Barely Breathing (Keep Breathing Book 1)

by Erica Marselas

  Jaxson smirks, and I’m about to go off again for laughing at me when he grabs my arm and pulls me tight to his chest. His hand tangles into my hair before claiming my mouth and kissing me as if his life depends on it. I moan against him, clawing at his shirt, wanting more of him and never wanting to let go. The hurt and anger I was feeling only moments ago, melt away, and I need this man like I need my next breath. My air. He always knows the one thing I need to lift me up when I feel as if I'm completely falling, even if it’s at his hand.

  Leaving me with my head spinning, he breaks away, rubbing his thumb across my now swollen lips. “I know this isn’t all about me. Seeing his hands on you. You didn’t see your fear, but I saw it. No matter how much you’re trying to hide it.”

  “I’m honestly scared of everything, Jaxson. I’m scared of you. You could break me better than you know. I'm scared of being weak when all I want to do is be strong. You keep telling me, what if I don’t succeed? You know what I see? I see death. Either by my father or by my own hand.”

  His eyes widen, and he grabs my chin, the fear now dancing in his eyes. “Don’t say that.”

  “Come on. You met him. He’s evil. He drove my mom to it. Why wouldn’t he do it to me when he’s done with me?”

  “Well, that’s not you. I’m sorry. I want you out because I am worried. He’s been fucking with your mind since the day you were born. Sometimes you have to step away.”

  “I think the only way for me to snap out of this…is to win. For me. For my mom. For us, Holdens.” I give him a small smile and brush my fingers along his cheek. “Just be on my side. No matter what happens to us.”

  “Always.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  RIVER

  There’s a pounding on my door early as fuck Saturday morning. It’s been a long week, and I was looking forward to sleeping my weekend away, not being woken up before the sun rose. Since the incident with Harry in my office on Monday, he’s even more unbearable. Donald Myers has walked away because I refused to sign, and I’ve been on the receiving end of his rage. The only good thing is that he hasn’t laid his hands on me again, but my office and my self-esteem took a beating. At least I had Jaxson to help pick up both.

  There’s another bang on my door, and I roll my eyes at the person’s urgency for my attention. “GO AWAY,” I yell to whoever is on the other side, walking out of my bedroom in a pair of gray sweatpants I stole from Jaxson years ago and a baggy t-shirt. My hair is a knotted mess, per usual when I wake.

  “I’m not leaving, babe, answer the door.”

  I grin, and with some pep in my step, I rush to the door. I fling it open and am greeted by my sexy husband. He’s wearing a sleeveless black shirt to show off his full sleeve tattoos and basketball shorts that show off those perfect calf muscles.

  Good morning to me.

  “It’s too fucking early, but I’m glad to see your face.” I jump into his arms and smash my lips to his, slipping my tongue into his mouth, eager to taste him. I didn’t get to see him last night before I had to leave for a long drawn out business dinner with some clients.

  “You always look so damn hot in the morning.” He grips my ass and kicks the door closed with his foot.

  “At least you think so.” Harry likes to tell me I look like a goblin shark in the mornings because I’m that terrifying.

  Way to build up the confidence of the girl you’re marrying.

  “How can I not? You looked like you’ve just been fucked and you’re so fucking warm. The only thing is I wasn’t here to wake up to it and to fuck you.”

  “I wish you were here too.”

  It’s too risky for Jaxson to stay at my place. Just him being here right now is a risk. The only benefit is Harry left late last night for a ‘business trip.’

  Meaning he's probably with one of his pitiful side women. But at least they keep him entertained and off my back from wanting what I never want to give.

  “Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here?” I pull back from his mouth as he continues to carry me to my room.

  “To take you somewhere.”

  “Where? And this early?”

  “That’s for you to find out.” He drops me onto my bed. “Now, get dressed.”

  We make it down to the sidewalk, and parked on the corner is his ‘65 midnight blue Pontiac GTO. My panties immediately dampen at the sight of it. How many times have we fooled around in this thing?

  This was the first place I ever gave myself to this sexy tattooed beast and realized all the sex I had before was obsolete.

  “I don’t think we should be friends anymore,” Jax says out of the blue, and I choke on the bite of popcorn I had just popped into my mouth.

  “What? Why?” I ask, coughing up the words and he pats my back as the coughing fit passes. “Is it because I’m eating in the car?”

  I wasn’t going to throw out a ten-dollar bucket of popcorn that we got from the carnival. It has extra, extra butter that’s making my fingers shiny. I’m sure he can see it every time I lick them, but I’m being careful not to touch his precious interior with them so he doesn't freak. I grabbed extra napkins for a reason.

  “I’ve been thinking that we’ve outgrown our current status.”

  “Outgrown? What are you talking about? Did I do something?”

  He takes the popcorn bucket out of my hand and places it on the floor in front of him.

  “Yeah, you did something.”’

  “What? I can fix it.”

  “I don’t want you to fix it.”

  I frown feeling as if my world is crashing down around my feet. Jaxson has been a bright light in my shitty life. A beacon I look forward to seeing every day and now he’s saying he doesn’t want us anymore?

  “Do you know what you did to me, Rivs?” He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. As my eyes meet his, I’m thrown off balance, ready to topple the dark carnal look in his eyes.

  “Every time I look at you, you make my dick fucking hard.” His fingers run along the buttons of my blouse. "Because I'm always wondering what you look like naked."

  "That's why we can't be friends?" I whisper, my chest heaving, as the world I thought was about to go crashing down has now been set suddenly ablaze with desire.

  "Yeah, because I want much more with you, Rivs." One hand undoes one of the buttons on my blouse, and his mouth hovers over mine so close I'm stealing his oxygen for my own. "I don’t want to go another second not knowing you’re all mine.” He pops another button on my blouse.

  “Yours,” I murmur, finding it impossible to form words. I can’t believe this is happening. How all this changed in seconds.

  “I also want to be able to touch you whenever I want.” His hand traces down the curve of my neck and his mouth moves in closer so our noses touch. His eyes burn into mine as the silence between us seems to last forever, and I grab for his t-shirt feeling as I’m about to fall off this invisible cliff, waiting for his next move.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I want to fucking kiss you whenever I want." His lips descend on mine, and I moan against him, letting my hand tangle in his hair, as I go falling.

  As I get lost in his kiss, I know I’ve been denying myself from what I really wanted with him since the first night we hung out together. He invited me for drinks at the bar, and there was no one with us, and I got to know this man inside and out. All his likes and all his faults. He became my person.

  He releases my chin and grabs the open part of my blouse and rips it the rest of the way open.

  His mouth latches to my chest, sucking on my mounds, as he works the hooks on my bra. My bra is gone seconds later, landing somewhere on the dash. “Fuck, they’re perfect,” he groans, and his thumbs roll over my nipples. “You’re perfect.”

  My body flushes at his words, and I love how good he makes me feel. How he builds me up in the simplest ways.

  Once my pants are gone and my panties tossed and hanging from his rearview mirror, we fumble our way to
his backseat. It's not smooth, as we're all mouths and teeth while our hands roam one another. I’m panting like crazy as this man cherishes every inch of my body with his lips.

  Neither one of us is worried about being in a parking lot, where anyone could catch us.

  My legs wrap around his waist as his mouth latches to the side of my neck and he thrusts into me.

  “Jaxson, fuck!”

  Jaxson’s fingers dance up along my bare thigh, moving under the hem of my skirt. His touch bringing me out of my erotic daydream and into a steamy reality. "What are you thinking about over there?" He looks over at me with a crooked dimpled smile that makes me melt.

  I gnaw on my bottom lip, begging him silently to go higher. "Who says I'm thinking about anything?" I say breathlessly.

  "You were thinking about us fucking in the backseat, weren't you?"

  Busted.

  "Nooo. I was thinking I can’t believe you still have this." My fingers dance along the dashboard, admiring its pristine condition.

  "You're full of shit. I bet if I were to stick my fingers inside of you, you’d be soaked.”

  “What’s stopping you?” I’m panting, my underwear indeed drenched.

  “I’m driving.” I frown as his hand lifts from my leg and moves to the gear shifter, making us surge forward. Bastard. “So, I’ll let you try to sway the conversation to something else. Just know I was thinking the same thing. Now to answer your question; of course, I wouldn’t ever get rid of this baby.”

  I grin. “Of course, you wouldn’t. I just haven’t seen you driving it around or in the lot of your apartment building. She’s hard to miss.”

  “Because I know it’s something that is recognizable. I keep her covered, don’t want to get her dirty, or people to get their grubby hands on her or dent her. I also hate putting the miles on her if I don’t need to.”

  There were times I thought I was second best to this car. All the hours he would spend getting lost working on it. How I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink in it because he didn’t trust me enough not to spill. If you even looked at his “baby” funny, he would give you the death stares of all death stares.

  Oh, and we couldn't have sex on the hood because we might scratch it, but the back seat was okay. He was so confusing, but I let it all go because this car was his pride and joy. He’s had it since he was seventeen, a gift from his father, something that even when everything went to shit, was the one thing his dad refused to let him give up.

  “I know where we’re going.” It occurs to me as we head towards Bradfordville and since we're taking a drive in his prized possession.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “We're going to a car show, aren’t we?” I turn to him and clap my hands. It’s something both of us did often. Jaxson turned me into a car buff with his obsession with the classics.

  “Maybe.”

  “We are. I’ve been hearing about this for weeks on the radio.”

  Jaxson took me to a car show on one of our first dates, and later that night, I was in the back of the car, and he was pounding into me like I was his last breath.

  Like I said, I really love this car.

  “I should’ve asked if you still owned that leather mini skirt.”

  “I don’t.” I frown. “My dad and aunt threw away most of my stuff when I left. Hell, I only managed to keep a few pictures.”

  “I kept everything you left behind.” My head spins, and I don’t believe my ears.

  “Why?

  “I think you know why. I never wanted you far from me.”

  “I want to introduce you to someone,” Jaxson says as he grabs my hand and drags me across the dirt path over to a group of men and women standing in front of some sexy hotrods.

  I instantly recognize the dapper man, who is the same age as Jaxson with his smoothed back black hair and the neatly trimmed beard in the middle as Liam Morgan of Morgan Securities. I’ve seen him everywhere lately as he and his identical twin brother Landon built up their father’s legacy into one of the top cybersecurity firms. Sam talks about them all the time in admiration.

  Jaxson slaps Liam on the shoulder and pulls him into a bro hug.

  I know Jaxson worked for him, but I didn’t realize they were that close. “River, I want you to meet Liam Morgan. Liam, this is River…”

  “River Graham.” Liam cuts him off and puts out his hand for me to shake. I take it and give him my hello. “So, you’re the famous River that Jaxson was always moping about.”

  Moping huh?

  "How many Rivers do you know, fucker? And it’s River Holden, by the way." Jaxson corrects him, and I giggle at his sudden possessiveness.

  "None, but I didn’t put the pieces together that she was your River until you were leaving my company out of the blue to work over at Dolson. I’m glad he got his head out of his ass and went to get you back, especially now that he tells me you’re still married.”

  I bite my tongue, knowing that's not exactly right.

  Jaxson clamps Liam’s shoulder, and he too is biting the inside of his cheek. "Hey, Liam, did you happen to bring that sweet 69 Mustang with you today?"

  "I did, but you’re not getting your hands on it so you and her can defile it."

  "I would never do such a thing.” Jaxson waves Liam off, but sneaks a glance over his shoulder, his eyes lighting up, telling me that’s exactly what he had planned for me. “Rivs here is a bit of a car buff like ourselves. I want to show it to her.”

  “Right.” Liam slings his arm over my shoulder. “I’ll bring you over. I don’t trust your husband’s ass.”

  “I wouldn’t either.” I giggle, and Jax’s narrows his eyes at me, rubbing his tattooed fingers along his chin, telling me I’m going to pay for the comment later. I just giggle louder, mouthing to him to ‘bring it on.’ Liam looks between us and pulls me in closer to his side.

  “Oh, damn, Jax. I like her. I like her a lot.”

  After spending only five minutes with Jaxson and Liam, I’d swear those two have known each other for a lifetime, or Jaxson is the twins’ triplet separated at birth. I’m glad that he had someone on his side and that he wasn’t alone.

  I almost envy it. I didn’t meet Sam or Luna until two months ago, and it’s not like I get to hang out with them outside of work much as I did with my girlfriends back in the day.

  Liam shows off his sweet ride, and I stand back and let the boys drool over the cherry red Mustang. It’s a hot car, but they keep going on and on about the engine re-build, and that’s like rocket science to me.

  Boys and their toys. I’ll just stand back here and enjoy the view of my husband's ass every time he leans over the ‘Stang.

  Once they wipe the drool from their mouths, Jax takes my hand yanking me to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and lean up to kiss him. “Umm, you taste like blueberries,” he murmurs against my lips, and I giggle.

  “I might have gotten a blueberry icee while you were yammering away.”

  He grips my ass hard, and my fingers dig into his thick arm muscles. “I should throw you over this hood…”

  “Alright…” Liam yells, breaking up the crackling heat between us. “I think that’s my cue to take a hike. I’ll leave you two love birds alone.” Liam winks at me and slaps Jax on the back.

  Liam leaves us, and Jax throws his arm over my shoulder, leading me down a dirt path, probably to find his own icee.

  “You never told me how you two met.” I cuddle myself into his side.

  “We met one night when he came into the tattoo shop, high, demanding a tattoo. I talked him out of it because he was out of his mind and wanted some whack shit that he didn’t know the meaning behind. He was pissed when I dragged him out the doors, but I told him to come back when he had his head on straight. The next day, he came back in apologizing and thanking me for stopping him from making a huge mistake. By the end of our conversation, he was offering me a job at his company and a week later letting me live in his guestroom. At the time, it was an offer I
couldn’t refuse because I was living with my parents. I had moved out of the apartment because that place reminded me too much of you and all the hurt. It worked out well because he and I were both going through some shit. Him, with his addiction and me with you. He needed someone in his corner and I needed someone in mine. I consider him one of my best friends.”

  "I'm glad you weren't alone." Leave it to Jaxson to help someone else when he’s going through hell. It’s one of the many things that attracted me to him as I started to get to know him. He’s air. Plain and simple.

  He took care of me when I couldn’t deal and built me back up. His friends, the guys at the tattoo parlor, would always talk about how Jaxson was there for them when shit happened.

  "He was a good distraction. He kept me from tracking you down in London like a billion times."

  "Good thing because it would've been a wild goose chase."

  “But I would’ve seen London,” he chuckles, and I nudge him.

  “Yeah. I hear it’s nice,” I muse.

  “We’ll go one day. We never did take a full honeymoon.”

  “Seriously? You don’t think getting drunk in Vegas for a week, and throwing money away on tables and strippers wasn’t a honeymoon? I, sir, had the time of my life.”

  After we got married in Georgia, we jumped on a plane to Vegas on a whim. Figuring it's what all people do when they elope and spent the rest of our vacation there living it up and being—crazy.

  “Yeah, the sex was on fire too. Remember that infinity pool?” His hand brushes along my breast, and my nipple hardens and aches under his touch. “My fingers rolling your clit. My mouth on your neck as you rode me?”