by Ellen Joy
It would have been easy to say no to Olivia. She could have watched Mae while Olivia volunteered at the church’s annual spring lunch, but here she was, pulling casseroles out of the oven as the whole town of Prairie Valley streamed into the Fellowship Hall.
“The tradition started long before I came to town,” Pastor Phil said to Hannah as he pulled off the tinfoil. “Can I count you in for Sunday School classes this fall?”
“Sure, Pastor Phil.” Hannah was happy to help with Sunday school. At first, she’d worried that her history might make people not want their children learning about the Bible from her, the sinner, but no one had said anything. At least, not to her face.
Rosie tucked ladles into the dishes. “Mama, you made that tuna casserole again? Seriously?”
Hannah laughed.
“There are plenty of alternatives,” Maggie snapped back.
“There’s enough here to feed an army,” Annie said, pulling more dishes out of the oven.
“It started for the farmers,” Maggie said. “A way to bless the new spring planting.”
Hannah loved the idea, but worried that a certain someone who she had been successfully avoiding might come. She was embarrassed by her little tantrum in front of his girlfriend. Jake Malloy was just a nice guy. Why wouldn’t he offer to walk with her and her daughter? Why wouldn’t he tell his family about her situation? It made for a good story. He didn’t tell her much of anything about his life, so why would she expect him to tell her about his girlfriend?
She owed him an apology.
She should’ve passed on attending the church luncheon and stayed home, because apologizing in front of two hundred people wasn’t something she looked forward to. Everyone would be up in her business.
She tried to think about Jake and what she would say, but images of her aborted visit to her dad kept intruding. She’d gone through a brief period of doubt the previous night, when shame and embarrassment made her question his actions and her own. After all, she was the daughter who’d gotten herself pregnant, who left home and never went back.
But as she stewed in her emotions while pretending everything was fine in front of Emma, she got angrier and angrier. How could he not want to meet his own granddaughter? She knew if she told Emma about him, she’d want to meet him. She wouldn’t bat an eye at the fact he’d never once engaged in her life before now.
Now, standing here in the house of the Lord, she felt cursed.
As if to prove her point, Jake Malloy walked into the gathering with Allison on his arm.
When his mother invited him to lunch, he hadn’t known she meant the Spring Blessing.
“It’s good to see you,” she said, leaning over for his kiss on the cheek as she got into his car. Her familiar smell of Chanel took him back years.
“I’d like to have dinner at your place.” She tossed the ball into his court.
He didn’t answer at first, just closed the door behind him. “I’d love to have everyone over.”
“Just me and Ted this time,” she said firmly.
“What’s going on?” he asked, not beating around the bush. Church today. Dinner with Ted at his house?
“You can’t just avoid us,” she said.
“I’ve been avoiding Ted,” he snapped.
She scowled. “Ted is us.”
How could she never see things from his point of view? Why was it always easier for her to see the good in that man? And why was it always Jake’s problem to fix?
“It’s not like he’s banging down my door.”
“You wouldn’t let him in.”
He shook his head, but gave in. “Fine, let’s have dinner. I’ll cook.”
She squeezed his arm. “That sounds great.”
She patted his hand, then pointed to an open parking space. He pulled in… then realized he was parking next to a familiar car.
“I ran into Allison this morning.” His mother waved at her, standing outside her car, waiting for them.
“You invited Allison?” It felt like a ton of manure just dropped on his head.
“She invited herself! I couldn’t very well refuse. I figured you could have that talk with her,” his mother said, pretending not to notice the sudden tension.
“At a church luncheon?” he said in disbelief.
She shrugged. “I’m not saying right this second, but you shouldn’t keep pretending this is what you want.”
He groaned as he opened the door. He knew, walking into the Concordia Lutheran Church, that Hannah was probably inside.
“Morning, Elaine.” A church elder greeted them. “I see you’ve brought our hometown hero.”
“Good to see you, Mr. Carlson.” Jake reached out his hand.
“Good to see you, too, soldier.” He gave him a salute after their handshake. “Glad to see you’re back in Prairie Valley.”
“We’re all glad he’s back,” Allison said, and tucked her arm into his. She seemed to have forgotten all about their argument. “Should we get something to eat?”
He looked at the ceiling and regretted everything about that moment.
The first person he saw when he walked into the reception was Hannah. She stood behind the serving counter, wrapped in an apron and looking like a Rembrandt angel.
Allison dropped his arm, suddenly noticing the direction of his gaze. Under her breath, she said, “I guess that’s why your mother was the one who invited me.”
The hall was full of farmers and ranchers. Pastor Anita welcomed the crowd and thanked those helping with the meal and prep. Jake looked at Hannah, and her eyes were on him. Allison squeezed his arm, nudging closer to him.
“Dear Father,” Pastor Anita began the blessing. Hannah’s head bowed, and Jake finally looked away. He felt a bit rattled, shaken and uncomfortable as he stood there, praying for a good season. “Give these men and woman a spring of equal rain and warm sun, a summer free of drought and disease, and a harvest so bountiful it will feed our community. We give thanks to you, oh Lord, for providing the rain and the sun, the earth and the seed, and the patience to get through all our hardships.”
The room was completely silent as people listened and prayed. But all Jake could think about was the fact that Hannah had smiled at him.
When the blessing was done, everyone got in line for the meal. The closer he got to Hannah, the closer Allison clung to him. He wished he had never come. He wished a lot of things at that moment.
“Hi.” She smiled when he greeted her, a warm, welcoming kind of smile. “It’s nice to see you.”
Allison squeezed his arm and pointed to the tables. “We should sit, before there are no spots left.”
He smiled back at Hannah and said to Allison, “I’ll meet you there.”
She gave him a look, and Hannah another. Her eyebrows were raised in annoyance. “Fine.”
He just wanted to do the right thing, and that was to apologize. “Look, Hannah, I just want to say I’m–”
“It’s fine,” she interrupted him. “Allison’s right, the seats fill up fast, you should go.”
She scooped up another serving and turned to the next person in line.
“Hannah.” He didn’t move, and Mr. Anderson went around him.
She lifted an empty serving dish. “I should go get some more food from the kitchen.”
With that, she was gone.
During the meal, he listened to the old timers tell their horror stories about farming. The ’69 flood, the drought of ’84, and the millennial beetle infestation. Allison didn’t say a word and his mother never stopped talking, ignoring the disaster right in front of her.
As the meal ended and people started to leave, he turned to Allison when his mother was distracted by another conversation. He was a dirty rotten scoundrel.
“Is there something going on between you and that girl?” she asked.
How could he explain that there wasn’t anything between them, but he hoped someday there might be? He was a fool, and he knew it.
; “I think I may have feelings for her.”
She let out a short, shocked laugh, then tears sprang into her eyes before sliding down her cheeks.
“I’m really sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” she hissed, jerking her head around to see who might be watching. “You always just think of yourself. You’re the most selfish person I know, Jake Malloy.” She stood up dramatically, grabbing her purse. She stared down at him, her face red with anger. “How could you just lead me on like you did?”
She was right. He had been a flat-out jerk for not doing this sooner.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“Whatever. You’ll never be happy, you enjoy being miserable too much.”
Elaine sat open-mouthed, watching Allison stomp away.
“What just happened?” she asked.
He shook his head but kept his mouth closed. Thank goodness, almost no one was paying attention… except, he realized, Hannah. She appeared to have seen everything.
Did she know he wished he could’ve sat next to her at the blessing? That she, not Allison, was the kind of woman he’d like to invite to dinner with his mother? The kind of woman he’d like to actually spend time with. She was strong, yet tender-hearted, kind, confident, and incredibly brave.
But he had given Prairie Valley enough to talk about for one afternoon. When he left with his mother, he peeked into the kitchen, but she was nowhere in sight.
After dropping off his mom, he decided he couldn’t wait any longer. He went home and wrote a letter.
Maggie greeted him warmly as she opened the door to the farmhouse.
He stood on her front porch, hoping that Maggie would have some compassion for a guy who had made so many mistakes when it came to people’s hearts.
“I apologize for coming unannounced, but I was hoping you could give this to Hannah.” He handed over the letter, then removed his hat and held it in both hands.
Maggie took it and opened the door wider. “Would you like to come in for some tea?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t want to impose. I was just hoping that you could give that to her the next time she comes around.”
Maggie smiled and winked. “Sure will, Jake.”
Maybe he’d read her completely wrong. Maybe the letter was a bad idea. Maybe he was a selfish jerk like Allison said, but he had to try.
“Thanks, Maggie, I really appreciate it.”
The paper was expensive, thick and heavy. He’d folded it carefully into thirds, and the writing looked like it had been done with a fountain pen.
“This is so romantic!” Olivia said, looking over Hannah’s shoulder, eating a bowl of cereal as she stood there in a business suit. Her practice had been picking up, and she had Hannah on all week.
“He’s a real nice guy,” Jesse said from the table, scooping up yogurt for baby Mae. “He’s been doing a fabulous job on Sam’s barn. Hard worker.”
“He was with his girlfriend at church the other day,” she reminded them.
“This is a confession of love!” Olivia grabbed the letter from Hannah’s hand. “I haven’t stopped thinking of you… I think you’re amazing… I want to know if this is real!”
Hannah couldn’t believe it herself. The words were poetic, yet very blunt, which made her blush and feel uncomfortable. Especially with the whole house reading over her shoulder before she knew what the letter contained.
“Something must be wrong with him.” Hannah grabbed the paper and folded it back into the envelope. She heard light feet running toward the house. “Not a word in front of Emma,” she warned Olivia.
Olivia made an x over her chest. “But you should totally go for it.”
“Enough, Liv,” she warned, as Emma and Maggie returned from the barn.
“You ready for school?” Hannah asked. Emma had started taking the bus and coming home again straight to the farm on days when Hannah watched Mae.
“Yes,” she said. “We’re just getting some treats for Midnight.” The horse was Emma’s favorite.
Maggie pulled a big bag of carrots out of the fridge. “Let’s cut some of these up for him and the rest of the horses before the bus gets here.”
Hannah stuffed the letter in her back pocket and took in the scene before her. Everything was coming together. Sure, things were still tight, but she’d been able to cover the rent and late fee. Olivia and Jesse paid her well, she was earning more than she had made at Hooley’s. Emma was ecstatic to be able to spend so much time at the farm, and if Hannah was honest, so was she.
Someday, she promised herself, she would have a place like this to call home.
The letter burned in her back pocket for the rest of the morning, and even more so when it was just her and Mae at the farm. She pictured Jake just down the road, on the porch with Millie. She still couldn’t believe that he could possibly be honest about what he’d written to her.
Around lunchtime, she gave in and plopped Mae into the stroller, heading toward his place. Mae babbled contentedly, stretching out her arm to let her fingertips brush the nodding tops of the grasses alongside the road.
The smell of ferns and dewed stalks of grass permeated the air around her. A buzz of insects sang in the background as she swung up the driveway and looked out at the white farmhouse. Two dormers adorned the second story. They needed window boxes filled with bright colored petunias, she thought.
She knocked on the door and heard Millie’s trotters click against the floor as he called out, “I’m coming, hold on!”
The door swung open, and there stood Jake.
“Hannah.” He smiled.
“Hey.” She looked back at Mae, sitting in her stroller at the bottom of the steps. “We were on a walk, and I have something to say…”
She wanted to talk about the letter, but it was so personal, too personal to just blurt out how she felt. Was she behaving like a teenager with a crush? Or just a fool?
“I read the letter, and I…” she trailed off as he stepped out of the house with Millie.
“I just wanted to tell you how I felt…” he said, almost on top of her.
“I saw you with your girlfriend the other day,” she reminded him.
“Yes, but I didn’t know she was coming. I didn’t invite her. Look, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time we met. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and…” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know if you even liked me.”
“Does she know about this?” She pulled the letter out, holding it carefully in both hands.
“No, but I told her I have feelings for you. It’s over between us.”
He told Allison he had feelings for her? Her heart pounded hard in her throat, closing her windpipe. Her cheeks heated up, and she looked away.
“I’m technically married, you know.”
He didn’t say anything. How could he? It was pretty obvious he didn’t really understand her situation, which made everything even more awkward.
“Where is he, then?” he asked, almost defiantly.
“What?”
“If Troy was really your husband, he would be here, helping you, caring for you, loving you. Protecting you.” Jake stepped closer to her, and she could smell a mixture of cologne and damp earth. “If you and Troy were truly married, then you wouldn’t be standing here.”
“I… but I mean legally…” She shook her head. “I can’t just run around with another man.”
“Hannah, I don’t want to run around.” He stepped even closer. “I want to be with you.”
“There’s more than just Troy to consider.” She exhaled loudly, stepping back from him. “I have Emma.”
“My dad was like Troy, and he never changed. I don’t want to push you, Hannah, I’ll never do that,” he said. His eyes held hers like a magnet. “But I’m all in.”
Hanna’s instincts told her he was one of the good ones. The kind of guy she had been dreaming about. But so many times she had been wrong about people. She passed
the letter back to him. A pain set in as she gave away one of the nicest gifts she had ever received, though she had his words memorized.
“I… think it’s better if we just stick to being neighbors.”
Chapter 7
Neighbors. That was worse than friends. Jake didn’t leave his farm for days. Once he did leave, he prayed each time he drove by the Boudreau Farm that he wouldn’t have to see her. He should’ve done so many things differently. Allison had been a distraction. Hannah was something else entirely.
“Jake!” Olivia called out as she climbed out of her Land Rover at the Broken Eagle Ranch. She ran up to him and put a hand on his arm. “I have a confession to make. I read your letter.”
Oh, dear Lord. “Uh…”
“Don’t let her attitude fool you, she really does like you.”
“She told me she’s married.”
“She’s scared.” Olivia crossed her arms against her chest. “She’s never had someone who truly loved her before, someone she can trust. For ten years, she has been included in every celebration, every holiday at our place, yet she still doesn’t consider herself part of the family. She even has a stocking on my mantle at Christmas, and she still can’t fully trust us.”
Jake thought about his own life. If his mother hadn’t escaped the abuse when she did, he was sure his own trust issues would be even worse. “I think she needs me to give her some space.”
“No. You need to come to Mae’s christening.” Olivia handed over an invitation.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, handing the envelope back. “I don’t want to make Hannah uncomfortable.”
“Then just come as a neighbor. Right?” She passed back the invitation. “Don’t forget to pick some wildflowers on your way!”
Olivia patted his arm and took off before he could get another word out. He stared at the invitation. This could blow up in his face. Hannah might think he was a pushy creeper. Or… maybe she would just get to know him better, like he wanted. And he wanted to know everything about her. Not so much her past, but what she wanted for the future. What she wished for, and what she dreamed about. What worried her, and what brought her joy.