Four Letter Feelings (The Jeremy Lewis Series Book 1)

by Lasairiona McMaster

  “What the hell was that, man?”

  Blake flashed a glare at him. “Shut up.”

  “Where the hell did the, ‘I am who I am, fuck anyone who doesn’t like it,’ Blake Bartlett go?”

  “I dunno, Lupes. He just… I forget how to function when I see him.”

  “You just met him!” Jeremy exclaimed in disbelief.

  “No, you just met him. This is the third time I’ve met him; it’s been my most successful encounter yet. At least I managed words this time.” He shrugged, clearly a mixture of embarrassed and amused. “I managed words this time, right?”

  Jeremy chuckled and shook his head as they stood to leave the restaurant. “You got it bad, dude. So, who’s meeting us in the bar?”

  Blake gave a self-conscious wave at Ben, folded the receipt carefully into his wallet and followed Jeremy outside where their Uber was waiting. “Nimmo, Ryan’s in town with the team and wanted to join, and Mike. Just the five of us; nothing too messy,” he replied with a wink as Jeremy pulled the door open and climbed inside the car.

  “Sure, I totally believe that. It’s not like every night with you ends up being messy, right?”

  ***

  On their way into the bar, Jeremy spotted AJ leaning against the bar facing the door and chatting to someone he didn’t know. “Is that Pim?” he heard from behind him. “PIM!” Blake hollered, loudly. Jeremy watched as recognition dawned on AJ’s face and broke into a grin.

  “Who the hell is PIM?” Jeremy asked. Assuming the nickname had something to do with penalty infraction minutes – the statistic used to track penalties by hockey players – he shook his head and smiled as he put two and two together realizing Blake was referring to AJ.

  “As I live and breathe! Blake fucking Bartlett is in the house! How the hell are you, man? I thought you were going to college in Chi-town! What are you doing here?” AJ asked, as he stepped towards Blake, arms outstretched for a hug.

  “I was supposed to. Change of heart at the last minute. Basically, my momma made me wanna stay close to home, but I won’t admit that to anyone but y’all.” He winked, dramatically. “I’m here now; haven’t made it to practice yet, but I’ll be kickin’ your ass up and down the ice in no time!”

  “I look forward to it.” AJ stepped back from the embrace and gave a quick chin tip in Jeremy’s direction.

  “You two know each other then, eh?” Jeremy asked, though wholly unsurprised as Blake was quite the people person. “Wait, how do you two know each other? You didn’t come to high school with us in Iowa, right? You’re a year younger than us, no?”

  “Aw, you jealous, Jer?” AJ grinned. “Is this where you get all demanding and say we can’t see other people?” he joked. “Blake and I go way back. Used to kick his ass at hoops back in the day, too. His family used to come to Canada for summer vacation. My best friend, Britt, used to think she’d marry Blake – she was literally the only person alive who didn’t know that he batted for the other team. Haven’t seen you in ages though, BB, you good?”

  “Peachy keen, Pim, peachy keen. I didn’t realize you knew Lupes.”

  “Yeah, he and I go allllllll the way back, to, like, yesterday or something, right hotshot?”

  Jeremy chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he’s my new BFF.”

  “I’m hurt!” Blake exclaimed, clutching his hands over his heart. “You and your friend wanna join us? Just a few of the team…” Blake paused. “Actually—” He hesitated.

  “Yeah, I saw him, it’s cool. Maybe next time, eh? Brad’s in from out of state for a few days and we need to catch up.” AJ indicated the man sitting at the bar sipping on his beer, who, upon hearing his name, tipped his bottle in their direction by way of saying ‘hi’.

  “No sweat, we have time. Shit, it’s good to see you, though, it must be damn near a decade! Doesn’t feel like it in some ways, though, I guess social media is good for something, eh?”

  “Ok, Mr. Dramatic, let’s not exaggerate. Have a good night.”

  “Y’all too,” Blake answered, as he gave him a salute and walked off to find their teammates.

  “What was that about?” Jeremy asked when they were safely out of earshot.

  Blake turned to face Jeremy causing him to stop abruptly. “AJ and Ryan don’t get along. There’s bad blood there— and to be honest, I don’t particularly like Ryan either from what little I know of him. He’s not got the best reputation, but Dave wanted to bring him so what’s a guy to do.”

  “Ah,” Jeremy said with a nod. “You know what happened?”

  “Yeah. Ryan cheated on AJ’s sister in high school. She caught them doing the deed – they were young, too, her first love. He broke her heart. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. They’ve butted heads for as long as they’ve known each other; personality clash or some shit. They lived a few towns apart as far as I can remember, anyway, we tried not to put the two of them together if we could help it. Probably not a bad idea, even now, especially when there’s drink involved.”

  Jeremy nodded in response. He tended to trust his gut, it hadn’t let him down thus far and he liked AJ, Blake liked AJ and they both disliked Ryan. This meant whomever this guy Ryan was, he was already potentially on Jeremy’s list. Keep an open mind, Jer. He could be a nice guy, he thought, as he squeezed his way through the busy bar.

  ***

  As it turned out, Ryan was every bit as unpleasant as Jeremy had expected, and worse. He was obnoxious, arrogant and loud. He was an entitled prick who thought he was God’s gift to the universe and the longer he sat listening to him prattle on about how amazing he was, the more alcohol Jeremy needed to consume to endure it. He wished Blake had said no when Dave Nimmo suggested bringing him along.

  “Who wants shots?” Jeremy asked, as an excuse to get away from the increasingly annoying Ryan.

  Blake pulled his brows together in concern. “You ok, man? You’re not normally this keen to get quite so trashed so quickly. It’s Ry, isn’t it? You don’t like him either, do ya?” he asked with a knowing nod.

  “Hate him. Can’t fucking stand the man.”

  Also, to be honest, I’m a bit up in my feels right now, missing my parents, homesick and freaking out about starting college, man. But I can’t possibly tell you all of that right now ʼcause you’d think I’m a pussy.

  Except you know he wouldn’t. He’d understand and help you dust it off.

  Everyone else at the table would think you’re a pussy, especially Ryan.

  Why do you give a fuck what Ryan thinks of you?

  “Jer?”

  “Huh?”

  “Didn’t hear a word I said, did ya?”

  Jeremy shook his head slowly. Damn, maybe I’m drunker than I thought.

  “Ok,” Blake said, standing up from his chair. “I’ll come with ya.”

  Jeremy nodded and made his way to the bar where he ordered a round of shots and another beer for himself and Blake. As he waited for the drinks to be ready, he spied someone who looked vaguely familiar walk past him with some friends.

  “You know her?” Blake’s voice pierced his thoughts.

  “I dunno,” he answered, thoughtfully. “She looks familiar. Maybe?”

  “She certainly seems to know you, dude. She gave you all kinds of death glares on the way out,” Blake added as he picked up his fresh beer and took a drink.

  “Right? Maybe she just can’t handle how good looking I am or something,” Jeremy retorted.

  His mind was already trying to place her. He felt as though she was out of context, like he knew her from another place. Shaking his head, he chalked it up to jetlag messing with his mind and downed his shot before he and Blake picked up the drinks and headed back to the table but something about the sassy-looking brunette kept nagging at the back of his mind.

  Chapter 5

  He woke up in an unfamiliar place with a thumping headache and teeth that felt as though something was growing on them. Without sitting up, he slowly turned h
is head away from the window in an attempt to try and figure out where he was with as little movement as possible.

  “Ah, you’re awake.”

  AJ’s voice sounded way louder than Jeremy imagined it was in reality.

  He groaned and dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, hoping to ease the throbbing pressure inside his skull.

  “I don’t think I want to be,” he managed to say, grimacing when his tongue touched his teeth.

  If I ever get out of this bed, the first thing I’m doing is brushing the crap off these damn teeth.

  His mouth was dry and he could smell stale alcohol on his breath. There was a bottle of Gatorade and painkillers next to him on the bedside cabinet. He pushed himself up to sitting and popped the lid of the Tylenol bottle, eyeing an all too fresh-looking AJ who was typing feverishly on his laptop, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. As he watched him type, Jeremy realized that he had a darkening bruise on his jaw and a split lip. As a hockey player he had suffered his fair share of rough and tumble, though the injury looked as though it was borderline ER-worthy and Jeremy struggled to remember what had happened. Twisting the lid off the bottle of Gatorade he winced as his hand ached.

  Oh God.

  He frantically rifled through his memories in a bid to figure out just what the hell happened but he came up empty. He remembered taking a shot at the bar and going back to his seat and then nothing, until a flash of the back seat of the Uber and a final flash of hugging an unfamiliar toilet bowl. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before drinking half the bottle of Gatorade, hoping it would wash away the dark spots in his memory.

  He glanced back across the room at AJ who had finished what he was working on and snapped the laptop closed. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his brows pulled into a frown and his lips pursed.

  “I’m ok as long as I don’t try to do anything crazy, like move, or breathe. What happened to your face?” he asked, though from the dull ache in his knuckles, he already knew the answer.

  “You happened to my face, Jer. You get that one for free, but next time I hit back, ʼkay?”

  Jeremy’s eyes widened. “Next time? Why am I hitting you next time? Wait, why did I hit you this time? So many fucking questions, man.” He rubbed his palm over his jaw before running his hand through his hair. “What the hell happened?”

  “TL;DR version?”

  Jeremy nodded.

  “Ok, well, you got drunk. You got mad. You danced. You fell over. You got mad about being drunk and falling over. You hit me. You passed out. You puked. You cried. You slept and that kinda brings us to the present.”

  Jeremy knew his mouth was hanging open in surprise but he wasn’t being very successful in telling his brain to make it shut.

  “I… cried?” He shook his head in despair, causing the thumping to get worse.

  AJ shrugged. “It happens. Honestly man, why are you so hung up with hiding your emotions? You wanna cry, cry, and anyone who judges you for it is a douche canoe. You miss your parents and your home, that’s a legitimate thing to cry over. You’re not crying ʼcause you broke a nail or something dumb.”

  Jeremy could feel his cheeks get redder. “What… I don’t remember sharing stuff with you.”

  “I imagine you don’t remember much, you were pretty wasted. I think Ryan said something that pissed you off, you came and joined Brad and me to cool off, but you were already three sheets to the wind. You danced to some cheesy eighties crap that came on and you tripped over what seemed to be thin air. You got pissed about that, both the thin air tripping you up and the fact you tripped. I suggested we leave and get you home, you got confrontational and said you were, and I quote, ‘fucking fine’. When I tried to encourage you to leave, you took a swing at me. You have a very good punch for someone who couldn’t even remember where he lived. I think it was maybe a lucky shot, you were kinda flailing around so I might have taken an elbow – it happened quickly and is a bit blurry – what with the bleeding and seeing stars. So I did what any good friend would do, ignored your bitchin’, got my enforcer on, shoved your ass in an Uber and took you here.”

  “I’m sure your roommate is thrilled I took his bed and destroyed the bathroom.”

  “I don’t have a roommate, and you didn’t make all that much of a mess. You puked once, cried, mumbled something about being homesick and missing your folks, collapsed into bed and started snoring.”

  “Aw man, I’m sorry.” Jeremy suddenly felt embarrassed. He hated needing people or asking for help, but at the same time was also touched at how his new friend had taken care of him when he was being reckless, irresponsible and clearly aggressive. “Wait, you don’t have a roommate?”

  “Nah, he pulled out at the last second and went to a university upstate.”

  “Huh.” Was all Jeremy replied, as he flexed his fingers, shaking his head at the bruising.

  “What?”

  “I don’t have a room yet. I mean, I know I haven’t really sold myself to ya – crying, getting drunk and disorderly and, y’know, busting your face open and all, but if you’ll consider it, I’d happily be the Rachel to your Monica.”

  “What makes you think I’m a Monica?” AJ asked, suspiciously.

  “This place is immaculate — or what I can see of it through scrunched up eyes and with everything dancing around at least. And in fairness, I’m more of a Chandler than a Rachel, but whatever.”

  “We should probably go get your stuff after breakfast.”

  “For real? You don’t even wanna talk about what happened last night first?”

  “We’ll talk about last night when you’re ready to talk about last night, Jer. Right now, you need to finish that Gatorade, have a shower and brush your teeth. Hopefully by then the Tylenol will have kicked in and we can go eat. I’ll throw your sheets in the laundry and find something for you to wear, though my clothes will certainly make you look like you’re playing dress up in Daddy’s clothes.”

  “Yes, Daddy.” Jeremy flashed a grin as AJ groaned and rolled his eyes.

  “Nope. That is most definitely not a nickname that we are gonna use, ok? I will punch you.”

  “Speaking of punching.” Jeremy spoke between gulps of Gatorade and pinched the bridge of his nose again to try and stop the room spinning. “Did you go to the ER?”

  AJ shook his head. “Nah, I did this myself. It wasn’t that deep and I’ve gotten really good at fixing myself up over the years. I have a pretty good med kit.”

  “I’ll have to remember that the next time someone breaks my face,” Jeremy replied with an approving nod. “So, where’s breakfast?”

  “Shower first. There’s a new toothbrush in the cabinet above the sink, and I put a fresh towel out for you, but don’t get used to it, I’m not your fuckin’ maid; we share the cleaning.”

  “Deal.” Jeremy agreed, as he climbed out of bed and pulled his shirt over his head. “Thanks for this, man. Saves me the headache of having to look for a place to stay.”

  AJ chuckled. “I feel like you might already have enough of a headache today. Where’s your stuff? Where have you stayed since you came back?”

  Jeremy realized he was standing in his boxers and didn’t need to take his jeans off. “Wait, man. Did you undress me last night?”

  “Fuck no!” AJ burst out laughing. “I offered to help. Took you about twenty minutes to get those fuckin’ jeans off, dude, and I wish I recorded your ass for YouTube. It was quality entertainment.”

  “Well,” Jeremy answered, somewhat embarrassed making his way to the bathroom. “I’m glad I made up for punching you in the face, at least a little. So, we’re officially roomies, eh?” He paused and poked his head out.

  “I’m guessing there’s probably paperwork to fill out or something, but yeah, I guess we are.”

  Chapter 6

  “Wanna talk about it?” AJ asked, as he watched Jeremy pull a bottle of maple syrup out of his backpack and drizzle it over his pancakes. The sho
wer had washed away some of the previous evening’s ‘ugh’ feeling and the painkillers had kicked in to help with the throbbing behind his eyeballs. While he could have done without the loud clattering of dishes and the bustling of noisy people, he was starting to feel more human and much less like death warmed up.

  “Will you force me if I say no?”

  “What the hell kind of damage do you have, man? No. I won’t force you to talk to me, Jer. It’s not a condition of us being roommates. I care about people; I care about you, don’t ask me why. I get stupidly attached to people pretty quickly and I know it’s weird and awkward but I don’t care. I’m here, I have ears and I’m ready to listen when you are ready to talk.” He stabbed at his eggs with a fork and chewed in silence for a few awkward moments.

  AJ’s honesty and vulnerability were refreshing. He wasn’t used to people being quite so open about their feelings. In many ways he reminded Jeremy of Blake, it was easy to see why the men got along so easily.

  “Sorry,” Jeremy muttered, gruffly. “I’m a little defensive I guess.”

  “You think?” AJ guffawed. “Look, I dunno what broke you, and you may never be ready to share and that’s ok. But we live together now, so we have time. What if I share some shit? Would that make you feel less, I dunno, murderous?”

  Jeremy shoved a forkful of pancakes into his mouth and chewed slowly.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” He knew he didn’t sound convincing, but AJ let it slide. “What do you want to share?”

  “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rock star when I grew up and clearly, I am not a rock star.”

  Jeremy snorted as the waitress brought them a fresh pot of coffee and offered refills. AJ requested a refill on his juice while Jeremy enthusiastically accepted the cup of steaming java and practically hugged it before taking a tentative sip, eager to get his caffeine hit, but not wanting to burn his tongue.