Just Breathe Again

by C. A. Harms

  “You still mad at me?” He asked this question just as he placed one hand on each of my hips. He didn’t make any further attempts, just waited for my response.

  “I wasn’t mad.”

  “Oh, you were mad.” A husky chuckle rolled from his lips. “I should probably admit that, when you get that way, it only makes you more desirable.”

  I turned in his hold and looked up at him with an arch of my eyebrow.

  “You’re going for intimidation, but I can assure you that you don’t scare me.”

  “Is that right?” He was flirting with me, and I could sense the brat inside of me faltering. I didn’t want to find him irresistible. I wanted to stand my ground, but I was fading fast. Aaron kept offering me the smile of his that made my stomach feel as though it was filled with hundreds of butterflies.

  He gripped my hips and slid his hands slowly around to my back. This was still so new to me, the flirtatious way he had become. It was so distracting in the best kind of way.

  “I would like to apologize for not running it by you first.” I noticed the way his gaze shifted to my lips. On instinct, I licked them, and his eyes narrowed, just before his own lips parted slightly.

  “How do you plan on apologizing?”

  Shifting his stare from my eyes to my lips, I waited patiently for his next move. Anticipation rolled through me in waves while I hoped that he left behind all hesitation and just went for a kiss.

  I desperately wanted him to kiss me.

  “I’m going for distraction.” The corner of his lip tipped upward in a smirk. “I figure that if I give you something better to think about, you will forget about being mad.”

  “Smooth.” I couldn’t help but smile at him in return.

  “I thought so too.” His whispered words fanned out over my lips as he moved in closer.

  “You should know that I am willing to continue on with my plan until you forget. Lots and lots of distraction coming your way.”

  Softly, he pressed his lips to mine, and my body sagged against his, a sigh falling from my lips.

  “That didn’t take long.” I ignored the arrogance in his voice and reached up to grip the back of his head. Pulling him closer, I hoped I gave him all the persuasion he needed to stop talking and do more kissing.

  Chapter Forty

  Aaron

  Things had most definitely shifted between Faith and me. Everything felt different, every touch, every lingering look, it was surreal.

  I felt like I could breathe for the first time in such a long time without that lingering ache that almost crippled me.

  We sat on the couch, side by side, Faith’s head rested on my shoulder. Her body contoured to mine, and I could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo. Coconut maybe. All I knew was that, whatever it was, it was now my new favorite scent.

  Absentmindedly, I combed my fingers through her hair, feeling the silkiness of it. The movie that was playing on the television had been on for more than an hour, but I had no clue what it was about. My focus was on Faith.

  I watched as her eyes began to droop, though I wasn’t sure it was related to being tired. She bit her lower lip, her hand that was on her lap fisting the blanket tightly. I continued to toy with her hair, making sure the tips of my fingers grazed over her neck in the process.

  Her mouth grew slack and she quickly pressed her tongue to her teeth. Taking it one step further, I formed light circles with my fingertip over her shoulder, watching as chills covered her shoulders and a shiver rolled through her body.

  I paused, feeling my own excitement take over, but knowing I needed to be sure I wasn’t reading the signs the wrong way.

  When she finally looked up and she found me watching her, she didn’t try to look away.

  Instead, she allowed her head to rest back against my arm, opening up her neck and inviting me without saying the words.

  Faith looked so beautiful, so relaxed.

  It had taken us forever to get to the point where we were now. I found that I loved how settled we'd become, and more than anything I looked forward to where we would go from here.

  “I like this,” I confessed, watching as her throat bobbed from a nervous swallow. “I’m sorry it took us so long to get here.” She closed her eyes, but only for a few seconds before opening them once more and giving me a reassuring nod. “Falling in love with you wasn’t the problem. It never was.” Her eyes widened as she realized what I had just confessed, but I didn’t acknowledge it. She deserved to hear it. She deserved everything good, and I vowed at that moment to do all I could to ensure she got it. “You’re the light, the peace, and the healing power I needed but refused to accept.”

  A single tear fell from her eye and ran over her cheek. Lifting my finger, I caught it and pressed a kiss over its path.

  “I’ve been stubborn, Faith, but that’s over. I want a life with you. I need you.”

  “Me too,” she whispered.

  Leaning in, I pressed my lips to hers and could feel her tremble against. “I love you,” I whispered, kissing her quickly because I wasn’t quite ready to hear the words in return. It’s not that I didn’t want to hear them. I did. I just needed her to feel my own. I needed to reassure her that she had been the one I had wanted from my very first glance and that my resistance had never once been about her. It had been a long road to healing, but she was the one who had opened my eyes to the path. She was the one who made me see I wanted more.

  “I’ll never be able to apologize enough for what it took to get us here.”

  “Shh.” She pulled back and rested her forehead against mine. “We start now. We make new memories, and whatever it took to get us here no longer matters. We don’t focus on the past, Aaron. We focus on where we go from here.”

  “That sounds perfect.” From this day forward, Faith would know just how much she meant to me and how much I wanted her and our child. They were not a new beginning because Ivy would always be the moment my true life began, but these two were my here and my now. I would treasure every moment we were gifted.

  ***

  I hovered above her, still fully seated inside, as our eyes remained locked on each other, both still lost in the aftermath of one of the most intimate and earth-shaking experiences of my life.

  “That should have been our first time. It should have been just like that.”

  Her chest lifted, pressing her breasts to me, and her hard, pebbled nipples skimmed over my chest.

  Fuck, she was gorgeous—a beautiful soul.

  The way she looked up at me, a blissful look upon her face, shook me to my core.

  I didn’t want to move. I wanted to remain close to her. I wanted to feel her body pressed to mine, her warmth hugging me tightly. But I knew I had to.

  Rolling off her, I held her closer, still watching her. She was so relaxed, her eyes growing heavier and heavier with each passing second.

  When I saw that she was starting to doze off, I pressed a kiss to her temple and leaned in near her ear. “I love you, Faith.” She sighed, making me smile. “And I promise you, I always will.”

  “Me too.” Reaching out, she grasped my bicep and pulled my arm in tighter around her midsection.

  I lay in the darkness, watching her chest rise and fall over and over. Her eyes grew heavier until her breathing evened out and her head relaxed, curling in toward me.

  Remaining at her side, I watched Faith sleep, my hand resting on her belly. Finally allowing my own eyes to close, I thought of just what lay beneath my palm.

  Our child.

  I fell asleep dreaming of a little boy driving dump trucks and tractors through a pile of dirt in the backyard. Then my visions shifted to a dark-haired beauty spinning in circles as her little dress fanned out around her. But in both, Ivy was there too, sitting off in the distance, watching in silence. Almost like she was there, guarding them, watching over them, and keeping them safe.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Faith

  I stood in the doorway
of my dining room, staring into the living room at the man who had quickly found a way into the deepest part of my heart. He sat on my couch, wearing a comfortable pair of lounge pants and no shirt. He was so relaxed here, and I truly loved having him in my home. He spent more time here than at his own place, and so many times, I wanted to suggest he just move in with me. Then a familiar fear would strike, and I would find myself wondering if it was far too soon.

  He was watching the news, and there was a crash with about four cars that had piled up back to back on the interstate just outside of town. They had closed off a section of the road and were directing traffic around the accident. The scene was shot at a distance, but still, I could tell it was a bad accident.

  I moved farther into the room and sat down next to him. My eyes locked on the screen, watching the flashing lights and the rescue personnel move around the scene. Aaron’s hand rested upon my lower back before gently moving it up and down in a soothing manner.

  “That looks bad.” Not taking my eyes from the television, I felt my stomach twist into knots.

  “It is.” Gripping me by the hips, he pulled me in closer to him.

  Together, we watch in silence until the screen switched to something else, and I excused myself to check on the lasagna I had made for us in the oven.

  It wasn’t even ten minutes later when I entered the living room once again to find Aaron with my laptop perched on his lap. It really wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to use it to look things up, but as I approached and peeked over his shoulder, I was suddenly confused with what was up on the screen.

  I rounded the back of the couch and sat beside him, leaning over to read the screen.

  “Why exactly are you looking up armored vehicles and tanks?”

  “That right there.” He pointed to the screen. “If you and my child are on the road, I’m gonna make damned sure you’re safe.”

  I stared at him for a few seconds, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips, before I reached out and pushed the computer to the side as it slid from his lap to the cushion at his side. He looked at me dumbfounded until I carefully positioned myself over him, one knee on either side of his thighs. The second I settled in, straddling him, he gripped my hips in his big strong hands and locked his gaze on mine.

  Leaning in toward him, I pressed my lips to his and watched as his eyes fluttered shut.

  “You are adorable.” Whispering these words, I kissed him softly once more before pulling back and keeping my hands positioned on each side of his face.

  Aaron arched an eyebrow, which made me laugh lightly.

  “And I love that you want to protect us.”

  He nodded his head. “Always.”

  I believed him. I knew he would do anything to keep us safe.

  Curling my body in closer to his, I covered his mouth with mine once more and accepted the demanding kiss he had to offer. Hands roamed over my waist, slipping beneath the hem of my shirt, sent chills throughout my body.

  “Move in.” I said the words and instantly held my breath, waiting for him to freak, run, or worse. But he didn’t. His lips curled into a smile against my own, and his kiss grew more urgent.

  “I’m already one step ahead of you, sweetheart.”

  “Hm.” I tried to lean back to get a better look at him, but he had something else in mind. Standing from the couch, he kept hold of me and began to head toward the bedroom, gently lowering me onto the bed.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Aaron grabbed the waistband of his pants. He tauntingly began to lower them until his erection bounced freely before him. My eyes instantly settled there, and I swallowed hard, hearing him chuckle at my reaction. It didn’t matter how many times I had seen this man naked. Each time, it sent chills throughout my entire body. Aaron was strong and dominant. I loved how, in his arms, I felt so small and protected.

  “Was there a question you wanted to ask me?”

  “Uh, um.” Averting my eyes, I looked to the left, trying my very best to get my thoughts in check. Reconnecting my gaze with his, I found him smiling knowingly, but I refused to acknowledge it. “You said you were ahead of me. What did you mean by that?”

  “Already got everything at my place packed.” Crawling over me, he kissed my jaw before slowly moving along the side of my neck then along my chest between my breasts. “Just been waiting for you to catch up and make the offer, babe.”

  I’d been panicking for nothing.

  “I love the idea of waking up next to you daily.” I agreed. That did sound nice. “There are also some great advantages to having you at arm’s length nightly too.”

  I had a really great follow-up to that comment, but it was long forgotten the instant he nipped on my nipple beneath the silk material of my bra. All thoughts, every second of hesitation, disappeared. He had that effect on me.

  Immediately, I got lost in the euphoric feelings he triggered within me. My body vibrating with need, My heart racing with excitement for the next touch. The next kiss. Hell, the next anything. As long as he was offering me something, I was perfect.

  “I love you, Faith.” Closing my eyes, I fought the tears that began to fill my eyes. Hearing those words weakened me more than anything else. Getting where we were now, it was a place I never thought we’d reach. “What do you think about spending the rest of the day right here, doing exactly this?” With that, he pushed his hips forward, and I gasped before I had the chance to stop it. Again, the pleased look on his face returned, knowing exactly what he had done to me.

  “Good,” I whispered, “that sounds really, really good.”

  It actually sounded perfect.

  I knew there was something about Aaron when I first met him. I sensed there was a man inside of him who had been hurt or suffered in a way that those around him may not ever have understood. Yet there was this deep longing to know more. Desperation to reach inside and take that ache he felt in my hands, doing everything in my power to soothe it.

  The road to where we were now was the bumpiest road I had ever driven. The holes were rough, and there were so many times I had thought of turning around and going in the opposite direction. But here we were. We each had scars, each different, but they were there. We were still learning to move forward. We were both still healing in different ways, but the difference was, now we were doing it all together.

  It felt easier to breathe each day, easier to let go of the hesitation and give in to the desire for more.

  Loving Aaron had never been difficult. He had penetrated my soul with the first glance. That sadness in his eyes. From the beginning, I wanted to hold him close and help him heal. And now I was, and I would do it every single day for the rest of our lives if that was what he needed.

  We would get through it all.

  On so many occasions, the two of us would sit side by side, Aaron holding me securely against him. Whenever the memories of his past would seem to haunt him, I'd offer the calm I knew we both needed.

  “Close your eyes, let go of the fear,” he'd do it holding my hand firmly in his own, “and just breathe again.” One big deep inhale for each of us before we'd slowly exhale.

  Together, he and I would get through anything, I knew this now.

  Epilogue

  “Are you ready for this?” I looked to my left, taking Aaron fully in. His face was flushed, his eyes full of excitement and possibly fear. I was truly unsure of what was running through his head at the time.

  “I’m more than ready.” When his gaze met mine, his eyes were shiny with unshed tears, and that alone left me feeling unbelievably raw. “I’m ready to meet our son.” A single tear escaped and ran over his right cheek.

  So much had changed over the last few months. Aaron had moved in, we had finished the house, and Ivy was a big part of our lives. She was present throughout our entire home. Pictures hung on the walls in the hallways. There was one on Aaron’s side of the bed and another in the nursery that was blown up and in black and white. She wore a fl
owing dress, a princess crown, and held a balloon in her hands as she looked up at it. The image was breathtaking, and from the very moment I saw it in the box of images Granny Rae had, I knew it belonged in our son’s room.

  Ivy was also spoken of so freely—memories of her as a baby, then as a small child. It was amazing to have her so prominent in our days.

  I reached out, and Aaron immediately wrapped his hand around my own, bringing them as one to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss over my knuckles. His eyes closed, and for a moment, I could have sworn he was saying a silent prayer. More than likely, he was, and I loved him for it. The man spent every day doing everything humanly possible to ensure both me and our unborn child were safe. I knew once he was here, it would only triple.

  Another contraction hit me, and I turned my head toward the monitor, watching the line climb higher and higher as I concentrated on my breathing. “You got this, baby.” Aaron’s voice filled my ear just before he kissed my temple.

  One calming breath after another, I focused, refusing to give in to the intense pain. In the end, I knew it would all be worth it to hold our son and to see the love in Aaron’s eyes. I longed for that.

  “Okay, Faith,” my doctor slid in closer and offered me a reassuring smile, “on the next contraction, I want you to bear down and give me a good push.”

  I nodded, glancing at Aaron once more. He had a determined look on his face, staring at our doctor. It was adorable, really.

  “Here it comes, Faith.” I could feel it before the sentence was finished, and I did just as the doctor directed. The calming whispers of Aaron filled my ear. Him coaching me along, telling me how much he loved me as I gave it all I had.

  “And relax,” doc directed as my body relaxed back. “That was great, Faith.”