Barely Breathing (Keep Breathing Book 1)

by Erica Marselas

  Damn. That’s not what I was expecting.

  “You can read me like a book, huh?”

  “I know what happened between your father and Mr. Graham. I know a little bit about you and River from what she’s told me. I’m surprised she didn’t fire you on the spot, but,” she waves her hand around, and a small grin appears on her face, "maybe she just needed some eye candy around this place."

  "Right," I scoff.

  I highly doubt that’s the reason she hasn’t given me the boot.

  "Oh, and one last thing. Don’t fuck with things. If you can promise that, I'll work on River to put you back on the project. I think you will be good for it, but you need to realize this is more than about you. I hope you can see that."

  I sigh and rub my hand behind my neck. "I got you." I don’t. Her vague comment leaves more questions, but there’s nothing I can do at this moment.

  Sam stands from my desk and straightens her skirt, acting like she didn't just lay down the law. "Good, now get to work."

  "Wait,” I call out before she leaves. If I can’t fucking look into the one person who fucked with my dad, I want to know about the annoying prick who is playing the same games as Jeffery Graham and who also put a damn ring on my wife’s finger.

  “Yeah?”

  “What can you tell me about Harry Lawrence?"

  A sly grin spreads across her face. “Harry, huh?” I nod. “He’s garbage and nothing for you to be jealous about." She chuckles and leaves the room.

  I'm not jealous. I just want to destroy the asswipe too.

  My elbows fall to my desk, and I run my hands through my hair, trying to think of my next move.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  RIVER

  Two and half years ago

  “What if we did something a little crazy while we’re here?” Jaxson plops down next to me on the couch of our hotel room and slings his arm around my shoulder.

  Jaxson surprised me with a spontaneous vacation. He came home two days ago, told me he was taking me away, not to ask any questions, and had my bags already packed. After a three hour journey, we ended up here in Peach County, Georgia. Okay, so it's not the beach or Disney World. But this hotel room is fancy like the Ritz.

  He's been telling me there's a big reason we’re here, but I have to wait and see what that is. Honestly, if I only see the inside of this hotel, I’d be happy because every moment has been perfect so far. Yesterday, we drank, goofed around in the pool, then he fingered me in the hot tub, while some old ladies swam unknowingly in the pool beside us. Afterward, we spent hours getting hot and sweaty tangled in sheets, then in the shower, then on the desk...

  “How crazy are you talking about? I already told you I have no interest in jumping out of a plane.”

  He chuckles and presses a kiss to my temple. “It’s not that, but it might feel like it.” He picks up my left hand and places a kiss to each finger.

  “What?”

  “Let's get married. Elope.”

  A nervous laugh leaves my lips. Did he really just say that? He’s as crazy as the idea.

  “Did you seriously wake up this morning and think, hey, let's get married? You're nuts!”

  “Am I?” He jumps to his feet and moves to his suitcase laying on the bed. He throws a couple of shirts to the floor as he digs around inside. “Ah-ha,” he exclaims and then spins around to face me holding a black velvet ring box. “Does this look like someone that just woke up this morning thinking that?” He takes two large strides to me and takes my hand to lift me off the couch. “So, I ask again, do you want to do something crazy?”

  A smile curves on my lips, and honestly, as crazy as it all is, there’s no one else I would want to do this with. Or spend my life with. “I do.”

  Hours later, Jax is pulling into the courthouse parking lot. In Georgia, there’s no waiting period to get married, so, to go along with our crazy plan, we’re getting married today. I glance down at the new diamond on my finger as it glitters in the sun, which is reflecting off his windshield. My hand is trembling, giving the shine a nice rainbow effect.

  “You’re shaking.” Jaxson grabs my hand. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m scared what will happen if my dad finds out.”

  “Fuck him. This isn't about him right now, Rivs. It’s about us.”

  “Can you blame me?” I glance over at Jax, who is looking dapper in a white button-down- sans tie. I’m wearing a white lace mini dress that he packed for me and matches his attire perfectly. We look like the perfect couple, despite the people wanting to keep us apart.

  “He hasn’t talked to you in months. He’s a non-issue right now.”

  My father hasn't ever been one to call me and keep tabs on me since I left home. Though these last months since my grandfather died, he's gone mute. I should be thrilled, but it's his way of keeping shit from me. Like whatever is in my grandfather’s will. I was told I was in it, yet he's been able to keep the estate lawyers silent as to what I got.

  Not that I care. It's probably just money, and he'll steal it like he did the money mom left me. In the end, it won't bring grandpa back.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just mixed up in my head.” I rub my tattoo and close my eyes.

  Just breathe, River.

  He’s your future.

  “You don’t need to be sorry. But you need to stop looking over your shoulder and live. Worry about you and what you want for a change.” He leans down and kisses me gently. “Plus, we’ve been dating for a year and a half, we live together, and he still doesn’t know. He won’t know we got married either.”

  “You’re right. Let’s do this.”

  It doesn’t take us long to get our marriage license, and when I think we’re going to be waiting for the justice of the peace, Jax has another surprise up his sleeve. The man is as full of them as he is tattoos.

  “We’re not getting married here?” I ask as he leads me back outside to the parking lot.

  “No. You deserve more than a courthouse wedding. I have something set up for us.”

  “You had this whole vacation planned for us to get married, didn't you?”

  Though there’s no doubt in my mind that’s exactly what he did.

  He shrugs, wearing a cocky dimpled grin as he opens the door to his Pontiac. He helps me in and then slides into the driver side. “What if I’d said no?”

  “You didn’t, did you?”

  “You amaze me at every corner.”

  "I want to spend every day making you smile. Just like right now."

  That afternoon Jaxson and I were married at Tryphena’s Garden. Our witnesses were a sweet old couple that had been married for twenty years, visiting the gardens for their anniversary. I took them being there as a sign of blessing us with eternal lasting love. Jaxson must have been saving for months to make the whole trip happen because the next morning we were on a flight to Vegas to celebrate our elopement.

  That day, he literally took my breath away, and it was okay because he was the only one who could give me back my reason for breathing and keep my heart beating.

  Present Time

  I’ve been able to avoid Jaxson for the last two days. I’ve locked myself in my office, busy with work, and told Luna that under no circumstances was anyone to bother me. I have to change everything that I’m doing down in IT and make sure that Jaxson doesn’t have jurisdiction to touch or see what I’ve been working on, but I fear it’s too late.

  After all these years, why did he come back now?

  He obviously hates me, and whatever he is up to, he's going to use that against me.

  When I had hoped Jaxson was only pulling my chain on us still be married, it only took me a second to dig through the public record, to find our marriage license and that we're, indeed, still married.

  That I’m still Mrs. River Ann Holden.

  I was pissed, wanting to know why my lawyer had lied to me about our divorce being finalized. He gave my father proof that it had been handled, so I don’t under
stand what happened. When I tried to get ahold of Roger Clements, the man that handled it at the time, the number was disconnected. He’d vanished off the face of the earth. I guess that’s what I get for using someone I found in a classified ad, so they wouldn’t be associated with my father.

  The kicker of it all is I don’t know how I’m going to function around this man when his touch, his scent, makes me ache all over with how much I miss him.

  Jaxson was my healing when my world had once been spinning out of control. He was my lifeline. My air when I couldn’t breathe. He gave me a reason to smile again. When I lost him, I forgot what those reasons were. I tried so hard to hang onto his memory and to his light just so I could make it through the days.

  Now that he's back, I'm worried that every memory is going to tarnish with his need to make me suffer. If those memories go, what else will I have left to keep holding on?

  “Why aren’t you ready yet?” Harry snaps me out of my daydream. I turn around from my bureau and look at him. He’s dressed in a form fitting Armani tux, with an irritated glare on his face.

  Why couldn’t he meet me at the convention center like he usually does? Instead, tonight he has to stand over me as I put the finishing touches on my makeup.

  “I am,” I say and glance down at my satin slip navy dress that hugs my curves. Tonight is the Night to Remember Gala. This event is the last thing I want to go to right now. Despite it being for a good cause, its surrounded by nothing but fake people. I hated them growing up, and I hate them more now, especially while being dragged around on Harry’s arm, pretending to be happy.

  “That thing is hideous. You need to go change. I can’t be seen with you like that,” he spits and runs his finger up and down my body.

  Harry and my father belong together. Nothing I do is right, and they go out of their way to try and make me feel as low as possible. Sometimes I wonder if my father told Harry to try to beat me down emotionally so he can eventually get whatever he wants.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I stand and go to grab my clutch. “This is a McCarthy. A top designer. I look good,” I counter. I can’t believe the word hideous came out of his mouth regarding this dress. This is one of my favorites; I love the open back.

  Then again, who am I kidding?

  This man isn’t Jaxson. He wouldn’t know what a compliment was if it hit him over the head.

  Rough hands grab my arms, and I screech. “Harry, you’re hurting me.”

  “That’s the point. Now, I suggest you fucking change and put something on with sleeves.”

  He holds me for a bit longer. His fingers feel like they’re burning into my skin before he sends me flying to the ground. "And don’t start crying either. We don't have time for you to fix your make-up,” he growls and stomps out of the room.

  I rub my arms, fingertip bruises already appearing in the places where he held me. Fucking asshole.

  The thing is, I won't cry. He's not worth my tears when he's not worth my pain. This isn’t the first time Harry’s been rough with me. Honestly, compared to what my father did to me as a child, Harry is a puppy. Sure, it doesn’t make the abuse sting any less, but this is all just a means to an end. Something I have to put up with to make it through.

  Jaxson might see me as some selfish bitch, but what he doesn’t know is that I'm going through hell so I can save him and his family. I had always planned on telling Jaxson what happened that day I broke up with him, but it wouldn’t be until I was gone.

  Long gone.

  Away from the evil

  As long as I keep breathing.

  Six more months. Six more months and I can be free from them.

  But I might have a problem if Jaxson doesn't agree to give me a divorce. Or worse yet, my dad finds out it never happened.

  Maybe Luna is right. I should tell him what is going on. That not everything is what it seems, and it only puts him in danger coming back into my life.

  Sam wasn't happy with me about taking away her manpower, especially with the limited time we have to find useful dirt on my father. I just threw back at her that I wasn't happy that she hired my estranged husband and left her in a state of disbelief by revealing that news.

  “Are you ready yet?” Harry bellows from downstairs. I pick myself off the ground and dust myself off before going to find another dress.

  Tonight is another night.

  Just keep breathing, River.

  You got this.

  There's a great cause around this gala. People with deep pockets circle around and donate to help the economic growth and development of the city. The only problem with these events is this is where my dad liked to prey on said people. The deeper the pockets, the more likely he was to strike with his winning lines and pull them into what he had to offer. My dad is a hustler, a thief, running an elaborate Ponzi scheme inside of Dolson Investments.

  Investors are blinded by the pretty words my dad shells out, and they think their money is growing, when, in fact, it's lining my father’s pockets.

  Now it's Harry's turn to hustle.

  As a team, I'm worried about what they can do. I just have to prove everything I know with paper trails in order to stop them before I marry Harry and give the company over to them.

  So that very moment Harry gives back my dad his corporate chair, they'll dissolve, and I’ll be long gone.

  It’s just that my father covered his tracks. Brilliantly. The man is a piece of shit, but he's smart. Though little by little, thanks to Sam, I'm uncovering the dark lies. Hopefully, it's enough to put my dad in his own prison box so I can be free from mine.

  I pick up a glass of champagne from the tray of one of the many servers and down it in one go.

  "Classy." Harry mumbles his disapproval and grabs my sore arm, yanking me to the middle of the room. I hiss in pain, and he tells me to hush. Nobody around appears to pay attention to our quarrel besides a pair of familiar hazel eyes standing in the corner with his arm draped over a gorgeous brunette.

  Jax rolls his eyes at me, the disgust dripping from him once again. He places a kiss on his date’s forehead, and she turns to look at him adoringly. I hate how seeing him moving on makes me feel, though it's what I want. I want nothing more than for him to be happy without me.

  But why does it have to kill me inside?

  I turn away from the couple and turn back to my own doom, trying to pick my fallen heart up from the ground.

  “Can you look a little more alive tonight?” Harry grumbles in my ear. “You might not care about this company, but I do.”

  “Sorry, hun.” I put on my best fake smile. Doing my best to keep it real while the torn pieces of my heart are beating wildly.

  “I wish your dad could just hand me the company now instead of having to marry you first,” he says through gritted teeth as he waves to someone across the room.

  “Me too,” I whisper while grabbing another glass of champagne off the passing server’s tray. Again, I down the drink in one gulp.

  “I thought he trained you how to engage with people properly, but every time we come to one of these, you're a freaking statue. Mingle. We need these investors.”

  Not we. You.

  “No one wants to come near you because you look like an ice queen.”

  No, none want to come near you, I mentally yell at him. I’ve been told many times by some of our biggest clients; they hate working with him because they smell a snake. How they don't smell the poison in my dad is a mystery.

  He puts his arm around my waist, and his fingers dig into my hip. I hiss again, and he tells me to suck it up. "Now put a fucking smile on your face. I have deals to make."

  After an hour of trying to make Harry look good to these people, a fake smile plastered on my face to the point it hurts, I make my way to the bathroom. I need a moment to decompress and hone back in my acting skills.

  Because tonight they’re terrible. I’d be nominated for a Razzie.

  I'm taking in the lavish glass chandeliers
that line the hallway when someone grabs my hand, putting their hand over my mouth to silence my screech as they yank me down another hall. The familiar scent of sandalwood tells me who it is, but it doesn’t calm my fear of the attack as I'm pushed up against a wall. Dark hazels meet my timid greens, and I swallow.

  "I hate to say it, but you look mighty fine tonight, Mrs. Holden." Jax runs his nose along my cheek, chuckling darkly, and removes his hand from my mouth.

  “Jax?” I gasp. “Are you crazy?”

  “A little." He smirks and pushes himself into me. "But you already know that. I married you after all," he bites out bitterly.

  I ignore his little stab at my heart and press on. “What are you doing here? You can’t be here."

  “I was invited. You’re not the only one who happens to know people in high places. Also, I thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye out for my wife. I hear she’s messing around on me."

  He wants to be a dick to me, but all this is going to do is give away who he is to Harry.

  "Jaxson. Stop," I beg him, pushing his shoulders to try to shove him away, but it’s useless. He pushes his body harder into me. "If Harry sees you…"

  "Fuck him." His lips hover over mine, and he presses his growing cock into me. “I hate that you still turn me on.” His raspy voice sends my mind into a fog, and I’m finding it hard not to be turned on either in this moment. He grabs a strand of my hair, tugs on it, and then spins it around his finger. "Speaking of fucking, does he fuck you like I did? Is that why you went to him?"

  “I don’t…” I choke. The thought of Harry and I having sex is enough to make me want to vomit; even more than Jaxson’s anger.

  “Hmm…limp dick, huh? That’s too bad.”

  “Why does it matter to you? You are obviously with someone else. Why don’t you sign the divorce papers? I’ll do the same, and we can both move on. Separately, forever.”