Where Are You

by Bella Donnis

  She laughed to herself, “something I said?” Or did she really smell that bad after the day’s exertion? Oh well.

  It was kind of eerie though. One moment there were a couple of dozen people loitering within, enjoying the monument, the next, they had all disappeared.

  Gianna sat back against the step and stretched her arms out along the stone. After hours of walking, she appreciated the respite and deemed that after regaining her energy, she’d begin the walk back to modern day Pompeii and her Fiat 500 left parked outside a mobile phone store. “Things would have been so much simpler back then.” Being buried alive beneath a wall of red hot molten lava didn’t sound so bad.

  She focused on the arena and imagined the gladiatorial combats, public speeches and plays of years gone by. She flecked back her dampened hair and felt it drop back against her face then took a sip from her now warm bottle of water. The silence was so calming, even the gentle breeze was audible against the stone.

  She saw the shadow first as it crept along from the concealed tunnel, the amphitheatre design restricting any structural shade in its totality. The solitary shadow grew longer; the head, body then legs stretching out along the arena’s grass. “Great, there goes the peace and quiet.”

  A light breeze swept through the ancient structure, the grass swaying in its wake. The head emerged, long red hair blowing with the wind to reveal a long, slim and fragile neck. The tall girl who emerged with her back to Gianna wore a striking summer dress, printed with flowers. Her pale skin was doubtless burning in the sun as she made small rhythmical waves with a hand fan. Then the girl’s head tilted back as she admired the upper tier to her fore.

  Gianna sat slowly forward, barely able to breathe, or form any coherent thought. Her mouth gaped open as if preparing for some massive involuntary intake of oxygen to the brain – And heart. Her eyes widened, time stopped.

  Gianna was rising to her feet without knowing it, her tired legs finding renewed enthusiasm. She floated down the steps, unable to take her eyes from the woman, not even for a second lest she disappear like some dream.

  Was this real? Gianna pinched the flesh on her arm – This was real.

  Then, her feet scraped against the stone and the woman, startled, whipped around.

  Seeing someone approaching her, the woman’s first reaction was to take a step back.

  Gianna reached the bottom of the steps, landing on the grass, metres from the woman whose body, which had twisted round to meet Gianna, stood in contrast to her feet, which still pointed the other way.

  The woman was stunned, open mouthed, her hands dropping to cover her solar plexus. Her eyes opened wide, almost to the point of fear as her skin, clear and perfect, losing blood, whitened several shades, even in the suppressing heat. The fan fell to the grass.

  All Gianna wanted was to embrace the woman, for she knew, Erin was having an anxiety attack – The haze.

  Erin, her body out of equilibrium, stooped to the side.

  Gianna arrived just in time to steady her, placing her hands on Erin’s shoulders. “Ti ho preso.” Gianna rolled her eyes and smiled - How silly. “I’ve got you.”

  Erin straightened, regaining her balance and composure, though the realisation still hadn’t sunk in. But then her shocked expression slowly, gradually eased, one side of her mouth rising into a delicate smile. She averted her wide eyed stare, for a few seconds looking down to the floor, shaking her head. Then – She laughed, “Gianna.”

  “Erin,” Gianna said softly, pulling her into a tight embrace. There was only one thing she needed to say more than anything else, “Erin, I’m so sorry.”

  “Babe, let’s head back to the car and get to Amalfi.” Ben squeezed her hand and gave a half-hearted pull in the direction of the exit, somewhere to the south. “We’ll find a nice hotel and eat some Italian food.” He panted, perspiration shined on his forehead, his light blue shirt stained dark down the sides.

  “But we’ve not seen the amphitheatre yet.” Which was kind of a big deal. “It’s the oldest amphitheatre in the entire Roman world.”

  “As you’ve said numerous times.” He smiled but pulled harder. “I’m starving and feel quite weary from all this walking.” Once in the car, it would only be an hour’s drive to the Amalfi Coast. “Now, babe, we’ve done what you want, it’s about time you play fair and show a little consideration for your travelling companion.” He said in good humour, although he was supposed to be the one who enjoyed old structures.

  “Ben, no, not yet.” She threw down his hand and noted his shocked expression as he projected his head back, his face freezing. “You know full well how excited I’ve been to see this place.” She opened out her arms, encompassing the ruins all around them. “I’m not going to leave, never to return, having missed the bloody amphitheatre.” Erin wafted the fan a few inches from her face, a movement that drew his eye.

  He guffawed, not quite knowing what to say. “Look, it’s been a great day, but we’ve been walking for hours.”

  “Ben if you’re hungry then go back to that Autogrill monstrosity and buy yourself a snack.” She pointed somewhere in the general direction of the restaurant. “We can meet back at the exit in half an hour.”

  “Fine.” And he turned his back and stamped away without another word.

  Erin shook her head. “Bloody men, always thinking about their bellies.” The damn amphitheatre was a matter of fifty metres away, well within viewing distance and he couldn’t even spare a few minutes to finish off the visit with a climax. “Fine, you go and leave me then.”

  Erin stomped in the amphitheatre’s direction and it required only a matter of seconds to forget the previous altercation with her fiancé as she neared the jaw dropping wonder. It wasn’t the largest of the ancient arenas but considering the pummelling it had taken almost two thousand years ago, it certainly was one of the most intact. The dozens of arches that maintained its structural integrity were remarkable, the intricate designs within the brickwork, fully visible.

  A gaggle of tourists trickled out from the larger central arch. “Obviously, that’s the way inside.” Erin mumbled, smiling at the tourists as they walked past, though they appeared largely in some kind of a trance, their eyes unblinking as they stared straight ahead in silence – Quite strange.

  Through the archway, Erin could now see the interior; the grass that had grown on the inside and part of the tier at the far end where the top of the arch didn’t restrict her line of sight. As she walked through the tunnel, more and more of the tier became visible until she emerged on the inside. A relieving breeze swept across from the side, lifting the hair from her shoulders. When it abated, the contrasting temperature from the stifling sun was more apparent than before. Erin continued stepping into the centre of the empty arena, her long shadow cast out in front. She stopped and fanned her face, admiring the finery, the detail, the fact that modern day constructions still used this same basic design.

  The silence, interrupted only by the gentle breeze rebounding from the stone, created a serene and almost surreal atmosphere of peace as if the city had never been discovered, as though Erin was the only person alive.

  A scraping from behind - She was not alone.

  Her heart thumped from the report, providing her brain and muscles with a burst of blood and oxygen to deal with the threat. Erin whipped round – The outline of a figure materialising at the bottom of the steps before her brain filled in the details.

  Erin recoiled as the woman stepped closer, heading straight for her. The confines of Erin’s sight focused primarily on the approaching figure as grey clouds closed off her periphery vision. The large figure glided, as though assisted by some supernatural force, or maybe the enormity of what was unfolding played tricks with her mind. The woman smiled as if trying to reassure Erin that all was perfect in the world, like how a spirit of an ancestor would comfort a child. Erin didn’t know her mouth gaped open, just as she couldn’t control her arms which moved to cover her belly. Her eyes opened w
ide, not believing what they saw as a dizziness manifest in her head. The air went hot and cold at the same time, her fan fell to the floor.

  The haze – A big one – Ten years in the making.

  Erin swooned but the woman rushed forward and caught her by the shoulders, using strength to steady her.

  “Ti ho preso.” The woman smiled and rolled her eyes. It was as though nothing else in the world existed. “I’ve got you.”

  Erin straightened, placing a steadying hand on the woman’s shoulder, holding her eyes for a few seconds – It couldn’t be. This couldn’t be real. How was it possible? It must be a dream. Except Erin could feel the warmth of the woman’s hands and the piercing hawkish glare of her eyes.

  Erin couldn’t help it – She broke into a smile, still unable to form any coherent sequence of words. Then Erin broke the eye contact, looked down to the grass, blinked several times in expectation the moment would vanish – It didn’t. She shook her head and laughed. “Gianna.”

  “Erin.” Gianna whispered, pulling her into a tight embrace, for how long, it was impossible to tell. “Erin, I’m so sorry.”

  Erin sniffed, her tears dripping over Gianna’s bare shoulder.

  This was real, it was now and would probably be the defining moment Erin would remember her entire life.

  She slowly pushed herself to arm’s length and looked Gianna up and down. “Gianna? How? Where how come you?” She laughed, breathed and took a few seconds to regain her wits, stealing a shy glance or two at Gianna’s grinning face, who still had a hand clasped tight around Erin’s wrist. “Gianna, where did you come from?” Erin finally managed to stutter with a semblance of logic.

  “It’s a miracle I found you.” Gianna rubbed her hand up and down the length of Erin’s arm – This most certainly was real. “You English don’t answer your emails.”

  “Oh, my battery is dead and I forgot to bring an adaptor and I still haven’t got round to buying a new…” Erin shook her head – Who cares? “…I just can’t believe it. I came to see…”

  “…You came to see me yesterday but…”

  “…But I saw you with somebody…” Erin shook her head, “…I don’t know…A friend, a client, family member. But I didn’t want to interrupt if you were busy so…” Erin reached forward and grabbed Gianna’s hand. It was then she noted her entire arm was shaking all the way from the shoulder socket, though the grey clouds had largely receded.

  “I would have always made time for you.” Gianna shook her head. “But she’s nobody…Don’t worry about it. How long are you in Italy for? What do you do now? How is everything in England? Are you still living in Cambridge?” Gianna paused, stamped on the ground and caught her breath. “Ok, don’t worry…Plenty of time to answer my stupid questions.”

  “You can bet I have a few of my own.” Erin’s smile dropped momentarily, then quickly returned. “I’ve missed you.” That was an understatement.

  “We have so much to talk about.” Gianna’s head shook minutely from side to side as she pressed her lips together, the faintest hint of something shimmering in her eyes. She shook it away and stated as a matter of fact, “you must be hungry.”

  Erin beamed. “Are you kidding? I’ve never been hungrier.” Erin motioned with her head and spoke in a gloomy tone. “There’s that Autogrill place…”

  Gianna jumped in with an immediate answer “…Not a chance are we eating there,” and pulled Erin in the direction of the south tunnel. “In modern Pompeii, there’s a much better place.”

  What should have been a fifteen minute walk took considerably longer, the turnstiles at the exit ahead giving way to modern life. They spoke mainly about Napoli, the culture shock and differences between this place and Cambridge; small talk almost in its totality. Erin wanted to save the important subjects for when she was sat facing Gianna. She needed to look her in the eye when the Italian explained herself and for her own reasons, Gianna had thus far not volunteered it either.

  “I just hope you don’t disappear when we walk through.” Erin said, half as a joke, half totally serious as she nodded to the turnstiles.

  Gianna paused before speaking, evidently noting the gravity of Erin’s remark. “Erin, we will have that conversation. But for now I want you to know, I’m not going anywhere.”

  The heavy gates clunked as they walked through in single file. Erin panicked as she had to let go of Gianna’s hand, as though passing through to the other side would bring a change to them being reunited. But no – Gianna was still there, facing Erin, waiting for her to catch up until they were both no longer in the fantasy world, but reality.

  And then reality hit. “Erin?” Ben was leaning against a lamppost only a few paces away. The skin above his nose crinkled, his head tilted as he approached. “Hello.” He nodded to Gianna and raised his eyebrows at Erin.

  “Oh, hi Ben.” Erin glanced from Ben to Gianna and back. “Ben this is the friend I told you about, Gianna.”

  Ben took a breath and a beat before finally extending his hand to her and Erin hoped Gianna didn’t notice the small gesture of irritation. He was annoyed and from his point of view with good reason. Ben wanted to get away from the area, to move on, have dinner, have a bloody holiday. “Pleased to meet you.” He shook Gianna’s hand, but looked to Erin, awaiting the formalities to continue.

  If Gianna had been surprised Erin had traveled to Italy with a man, of all things, then she showed no outward signs, of that or anything else, save for her usual pleasantness. Gianna stood almost poker faced as she shook Ben’s hand. She wasn’t stupid; she’d know what Ben was to Erin. If she expected that Erin had spent the last ten years pining over her then her ego was about to take a knock.

  Though Erin dreaded making the introduction regardless and continued watching carefully for Gianna’s reaction as she spoke, “Gianna, this is my fiancé, Ben.”

  She gave a small pause, one nostril flaring slightly; but that could have been Erin’s imagination. “Hi, Ben. It’s nice to meet you.” For the most part, she remained neutral faced and Erin decided nothing much could be taken from it.

  Ben on the other hand straightened, puffed out his chest and raised his chin as if squaring off against her. But he couldn’t possibly remember Gianna, Erin’s lesbian friend, could he?

  “We were about to grab a bite to eat, Ben, if you’d like to join us?”

  “Oh, I’d love to join you.” He said, reaching out and taking Erin’s hand.

  “So, you both took the same course at Cambridge?” Ben folded his arms and leaned back into his seat.

  Erin could already tell he didn’t like her and that this wouldn’t be easy. No – In fact this would be damn right painful. To Erin, Ben had no right to ask the kind of questions that could lead to Gianna having to explain why she left Cambridge. As harsh as it sounded, Ben had no right to find out those answers at the same time as herself and the truth was that in the moment, Erin resented his presence. And that very fact bothered her, because she accepted the legitimate grievances he’d have right about now. But Gianna was Gianna and when it came to this girl, because the rules were often thrown out, exceptions had to be made.

  “We did indeed.” Gianna said, dipping calamari into a small dish of salsa sauce.

  “I was on the verge of suffering another major haze attack back on day one.” Erin confirmed, smiling at Gianna.

  “You were about to run weren’t you.” Gianna chuckled with a mouthful of squid.

  “And I probably would have too, knowing how I was back then.” Erin looked to Ben, noticing his grimace, she assumed from Gianna’s lack of table etiquette. It was nice to know she still ate like a pig. “If it weren’t for this girl, I’d most likely have jumped on the very next coach back to Alnwick, hidden in my room for a few months and then taken a job in a cave somewhere.”

  “I saved you.” Gianna gave a quick sticky squeeze of Erin’s hand below the table before bringing it back to claw another piece of breaded squid.

  “You most cer
tainly did save me.” Erin beamed.

  Ben checked his watch, sipped some water and stared at Gianna. “I guess I have you to thank then, don’t I.” He said, more rhetorically than as an actual question. “You were both rowing partners?” He looked to Erin, “you never speak of this to me.”

  Erin held up a finger whilst she finished working on the chewy squid. Couldn’t he have asked something about Italy, Napoli or where best to visit around here. She swallowed. “We were rowing partners yes. We even won a medal at Fairbairns’ for finishing first place, although it was a bloody close run thing.”

  Gianna perked up and patted her handbag. “Oh, I got the medal by the way. I always regretted leav…I mean, I always wondered what happened to it.”

  Ben was about to say something, but Erin cut him off. “I kept it safe. Along with a few other things stuck at the back of the wardrobe.” She looked to Ben, “you don’t know fatigue until you’ve rowed in an event like that.” Then back to Gianna. “Lactic acid in the finger tips…remember? And those two Oxford girls?”

  “Of course.”

  “I could swear one of those two popped up at the Beijing Olympics, rowing as a four. Did you see? And when we jumped in the river? And do you remember the photo finish? Oh, I was ever so nervous.”

  Gianna slowly shook her head and smiled. “How we beat those two, I’ll never quite know.”

  “So why did you quit?” Ben asked with squinty eyes, giving him an uncommon sceptical look. Considering he’d been hungry, he hadn’t touched much of the food. They’d ordered a whole array of interesting appetisers at Gianna’s recommendation. “I mean, you obviously enjoyed it very much and even won medals in your first year. So why did you give up?”

  Erin could have had her choice of sculling partner in the second year, but rowing with some girl who wasn’t Gianna had been a thought too appalling to contemplate. “I just got a little bogged down with work, that’s all.” She fiddled with her napkin and again, she hated lying to Ben but he was, intentionally or not, asking things which would only lead to the inevitable ‘why did you leave?’ question, to which he did not have the right to ask and find out the answer to, at precisely the same moment as herself, Erin reiterated in her head.