Barely Breathing (Keep Breathing Book 1)

by Erica Marselas

  “What are you doing in here?”

  “Wanted to scope out the place. Saw your pretty face and wanted to see what it was all about. Too bad I missed you in action.”

  I roll my eyes. “Trust me, you won’t see a lot of that. What do you want?”

  His eyebrows twist in confusion, but he shakes it off. “Just saying hi. I feel like we have so much to catch up on.” I ignore the small tremor that runs down my spine when he runs his hand down my shoulder and I knock him off. “We have nothing to talk about.”

  “I think we do, princess.”

  The nickname triggers me, and I reach out and cup his balls in my hand. It’s extreme, but with Jaxson, he only listens to extreme. It’s my return for his hand around my neck earlier. I’ve always hated that nickname. He knows I detest it. It's also what Harry calls me thinking it’s a cute pet name because it’s what my dad calls me. I realize too late that grabbing him has backfired when I feel him grow in my hand.

  “Stop calling me princess,” I growl.

  “I would let go of those. You might want to use them later.” He smirks, and his dick twitches again in my hand, making me release him.

  “Oh, I'm sorry. I just remember when you used to like it.” I throw his words back at him, giving him a sweet smile. “But I shouldn’t have done that.” I clear my throat and try to compose myself. This is what Jaxson does to me; he makes me crazy. He brings out the old me that's been boarded up for two years.

  “You’re right. The last thing you want is a sexual harassment suit?" Jaxson leans in, putting his mouth to my ear. His hot breath on my skin creates little goosebumps. "But does it really count when you can’t keep your hands off your husband’s balls?” My jaw drops open, and I swear my eyes are about to bulge out of my head. “Though next time, I prefer you hold them a little softer, and we do it naked.”

  “What did you just say?” I finally manage to rasp out. The word husband still rattling in my brain.

  Please tell me he’s playing me. This can't be happening. I took care of it.

  “Us. Naked.” He flaunts his hand up and down my body, licking his lips.

  “No…Jaxson, before that?” My voice trembles.

  “Oh, you mean the husband part?” I nod. “Well, it helps before you jump into a new marriage, if you finalize the divorce on the last one, wifey.” I’m left gaping at him. My feet are glued to the floor as he turns around and leaves the conference room.

  Shit.

  I’m in deep shit

  CHAPTER THREE

  JAXSON

  I leave her hanging with that shocked expression on her face in the conference room and make my way back to my office. I did my best to contain the thrill as I revealed the news to her. I was going to wait, but the timing was perfect.

  She had me by the balls, literally.

  I love that she had no idea that we are still married. It makes the revenge even sweeter.

  River shattered me and thought she could just run off and keep going on with her life like nothing happened. Yet, she didn’t finish closing the deal on us.

  It won’t be long before she comes storming into my office. I can feel it. River is a lot like me when she’s pissed. A raging bull looking for a fight. She wasn’t always like that. Before me, she was timid and always looking over her shoulder. Scared. But she turned into a fighter. I’d like to think it was me that rubbed off on her and helped her find her courage. It’s too bad when it came to us, she didn’t use it.

  I loved her, and at one point, she was my whole life, and I thought she had felt the same. I didn’t know how quickly she would turn her back on me.

  I thought I knew her, but it turns out I didn’t know her at all. The history between us evaporated the day she dumped me and told me she never wanted to see me again.

  I’ve spent the better part of two years trying to figure out what went wrong. How she could just slip her ring from her finger and turn her back on me like I never fucking mattered. How she could choose her fucking dickhead of a father and her precious rich lifestyle over me.

  I tried going after her, to demand answers, but when I was told she fled to London to start over, I realized I wasn’t as important to her as she was to me.

  She had vanished for eighteen months, my lawyer unable to track her down, till two months ago she popped back on the radar, taking over Dolson Investments and newly engaged.

  I had to find out about the whole thing from some fucking Twitter video. Seeing her and that Harry douche noodle with their happy smiles, making her dad proud sent me over the edge.

  She was living the high life, living pretty eating fucking crumpets while for eighteen months I nursed my best friend, Liam Morgan, back to health from his addiction, ate fucking ramen, and slept in his guestroom. The only positive was he gave me a job, which allowed me to do what I loved most: Network Security.

  Five minutes later, right on cue, there’s a loud bang and my door flies open. I spin in my chair to face my wife. I expected her to be a red faced, steam rolling out of her ears, and her chest heaving. Instead, this beauty stands before me pasty white. Like she saw a ghost.

  The ghost being me.

  Not the reaction I was hoping for. Especially from the woman who grabbed my balls ten minutes ago.

  “Mrs. Holden. How nice to see you.” I smirk, delighted when her eyes twitch at her married name.

  Yeah, baby, you’re still technically mine.

  “Please tell me you’re lying. Please.” Her voice is so tiny, I almost don’t hear her, and for a second, I’m taken aback by her behavior. Where’s my firecracker? Where’s the girl from the conference room?

  I don’t let the thoughts simmer for long. She’s the one who left so she could have this life.

  “Why? So you can marry some douchebag in peace. Please your daddy?”

  She shakes her head and closes the door. “Jax. This isn’t what you think,” she stutters, and I momentarily see the flash of fear in her eyes.

  “Then explain it to me.” I cross my arms over my chest as silence fills the room.

  Yes, explain what the fuck I’ve been needing to hear for these last two years. Tell me what the fuck you're hiding.

  “Jaxson…” She pauses, her gaze dropping to the floor, and her fingers twist together in front of her. Just when I think I’m going to maybe get some straight answers for once, she glances back up at me, and the next words out of her mouth disintegrate all that hope. “There were divorce papers. I was told they were filed and it was complete. So how?”

  I grip the arms of my chair till my knuckles turn white. “Yes, the papers you wanted me to sign so badly so we could pretend we never happened and you could run off to London and live your wonderful life,” I spit, and I can feel the veins in my neck throbbing. She wanted to leave me so badly she was even willing to give me everything, which didn’t make sense to me, but I was too pissed to even care.

  Six months of marriage down the drain.

  “I didn’t….” She stops and bites on her lip.

  “Didn’t what?”

  Her arms wrap protectively around her tiny body, trying to make herself smaller than she already is. She’s closing up on me like she used to do. “Listen, you said you wanted me gone too. I hurt you. I get it. I'm not playing the victim here. I was a bitch. What more do you want?”

  I shrug. There’s so much I want. I want to see her suffer like I did. Though seeing her beginning to crumble isn’t bringing the joy and fulfillment I’d hoped it would.

  “Jax, it’s been two years. Why wouldn’t I know about this?”

  She pushes her hands through her thick chestnut hair, and her watery sea-green eyes look to the ceiling as if she's trying to search for the answers.

  There used to be a part of me that held onto hope that maybe she didn’t sign them because she honestly didn’t want me gone. That something was wrong. But as more time went on…all hope vanished and my hate grew.

  “There was nothing filed, sweetcheeks, becau
se you’re the one who didn’t sign the papers. And well, I didn’t either.”

  What was the point?

  “Yes, I did,” she argues. “I made sure of it.”

  My jaw ticks. “You obviously are not very good at checking on things. I have them at home. I’d be happy to show you. My lawyer tried to get in touch with you, but he couldn’t find you. Too busy living your rich privileged life to be bothered.”

  “God, I’m sorry,” she screeches. “Alright. Is that what you want from me?”

  “No. I don’t need your apologies. What I want is to watch you squirm a little.” I chuckle, rising from my chair and take two long strides to stand in front of her. I move in closer and press my forehead to hers. I’m zapped back to a time when she was mine, and no matter how much I want to hate her, there will always be something about River that gets under my skin.

  She's still as beautiful as when I inked her and the day I married her.

  The smell of her peach lotion fills my nose. She hasn’t changed at all in years.

  “You still smell the same, you know. I hate you most days, but I can’t forget how fucking amazing you smelled.” I brush back her hair with my fingertips, and I can’t miss the small tremor that runs through her body. I affect her. This is good, and I plan to use this to my advantage. “Or how good you looked underneath me.”

  Her chestnut hair still shines like I remember, and I can easily visualize how it looks twisted around my fingers. How her cheeks heated up to a nice pink after I made her come...and don't get me started on her legs looking like sex in these heels and how good they would look wrapped around my neck.

  Fuck.

  I’m kidding myself if I say she doesn’t affect me and doesn’t make my dick hard at the sight of her.

  Snap out of it, Jaxson.

  Now isn't the time.

  “Tell me I actually meant nothing to you, and I’ll go away.” Our noses touch, and I don’t miss the wetness welling in her eyes and her breathing getting heavy. She quickly shakes away the sadness, but there’s still no verbal response. “That’s what I thought.”

  “What is it that you want from me, Jaxson?” she asks, her voice quivering. My lips graze hers, and she grips her hand around my tie. She's begging for me to kiss her. I could easily throw her against the wall and show her what she's been missing these last two years, but that would be too easy. Instead, I push off her, leaving her lips still parted and smirk when her body sags in disappointment.

  “You’ll see.”

  After River bolted from my office, I thought I would feel elated that I got under her skin the way I did. But I don’t.

  I never thought I would say it again, but something doesn’t feel right. In fact, something is screaming at me that something is wrong. The way she sounded, the devastation on her face, her body language, her words, are all so much like the night she left. A feeling I pushed aside years ago after she served me with divorce papers and vanished.

  She looks like the broken shell that I remember from years back. It's easy to see her strength she's trying to show off is just a blanket to cover her pain.

  I hate how much I want to make it go away.

  Don’t let her get under your skin again. Stick to the plan.

  I need her like this, so she’ll crumble, and give me what I need.

  When Sam came looking for me to take this job, it was a clear sign that it was time to get justice for what was taken from me and my family, and I could drive River insane while I did it. Hell, even Liam put a good word in for me.

  Now that my wife is CEO, and her father is in Hawaii, it couldn't be easier if I tried

  Jeff Graham took away my family's livelihood. Framed my father with embezzlement, smeared his name, my family’s name, and had the FBI crawling over the house for months. He couldn't get a job and money was hard to come by.

  I didn’t know how long I would have till Jeff found out I was working here, so I had to find anything I could on him and fast.

  River found out sooner than I had hoped, but I know her, and she won’t get rid of me. She’s too damn sweet, and she’s aware I know too much to let me fly.

  Though I’m finding myself blocked from being able to open the program I was working on only this morning. So, she might not get rid of me, but she’s going to make my fucking digging for dirt harder, instead of just handing it to me.

  The moment Sam introduced the project to me, it was clear something fishy was going on behind the scenes. There were mysterious money transfers and Cayman Island accounts, which Sam and River wanted it all hidden from one Jefferey Graham.

  The second was having me dig through old accounts and shift all the investments the company had made into whole other accounts and safeguarding them from withdrawals. That didn’t seem as crazy besides wanting to know who is making early withdrawals. I’d been trying to look more into the past on those accounts before she blocked me.

  I’ll just have to dig in by hacking in through the server instead.

  Unless my little ball buster gets brave and has issued my walking papers.

  Ha. Yeah right.

  My hand is on the receiver to call Sam and demand what happened to my access when my cell rings with my sister’s name on it. I’ve been waiting to hear from her all morning to know how her appointment went.

  "Hey, bro, how's it going?" Scarlet chirps into the phone before I even get my hello in.

  "It’s going. How are you feeling? Sorry I couldn't be there." My sister finished her last round of chemo a year ago and went into remission. Though every time she goes to see the oncologist for a follow up, I worry. She’s seventeen and has had cancer twice. Four years ago, it was a pretty aggressive non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and we didn’t think she was going to make it.

  I've been by her side for almost every treatment. We would spend hours talking and playing games to pass the time during chemo. I fear the cancer could reappear, and I could lose her.

  When we were together, River would come with me to the appointments and treatments. Scar was thrilled to be rebuilding her friendship, but she felt as deceived as I did when River up and left.

  I'm not the only one she hurt with her disappearing act.

  Scar won't admit it, but River was the friend she needed when everyone else deserted her.

  "I'm fine. I don't need you to hold my hand. I'm an old pro."

  "Still. What did they say?’

  "I’m doing good, Jax. You don’t need to worry about me. The cancer is still in remission. Now tell me, how’s it going at your new job?" Her voice is dripping with disgust.

  Besides Liam, Scar is the only one who knows about my plan to seek vengeance on the Graham family.

  "She knows I'm here."

  "You talked to her, and you still have a job?"

  "Odd, right?" I chuckle.

  "Oh, no,” she groans “I knew if you saw her again—"

  "There's nothing happening besides me driving her insane." I cut her off. "And some payback."

  My thoughts go back to my hand around her neck, the memory of how much she enjoyed it when I fucked her. She remembers too. It's all in her body language.

  Though her lips so close to mine are dangerous because I was instantly drawn back to how soft they were and how good she tasted.

  She was once my kryptonite, but now I'm hoping to be hers to get some justice.

  She'll be easy to break.

  "Hmm. I don't know if I believe you."

  "Trust me. River means nothing to me."

  Lies.

  I tell my subconscious to shut up. She can't mean anything because I mean shit to her.

  "Good."

  “So, what else is going on? How's school?” I change the subject, no longer wanting to discuss River. I’m thankful, she takes the hint and starts babbling on about a boy she likes.

  I’m tapping my pen on my desk as she talks away, my computer screen in sleep mode. I realize I have no work and no idea what I’m going to do. I could easily hack back
in, but I’m waiting to see what River has up her sleeve for me.

  “Hey, Scar, I do need to get going.”

  “Wait. I forgot to tell you. Dad's acting funny.”

  "How so?"

  "Like staying out late, taking all his phone calls in secret. Mom is freaking out."

  "Like, does she think he's cheating?"

  "I dunno. Or he’s into some shady shit…like you," she adds with a laugh, and I roll my eyes.

  "I'm sure it’s nothing. Dad loves Mom."

  "Hope so. It’s the last thing Mom needs right now. Listen, I'm going to go. I'm exhausted."

  “Alright. I’ll call you later.”

  “You better. Love you, bro.”

  “Love you too, Scar.”

  I hang up with her and dial Sam’s extension asking if she can meet me in my office.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I want to know why I can’t get into the Cayman files.”

  “Oh. I’ll be right in.” She hangs up and thirty seconds later Sam is leaning against my desk. Her expression is blank as the next words utter from her mouth. “So I have some bad news for you.”

  Great, so I’ve been fired after all.

  “Ms. Graham has denied your access. She wants you to work on cleaning up accounting’s server because it’s running slow."

  "I see." I lean back in my chair, trying not to act put out.

  So, what is my little wife hiding? I knew what I was hired for was more than business as usual, but just what is going on?

  "I thought I was hired to work on safeguarding all those money transfers and accounts with you?"

  "Do you still want a job here?"

  "Yeah. But…"

  "Then can I be frank with you, Jaxson?" Sam asks and rests her hands on my desk. Her eyes narrow, and the once sweet, red-headed, motherly woman that hired me has switched into an I'm gonna stick my foot up your ass, take no prisoners boss.

  If I didn't have a hundred pounds and twelve inches on her, I might be trembling.

  Might be.

  "Sure."

  "I know who you really are. Frankly, I don't care. I hired you for your know how and that's it. Who I care about, though, is River. And If you only came here to fuck things up, or fuck with her, I won’t think twice about tossing you out on your ass and fucking you over. Honestly, there's more going on here than meets the eye.”