. On weekend evenings from Friday to Sunday, there will be live performances by the Masked Poet, interlaced with musical renditions, else, on all other timings, there would be large projectors at different points in the eatery displaying romantic poems with the Masked Poet providing the rendering voice. He went ahead to tell them the First Date Eatery is not where couples resolve their fights. It operates on the assumption that you have settled your differences and have come to give it a romantic seal or that every couple is assumed to be on a first date each time they come even if it is twice a day or more. Couples should expect services ranging from tables, to V.I.P. sections, to parcellated gardens for two, to candle lit dinners, and other possible romantic services. Then, he told them he would be rendering a poem as part of the opening formalities to give the guests an idea of the first date concept. Of course, he titled it: 'THE FIRST DATE EATERY.'

  Have you ever seen a couple

  out on a first date

  stopping at the First Date Eatery?

  Innocence rents the air

  serenity defines the bounds

  the future, a baseless threat

  as they walk hand in hand

  to the first date eatery.

  At their table in a corner

  the best is not lacking:

  there are the best of dressing

  there are the best of smiles

  there are the best of manners

  there are the best of words

  there are even the best of pretences!

  At the First Date Eatery

  the future may be pregnant

  laden with vile uncertainties

  but who cares about it?

  today is all we've got

  there can't be a tomorrow

  that's better than today.

  At the First Date Eatery

  familiarity is a compulsory trash

  fit only for the waste bin

  it is the same statements

  it is the same words

  those so common

  those so simple

  but very powerful here

  but very potent today

  like 'I love you hon,'

  when not taken for granted.

  Have you heard a couple talking

  seated in a First Date Eatery?

  Today, we slur out adulthood

  lets become babies again!

  Lets laugh to every tickle!

  Lets sing love lullabies!

  Let the silly be sweet fun

  like a baby, pamper my senses

  and I'll reciprocate in ecstasy!

  At the First Date Eatery,

  be appareled in deliberation

  deliberately love me

  deliberately spoil me

  deliberately pulsate me

  deliberately laud me

  deliberately entreat me

  it is our first time out

  we have our purest minds

  tomorrow we quarrel

  tomorrow we fight

  tomorrow we break up

  tomorrow we're apart

  even, hell breaks loose!

  But at the First Date Eatery,

  paradise proceeds it's timing

  she arrived a bit too early

  even if it is for a day.

  The guests applauded comically as he signaled the poem's end. The First Date Eatery would certainly revive romance in relationships, they opined, as even before couples decide to come there, they already know what they are in for and would certainly leave uplifted.

  'Finally, ladies and gentlemen, ' the Masked Poet interrupted their thoughts and applause. 'I want to make a salient announcement. But before I do that, can I honourably ask our heroic international beauty queen of Nigeria, Miss Delight Same, to join me at the podium.'

  The guests looked on in bewilderment and much speculations as she stood and joined him on stage.

  'Permit me good people,' he continued. 'to inform you Delight and I have both:

  Found our heart's rest

  bosoms that're the best

  which have passed every test

  which will ne'er turn a pest

  where our love'll nest.

  So, to you all, we are formally now, a couple.'

  'Yeahhhhh....... Yessss..... Ooooohhh........ Prrrrrrr............' The audience of guests cheered excitedly, some wildly, as the couple responded with reciprocal smiles at each other, an embrace, then a kiss, which made the guests 'go bananas and gaga' as they cheered louder and louder.

  'So, I make a toast today,' the Masked Poet resumed, 'to our love and hope it will surmount all hurdles and go to the whole hog to a blissful marital ending. To love! Cheers!'

  'Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!......................

  Many congratulated the couple. Many were happy for them. Many envied their pairing: 'Beauty and the Poet? What a combination!' They opined. 'Life is certainly not fair, how could the best pair? What happens to the rest us? So, true is the saying: the best becomes better while the worst gets worse?'

  CHAPTER 24

  Delight's friends paid her a visit few days afterwards. All showed up; all except Joanna.

  'Hi girrrl!.......... You got your man at last!' Amaku congratulated.

  'Yes ooooo...' Gem joined. 'Twaale!* I mean, double twaale for the go-getter; the inexorable ball of fire!'

  'Well, even though I don't like the way you discarded Victor,' Beatrice remarked, 'I am happy for you all the same. Congratulations. My word! The Masked Poet is such a big catch! How did you do it?'

  'Our beauty queen is an even bigger catch!........ Lets set the records straight.' Gem reminded Beatrice.

  'Oh my gosh, my gosh!' Amaku exclaimed. 'Girlfriend, I can only imagine the day he declared his love, please tell us how he did it.'

  *twaale(pidgin = respect)

  'Thanks girls for sharing in my joy.' Delight finally lent her voice. 'As for how he declared his love, you won't believe how he did it. You see, that guy, that my heartthrob, my heartbeat, my love, my prince charming, my.............'

&
nbsp; 'Girl slow down na. Love nwantinti o' Beatrice interrupted amidst strong amusement by all the visitors.

  'Please get to the main action mbuk!* Amaku reminded. 'Tell us the declaration!'

  'Okay.' Delight obliged. 'He did it with a machete!'

  'Whaaaattttttt!!!!......' They all chorused.

  'What a weird way to declare a loving intention!' Gem analyzed.

  'But only after this breathtaking poem.' Delight enlightened.

  She read the poem to them, and thereafter, narrated his follow up melodrama.

  'Oh my God!' Beatrice exclaimed. 'He gave you license to kill him?'

  - Yes sweetheart.

  'But why did he choose the death dimension to declare his love? Gem observed.

  - Because he knew he was guilty of not obeying the traffic rule of love.

  'Excuse me,' Amaku inquired, 'never heard of that before. What does that rule say?'

  - When the green lights are flashed, make a move!

  'You mean you flashed the green lights eh?' Beatrice teased.

  - Yes na. Every girl does that when she sees prince charming, isn't it? Or let her who is without sin cast the first stone!'

  There was a spell of convicting silence.

  'Abeg, stop playing God and tell us how you reacted to the machete drama.' Beatrice broke the silence.

  'Yes baby,' Gem supported, 'we can't miss out on that you know.'

  'Sorry to disappoint you girls,' Delight told them, ' I did not play hardball.'

  'Girlfriend whyyyyy????' Amaku shouted. 'How could you have made

  *mbuk(Efik = please)

  things so easy for him?'

  - Sweetheart............. I am no dissembler; I am Juliet.

  'I'm afraid he may not know your real worth.' Beatrice chipped in.

  - No he will! Do you know why?

  'Why?' They asked in unison.

  - Because he is Romeo, and Romeo knows the worth of not just a woman, but of a beauty queen as well.

  'You still haven't told us your reaction, Miss Juliet Romeo.' Gem insinuated.

  - Miss Juliet Masked Poet please, or better still, Mrs. Delight Masked Poet to be.

  'Eayaaaa!*.............. This girl has been hypnotized o........' Beatrice joked.

  'Take it easy girlfriend.' Amaku added. 'You don't know him very well yet.'

  'Please tell us your reaction na!' Gem scolded. 'Why are you avoiding it?'

  - Okay oooo.........I jumped into his hands like Juliet would have, embraced, and held on to him for a very long time............

  'Hmmnnn........... I hope it didn't lead to the forbidden act in that office......' Beatrice cut her short.

  - Please get a hold of your dirty mind! Love is not sex and neither is sex love!

  - Sorry na holy Mary, mother of God. Can't we crack jokes anymore?

  - I don't like such jokes! You girls of this generation, misconstruing love for sex and calling sex love.

  - No vex na.* Don't you forgive people?

  - I forgive you and may God also forgive you. Anyways, before I was most rudely interrupted, I was saying I embraced him and you know what? It was such a warm embrace!

  'How does a virgin know a guy's warm embrace?' Gem pointed out.

  - It is the same as mummy's embrace or aren't they both human?

  About then, Delight phone beeped. It was a whatsapp message from

  *eaya(commiserative exclamation) *no vex na(pidgin = don't be angry)

  the Masked Poet. Excitedly, she opened it and went through it silently. It was a poem with the following lines:

  Give me Rihana for free

  give me Beyonce for free

  give me Omotola for free

  but reject them I will!

  Cos they may be beautiful,

  but Delight is most beautiful than they all!

  Introduce me to Angelique Kijo

  introduce me to Whitney Houston

  introduce me to Lara George

  yet I won't meet them!

  Cos they may be darkeys,

  but Delight is the ebony black t'n beautiful!

  You can argue about Simi

  you can argue about Genevieve

  you can argue about Agbani

  but I will oppose you!

  Cos they may be slim

  but Delight is the real 'lekpacious'* beauty!

  Show me the statute of liberty

  show me an iroko tree

  even show me giant Goliath

  and I'll laugh at you!

  Cos they may be tall

  but Delight is the tallest of them all.

  *lekpacious(beautifully slender in local parlance; gotten from the word

  lekpa which in pidgin means slender)

  Baby,

  You are most beautiful

  you are black t'n beautiful

  you are 'lekpaciously' beautiful

  you are vertically beautiful.

  That's why I love you.

  As she began gulping down the contents of the poem, she first giggled, then in the heart of the poem, she was laughing all through till the end, to the bewilderment of her friends who kept asking what amused her as she ignored them and focused on reading the poem. In the end, she responded:

  'My prince in magical aura just sent me a poem and it is so sweet!'

  'He did?' Gem sought a reiteration.

  - Yes he did! This is why I love him soooo.....much!

  'Can we hear the poem please?' Gem pleaded.

  - Hear what? Is your name Delight?

  - Sorry ma.

  - Anyways, let me read it out for you girls. Share in my joy.

  She read it to them, gesticulating ostentatiously in the process, flouting the mentioned features of hers in the poem.

  'Come,' Gem posited, 'is anyone feeling as jealous as I am?'

  'Ermm.....Amaku added. 'I'm already hatching a plan to snatch him from Delight!'

  'Stop that play o.' Delight screamed at her. 'I don't take such jokes with a pinch of salt. I actually would be watching you very closely from now onwards!

  - Chei, you don't have to be a jealous lover na.

  - I am. I seriously am! You and all other girls eyeing my prince charming, I'm watching all of you. I will soon gouge your eyes! You girls should leave him for me o. I don't joke with him.............

  - Oh my God, this love is getting you crazy girl!

  - Am I hiding it? It is a fact: I am madly in lovvvvve........... Right about now, I will just extricate myself from trouble makers like you and call my prince to tell him of the ecstasy he has caused my lovesick heart!

  He dialled his number.

  'Hello sweetness.' He picked up.

  'My soul's charmer,' she replied. 'Darling, you have once again recorded a success in totally enchanting my psyche. Today, it is an emotional deconstruction of my whole being!

  - Really? I'm glad you feel that way. It is the way I will always make you feel.

  - Thank you dear. I love the poem and so do my friends here. In fact, some of them are thinking of snatching you from me already!

  - Ha ha ha ha.............. Tell them heaven has to be below, and earth above their heads, for me to leave my pleasant scentful roses of a beauty queen, and that is impossible, meaning they can't snatch me. All the same, tell them I'm pleased they love the poem.

  - Trust me na; I will tell them just that and quickly too!

  - Ermm.........sweetness?

  - Yes, my masked enchanter.

  - What about a date tomorrow evening?

  - A date? Oooooo...... I'm so excited! Come on, even if I were booked for an appointment at that time, I intentionally and deliberately cancel it! But I'm as free as a bird and I'll be right there.

  - Ha ha ha ha ha........... There is an added information to it.

  - Okay?

  - I have booked for a couple's garden at the First Date Eatery for a candle lit dinner for only you and me.

  - Eurekaaaa!!!................

  When the Masked
Poet ushered Delight out of the car and into the premises of the First Date Eatery, she was awed by the sights she saw. At the far west of the eatery, the couple's garden chosen for this romantic dinner was very visible as it stood out from the rest. From the middle of the premises, she could see the beautifully designed frame whose structure is articulated by the multi coloured shinny bulbs that line and light it. At the garden, in the middle was a sumptuously prepared table with candle lights everywhere around it. The beauty queen was held spellbound. She felt she was breathless for about five long minutes!

  Her prince led her to her seat, brought out the chair as she sat on it the way it is held for ladies and the way ladies are so treated.

  'Sweetheart, this is beautiful!...... She exclaimed most excitedly.

  'Hope you like it.' He asked.

  - Absolutely! I'm so overwhelmed.

  - Actually, I feel more should be done for a beauty queen than the ordinary. I sure know I'll do more but for now, bear with me as I start on this ordinary note.

  - Noooo...... This is not ordinary. It may be elsewhere, but in Nigeria, it is a huge statement of intent a guy does this for a lady. But really deary, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You see, each time I'm with you I just know I'm loved and I feel great undeniable peace within.

  - I was only saying I can do more; you just discouraged me.

  - Noooo!........ Come on, you go ahead! I actually want more but I also learned appreciative manners from my mum.

  - Don't mind me. I'm just being comical. You know, I actually love it when you appreciate me. You make me want to dethrone President Trump and make you the reigning president of the United States when you appreciate me like that!

  - Ha ha ha ha......................

  - But sweetness, for tonight, I have more in store.

  - Really?

  - Yes. But first, let me burst your bubble: I don't have poems today.

  - Oooooohhh............Why na? I want it o. I was actually expecting it will be another moment of soul wetting poems even more than the beauty you have made of this place.

  - Actually too, I mean I have more than a poem.