Just Breathe Again

by C. A. Harms

  This went on for what felt like forever, though it was only minutes. My body grew weaker with each round, but Aaron refused to let me give up. He was so patient with me and so attentive, wiping the sweat from my forehead and wetting my lips with ice chips. Between contractions, he would whisper sweet, loving words and talk to me about the moment we met our son. He talked of all the things he wanted to do with him and all the things he wanted to teach him.

  The very second the doctor mentioned being able to see a full head of hair, Aaron seemed torn between releasing my hand and going to look. When I gave him a nod with a smile, he hurried away and took in what the doctor had seen. When I noticed the tremble of his lower lip, I sobbed, and he hurried back to me.

  “He’s right there.” The husky words left his lips just before he leaned in to offer a kiss with his lips still trembling. “So close, Faith.”

  “We need a really hard push.” I nodded at the doctor but kept my eyes on Aaron until I felt the sharp pain rip through me, and I gave it everything I had left in me.

  “There we go. Keep going. Push, Faith. You’ve got it.”

  A loud groan escaped me as my body gave way.

  So many things happened in the next few minutes, I was overwhelmed with emotions.

  “We have a boy,” the doctor announced as she moved around before me. I was unable to see exactly what she was doing, but when her eyes connected with Aaron’s, I watched in amazement. “Would you like to cut the cord?”

  The man I adored was so overtaken with emotion, he wasn’t able to offer any words. He simply stepped toward the doctor, tears running over his cheeks, as he took the tool and snipped the cord.

  I watched him, the way he never took his stare off our son, not even for a second. He took in every single movement of the nurses. The loud cry that filled the room gained my full attention just as the nurse turned around and carried a bundle of blue toward me.

  Aaron stepped in closer, just as our son was placed on my chest, and together, we shared a moment I knew neither of us would ever forget.

  “Daddy, meet your son, Maxwell Aaron Landers.”

  Aaron pressed his lips to our son’s head, his eyes closed tightly and still his lips trembling.

  “Hey, there, buddy,” Aaron whispered with his eyes still closed, “we’re gonna love you forever. You are the greatest gift.”

  ***

  Aaron

  Things had been rough for me and Dirk Billings. It hadn't always been that way, but from the moment he learned of Faith and me, he'd formed a new opinion of me. Our rough beginning had given him the wrong impression. I understood exactly why his feelings had changed and why he stood back on most occasions, observing me in silence. I had a lot to prove. If I had been in his shoes, I know without a doubt I wouldn’t have been impressed with my actions, either.

  But lately, he’d cut me a break. I knew it was my son who managed to weaken his defenses because that little guy could soften up the hardest of men. He was pretty damn amazing.

  I knew too that it helped that he’d seen I had stepped up and took responsibility. I hadn’t run like he probably thought I would in the beginning. Truth was, I never imagined running, though I may have had to step back and force myself to get my shit together. I had always planned to be by Faith’s side. Even before I’d been told of the pregnancy, Faith had captured my interest. It was so easy to allow myself to imagine all the things I had long ago decided I would choose to live without.

  Dirk was the first to congratulate me when I walked out into the waiting room after Max was born to announce we did, in fact, have a boy. He stood, moved to me with purpose, and held out his hand. With a firm handshake, he pulled me in for a brief but meaningful hug, and when he stepped back, I'd noticed that change. A softness in his eyes when he looked at me that wasn’t there before. I was no longer the man who had ruined his daughter’s life. I was the father of his one and only grandchild.

  Every day since, he had dropped his walls just a little more, and now today, it seemed as though we had finally fallen upon a moment of truce.

  “It’s normal to worry.” Dirk placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze as he stepped up to my side. I’d been hovering in the doorway of the living room, staring out the front window at Faith and her mother. They were sitting on the front porch swing, Max swaddled in his grandmother’s arms, and though I knew he was safe, I couldn’t quite let go of my need to remain near. A reassurance that he was there, breathing and safe, it felt like consuming desperation at times.

  “For years, I wondered what I could have done differently. I replay that horrific day in my head, thinking that, had I just chosen cartoons on the couch instead of playing outside, she would still be here with me.” Dirk remained silent as I watched the ladies and my son. “Now, I live every day in fear. Terrified that something is gonna happen to them and I won’t be able to stop it. I wake up in a cold sweat with the same memories as before, only this time, instead of Ivy, it’s Max.”

  That familiar feeling of loss hit me hard. My stomach roiled, and I ground my teeth together, forcing myself to just breathe through it all.

  “I could not even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through, Aaron, but you must know that you didn’t cause the events of your past to happen.”

  “I know.” It had taken a long time and a lot of hate for me to be able to admit that to myself and to others.

  “Faith and Max are here. They are safe, and they will remain so.”

  I nodded my head, unable to speak as the love inside of me for my son, my woman, and my angel above hit me at once.

  “You are a good man, Aaron.” I looked over at Dirk, surprised by his words. “I knew that when I hired you, and even if we hit a canyon along the way, we built a bridge that got us over it. I know my daughter and my grandson are in safe hands. And I also know that you’ll keep them safe and treat them right.”

  “I’m gonna give them both everything and more than they could ever imagine.” That was not just an empty promise. I meant it. I would do everything humanly possible to protect them and ensure that each day was filled with laughter and love. “Those two out there, they are my world.”

  I felt the constricting feeling in my throat as I forced past it with a swallow.

  “I love your daughter, Dirk, and I love Max, so strongly and so deep that, at times, I feel like I forget to breathe.”

  I had loved Lynn. I had. But never was it the same kind of love I had for Faith, not even close. My strong raven beauty was and would always be the woman who held my heart, more than that she held my soul. I knew that no matter what, she would stand by me because, in the past, she had done just that. When she should have run, when she should have hated me, she was still there.

  Faith Billings was my savior, my safety, my healer.

  Bonus Scene

  Faith

  It was so hard to believe it had been a year since Max was born. Time had flown by. On most days, he was at the studio with me or with my mother. Having him at my parents’ during the day gave Aaron the opportunity to visit him often since he was just across the drive.

  Watching him with his son was breathtaking. Sometimes, I caught him just staring at Max with a content look on his face. The way he rubbed his head as he fell asleep on his chest or how he curled his body around him in a protective manner warmed my soul.

  He had come so far since the first moment I’d met him. Don’t get me wrong, there were still days when the death of Ivy was harder for him than others, but he always managed to make it through and to invite me in when he needed me the most. There were no longer the times when he’d grow distant and angry. Those moments were long gone. The loving, caring man I always knew was buried inside was now the man I lived with daily.

  I didn’t know loving someone so deeply, so consumingly was possible, until I met Aaron. I felt him every second of every day in every single cell of my body.

  I couldn’t have been prouder of the man I loved than I wa
s today.

  We stood in what was once an open field on the edge town with everyone standing around us. Even Lynn, Aaron’s ex-wife, and her new husband had come to Gillette for this event. It was a dedication to Ivy, a park built in her memory with the money Lynn and Aaron knew they wanted to use to do something to remember their daughter by.

  For months, I’d watched Aaron design and create such a beautiful place. Not only was it meant for children to play and laugh, but also for parents too. It was safe, a secured gated park that ensured the safety of all that entered.

  “My daughter loved being outside.” I listened to the raspy tone of Aaron’s voice, knowing how hard this moment was for him, but I was confident he would get through it. He held Max in his arms as he looked back over his shoulder and paused for a moment, taking in a deep, calming breath. As he turned back around, he found me in the crowd, and I noticed the way the tension seemed to fade in his shoulders. “This park is in honor of her. Ivy Park is the place I want the children of this town to feel safe and the parents to be able to relax in. The gardens, the waterfall, all the equipment, I chose them all very carefully. And somehow, standing here today, I feel like Ivy is with us.” I watched as he looked from me to Lynn, and something passed between them, a moment of peace, maybe, acceptance that this was one more step in the right direction for both of them.

  “There is a second park being built in Texas, near Lynn’s home. A place she too can visit and remember our little girl.” Tears clouded my vision as he continued. “Losing a child is the hardest thing I have ever been forced to face. I lost faith in life and love. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to fall into a darkness I didn’t ever want to find my way out of.”

  I lifted my hand to wipe away the tears just as his gaze met mine once more.

  “Until this amazing woman walked down a winding staircase and figuratively knocked me off my feet.” A few of the people standing around followed his gaze and smiled at me. “She showed me that, even through the ache and sadness, there was a light at the end of it all. I fought her, and I’m not proud of how difficult I made things, but I’m damn proud of where we are today. I’m stronger because of her and because of our son.”

  I swallowed, though the ache in my throat made it difficult.

  “Today, I stand before you all, in a place where my daughter’s memory is strong, and I vow that I will forever cherish every moment I’m given. My eyes are wide open, my heart is whole, and there is only one thing missing.”

  Confusion set in as I glanced from left to right and then back to Aaron. He’d passed Max off to my father and had taken a step toward me.

  I could feel my heart beating rapidly, and the second he lowered himself to one knee, my heart felt like it leaped from my chest.

  “I love you.” He whispered this more for me than anyone else, and I closed my eyes, briefly taken in his words. Words that, at one time, I never thought I would ever hear him say. “Faith.” Opening my eyes, I was met with his smile, one that managed to calm me. “I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I want a house full of kids.” That surprised me, and by his chuckle, I knew that he knew it too. “I want every moment of the rest of my life to have you by my side, in my arms. I don’t want to live without you beautiful. You’re my light, Faith. You’re my world.”

  I took in a deep, shuddering breath as he lifted a box before me and opened the lid. My hand covered my mouth, and my eyes widened at the gorgeous ring displayed in his hands.

  “Will you marry me?”

  Tears flowed heavily, not just from my eyes, but from many others around us.

  “Yes,” I whispered hoarsely while he pulled the ring from the box and slid it over my finger. The second he stood, he took me into his strong embrace and lifted my feet from the ground.

  “I can never thank you enough for being stubborn and making me see.”

  “See what?”

  “You, baby.” He kissed me hard before pulling back and looking into my eyes. “See you.”

  Acknowledgments

  My reader group, the Charmed Girls, you are all so amazing. The continued support you show me is something I will never be able to express just how much it means to me. Thank you all for sharing my work and for just being you. You are all the greatest bunch of ladies.

  Thank you, Lydia. You know what you do. Always there to help, to keep me motivated, or to kick me in the ass when I need a boost. You are a true friend, always making me laugh and smile. We are an amazing team, and your friendship means the world to me. Thank you for being one of my biggest cheerleaders.

  Beta Team, you know who you are. Thank you all so very much for taking this journey with me. Your feedback and encouraging words along the way made this story mean so much. Without you all, it would be what it is now.

  To my husband and children, thank you for being the best part of my days. For tolerating me when I get lost in the world of fiction and understanding that sometimes dinner may be a little late. Jayden and Tayler, no matter how many books I write, you two will always be my best creations.

  My readers, I am always so humbled by your support. Those random messages I received after you read my books, whether it be something big or small, I truly love them. Hearing what you think, in my eyes, is one of the greatest things about releasing a new book. I am never too busy for you.

  About the Author

  C.A. Harms is an avid romance and mystery reader. She's always had a love for books, getting lost in writing and storytelling even as a young girl. She enjoys happy endings and HEA love stories.

  She lives in Illinois and enjoys spending time with her husband and two children. She holds an addiction for Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha’s and KitKat when she should really be focusing on water and maybe a fruit or two to make herself feel less guilty, but that feeling quickly passes…thankfully.

  She is easy going, fun, and although she may seem like one of the quiet ones at first, you just wait until she gets to know you better…that quietness changes, fast.

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  C.A. Harms, Just Breathe Again