by Ellen Joy
He flicked the envelope with his finger. What should he do?
Olivia handed a piece of paper over to Hannah. “It’s time.”
She recognized the outline of the Capitol at the top, with the printed words, The State of Minnesota. It was a divorce decree. Hannah’s full name was typed out, along with Troy’s.
“I can’t afford this.”
“I’m doing this for you.”
Hannah shook her head, handing back the paper. “No, I can’t be a charity case any longer.”
“First of all, you’re family, not a charity case.” Olivia slid it back across the table. “It’s time, Hannah. It’s time to let Troy go.”
Hannah looked down at the decree. It looked so simple. A single document with her name and address.
“I can’t afford an attorney like you.” Hannah shook her head.
“Hannah, this is a no-brainer,” Olivia said. “You deserve this.”
“Olivia, I can get my own divorce, you know.”
“Stop it.” Olivia slammed her hands on the table. “There’s a great guy who wants to get to know you, right down that dirt road, on a perfect little farm, all your dreams within your reach. And you are purposefully walking away. No, you’re running away.”
“I’m not!”
“Yes, you are.” Olivia pointed at her. “I love you, Hannah, and I’ve had to watch you spend your entire life punishing yourself. Why are you so afraid of being happy?”
“Because he’s going to leave, just like everyone else does!” Hannah blurted, before she could stop herself.
Olivia tilted her head. “How do you know that, if you won’t even try?”
“Ugh, Olivia!” She shifted in her seat, trying to hold back tears. “You have everything you always wanted. I have a father who doesn’t even want to meet my daughter, and a husband who couldn’t stand to live with me for more than a few months. My track record speaks for itself!”
“Look, I know you’ve had it hard, but you can’t just give up on life.” Olivia shook her head. “Jake’s a really great guy who likes you and admires you. You owe it to yourself to give this a chance.”
“Troy’s not going to just let me go.” There. She’d finally admitted what she really feared. Troy would never go along with a divorce, and the idea of the bitter fights and public humiliation it would provoke made her shudder.
“Are you worried about what Troy might do? Then move back here, to the farm.”
“What?”
“Move back. The apartment’s empty, and would be more convenient for both of us, anyways.”
“Oh…”
“Look, the truth is, Hannah, Troy isn’t going to need a divorce decree to do something stupid. He’s overdue for something stupid right now.” Olivia didn’t mince words. “But you have a choice about making up excuses as to why you can’t be happy. Maybe you won’t be happy with Jake. But that’s life. You try, and if you fail, you pick yourself up and try again. Don’t waste your whole life just flying in a holding pattern.”
Hannah wanted to tell her closest and dearest friend to just stop, because the truth made her heart ache.
“Why are you so bossy?”
Olivia shrugged. “I just can’t watch you being down on yourself any longer. It’s time to make a change.”
“It’s not just Troy, it’s everything.” The floodgates opened. “I thought having cancer would change my dad, make him see that I’ve done OK for myself, but he couldn’t wait to see the back of me.” She brushed away a tear, laughing at how pathetic she must look. “And then there are the bills, and Emma’s growing up, and everything she needs gets more expensive every year, and my car needs repairs, and… and…”
“Then move to the farm!” Olivia took her arms, steadying her. “How many more signs do you need, to show you that you belong here?”
Jake had breakfast at the diner with his brother and sister. They sat outside on the patio, overlooking the park and river. Even on a Sunday morning, Prairie Valley was filled with tourists and boaters. A red trolley bus on wheels, not rails, shuttled gray-haired sightseers around.
Today was Baby Mae’s christening, and as much as he dreaded seeing Hannah, he longed for it, too.
“Are you serious right now?” Julia looked like he had punched her in the gut. “You want me to help you find a gift for the kid of the guy who dumped me?”
“Sorry, I didn’t really think about it like that.”
“Hannah’s a fool not to jump at the chance of dating a guy like you.” Julia meant well, but he knew she didn’t see the same Hannah that he did.
“You’re my sister. You’re supposed to say that.”
“You’re a catch! Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t see it.”
“She’s different.” Not only that, he felt different. Something had shifted in the way he thought about life now, as if there was something to look forward to, something to work toward, something he wanted. Julia didn’t know what it was like to have trust issues. Her needs had always been met. Jake’s father had taught him one thing, and that was to never fully trust anyone. He knew that with someone like Hannah, he’d need to prove himself.
“Speaking of Hannah, guess who was looking for a job the other day?” Josh asked, then took a bite of bacon.
“Who?” Jake took the last sip of his coffee.
“Troy Higgins.”
He almost spit out his drink. “Troy?”
Josh nodded. “And he said he had a run-in with you.”
Jake couldn’t believe he’d bring that story up at an interview. “He talked about me?”
“Says he’s been clean and sober since.”
This was news to him. “What?”
“Says he started a twelve-step program and found God.” Josh shook his head. “I’ve never had an experience like that before in my life. He comes to the job site downtown at the condos, and just lays everything out, right there. How he has a family, how he lost his job, and was in this really bad spot. And how my brother fought him in aisle twelve.”
Jake mulled this information over in his head.
“Seems like he’s really trying to get his family back together.”
He wondered if Hannah knew anything about this.
“Are you going to hire him?” He thought about the Gunderson barn. Would Troy work for Josh downtown, or would they dump him at Jake’s jobsite?
Josh shrugged. “I’m always looking for someone to do cleanup work.”
Site cleanup was the bottom of the barrel at a construction site. Jake knew that well – he’d done plenty of it, ever since he was a teenager. Pieces of drywall, insulation, sharp wires, all had to be piled into dumpsters for removal. And stickers. There were always lots and lots of stickers to remove, on windows, appliances, tubs, you name it. Jake had cleaned and scraped till his hands were raw.
“Have you ever done that job?” Jake asked his brother.
“What?”
“Cleaned up a site?”
“No, why? Have you?”
“I did it all the time.”
He shouldn’t be surprised that yet another family member hadn’t even noticed how differently Ted treated him.
“Look, should I hire this guy?”
Jake scowled. “Why are you asking me?”
“Because I don’t know what happened between you and Allison, but she’s all upset about you hanging out with this Hannah, who happens to be this guy’s wife, who you fought in the grocery store.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
Josh took a bite of his eggs. “This whole thing with Allison is making Veronica upset.”
“Sorry, man, but we were not good for each other.” Jake shook his head.
“I’d be careful,” Josh warned. “That guy seems off.”
Jake didn’t need anyone to tell him that. And if that was what Josh really thought, why was he even considering hiring him?
Josh looked at his phone. “I’ve got to get going. Do yo
u mind sticking around for the bill?” He threw down some twenties on the table.
Jake hesitated as his siblings got up to leave. The morning sun felt good, and the view of the river was nice. But his nerves were jittery as he thought about the christening.
Was Hannah aware of Troy’s newfound enlightenment?
He almost felt for the guy. If Hannah was his wife, he’d certainly never let go, and he’d never be able to walk away from his daughter. The fact that Emma was one of the happiest teenagers he had ever met showed what kind of a mother she was.
When he got home, he spent a long time getting ready. He pulled out a new razor, dabbed on an expensive aftershave his mother had given him for a Christmas gift, and wore the suit he’d picked up for Victor’s funeral.
He walked, carrying a card with a check, and picked some wildflowers on the way, just like Olivia had commanded. Cars and trucks were parked all up and down the road near the farm.
When he walked up the drive, he saw the enormous event tent and heard people talking and laughing and having a good time. Music played from inside. Just as he walked up the drive, Maggie came outside and saw him.
“Jake! You made it!” She gestured with an empty pitcher. “Everyone’s in the tent.”
He nodded, looking down at his flowers, feeling suddenly foolish for bringing them to a Christening.
Inside, he saw the usual faces from town. Every Boudreau and Gunderson, kids running everywhere. He saw Pastor Phil and some other familiar faces from church, even his school Principal, Mr. Studer.
It wasn’t until a slow song started to play that he saw her. Hannah stood at the other end of the tent with Olivia and Jesse, holding Mae in her arms. She wore a blue dress that brought out sparkling color in her eyes. Her long silky hair flowed down her back. He wasn’t sure if she saw him, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
He went straight to her with the flowers in his hand. She looked up as he approached. The right side of Olivia’s mouth quirked up and she plucked Mae out of Hannah’s arms. She and Jesse excused themselves.
“These are for you,” he said.
“For me?” She looked confused.
“Yes, for you… neighbor.” He smiled.
Chapter 8
Hannah had never felt so happy in all her life. Being part of the ceremony, seeing Emma in her new dress, the beautiful surroundings, the music, and Jake’s look sent her spinning with joy. She knew she looked good, especially in the outfit Olivia practically forced her to borrow. The blue dress fit her perfectly, accentuated all the right places, and she felt sexy for what felt like the first time since Emma was born.
She had pretended not to notice Jake when he walked up the drive, but she could feel him looking at her. All her doubts seemed to vanish in the happiness of the gathering.
“They’re beautiful,” she said, lowering her face to the small bouquet.
“You look beautiful,” he said, and the back of her neck heated up.
“Thank you.”
“Look, the other day–”
Hannah shook her head. “Let’s not.”
He looked like he didn’t know what to say next. Silence filled the space between them. Then he said, “Would you like to dance?”
She was surprised by the request. She had never actually been asked to dance before. She hadn’t gone to senior prom, because she was so pregnant the school didn’t think it was appropriate. Troy had never asked her to any of the high school dances. Troy thought dancing was for sissies.
“Yes, I’d like that very much.”
The song was soft and slow, and other couples were swaying on the floor. He held her hand and placed his other lightly on the small of her back. She breathed in a clean, crisp, citrusy scent as she danced close to him.
“I’ve never seen a party like this for a christening before,” he said.
Hannah laughed and looked out at the crowd. “Jesse and Olivia always throw big parties for everything.”
“It’s nice,” Jake said, swaying her to the melody.
Something about the way he enjoyed the over-the-top celebration made her feel even happier, if that was possible. The cousins ran and giggled with Emma, the sisters all danced with their men, the whole town fawned over Mae, and Jake danced with his heartbeat so close she could almost feel it. Life couldn’t get any better.
After the song was over, Jake led her to the side, away from prying eyes. She looked around to see if people were watching them. They’d see her blush, for sure.
He looked down at her. “That was nice.”
“Yes, it was.” Their eyes locked, and something electrifying happened between them. A feeling she had never felt before. He slowly leaned toward her, as if he was about to kiss her. And at that moment, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Troy. He held a gift wrapped in pink paper, with a pretty bow on top. And he was staring right at her.
“I… I have to go.” She dropped Jake’s hand and headed toward the entrance before the others could notice the new arrival.
Of all the days Troy could have shown up to the house, why did it have to be today?
“What are you doing here?” she hissed as he stood there, looking at her in disbelief slowly shading to anger.
“Were you dancing with Jake Malloy?”
She glanced over her shoulder and saw Jake watching them, clearly concerned. She grabbed Troy’s arm and dragged him out of the tent.
“What do you want, Troy?”
He dropped his head, and only when she saw his shoulders shake did she realize he was crying.
“Troy?”
“Hannah, I am so sorry for the way I’ve treated you,” he cried out. “I love you and Emma, and I want to do whatever I can to be a family again.”
He knelt down on one knee and opened a black velvet box. Inside was a bigger, more elaborate diamond ring than her original Walmart band.
“Troy, where did you get the money for that?”
“I’m putting my life back together, for real this time.”
The same old promise that he’d broken over and over again.
“Troy, no. We are not doing this again.”
He took her hands and held on tight. “Please, Hannah. I’ve screwed up, but I’m working on fixing myself. I promise I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.”
She turned her head, wishing she could just vanish into the ground to escape this embarrassing scene, and saw Jake standing in front of the tent, arms crossed over his chest.
She turned back to Troy on his knees, tears streaming down his face. “Please, Hannah. For Emma.”
Anger burned in Hannah’s chest. From inside the tent, she heard cheering and clapping. She hoped whatever was happening would distract people a little longer. “This isn’t going to happen. You need to let go.”
“What?” Troy stood up. The tears dried up instantly, and dark shadows covered his eyes. “Are you serious?’
“Go. I mean it, Troy.”
“I’m not leaving without you!”
He put a heavy, possessive hand on her arm, and Jake was there so fast he almost seemed to have teleported.
He grabbed Troy by the collar and threw him back, sending him stumbling to the ground. The ring box fell out of Troy’s hand, bouncing against the grass.
Troy got up and charged Jake with a roar. “Stay away from my wife!” Troy threw a punch, missing Jake by inches.
“Leave Hannah alone!”
Hannah ran back to the tent. People were clapping and cheering, the music still obscuring the scene outside.
Olivia grabbed her arm. “Oh my God, Hannah!” Olivia’s beamed. “You just missed it! Aunt Rosie’s pregnant! They’re hoping for a girl!”
She looked at Hannah and saw something was wrong. “What is it?” she asked, setting down her drink.
Hannah pointed to the entrance, stifling a sob. “Troy showed up, and now he’s in a fight with Jake!”
Olivia’s expression grew grim and she grabbed Jessie, who was sta
nding a few feet away, chatting with a neighbor. She dragged him, protesting, out of the tent, with Hannah following behind.
“Get out of here, Higgins!” Olivia yelled out, but Jake was holding him fast as Troy squirmed and flailed his arms.
Jesse scowled. “You never learn your lesson, do you Troy?”
“Okay! Okay! I won’t fight,” Troy promised, holding up his hands in surrender, but Hannah didn’t trust a word that came out of his mouth.
Jake slowly loosed his grip.
“I swear I’m making changes, good changes, ask Pastor Phil,” he pleaded. “I got a job, ask Jake. Ask him. I work at the construction site.”
Hannah looked at Jake.
Jake wanted to pretend he didn’t know, make Troy look like the jerk he was, but Jake wasn’t a liar. “That’s true,” he said grudgingly.
He dropped Troy’s arm, and the little man cowered away from him.
Olivia pointed to the road. “Get out of here, before I call the police.”
Hannah just hoped he’d give in before Emma or any of the other kids noticed what was happening.
Olivia pulled out her phone, but Hannah put a hand on her arm. “Olivia, stop. He’s going to leave. Right, Troy?”
“Don’t ever step foot back on this property,” Jesse said.
“Whatever. Hannah, you’ve always been a selfish slut.” He spit on the ground and stalked away. Olivia stood protectively in front of Hannah as Jake and Jesse escorted Troy from the property.
“You need to call the police next time, Hannah,” Olivia said, as she watched him get into his car.
“He’s Emma’s dad, Olivia.” She could feel all the happiness, all the joy, drain out of the day. And in its place, the old feeling of being an outsider crept back inside her. She didn’t belong at the farm, because her life would always have a Troy, or a Joel.
She didn’t belong in the Boudreau’s circle. Or with a guy like Jake Malloy. They’d never understand where she came from, and they’d never understand the hard choices she had to make.
She walked away without saying another word, without even a glance over her shoulder. Jake really didn’t know what to make of it.