Where Are You

by Bella Donnis

  Gianna closed her office door and took a seat at the desk. Deflated, dejected, devastated.

  She carefully unsealed the envelope knowing that this would be the last thing she’d ever have of Erin – It was the last thing she’d ever deserve of her former friend.

  And when Gianna removed the contents, all she could do was weep. It was a symbol of her greatest friendship and greatest achievement. Something she’d received on her final night in England, something she’d always regretted not taking the time to salvage.

  Erin had returned Gianna’s Fairbairns’ winner’s medal.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Onwards

  “You know, once you learn to block out the traffic and the noise, the crowds and the rubbish flying around all over the place, it really isn’t that much of a bad city.” Ben said breaking off a section of croissant and cramming it in his mouth. The dining area at breakfast hummed with conversations from a dozen languages. “Even the sight of a million pieces of laundry hanging from the windows, balconies and across the streets has a strange charm to it.” He dabbed his forehead with a napkin. “But with this heat I don’t suppose there’s no need for tumble dryers.”

  Erin was traipsing her arm over his shoulder, leaning into him and asked as a joke. “So you’d like to stay here a bit longer then?”

  “Oh, good God, no chance.” He laughed, then smiled when his laughter set Erin off. He placed a hand on her cheek and lightly guided her lips to his. Erin sank into the kiss, despite the restaurant being full, which was most unlike her and so Ben didn’t pull away until he could no longer forego saying, “I don’t know what has got into you, but I like it.”

  She hummed. “Can we get away from here? Away from this city…See Pompeii…The Amalfi Coast…” Erin said, gazing into some imaginary horizon.

  “Of course. I’m with you on that one.” He gazed into that same horizon. “We’ll do all that and then take the car up north. Rome, Florence, Lucca, Bologna, Milan, Verona, Venice.” He spoke the final destination with finality whilst topping up their coffee and then a sudden thought came to him. “Oh, I forgot to ask. How’d it go with your friend yesterday?”

  Erin didn’t flinch. “My friend? Oh, she was out…Never mind.” And then she took a long gulp from her cup.

  Ben shuffled in his seat, “kind of a shame that. Oh well.” He downed his coffee in one go then stood. “Right…We’ve got a long day ahead. Drink up…Get ready…We’re leaving!”

  “Yes, sir.” Erin stood, grabbed his hand and they made their way up the stairs.

  Gianna staggered into work on Saturday, puffy faced and exhausted. She’d managed to steal a couple hours of sleep, but no more than that and only after resolving what to do the next day.

  It wasn’t much of a plan, but she had to do something. She fired up the computer and logged into LinkedIn. Then replied to Erin’s email:

  Hi, Erin…

  I’m so sorry I missed you yesterday. I’ll never forgive myself for missing you. I don’t know if you’re still in the city, but if you are, please, please, please stop by my surgery. I’d love to see you again. I feel like we have so much to talk about.

  Sorry for everything.

  Gia xxx

  -

  Sure it sounded a little too whiny for her liking, in fact it very much matched her mood in the moment, but she really wanted Erin to know how sincere she was.

  “Oh, you’re so brave Gia, sending an email when that shy girl you abandoned came across the continent to see you.” Gianna chastised herself.

  Being unable to sleep, Gianna had arrived at the surgery two hours early. Vedetta hadn’t even arrived yet, but throughout the next hour, Gianna checked her email every few minutes whilst trying to clean, organise her schedule or else simply pottering about the room. “Reply, damn it!”

  She tapped her fingers, went to the bathroom, tapped her fingers some more. “Ugh, I have to do more.” Or else it would drive her insane. Erin was somewhere close by and all Gianna could do was stomp about her surgery, tapping her bloody fingers. “See! You think about her for a few minutes and you’re already resorting to Englishisms.” There was one other thing she could do, “I’ll send another email.” But this time to someone else. It would be a long shot, but maybe this other person knew Erin’s itinerary.

  She expected at least a small amount of abuse from Mikey, but she had no choice. Gianna had made sure to remember Mikey’s email address for when the time came to get back in touch with and grovel to Erin. His name plus year of birth at Hotmail – Easy. She sent the email:

  Hi Mikey,

  I hope you’re ok. I know it’s been a long time, but I don’t need a hard time over it right now. I need to know where in Napoli Erin is staying. Can you help me?

  I’m sorry for everything, but help me out and I’ll explain all.

  Gia xxx

  PS: Do you have her mobile number?

  -

  But it still wasn’t enough. There was also that idiotic brother of his. “What was his name?” She tapped a pen against her skull. Scratchy? Scratty? Shabby? She smiled, “Shaggy!” She’d simply replace Mikey’s first name with Shaggy and hope it reached the guy.

  So, she forwarded the same email to Shaggy and breathed. “You brave girl, Gia.”

  After an hour, several espressos and still no responses, Gianna kicked the desk and rolled across the floor on her chair. “Will one of you reply to me!” The scattergun technique never usually failed so miserably.

  Gianna had grown used to having important matters taken out of her control – Life changing problems which were completely out of her hands. This was another one of those things. She was helpless. She needed to do more, but without any information, what could she do? Stalk the city in search of her? Napoli was a city of almost a million people; the third largest in Italy. The chances of passing her in the street were miniscule. And that’s if she was still even in the city. She could visit all the major hotels and demand to know if Erin was staying, but that would take a long time and she very much doubted they’d willingly give over guest details to some crazy lady.

  “If I was Erin and I was in Napoli for one final day…Where would I go?” She tapped the pen against her skull, harder and harder.

  The front door slammed, announcing the arrival of Vedetta.

  Erin leapt from her seat.

  It was time to shut up shop, give Vedetta the day off and drive the twenty five kilometres to Pompeii.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Pompeii

  The modern town of Pompeii had grown out from the ancient city, still partially covered in ash. Because of this and to spare any confusion, the ancient city had been renamed Scavi Pompeii, meaning excavations. To Erin and Ben’s great relief and to the Italian people’s credit, they had kept the two separated. Ben had often complained about how the English cared little for their ancient heritage, even saying that had Venice been in England, they’d have paved over the canals to make roads. Perhaps an exaggeration, but there was no denying that Italy took great care of its monuments and culture.

  Erin hated to think that the main reason for traveling to this part of Italy had turned into an anti-climax. The truth was that a day later, she felt confounded. Sure, she was pleased to know that Gianna was safe, happy and was achieving her dreams as a physiotherapist. Yet at the same time, not being able to speak to her and to find out why was a huge disappointment. On balance, because Erin could now put this whole strange and unusual episode of her life behind her, the trip, so far could be judged a success – The rest of Erin’s life was still to come.

  The one confusing aspect, even for the usually level-headed Erin was the bloody poem that fluttered back into existence. Why had it resurfaced ten years to the day since writing it if it wasn’t fate? Did the universe pull such strings, only to lead you into dark alleys, corners and dead ends? Or were there other reasons behind the events of the last few weeks? Erin fancied herself a pragmatist and didn’t readily believe in fate
- But ten years to the day? Which also just happened to be the day she met Ben - Perhaps the whole reason for everything had been to solidify her relationship with him? If that truly was the reason, then the universe was probably laughing at her right now given that she was presently in Italy and not the English countryside, but then, perhaps, this was what she needed to be certain, if that is what she now was.

  Besides, at the very least, Erin was now fulfilling a lifelong ambition of visiting Pompeii. “I was just so completely unprepared for how big this place is.” She brought her mind away from fantasy and back to reality.

  “It’s enough make you wonder how it was possible for it to remain undiscovered so long.” Ben said, squeezing Erin’s hand as they negotiated the crooked, uneven cobble stones.

  Indeed, Pompeii was easily the size of Cambridge city centre and it would take many hours to view the dozens of ruined streets that had been painstakingly emptied of ash over the decades; but not to see every single crack and corner would be to deny Pompeii justice – It was unlikely Erin would ever return after today.

  There’d be much walking and the sun beat down hard. Erin slipped off the cardigan she wore over a flower print summer dress, revealing her pale flesh, nimble body as well as other assets. She caught Ben glancing across at her breasts and she squeezed his hand in acknowledgement. She’d been punishing him a lot recently, through no fault of his own, frustrating him. That punishment would soon end for him.

  The ruined streets were narrow and cobbled with weeds sprouting up from between. The parts of Pompeii which would have been considered more upmarket even had sanitation. Back in the day, Pompeii would have been considered far ahead of their time, a city of the future.

  At the entrance gate where they paid their admittance fee, the queues had been quite long. But inside, due to the sheer size, Erin and Ben would often go several minutes without passing any other tourists.

  The many hundreds of homes lined up and down the ancient streets were free to enter and Ben chose one particular house, for no reason specifically and pulled Erin inside, the temperature dropping noticeably in the shadow. He pushed her against the stone wall, using the back of a hand behind her head as a cushion, the other cupping her breast as he pressed his lips against hers. His tongue entered her mouth and clashed with her own, his hand pressed harder against her breast and she felt herself wilting.

  Then Ben pulled away, clasped her face in his hands and spoke in a low husky voice, “that’s just a taster of what I’m doing to you tonight, my sweet fiancé.”

  She panted in rhythm with her heart. It was time to end this dry spell and to end it tonight – But not before spending some considerable time exploring these ancient ruins.

  It was mid-morning when Gianna arrived at Scavi Pompeii, queued with impatience, paid her money and finally rushed through the turnstiles. She hadn’t been here in five or six years and the place had been huge even before. Now, with more ash having been removed, several more streets and monuments would have been uncovered, doubtless making it even harder to find an errant English girl who most likely wasn’t even here. Indeed, the ancient city was so large, that even with the good fortune that Erin was here, it would be by no means guaranteed they’d cross paths.

  Gianna breathed, taking her bearings, whilst staring at the long ruined streets before her, a sprinkling of tourists spread throughout. It had been an effort merely walking from where she parked her car in the new city to the Scavi entrance. Now she could well be walking for most of the day, sweating, dishevelled in the sweltering heat. How would that look if she did happen across Erin? Hair plastered to her forehead, red and worn out face glistening from perspiration, the strong stench of body odour anti-perspirant would be working extra hard to control – It was by no means ideal – But if need be, Gianna would return the next day and the next in the vain hope of finding her.

  Though Gianna had to be realistic, because deep down, she knew, even though Erin had always wanted to visit Pompeii, it was highly unlikely they’d bump into each other, but Gianna had to do something. Besides, simply by being here, she felt closer to Erin, not that that mitigated much of the guilt she still felt many years on.

  How had it ever come to this? That the most important friendship she ever held, with the most wonderful, adorable, beautiful and sweet person she could ever imagine, had disintegrated in such a way that now, she had to resort to the forlorn hope of searching for her amongst the ash and weeds that sprung out from the ground, praying that for once, the heavens sent some good fortune instead of the misery and torment to which she’d become all too accustomed. The ache of loss that had grown inside over the years had exploded in the last couple of days and all because Erin had re-emerged, but within that ache were planted the seeds of something else – Could Gianna dare to hope?

  Gianna, having had the rare opportunity to see Erin once more, to embrace her and then stupidly allowing that chance to slip away, wanted nothing more in the world other than to explain everything to the girl she had once loved. Though Gianna had to concede that even if this day brought nothing else and failed to reunite her with her old lover, at the very least, she’d have time to resolve matters within her own head; not that she needed to, really, because she was here, and willing to go through this, which had to count for something.

  Gianna struggled along the cobbles, remnants of ash still filling the gaps between. Street after ancient street, within the houses, without the houses, she searched as the sun shone like it only could in southern Italy.

  A large gathering of tourists mingled in an opening which gave view to Mount Vesuvio in the vista. It was the perfect setting for photographs of the ruins and their maker which loomed menacing on the horizon. Gianna ambled amongst the groups, families, couples and solo tourists, scrutinising each and every face like a mad woman. Occasionally she’d hear an English accent or see a long red mane and would frantically rush over in that direction with a renewed enthusiasm, only to be disappointed.

  “Ugh, why?” Gianna stopped and gawked aghast at the Autogrill restaurant chain that since her last visit, they’d built into one of the ruined buildings. “Disgusting.” She shook her head, eschewed her principles and entered regardless.

  It wouldn’t take long to scope out the vile globalist restaurant chain. Around fifty people sat around a number of tables, enjoying lunch. Gianna purchased a bottle of water, took a seat and spent a few moments regaining her energy and composure. Sweat patches gathered down the flanks of her blouse, “ugh…attractive,” she mumbled under her breath as she fanned her face. She pressed the chilled plastic bottle against her forehead and paid particular attention to the people entering. This was the only restaurant in Scavi Pompeii. If Erin was here and wanted to eat, she’d have to visit Autogrill. But sitting around and doing nothing wasn’t good enough – What if Erin had already eaten and was even now walking around the ancient city, minding her own business, admiring old rocks like the complete nerd she doubtless still was.

  As Gianna stood, she winced from the sharp pain that shot up from her foot. “Damn blisters…Already?” And she’d only been searching a few hours. She removed her trainers and rubbed her feet for a few minutes before limping from the restaurant.

  The sun still baked down and with the majority of ruins being single storeyed, precious little shadow was offered. There were now more tourists than before, many whom Gianna noticed gave her strange looks as she checked them over for signs of red hair.

  Was this really going to work? Or had Gianna simply been overcome with the emotion that only the return of Erin could bring? Maybe Gianna deserved punishment, even more than she’d already experienced for lacking the courage to either return to England or initiate any sort of contact with her in the years since. Gianna had time to think as she lumbered from one ruin to another, it was all she could do.

  Maybe she didn’t deserve to find Erin. Maybe Erin didn’t deserve to have any of Gianna’s misfortune rub off on her. Maybe Gianna should leave the outcom
e in fate’s hands. If she was meant to find Erin then she’d find her and if not, then it was clear that fate had deemed Gianna unworthy of Erin’s friendship.

  The amphitheatre emerged up ahead. Situated in the far corner of the ancient city, it was one of the main attractions of Pompeii and the oldest surviving Roman amphitheatre anywhere. It was kind of ironic that only a few years ago it was completely buried beneath ash. Gianna entered the tunnel and emerged in the arena to find scatterings of tourists spread out, some taking seats in the tiers, others standing in the centre of the ring looking outwards at the remarkably intact structure. Low murmurs from a dozen conversations drifted over to Gianna on the gentle breeze. It took only a matter of seconds to find that none of the people within were Erin.

  “It’s hopeless.” Gianna’s legs wobbled up the steps towards the upper tier. She took a seat, admiring the view of the arena, glancing once more over the tourists as the sun burned into the back of her neck. “This is just not going to work,” she conceded. If she was ever meant to see Erin again then it would have either happened the day before or sometime during the last five hours of toiling around Scavi Pompeii. Fuck, but if she was meant to see Erin again, then the ideal time would have presented itself at some point over the last ten years. Fate – Sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be.

  The amphitheatre possessed two entrance tunnels, which led either up the tiers or straight into the arena. Gianna now sat directly opposite one of those tunnels, with a clear view of light on the other side. Two groups exited through that tunnel whilst the other, directly below where Gianna sat, concealed itself from her line of sight. Another group disappeared from her view and Gianna could only presume they too were leaving the arena through the tunnel directly below.