Do you eat healthy, wholesome foods that keep you looking younger? If not, explore your nearest health food store or educate yourself on the topic of healthful foods.
Do you focus on the good in everything and everyone? If not, what are some attitudes you could work on?
Are you able to laugh easily with men? If not, what holds you back?
Who is the most lighthearted, youthful woman you know? How do you feel when you’re around her?
What traits of hers would you like to develop more of in yourself?
In what areas do you struggle most about being vulnerable with men?
Do you gossip? Even a little bit? Try to stop gossiping for a day or a week and journal about the experience.
Chapter 8
Feminine Looks Men Love
“Why do women want to dress like men when they’re fortunate enough to be women?”
–Tasha Tudor
Men Love It When We Showcase Our Femininity
Due to their naturally visual nature, men notice our outer beauty first before discovering our inner qualities. So while the inner qualities are more important than the outer appeal, if we don’t pay attention to our looks, men may not get the chance to discover our inner beauty. This does not mean men are shallow. Their biology is in charge here. In fact, science has discovered there are legitimate survival advantages to the characteristics we consider “beautiful.” For example, symmetrical facial features correlate with a stronger immune system, and a classically feminine body shape correlates with better reproductive capability. Undoubtedly there are other correlations we don’t yet know about.
Nature designed men to be attracted to women with these basic visual characteristics, which serve to help men, much as we women are served by our sense of intuition. In fairness, we would no more wish upon men the loss of their natural visual discernment than we would wish upon ourselves the loss of our natural intuitive discernment. In terms of visual qualities, as with inner qualities, what men look for in women are simple feminine basics. Ironically, many women unknowingly neglect these basics, and instead work on aspects of their appearance that matter little to men.
Whether we want to admit it or not, men are not alone in exercising discernment based on visual information. Sizing a person up quickly from a distance is an important part of our natural protective wiring. Our feminine intuition could not function well without the visual element. We have all had the experience of seeing someone from a distance, intuitively feeling something is off, and keeping our distance. It will serve us well, as women, to appreciate that men and women alike are visually and intuitively discerning.
What men tell me they want to see is a simple, authentic expression of our inner feminine, not some kind of display of pretended perfection. Just as we women intuitively feel a lack of trust when a man seems too perfect, so men also sense something may be too good to be true when women present themselves as too perfect.
But, when we enhance our best features by bringing focus to them, men immediately notice. For example, if our best features are our healthy hair, long legs, and big eyes, we can make them more beautiful, shapely, and alluring by putting additional emphasis on them, which also serves to downplay our less attractive features. We don’t need to be raving beauties to possess an alluring feminine image that attracts men.
If you’re in a relationship and desire to create a feminine image, ask your man what he likes. He probably won’t describe it to you, as it’s hard for him to put into words, but if you show him, he can say “yes” or “no.” When you try something on, study his face and you will know immediately. If he likes it, his eyes will light up, he will smile, and he’ll likely verbalize something akin to “Wow!” If he doesn’t deliver a similar response, he’s probably not crazy about the look. Remember, before your man will be honest with his opinion, he has to trust that you won’t get upset with him. While you’re earning his trust, use your intuition and his nonverbal cues to know whether he likes the look you’ve put together or not.
Here are some thoughts on outer beauty from a man’s perspective:
“Femininity comes in many unique forms, not just in good looks and a stylish appearance. Regardless of any quirks, if it is genuine, it will be endearing, and someone will find the whole package very attractive, flaws and all.”
– Ken
“As a man, I love seeing the feminine body showcased to emphasize the differences between men and women’s bodies. I like to see our differences accentuated.”
– John
“Men are attracted to qualities and attributes that are strictly female. For instance, it is alluring for a woman to wear a dress, heels, lipstick, perfume, nail and toe polish, earrings and other jewelry, and to have longish hair. Believe me, men are very much aware of those things.”
– Kenny, California
“I will often compliment a woman who inspires me. It might be a bank teller who has beautifully manicured and polished nails, or a retail clerk with a striking hairstyle, or a woman standing in line wearing a pretty dress. I’m not hitting on them, but appreciating the effort they’ve made to be feminine. It makes me feel good to compliment them, and it makes them feel good. Which is really the point. They deserve it.”
– Randy,
Retired CEO of Electronics Company, Ashland, OR
“There is a large disconnect between men and women when it comes to the subject of women’s outer appearance. We men are primarily attracted to the inner feminine qualities of women, and look for simple outer representations of them. In the meantime, women have been persuaded to hide their inner feminine qualities as being some kind of weakness, immaturity, ineffectiveness. Then, instead of showcasing the inner feminine qualities, women engage in superficial public display. In the meantime, men look for outer representations of inner beauty, and are disappointed when women have engaged in this artificial process. Women are more authentic and more pleasing to men, when they enhance their appearance based on their inner quality to men, versus assuming men to be superficial.”
– Eric, I.T. Consultant, Seattle, WA
Men Love Our Smiles
“Smile! In every language, in every culture—it is the light in your window that tells people there’s a caring, sharing individual inside and it’s the universal code for “I’m O.K.—You’re O.K., too.”
–Dr. Denis Waitley, Author of The Psychology of Winning
Our smiles top the list of attractive features because, from the perspective of men, a smile is the most important visual first impression.
We women underestimate the power of our radiant, feminine smile to attract men. Few of us comprehend what this kind of beautiful smile means to men. We can dress to the nines, but where men are concerned, if we don’t smile, our allure and magnetism are canceled out. Men perceive unsmiling women as unattractive, unreceptive, and unavailable.
Our smile can light up a man’s world and send a warm welcome. Our smile is inviting to him and implies our openness to a conversation. Our smile makes him feel masculine and admired. It also makes us appear much more beautiful and youthful.
“You’re never fully dressed without a smile.”
– from the Broadway musical Annie
Perhaps one reason we aren’t aware of the impact of our feminine smiles on men is that men’s smiles don’t have a corresponding effect on us. In most cases, we can be just as attracted to a man with a serious, unsmiling look as we are to a man with a smile. In fact, men can often look more masculine and appealing to us when they look serious. There is a biological reason for this: we feminine women look to the masculine for security, protection, and support, and this is serious business. Serious business does not require a smile, and we know this intuitively. Think of some attractive male celebrities. Notice how sexy they look when they are seriously focused on their mission or goal. By contrast, a man’s attraction for us is increased when we smile radiantly as we interact with him.
It takes courage to smile at men; it can feel uncomfortable and
vulnerable. We may hesitate in smiling at men because we fear it will seem like a come-on. But most men don’t take it that way. Most men see our smile as a compliment, and most will simply smile back.
“A smiling woman will pull men in like a magnet. When a woman smiles, she multiplies her femininity by a factor of ten.”
– Robert
“I feel amazing when a woman smiles at me! It can make my day! Especially if I like her and find her attractive, but it’s also true from almost any woman. I feel blessed, I feel seen, acknowledged, and traversed by a visceral sensation of pleasure, occasionally sexual but not necessarily, rather some kind of divine bliss.
– Paul J.
Men Love Eye Contact with Us
In addition to our smiles, one of the first things men notice about us is our eyes. Our eyes can mesmerize men—especially when we silently speak positive messages such as I like you, I’m attracted to you, I admire you, I trust you. Eye contact is such an intimate gesture. We don’t need to say a word because our eyes speak the truth. Through our eyes, a man can see our warmth—or lack of it. They can see if our eyes are blank, empty, or evasive. They can tell if we’re happy with them by the way our eyes dance and sparkle. Men find mystery and magic behind our eyes. If you want to attract a man, look into his eyes and don’t be afraid to let him see the real you.
Men Love Dresses and Skirts on Us
Wherever you go, if you want to stand out in the sea of women, wear dresses in feminine colors. Men will notice! When it comes to women’s clothing, men say they miss seeing us in dresses and skirts. Many of us have resorted to wearing pants or jeans most of the time, but when we do so, we lessen the difference between men and ourselves. The contrast of wearing a dress while our man is wearing pants makes him feel more masculine when he’s with us.
Men love us to wear dresses so they can admire our legs. The right dress enhances our womanly form better than pants ever could. We also tend to act, walk, and sit in a more ladylike way when we’re wearing a dress or skirt. Men love to observe the movement of our skirts and dresses when we walk. If there’s a slight breeze, our pleated or full skirt flows around our legs in an alluring way.
In choosing dresses or skirts, look for solid colors or soft, subtle prints. Do not wear a bold pattern that camouflages or detracts from the feminine form. Men want to see us as the work of art, not the dress. Stand in front of a mirror wearing the dress and squint. Which do you notice first, your face and figure, or the dress? We want to dress to enhance our form, not to overpower it. Think of selecting a frame for a lovely painting. We would never want to select a frame that outdoes the painting, would we?
For men, we are the focal point. Men appreciate simplicity, without all the embellishments, such as extra pockets, large ruffles, big bows, and extra buttons. Men like women in simple, clean lines and mostly solid colors. They love classic looks similar to that of Kate Middleton’s. One type of dress men love is a simple wraparound dress, which accentuates the waistline and allures in a classy way, without being overtly sexy.
You don’t need to spend your entire paycheck to accomplish this look. What impresses a man is an uncomplicated, simply feminine woman who has a sense of style and grace.
“Women are wearing dresses less, but a nice dress highlights her beauty; dresses might be a luxury that’s been lost.”
– Norman
Men Love Our Curves
It’s important to know that men love curves of all sizes. Some men prefer smaller curves while others prefer larger curves. Nevertheless, the operative word is curves.
Men want to see our hourglass, so accentuating our waistline is the goal. Why do you think women wore corsets in days gone by? It was all about the sought-after hourglass. One way to accentuate our waist is to wear princess-cut tops or dresses that cinch at the waist. We can also achieve this look by wearing form-fitting—not tight—clothing. Vertical ribbing in tops and dresses is another wonderful way of accentuating our curves because the lines trace our form in a subtle way that catches a man’s attention. A word of caution: Don’t wear clothes that are too tight. Wearing a dress that’s too tight can appear cheap or “trampy.” It also gives the appearance that we’re wearing clothes we’ve outgrown from weight gain. Not a pretty sight.
Another way to accomplish the hourglass look is with belts. Choose belts that are on the thinner side. Men say they dislike thick belts and don’t find them feminine because they remind them of a workman’s tool belt or a wrestler’s belt. Choose a belt that matches the dress, or a neutral or complementary color.
“I find models who are too thin to be almost boyish, and not attractive.”
– Mason
“Muscular women don’t look feminine because they’ve lost
their soft curves.”
– John
Men Love Us in Color
Men love to see women wear feminine colors because they like to think of us as flowers that color their black-and-white world. Men wonder why so many women wear black, gray, and brown today. Think of the last time you saw a beautiful flower garden. Did you see any black, gray, or brown flowers? Only if the flowers were dead or dying.
While traveling in India in 2007, I observed Indian women dressed in silky, colorful saris. In a country of bleakness and hardship, these women stood out like beautiful flowers. One young woman wearing a gorgeous orange sari flowing in the wind caught my attention. She smiled as she posed for my photograph, clearly aware of her feminine beauty and grace.
For us as women, color impacts our psyche. Pretty colors lift our mood and brighten our day, while drab colors can affect us more negatively. How can we feel cheerful if we’re wearing such a serious color as gray? On the other hand, when men wear dark colors, such as black, gray, and brown, that represents masculine characteristics like stability, strength, and support. These serious, no-frill colors mean business. For example, a black, gray, or brown trellis provides a contrast to the flowering vine. When men see us wearing lifeless masculine colors, they wonder if we’re trying to hide or become invisible to them.
Sure, men love the little black dress. However, what they love is that it’s little and that it’s a dress! It shows off our legs, shoulders, neck, and back. If we wore a little pink dress or a little red dress, we would stand out even more from the other women in the room. The color men notice first is red.
We all have our best colors depending on our skin tone, hair color, and eye color. Some of us have higher contrast in our coloring—dark hair and lighter skin—while some of us have lower contrast—dark skin and dark hair, or light skin and light hair. Recognizing these nuances, along with having our personal color chart done, can go a long way to helping us select the most appropriate and congruent colors that bring out our true essence and natural beauty.
We want men to be drawn to our lovely faces, particularly our eyes and smiles. Choose colors and jewelry that draw attention to the eyes, lips, or hair. A blue top or scarf goes well with blue eyes (but should never be brighter than the eye color). Pearls bring out the color of our teeth and accent a beautiful smile. Rose pink draws out the hue in the lips.
Avoid wearing colors that clash with your natural skin tone. Skin with a lot of yellow will clash with blue-pinks. Find the right shade of pink that works based on your skin tone. Every woman has her best shades of pink and red, the romance colors.
As a style and color consultant specializing in feminine image, I understand the psychological impact wearing our best colors has on our mood, confidence and attractiveness to men.
“Black doesn’t flatter a woman. It’s as if she is hiding herself; it’s a disguise; it’s trying to appear smaller; it’s a fail-safe choice. Women aren’t taking advantage of accentuating their differences when they wear black. Black is either somber or intimidating.”
– Jason
Men Love Touchable Fabrics on Us
If we want to appear more feminine, we can wear fabrics that are soft to the touch. Men are drawn to the
softness and delicateness of silk, velvet, satin, cashmere, angora, and sheer organza fabrics. When we wear these feminine fabrics, men imagine what it would be like to touch us. Men perceive stiff, rough, or thick fabrics, such as leather, corduroy, thick denim, and heavily starched cottons, as masculine and less touchable. Materials like these can give men the impression of a barrier that says attention is not welcome.
Men Love Us to Look Cute Even around the House
In my years as a style consultant, I have seen countless women’s closets. No matter how sharply women may dress for work or dating, most women neglect the way they dress when they’re relaxing at home or running errands. They tend to wear dull, colorless, lifeless, baggy clothes that detract from their beauty and their bodies. There’s no reason why we can’t look attractive even in our pajamas or lounging clothes. Even our cleaning clothes can be cute if they are the best colors and styles to fit our body type. It’s just as easy to buy a red T-shirt as it is to buy a gray one.
We know from experience that when we look good, we feel good. So why would we not choose to feel good all the time? Besides, if we’re single, we never know when a cute UPS driver might knock at our door, or when we’ll run into an attractive man in the produce aisle of the grocery store. I always say, why settle for looking like a four or five when you can look like a nine or ten? Men will appreciate it.
Men Are Fascinated by Movement
Moving objects capture a man’s attention. Because of their innate role as hunters, men can spot subtle movements from a far distance. When we walk, dance, or even wear articles of clothing that move, men notice. Dangle earrings, bangle bracelets, flowing skirts, and scarves will catch a man’s eye. The movement of our hair and our hips when we walk fascinates men.
Men enjoy and are often mesmerized by the sight of our walking and dancing. We tend to move in a more fluid, graceful way than men do. Being in our feminine movement is beautiful to men. Practice walking more slowly and deliberately.
Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men Page 10