by Lynn Jaxon
Marley gets up on her tiptoes and kisses me on the nose as she says, “It’s you, silly. Now take me to the airport. I have a plane to catch.”
“Bossy, bossy. Hold your butt. Let me get my keys.”
Marley talks my ears off all the way to the airport. I love that she can speak so freely with me. There hasn’t been any awkward silence this entire weekend. I wonder what the boys are going to say when I tell them about this weekend and about flying Marley back here in two weeks for an official date.
Marley only has her purse and a small duffle bag that she brought with her. I pull up and open the door to help her down out of my truck. It has big tires, which make climbing in and out of it hard for anyone under six feet tall. Once her feet are on the ground, I give her a chaste kiss and tell her goodbye.
On the drive home, I call Mitch, and he puts the phone on speaker so I can talk to both him and Henry at the same time. I love that they are so close and live together. At least they had each other when I was a stupid ass drowning in my grief. “Hi Mitch, what’s up? Do you have a few minutes to talk to your old dad?”
“Sure, Dad. We always have time for you. Let me yell at Henry to put down the PlayStation and come and talk. Is everything okay?”
I hate that he has concern in his voice when he asks me this. I have given him plenty of reasons to be concerned since his mom was diagnosed and then succumbed to cancer. “Everything is good. Actually, everything is better than good. I hope you will feel the same way after I tell you why I’m calling.”
“You have my interests piqued for sure now.” I can hear him pull the phone down away from his mouth and yell, “Henry, get your ass in here. Dad is on the phone and wants to talk to us about something.” A few seconds later Mitch is back on the phone with Henry at his side.
“Hi, Dad. It’s good to hear from you.”
“It’s good to hear your voice too, Henry. The reason I’m calling is about Marley.”
“What about Marley?” they both say at the same time.
“As you know, Marley had a date with Professor Marks on Friday night. Well, at least she was supposed to go out on a date with him. It turns out, he is one crazy ass who freaked Marley out, and she sent him packing.”
“No shit, I always thought he was a little strange,” says Mitch.
“I’m not going to go into any details because, quite honestly, Marley didn’t want me to even say anything to you about it. She was so freaked out by what happened that she got on a plane and flew to Ohio to see me. It was a completely unexpected, yet wonderful surprise.”
Henry pipes in first, “What the hell happened to Marley? I want to know. Did Dr. Marks hurt her in any way?”
“No, Henry, he did not hurt her, he was just inappropriate and was a little too touchy, feely for her liking.”
“What an asshat,” says Mitch.
“Boys, I promise, she is fine. Please don’t say anything to her. If she wants you to know about it, she will say something to you. Okay?”
“Fine,” they both say in unison.
“So, what’s the other reason you called? Inquiring minds want to know.”
“And I guess you two are the inquiring minds.” Laughter bubbles up as I think about the expressions on their faces when they said that.
I’m just going to throw it out there. “I want to date Marley. That is why I called. How do you two feel about that? Marley is bringing me back to life. I hope this doesn’t upset either one of you, I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace your mother, but I’m finally feeling like the old me with her encouragement and support. She shared a lot of her past with me, which made me like her even more. I don’t know how to explain it, but it just feels like it was meant to be.”
Silence greets me for a few seconds and then I hear first from Mitch. “I think that you sound happier than you have in months, and I love Marley. You two have so much in common. Just please don’t hurt her.”
“I feel the same way. Marley has always been like a mom to Mitch and me, so just because you are Dad, it doesn’t mean we won’t be pissed if you do something to hurt her.”
“Do you feel like I’m being disloyal to your mother by asking Marley out on a date? I will always and forever love your mother, but she is gone. I’m lonely and Marley makes me feel like the big hole in my heart isn’t quite as large. Does that make sense?”
“I can’t speak for Henry, but I don’t think you’re being disloyal to mom at all. You loved our mother with everything you had. Not once in my life did I feel like you didn’t adore mom. You set the bar high for us. I know you will treat Marley the same way. But if you don’t, I might have to kick your old ass.”
“Ditto,” says Henry. “We love you and want you to be happy, Dad. If Marley makes you smile again and keeps you from picking up that damn bottle of Crown, I’m more than happy for you to date her.”
“I love you boys so much. I bought Marley tickets to fly here in two weeks. Would you mind taking her to the airport so she doesn’t have to leave her car parked there?”
“Sure thing, Dad. We love you, too.”
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest when I hang up the phone. Having their support means the world to me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Marley
This has been both the longest and the shortest two weeks of my life. I can’t believe I’m back here in Ohio. Benson looked so handsome when he came to pick me up at the airport last night. That man sure causes a lot of heads to turn, especially when he is wearing tight jeans and a fitted shirt. Yummy!
I slide out of bed and go into the kitchen to fix us some breakfast. I look at my phone I left charging on the island. There is a message from an unknown number on the screen. It has only one word, “SOON.” That’s strange. I don’t bother replying. Instead, I close out of my phone and get back to cooking. It must be a wrong number.
I’m pulling the breakfast casserole out of the oven when I feel strong arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug. “Good morning, beautiful. That casserole looks amazing, and so do you.”
He spins me around, planting a kiss on the tip of my nose. I could get used to this.
Ben hugs me to him and asks, “What would you like to do today? I need to go to the gym and take care of some things, but it should only take a few hours. I hate leaving you here alone for even a couple of hours, but Alan really needs my input on an issue with one of the other gym locations. I will rush back as soon as we’re finished. I’m taking you out tonight for a romantic dinner, so I will be home early to get cleaned up.”
“There is no need for you to rush back. I was really hoping I could go and get my hair and nails done today. I tried to get an appointment last week, but my regular stylist was booked. A romantic dinner sounds just perfect. Where are you taking me?”
“I’m in the mood for seafood. Does The Seafood House sound okay to you?”
“I love seafood. I can’t wait.” I know my eyes are sparkling with excitement. “I have heard nothing but positive things about The Seafood House, but I’ve yet to try it.”
Ben leaves for the gym, taking Em’s car, as I head to the spa in his truck. I just couldn’t bring myself to drive her car. It is busy downtown, making me park several blocks away from where I’m going. I get a weird feeling going up my spine like someone is watching me. I scan the street, but nothing stands out. What is wrong with me? I never get spooked like this. I let my mind wander to Ben and how cute he looked in his jeans and t-shirt. I can’t wait to see what he’s going to look like tonight.
When I enter the spa, the girl at the front desk asks me what she can help me with. “I want to get a trim and some highlights put in my hair, and I need to get my nails dipped again. I want soft pink on my nails, subtle but pretty.” I want to look beautiful yet understated for my date tonight. I sure hope he likes the highlights I’m having added to my hair.
“Go sit at station three, and I will get you taken care of. I’m going to mix
up the bleach and be right back.”
A couple hours later, my hair and nails look perfect. I know I’m going to blow Benson away. I look at my phone and see a text message from the man himself.
Ben: “I can’t wait to see how beautiful you look tonight. Do you mind meeting me at The Seafood House? I have already ordered you an Uber to pick you up at seven o’clock. Alan needs me to take care of one more thing, and I will meet you there.
I shoot him back a quick text and let him know that I will meet him there, and then I rush back to his house to change into something sexy.
I’m giddy with excitement. This is really our first real date. I pull every sexy and semi-sexy dress I brought out of my hanging bag and finally decide on a tight-fitting black dress with a plunging neckline. I spin and look at myself in the mirror. I look damn hot if I do say so myself.
I arrive at the restaurant, and my mouth goes dry when I see his gorgeous blue eyes following me as I walk towards him at the bar. It should be criminal to look this good. As soon as I reach him, he pulls me into him and gives me a kiss, leaving me breathless.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Benson
I hated having to text Marley and ask her to meet me at the restaurant, but when I look up and see her in that tight-fitting black dress, it was so worth it. She takes my breath away. As soon as she reaches me, I pull her in for a chaste kiss. “You look stunning, Marley. I love your hair. It makes your blue eyes sparkle.” She is such a beautiful woman. It was all I could do to pull back from the kiss I just gave her. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Thank you, Ben. A white wine would be wonderful. You don’t look so shabby yourself. Did you get everything taken care of that you needed to today?”
“You sure know how to make an old man feel good.” I wink and signal to the bartender that we are ready to order. I order a club soda with lime for me and a white wine for Marley. “Here you go, my dear.” I give Marley her wine and stroke her hand with my index finger as I pass it to her. I hear her gasp as the familiar tingle passes between us.
The maître d’ comes up to us, letting us know that our table is ready. Marley’s eyes grow large when she realizes he is taking us to the private dining room in the back. There is soft music playing in the background. She turns to me and hugs me whispering, “This is too much. You’re too good to me.”
I pull out her chair, and we sit at the table, finishing our drinks. The door opens and in walks the hostess with the arrangement of flowers I ordered, only it’s not what I ordered. I know all the color has drained out of my face when I see the mixed arrangement filled with pink gerbera daisies instead of the pink roses that I ordered. The level of pain and anguish I feel goes up ten-fold when I hear “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran playing in the background. Marley seems to be completely unaware of my anguish. It is all I can do to breathe. My pulse is racing, and my heart feels like it is going to pound right out of my chest. I’m fighting back tears when she leans in to kiss me, and I pull away. It’s like something in me has snapped. This is all too much. This song. Those flowers. They are Em’s. I’m visibly shaking now, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. How can I move on so soon? This is just wrong. I stand and shove away from the table. “I-I-I’m so sorry Marley, but I just can’t do this. It’s too soon. How did we think that we could move on so easily while Em is cold in the ground?”
I look up, and the look of anguish that crosses Marley’s face is almost more than I can take. She has large tears falling in rivers down her cheeks. I’m the worst man alive. Realistically I know Em is gone, but guilt is consuming me as much for hurting Marley as it is for starting a relationship with her. I don’t deserve her. I reach up and wipe the tears from her face. “I just need time. I’m so sorry. Please go back to my house. I’ll call you soon, when I get my head on straight.”
“Wait, what, where are you going? We need to talk. You can’t just walk away and leave me like this.” I will never forget the sound of utter pain and disappointment in her voice.
I’m choking on my words as I’m fighting my emotions, making it hard for me to speak. “Marley, I’m so sorry, as much as I want this, I think I rushed it. I just can’t be here and do this right now. I’m so sorry. I know I keep saying that I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else to say.
I thank God above that we are in a private dining area, so no one is a witness to our pain. I lay one hundred dollars down on the table to more than cover the cost of the drinks. Without another word, I turn and walk away, crushing the woman that I shouldn’t be falling in love with, but am.
I pull into the first hotel I see. I’m such a fool. “Em, please forgive me for hurting you both. It was just too much. That was our song, and those were your flowers. Was it a sign from you to make me pull away? Please baby, what do I do? I love you, and now I’m having these feeling for Marley. I thought I had moved on, but then tonight at the restaurant everything slammed into me and it was all wrong. I’m such a fool.”
My life is flashing before my eyes. I see Em and her beautiful smile, and then I see her casket being lowered into the ground. Marley is there to pick me up with her soft and soothing touch. I’m torn into pieces. Will I ever be whole again? I pick up the phone and start to order a drink, but I slam it down instead and plant my face in my hands and just sob.
It doesn’t take me long to realize what a total and complete asshole I have been. Marley doesn’t deserve my shit, and I don’t deserve her forgiveness. It is a little after two o’clock in the morning when I pull into my driveway. When I open the door, Marley is sitting on the couch hugging a pillow. FUCK! She is crying. Falling to my knees in front of her so we will be eye to eye, I grab her hands. She tenses but does not pull away. “I’m so, so very sorry for how I treated you tonight. I know I made you feel like you were something wrong when all you are is my something right.”
“Ben, what do you want me to say? You made me feel like a fool. I felt like I was the other woman or something. I don’t disagree that maybe we rushed this and that you aren’t ready. I need you to take a really long and hard look at your life and what you want. I don’t want to be a source of pain to you. A relationship between us will never work if you can’t let go of the past. Go and get some counseling. More than just the Death and Dying support group and AA. I was able to move my flight up. I will be leaving in a few hours to go to the airport. My flight leaves at seven o’clock in the morning. I’ve already scheduled an Uber, so don’t worry about taking me to the airport.”
“Please, Marley. I am so sorry.”
“Please, what, Ben? I can’t talk to you right now. I’m hurting and need to go home and put some distance between us. I promise I will call you. But you have to promise me you will get some help. You have not healed. I want you whole and not hurting.”
My head drops into her lap and tears begin to fall. She leans forward, her head on mine and we cry together, releasing the pain I inflicted on us both tonight. After what seems like hours, I stand, give her one last look that says how sorry I am, and walk to my room, closing the door.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Marley
Three Months Later
Ben has been true to his promise to get help. He is seeing a therapist twice a week to help him heal from the loss of Emily. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wants to make things between us work. I have an hour before my next class, so I pick up the phone to check in with Ben. He picks up almost before the first ring sounds. “Hello, beautiful. I’m so happy you called me. Were your ears burning?”
“Hi, Ben. No, my ears weren’t burning. Why? Were you talking about me?”
“As a matter of fact, I was. Alan was giving me shit about running so much on the treadmill. I told him that the woman I want to be mine wants me to run in a half marathon, and I am doing everything I can to do her proud.”
“Is that so? Do you really want me to be yours? Keep on doing what you’re doing, and I think you have a pretty strong chance of gettin
g what you want. When is your next appointment with your therapist?”
“Tomorrow, actually. He wants to discuss my trip to Arkansas next week to run in the race, but most importantly to see you and the boys. He wants to see me three times this week. I guess to make sure I am ready. I know I’m ready. I can just feel it. You know, you’re all I think about, especially at night when I am alone in my quiet house. You’re still my bright spot in the darkness.”
“I’m so proud of you, Ben. I have a good feeling about all that is to come. You’re all I think about too, you know. This week can’t fly by fast enough for me. I hope you have a good week. I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you, Marley. You don’t know how much that means to me. You know that I am always here for you too. Have you gotten any more of those strange texts that say ‘SOON’ and nothing else?”
“As a matter of fact, I have. I’ve received at least one a week for the past three months, but this week has been radio silence. I’m hoping whoever it is has finally realized that they have the wrong number.”
“Mar, you can’t be too careful. What if it’s not some kids pranking? I think you should report it to the police.”
“Ben, I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about, but it makes me feel good that you worry about me.”
“Of course, I worry about you. I’m not there to protect you. Promise me you will report it if it happens again.”
“Ben, it isn’t anything threatening. If I feel in the least bit threatened, I promise I’ll report it. I need to go. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Bye, Mar. Talk to you later.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Benson
These last three months have flown by. I’ve had no downtime at all between going to my therapist, grief support group, AA, work and training for the half marathon, but I’m not complaining. I have not had a drink in over three months. To be honest, I don’t even think about hitting the bottle anymore. My sponsor told me that he doesn’t believe that I’m an alcoholic, but he thinks that I was on the fast road to getting there if I had not stopped drinking when I did. I feel he is right. The other night Alan and I went out with some of our buddies to a bar. I was not tempted at all to drink. I was the designated driver, just like I have been for years. Before Em’s cancer, I was never a big drinker. I could take it or leave it. Now, like then, I’m leaving it. It is no longer a crutch for my grief.