Barely Breathing (Keep Breathing Book 1)

by Erica Marselas

  “How could I forget?” My breath hitches, my mind flooding with the delicious memories.

  “I’m going to do the same thing to you in London. One day.”

  “I like the sound of all that.”

  I’m admiring the work of a ‘61 Cadillac Fleetwood as Jaxson goes and gets us a couple of drinks. The midday sun is blaring down on me, my pale skin is frying, and my feet are killing from the hours of standing, but this is the best day I’ve had in years. I wish I could freeze time, so it doesn’t have to end and the reality of life doesn’t have to kick in ruining the magic I’m feeling right now.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” A feminine voice hisses from behind me. My spine stiffens from the venom in her voice, and my beautiful perfect day shatters into a million pieces.

  Like everything else in my life, nothing good lasts for long.

  I take a deep breath and rub my tattoo before I spin around coming face to face with Jaxson’s sister.

  “Scarlet. Hi. It’s been a long time.” I give her a tiny smile as she snarls at me with her hands on her hips.

  “Not long enough.”

  “Listen, Scarlet,” I start, and she raises her hand in front of her face to stop me with the dirtiest expression to accompany it.

  “I know you're here with my brother. He told me that he wants to get back together with you, but you need to stay away from him.”

  My mouth opens and she raises her hand to me again. “I don’t care what you have to say. You have no idea how much you fucking broke his heart. I don’t understand why he can’t forget about you.” Her nostrils flare as she seethes. “He swore to me he hated you and that he was coming to get revenge on you. And now! Now he’s head over heels for you again? I don’t get it. Like what mind games are you playing on him?” she screeches.

  “There’s no mind games, Scarlet,” I say calmly trying to keep this conversation from blowing up. “I know what I did. Trust me, I’m not happy about it, but I had my reasons.”

  “Oh yeah, he explained them to me,” she spits out in disgust. “But the thing is I don’t believe them for one second. I think you’re going to fuck him over again.”

  “I’m not.”

  It’s the last thing I ever want to do. Whether Jax or anyone believes it or not.

  “Please,” she scoffs. “Don’t be stupid, River. Right now, he’s caught up in how great it used to be. I don’t think he actually wants to be with you. Whatever is burning between you will fade again, and he'll see what a fake bitch you are. You'll fuck him over again, and he'll remember what he needed to do to make sure you and your dad crash and burn."

  As the venom finishes shooting from her lips, it’s clear this is much more about how I hurt her and not her brother. There’s no amount of sorry I can say to make this right for her at this moment. The best thing I know to do to help ease her hurt feelings is to appease them.

  "You’re right, he probably doesn’t want to be with me and all this will blow up in my face like I deserve." Her eyes momentarily grow large as my words catch her off guard. “But for however long I have till that happens, I can at least have a couple more good moments with him before it does.”

  “It’s not going to go to shit again.” Jaxson slips his arm around my waist, and he tucks me into his side. “Because we’re doing this together this time. Right?”

  I nod and look to the ground.

  “Scarlet, I told you what the fuck happened, and you still want to stir shit?” Jaxson grumbles, pulling me tighter to his side.

  “I’m just having your back. You know what her and her dad are capable of.”

  "I'm aware of who her dad is. She's just a pawn. I didn’t want to see it before, and I think you need to take a second and try to see it too."

  "I can’t believe you’re taking her word.” Scar’s eyes dart between us in disbelief. “She’d say anything to protect herself.”

  “Scarlet, it’s okay you don’t want to believe me or ever forgive me or trust me, for that matter,” I tell her. “I know sorry will never cut it, but I am. I did what I did, mainly for you, and I’d do it again if I had to. One day, I hope you get the full truth and understand. I wish you could remember what I was like the week with you before I left.”

  “Whatever,” she huffs and storms off.

  Jaxson places a kiss to my temple, and I lean my head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry about that. I told my family I wanted you back. I didn’t even know she would be here. I guess this is where her date took her.”

  There’s a little tick in Jaxson’s jaw, and I laugh.

  “Aww, the big protective brother is coming out. Though he needs to step up his game to compete with the big bad little sister.”

  “I think Scar is still carrying around her own betrayal."

  "I hurt her. " I frown and kick the gravel in front of me.

  She was fifteen, and though I might have been older, we were friends. She always told me how alone she felt, how all her friends abandoned her when she got cancer and after all the things went down with her father. Then one day, I do the same thing and just leave without a goodbye to her and crush her brother’s heart while I’m at it. If I was her, I'd hate me too.

  "You did what you thought was right. You have no idea what your dad would've done. She'll understand that too, soon."

  "She's only protecting you." I kiss the side of his neck. "I don't ever want to hurt you again."

  "Why don’t we get out of here?"

  "Yeah. I'm kinda burnt out now."

  We leave the car show, and he drives us up to this scenic overlook off the highway. The sun has started to go down and the lot is completely abandoned. It’s just me and him, alone with the incoming night.

  “What are we doing up here?” I ask as he pulls me into the backseat of his car.

  “Wasn’t in a hurry to go home yet, and there’s something I wanted to give you.”

  “What’s that?”

  He reaches into his back pocket and produces a ring. Not just any ring. My wedding ring.

  “Jax,” I gasp, my eyes water at the sight of the diamond in his hand. The one I gave back to him when I left. The symbol of our eternal love that I shoved in his hand to make sure he thought I was serious.

  I never thought I would see it again.

  “I believe this belongs to you. I think you misplaced it.”

  “Wha?”

  “I told you I kept your stuff. You should’ve never taken this off.”

  My head falls. “I’m sorry.”

  He cups my face and gently kisses me. “Enough of that. Now I think I need to return it to where it belongs.” He lifts my left hand and slips the wedding bands onto my finger. “I didn’t think I would be able to ever do this again.”

  “Me either,” I whisper, my voice clogged with emotion. “So, I guess this means me and you are staying married?”

  “What do you think? I already lost you once. There’s no way I’m letting you go again. I already tore up those divorce papers neither of us signed.” I laugh. Those papers are no longer valid anyway. He picks up my hand and kisses my ring finger. “I was pleased to know you don’t wear that dickhead’s rings when I’m around.”

  “I don’t wear them when I don’t have to.” I’m always slipping Harry’s engagement ring off my finger when I get home. I swear they're toxic and the poison they contain seeps into my blood every second I wear them.

  I run my finger over the one-carat princess cut diamond ring, and I’m taken back to our wedding in that magical little garden, where we both stood in front of the preacher and confessed our love for each other.

  “I wish I could chuck his ring down the fucking drain.”

  “I wish you could too.”

  “I know you’ll have to take this off again to keep up with appearances, but will you do me one thing?”

  “Anything.”

  “Keep it on you somewhere.”

  "Always. I swear this time." I place my hand to my heart, making m
y vow to him. That’s when I catch a glimpse of his hand and notice his band is missing.

  Not that I’m surprised he isn’t wearing it.

  “What about your ring?”

  Since he surprised a wedding on me, I didn't buy his band till a week later. I didn’t think he was going to want a ring since it would cover up the lettering on his hand. But he actually demanded to have one, so we could be connected, and I found the perfect black titanium ring. The second I slipped it on his hand, he swore to me, much like I did, that he would never take it off.

  Until I broke his heart at least.

  "I um…" he scratches the back of his neck. "I don't have it anymore."

  "Oh."

  There was something insanely sexy about him having a ring on his finger, saying he was mine, and now as I look at his bare left hand, I didn't know how much I would miss it. How it would hurt that he didn't hang onto it.

  Yet, he kept mine.

  “After I thought you escaped to London, I went out and got shit drunk. I was fucking pissed at you thinking that you left, that I hadn’t heard for you and that was it. I spent the month trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong with us. What I did wrong. I thought if there was something else going on you would have told me by then and not ran off to fucking London.” He shakes his head and runs his hand down his face. “Anyway, I took my drunk ass self for a walk around that lake that was behind our apartment and started playing with the ring. The memory is fuzzy, but I think the whiskey challenged me to see how far I could throw it. To break free from you because it wasn’t like you wanted me. So I threw it into the lake. I was angry with myself afterward, but I won’t lie and say it wasn’t therapeutic at the time.”

  "It's fine, Jax." Though inside, it aches all over, and now I know how it felt for him when I dropped my wedding ring into his hand. I know that a ring, a simple, circular symbol, can hold so much power and feeling. "The ring isn't what's important. I have you."

  I curl my hand in his hair and pull him to me. "We have such good memories back here,” I murmur against his lips, changing the subject.

  "Why don’t we make another one?"

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  JAXSON

  Four years ago

  A plane roars over our heads as it comes in for a landing on the airstrip ahead of us. River and I are laid out on a blanket outside at a park that's about a thousand yards from the airfield. You get the perfect view of all the commercial planes coming and going. When she said she wanted to go for a picnic, this was the last place I thought she would bring me.

  "Hard to believe you consider this your solitude."

  "I used to come here all the time. This was my escape. Home was a battlefield. I couldn’t walk in there without worrying about setting off a bomb. When my dad was home, he was always angry and ready to ignite. My mom took the brunt of it, but I was never too far from getting hit by the shrapnel." River mumbles into my chest and cuddles in closer to me. "Every time a plane flew over, I would imagine where they might be going and pretend that’s where I would go too. Runaway. Start over."

  "Where would you go if you could go anywhere?"

  "Antigua,” she answers immediately.

  "You don't have to think of running anymore."

  "No?" she asks, propping her chin on my chest.

  "I mean unless I'm running with you. Wouldn't mind seeing you walk around in a bikini on the beaches of Antigua."

  "Did you know, they're known for their nude beach?"

  For fuck sakes, let’s leave now.

  "Even better. You naked is one of my favorite sights." My hand weaves through her hair, and I pull her closer, wanting those pouty lips on mine. She’s sweet as cotton candy and just as addictive.

  "I love you," I murmur against her lips, letting the words slip free for the first time. I'm not sure of the exact second I’d fallen in love with her, but I knew the second I realized I couldn't be without her. Maybe they're the same, but when I would wake without her in my bed, without her long adorably tousled bed hair spread out all up in my face, it was when I knew she filled the empty space of my heart that had been vacant for so long.

  Her green eyes light as bright as the incoming planes and a smile curves on her face. "I love you, too."

  "I thought you might." I smirk and she slaps me on the chest with a loud whack.

  "Way to ruin the moment," she huffs, glaring at me, but she’s fighting back her smile.

  "Is it though?"

  "No. It's perfect." She kisses my cheek and moves to straddle my hips. "A Holden and a Graham in love. I feel someone should stop the presses. Maybe it'll give my dad a heart attack and all of life's problems will be solved."

  If only it were that simple.

  "I think we are still better off with him not knowing anything about us."

  Present

  "Did you have a good weekend?" Sam smiles slyly at me as she slips into my office Monday morning.

  "I did," I say simply and focus back on my computer. For the first time, I have finally found something useful and traceable against Jeffery Graham in his Ponzi scheme. It happened six months ago, but this event sticks out like a sore thumb.

  "So what did you do?" Sam prods as she picks up a couple papers on my desk, pretending to look interested in them. I know she’s just being nosy. It’s what she’s good at.

  "Seriously? I think you might have me confused with River. I'm not your little girlfriend that will sit here and giggle with you about my weekend."

  She rolls her eyes and plops herself on my desk. "Well, I was going to ask her; but she’s been boarded-up in meetings all day. But before she disappeared, she showed me some new shining bling, in the shape of a ring, on a chain around her neck given to her by some blond tattooed man that works in my department. Figured I’d get the deets from him."

  "Jesus Christ.” I drop my hands to my desk. What the hell is it with women? Can’t they keep anything to themselves?

  “Just tell me what that’s all about, and I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

  “All I did was give her back her wedding ring. It belongs to her, after all. Happy?"

  "And?" Her gaze lowers to mine, like she’s waiting for me to tell her some big secret.

  "And what?"

  "You did it because you're serious about her, right? This isn't some game you're playing with her to get back at her is it?"

  "What the fuck?” I shoot my chair back, instantly pissed off. I thought she and I had been through this. “No Sam. She's my wife.” I stab my finger into my chest, making myself clear. “And she's going to be wearing my ring even if it can't be on her finger."

  Sam raises her hands in front of her. "Alrighty then, caveman. Chill. I'm just checking. I told you weeks ago if you fuck with her—"

  "I'm not,” I snap, cutting her off. “Can we not talk about this?"

  "Sure. Have you found anything in the Largo account?"

  This is why I like Sam. Her ability to say what she needs to say and then change the subject on a dime.

  I rub my hands together and grin up at her. “Have I.” I click wildly at my computer, and numbers shoot down the screen. Sam leans over me and places her hand on my shoulder.

  “What did you find? You look positively gleeful.”

  “Are you kidding? This is the first big red flag I’ve seen in the bastard’s paperwork. It appears that about three months ago, Dan Largo contacted Graham asking for payment on his investment to be returned. Largo invested five hundred k about a year ago, but something spooked him, and he requested his money back including the outstanding interest he’s earned. Now, Jeff deposited the money into Largo’s account, but then shortly after it was recalled as an unauthorized transaction. This happened twice.” I point to the screen showing her the transactions.

  “Why didn’t he complain? Call the SEC or something? This was over 500,000 dollars.” Sam shakes her head.

  “I have no fucking clue. The thing is, look what happens two weeks later.” I
move my mouse around and open up another screen.

  “He rolled over the five hundred k and his earnings into another investment. What the hell?”

  “Yep, with the promise of a much higher return than the last.”

  I’m curious to what other favors came in return with Dan Largo rolling his money over again, besides the promise of practically turning his money into gold bars.

  “Holy fuck. Who does that?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s fucking fishy as hell. Another thing, the account that was to pay the five hundred, is linked to pay off multiple other investments belonging to one Jeffery Graham. The thing is, there’s over a million dollars in the offshore account. Set up to always bounce the money back if payment is to go out.”

  “Son of a bitch. I didn’t even think you could do that stuff.”

  “He’s rigged up some security feature. If he’s not the one doing the payouts, which is why it appears he has Harry do them, they’ll bounce. But so far, what I’m finding is it looks as if Largo was the only one looking for a return of his investments. This account makes it look like there is enough to cushion for the payback. I’m sure this is one of only many.”

  “This is perfect and it’s the opening we need. Keep digging into this, see if there’s anything else that we can use. Good work.” She pats me on the back and stands up straight.

  “Hey, Rivs told me why she won't call the FBI, but honestly, I think we need to. Especially with this kind of offshore forgery. "

  Sam looks away, looking a little squirrelly, with her lips twisted together, and her eyes dancing around the room.

  "What are you not telling me?"

  "Whatever you do, don't tell River."

  "The FBI is already in on this shit, aren't they?" She nods. "Why doesn't she know?"

  "Because River is paranoid enough. I couldn't do all of this on my own. I happen to know someone over there; we go way back and he's been helping me collect intel and go through all this shit. The thing is, they're having the same problem we are. Mr. Graham has cushioned all the paper trails perfectly, as you know, using the company as a way to cover his dirty investments. The more evidence we have the better. But if we can’t get enough to arrest Graham in the next five months, we are dropping everything we have so she can get away because there’s no way in hell she’s going to survive being married to Harry or dealing with her father when that all goes to hell.” She glances up at me and releases a small chuckle. “Well, I guess she’s not getting married anymore.”