The Double Life: A Novel By Shea Lynn

by Shea Lynn

  There was a time in my life when all I wanted was not to need Dayna. I wanted not to want her. And now, I can’t help but laugh at how foolish I’d been. There was no way I could have ever fought the power of my connection with her. The image that comes to mind is a guppy trying to swim against a rushing current. No matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t escape the sweeping pull of needing her.

  I lived a double life for so many years, that sometimes it feels very strange that all of my cards are out on the table. I don’t have any more dark hidden secrets. No more hiding. No more lying. No more emotional drama. My hair has grown back and is healthy once again. I no longer need sleeping pills to get a good night’s rest and I don’t walk around angry anymore.

  They finally offered me partner. But I didn’t take it. By the time they offered it to me, I didn’t want it any more. It felt hollow. I was busy creating my new life and for once, my career came second to living.

  Dayna gets sad sometimes. Her parents have cut off all contact with her, but in the midst of divorcing Cameron and coming out, she became her sister’s biggest hero. Debbie keeps her posted on the latest goings on with Rev. Taylor and the First Lady. It helps that my mother has welcomed her into the Campbell family fold and my sister has adopted her as well. She and Karen talk at least every other week and I can’t believe my partner has a stronger relationship with my sister than I ever did.

  I’m nervous. I've been to the jeweler and gotten the ring. I've made reservations at our favorite Italian restaurant. I've bought us similar, but not identical dresses for our evening out. All planned with me setting the perfect tone to propose to the woman I love.

  Yes. Propose.

  We live together. We share the same space. We have a nice, boring, ordinary, domestic life. But I want her to wear my ring. I want to share that with her. I want to world to know she’s mine.

  Her dress is a soft creamy, yellow with no sleeves. It's beaded around the edges and it hangs beautifully. It'll show off her legs and I have a feeling I won't be able to stop touching them.

  I know I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am.

  I love this woman. I love her more than I ever knew I could and my love for her has my heart open and exposed.

  I take a quick shower and as I rush soap and water across my skin, my mind plays back every detail I've set in motion. Inevitably, my thoughts drive me to the moment I've planned.

  Tonight, when she is seated across from me at dinner, and the waiter brings out the ring on a bed of white roses, I hope that her eyes say “yes” before her luscious lips move.

  And I hope that she’ll always know how much she’s loved and wanted by me.

  And one day, when we walk down an aisle in whatever state or country acknowledges our commitment, I hope she she’ll look into my eyes and know that she’s the only one for me.

  And that a life with her by my side…

  In my bed,

  Holding my hand,

  Wiping my tears,

  Making me smile,

  Celebrating my joys,

  And

  Embracing me in my sorrows,

  Is the only life I want to live.

  And if you get time, send up a little prayer for me.

  Scratch that. Send up a little prayer for us.

  About the author

  Shea Lynn

  Shea Lynn makes her home in south Texas.

  When she's not writing, she enjoys watching The Golden Girls, reading great novels, international travel, and studying medicine.

  If you are struggling with your faith and your sexuality, there is a better way. Please check the website for Metropolitan Community Church or the HRC website for religious resources.

  www.mccchurch.org

  https://www.hrc.org/resources/faith-resources