by Lynn Jaxon
I reach over and pull her into my side, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “Holy crap, Marley. That is unbelievable. I knew you were smart, but holy crap, you’re a genius.”
“Well, I may have been book smart, but let’s just say being so young I was naive to the big bad world around me, especially boys. While I was taking classes at both the high school and the local junior college concurrently, I met this guy. He was older and had no clue that I was barely fifteen years old. I guess my D size chest made me look older. He started paying more attention, walking me to class, and one day he kissed me. I had never been kissed before and here this twenty-year-old, hot as hell guy was paying attention to the girl everyone in high school thought was weird. He was so sweet to me. He took me to lunch, bought sweet little thoughtful gifts, and I fell hard. After four months of seeing each other, he told me he loved me. I was already a goner for him. One thing led to another, and we ended up at his apartment. It wasn’t the first time I’d been there, but it was the first time we were there totally alone. He was so romantic, said all the right things and then I was putty in his hands. We made love and, well, we made something else too. I have always had an irregular period, so it was nothing for me to skip a couple of months or be late, but when the third month rolled around with no period, I became concerned. We had been using condoms, so I really did not think I was pregnant. I’ll never forget it because it was my sixteenth birthday and I knew I needed to tell Gage that I was only sixteen. I picked up a pregnancy test from the drug store on my way to his apartment. He had given me a key the week before, so I let myself in when I realized he wasn’t home. I ran into the bathroom and took the test. When he got home, that is where he found me, sitting on the toilet crying with the positive pregnancy test in my hand.”
“Marley, I don’t know what to say.”
“It gets worse. He was livid. He told me he was too young to be a dad and there was no way he was going to raise a child. I was so mad that I blurted out ‘You think you’re too young for a child? I’m only sixteen years old. Do you think I wanted this?’ His face went ashen and then red with anger. I was afraid of what he was about to do, as well I should have been. Gage picked me up by the neck and said ‘What did you just say? You better fucking be joking here. I could go to jail for this. Oh hell no, hell no.’ He got madder and madder and was squeezing my neck so tight that I couldn’t breathe. Just before I blacked out, his roommate came in the door. Gage threw me to the ground and ran out the door. His roommate, Jeff, was a good guy. He was in shock at first, seeing what Gage was doing to me. He didn’t hesitate to call an ambulance or to testify about what he walked in on.”
I can see the pain and anguish on her face when she recalls this horrible part of her life. “Don't cry, sweetheart. He will never be able to hurt you again. Please tell me that bastard is in jail. If not, I will kill him myself.” How in the hell could any man do this to a woman, especially Marley? Did he not recognize what a jewel he had? He should have treated her like a precious gem, not a piece of trash that can be stomped on and thrown away. It makes me physically ill thinking about it.
Marley sniffs and pauses for a moment, wiping her big, beautiful blue eyes on her shirt sleeve. “He was charged with statutory rape and assault and received four years in prison. I have not seen or heard from him since the day of the assault. He never even tried to apologize or check to see if me and the baby were okay. I was so devastated. I spent the night in the hospital. I was so ashamed. My parents were very understanding. They didn’t scream at me for having sex and getting pregnant, only showed me the unconditional love that they still do to this day. About a week after the assault, I started having the worst cramps I have ever had. I ended up having a miscarriage and losing my child. After that, I threw myself completely into school and my future. I found it hard to trust after that. Sure, there have been a few men I have let in, but I could count them on one hand and have some fingers left over. So, there you have it, the reason I have felt unlovable by a man for most of my life. I know it’s not rational, but I think my sixteen-year-old brain had a hard time dealing with the trauma and this is the result.”
Leaning in, I kiss her on the cheek. “God Marley, you’re even stronger than I thought you were. You’re such an inspiration. Look at what you have done and accomplished. This is why you’re such a phenomenal and compassionate nurse.”
“It took me a long time to get over losing my child. Even though it was all a lie on Gage’s part, I thought my child was conceived in love. His hate didn’t keep me from falling in love with the child I had growing inside of me. I only knew I had her for a week before I lost her, but that was a love like nothing I have felt before or since. I hope to one day feel that kind of love again, but my time to be a mom is slowly ticking away.”
“I guess I never realized how young you are. So, when you and Em met, you were only seventeen?”
“Yes, I had just turned seventeen the month before. It was the one-year mark of the attack. I was finally able to put it behind me a little. I made a vow to myself to make some new friends and make school my main priority. I knew there was something special the minute I met her in the Math for Nurses class. She told me I was stuck having her as a partner. She said she was bad at math and I told her I loved math. That sealed the deal. From that moment on we were inseparable. I never would have become the person I am without her. She had so much spirit and spunk. It blew my mind that she was married and had been since she was eighteen. She talked about you like you hung the moon and the stars.”
“I do, don’t you know?” I laugh.
“I see that more and more every day. That is why it makes me so happy that you are getting back to you, the man Em spent hours talking about and gushing over. All the girls in our class were so jealous. When you would come by to see her, the talking would begin. Em would just smile. She never let the petty, jealous girls get to her when they would talk about how gorgeous you were and imply that they couldn’t believe you were Em’s husband.”
“I never knew that. I hope she never felt like I was too good for her.”
“No, never. She held her head high and felt completely secure in your love for her.”
“Em never realized just how beautiful she was. That is what made me fall in love with her to begin with. You know, you two are so much alike.”
Marley smiles and says, “I don’t hold a candle to her beauty, but I strive every day to be as good of a person as she was.”
“Trust me, Mar, you are. I’m so sorry you had such a horrible night last night and suffered so much when you were just a child. But I feel like that is what made you the strong, wonderful woman that you are. Thank you for feeling like you could share all that with me.”
“I feel a bit like a cry baby right now, but you just have a way that makes me feel better. I will get out of your hair and go book a hotel room.”
Is she crazy? There is no way I’m having her stay in a damn hotel. “You will do no such thing. You will always have a place to stay in my house. Take your pick of one of the rooms.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel obligated or awkward with me here.”
“Obligated? Awkward? Are you serious right now?” I give her my biggest smile, take her hand and guide her down the hallway towards the guest bedrooms. “Now, take your pick.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Marley
I’m so glad I decided to come see Benson today. He just has a way about him that makes me feel at ease.
“Benson, do you mind if I take a short nap? I’m exhausted because I did not sleep much last night after what happened.”
Benson smiles when he says, “You don’t even have to ask. Go get some rest, and we can think of something to do when you wake up.”
“Thanks, Benson.” Why does his smile cause butterflies to go crazy in my stomach? I could fall so easily for him.
My nap was over all too soon. I slept like a baby. Talking to Benson and telling him about what happened la
st night with Professor Perv and about my past, was like having a huge weight lifted off my chest. The thickness I felt in my throat was soon replaced with the lightness of relief. Relief that I could let someone in and not feel alone in my own grief. Sure, I have dealt with the loss of my unborn child, but just talking about her makes her feel more real. Benson is such an amazing father. If I had someone like him, I would be strong enough to try and have another child.
All of this has me wondering what it would it be like to have a sweet baby in my arms. Being “Aunt Marley” is great, but I long to be called Mom.
I hurry up and get out of bed, brush my teeth and hair, and throw on my joggers, lightweight sweatshirt and new Newton’s running shoes to get ready to go on a run. Maybe Benson will want to go on a run with me. I need to break in my new shoes to get ready for the half marathon I am running in June. Hopefully, Benson will come to Arkansas and enter the race with me. I remember Em telling me that he likes to run almost as much as he likes to hit the weights. That is why he has a body that will make you want to shamelessly stare.
Filled with a little hope, I head to the kitchen and ask Benson how he feels about running in the Hog Run with me. I love this race because it benefits single mothers who are in school. It provides scholarships to mothers in need.
“Good afternoon, sunshine!” Benson sounds so happy this afternoon. Just hearing his voice causes butterflies to erupt in my stomach. There is no trace of sadness in his voice. “It must be my lucky day to have you here in my kitchen in your athletic get up. I was just about to head out the door for a run.”
“Really?” I say sounding like a giddy school girl. I might as well be twirling a piece of hair around my finger and snapping a piece of gum between my teeth. I need to slow my heart rate down and get it together before he can tell just how much he is affecting me. “You’re never going to believe what I was just about to go do.”
Benson laughs his sexy laugh and says, “I’ll bite, what are you about to go do right now?”
“I, too, am about to go and get my run on. I’m training for a half marathon coming up in June. I’m hoping I can talk you into coming and running it with me. It is beautiful in Northwest Arkansas in June.”
“I think I can make that happen. It sounds like fun. Let’s guilt the boys into running, too. When you get back home, email me the registration, and I will make it happen. I still feel guilty that I can’t come down and watch some of the baseball games with the boys, but there is no way I can leave with Alan needing to go back to Hawaii.”
My heart is feeling way happier than it should be. I’m beyond thrilled to have him do this with me. I try and quell my excitement when I say, “I can’t wait. I will hold you to it. I am definitely going to try and guilt Mitch and Henry into joining us.”
Benson lets out a chuckle and says, “It makes me laugh when I think about Henry running. He hates exercise. He’s more of a golf person. Slow and steady. He is never in a hurry and running is like being on fast forward for an hour. Good luck getting Henry to join in, but we may get lucky and be able to guilt Mitch into entering the race with us. I think he secretly likes to run almost as much as I do.”
“I’m so excited! Let’s go run!”
We are both huffing and puffing when we get back from our eight-mile run. The trails around here have so many inclines. It makes for a great workout. I had to stop myself on numerous occasions from staring at Benson while he ran. The sweat dripping off his body was almost erotic to me. Ugh. I’m such a horrible person.
Benson playfully swats me on my ass when we run into the yard and says, “Good run. You really killed it out there.”
Shit. I shouldn’t like that so much. “Thanks, Benson. You aren’t so shabby yourself. I am starving. Let’s get some food.”
“I’m a horrible host. I haven’t even fed you. What sounds good to you? We will need to go pick something up because I haven’t been to the grocery store in a while. I’m down to protein shakes and bars. I may have a frozen dinner or two in the freezer, but who wants that.”
“You’re not a horrible host. I came uninvited, so it doesn’t count. How about we go to the grocery store together, and I will make you a home cooked meal.”
“That sounds amazing. I haven’t had a home-cooked meal since before Em died.”
His face falls briefly, and I see the sadness that I feel wash over him. He’s quick to recover and says, "Let’s go get cleaned up so we don’t offend anyone while we are shopping.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
Twenty minutes later we are on our way to the local grocery store. On the way, Benson turns to me and tells me, “You look so pretty. I like your hair pulled up in a messy bun like that. It really shows off your beautiful blue eyes.”
I’m almost speechless at his sweet compliment. “Thank you, Benson. I needed to hear that.”
I’m really liking this side of Benson. He is more and more like the man I first met. His grief isn’t holding him down and pulling him under like it did just a short time ago. He likes to joke and be silly. You can learn a lot about a person by the jokes they tell and how they can laugh at themselves.
Benson helps me prepare dinner by peeling and dicing the potatoes. I’m making a southern favorite for him. Chicken fried steak and gravy with mashed potatoes and green peas.
“This smells delicious, Marley. How did you learn to cook like this?”
“My grandmother was from Tennessee. When I was a little girl, I would go and stay with her for the summer and she would teach me to cook. She told me that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.”
“Your grandmother was one smart woman. This tastes amazing. I will need to run fifteen miles tomorrow to work off all the calories I’m consuming, but I could give one shit. Pass me some more potatoes and gravy, please.”
“You’re going to explode if you eat any more, but I’m not complaining.” I shouldn’t be this giddy that he loves my cooking, but I am. Heart stop beating so fast. He is off limits to you.
We clean up the kitchen together and then spend the rest of the day talking, laughing and watching stupid movies. Being here with Benson just feels so natural. I wonder if he feels the same way. I get my answer sooner than I expected when Benson turns to me with an unreadable expression on his face. “I’m so happy you came to me this weekend. I haven’t been able to get everything you told me out of my head. I’m feeling some very strong emotions about what has happened to you, more than what I probably should be. This time with you has made me feel again, and it’s pretty damn great. Promise me, you will stay in touch with me. I want to have more times like this with you.”
I’m feeling a little teary eyed when he finishes, and I try to wipe my eyes without him noticing. “Benson, I don’t know what to say. You make me feel things that I have never felt before. You just have this goodness about you that makes me want to know everything about you. I would love nothing more than to spend more time with you. I just wish there weren’t so many miles between us.”
Ben gets up and goes into his office. He comes out a few minutes later and hands me a piece of paper. “This should take care of that problem. Now you have no excuse not to come back in two weeks for me to take you out on a date. I promise not to be a creeper.” Then he winks at me. He actually winks. Butterflies explode.
“Ben, you shouldn’t have done this. It costs too much. I know, because I just booked a last-minute flight here myself.”
“It’s nothing. I want to see you, and I have the means, so no arguments from you! So, will you do me the honor of going out on a date with me in two weeks?”
“Thank you, Ben. I would love nothing more than to go out on a date with you.” My insides are jumping around and doing a happy dance.
Ben pulls me into a hug that feels like more than just a hug between two friends. I could stay here in his arms forever.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Benson
This weekend was so unexpected. I hate that
it ended so fast. What started out as a weekend of feeling jealous, turned into a weekend of feeling hopeful. Marley is just so unexpected. I look up and see her walking down the hallway with a bag in her hand. “I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.”
“Me too, but the only flight I could get last minute has a four-hour layover, which is putting me home at eight o’clock tonight. My first class is at eight a.m. tomorrow morning. If I am late, the students will leave. It’s an Intro to Nursing class that anyone can take. I get a lot of students who aren’t really serious about becoming a nurse, so they look for any excuse to ditch class.”
“Well, that sucks. Both the layover and the ungrateful students.”
“Yes, it does, but at least now I have something to look forward to. I will be back here in two weeks for my date with a very handsome and charming man.”
I know she can both see and hear how happy I am by the tone in my voice. “I wouldn’t happen to know this handsome and charming man, now would I?”