Men Like Us in Simple Jewelry
Men are fascinated by women’s tasteful, simple adornments. Yet they don’t like us to wear too much jewelry because it steals the show and takes away from our natural allure. Remember, the picture frame shouldn’t overpower the work of art. When we wear a lot of jewelry, men see us as a “jewelry rack.” Men like jewelry, but they prefer more delicate, simple pieces. If our jewelry has sparkle, all the better. When we wear simple but lovely jewelry, it gives a man an excuse to look at and admire us.
Men love to see us wear dangle earrings because they move and catch the light when we turn our heads. The taller a woman is or the longer her neck is, the longer the earrings can be. But, don’t overpower your face with earrings too big or too long.
Men also like seeing a necklace that enhances our face, neck, and décolletage. We can never go wrong wearing a pearl necklace to draw a man’s attention upward. Men find pearls classy and timeless. While necklaces enhance the upper chest area, chokers draw attention to the neck, which men also like. Whatever style, remember, simple is best.
After you don a necklace, consider adding a bracelet. Bracelets catch a man’s eye when we move our hands and arms. Men like bangle bracelets and simple charm bracelets because they move and make a pleasant tinkling sound when we express ourselves using our hands and arms. It not only catches his eye, but his ear too.
Note that although men like to see us in jewelry that sparkles, it doesn’t need to be diamonds or other expensive stones. Men tell me they don’t care about those things. A well-made piece of costume jewelry can be equally attractive.
Men Love Us in Long Hair
Nearly all men love to see women with long hair. It’s a myth that women over forty should cut their hair short. I’ve seen women in their seventies who look fabulous with long hair and appear twenty years younger. Longer hair allows numerous options: we can braid it, pull it to one side, create an up-do, slick it back, wear a ponytail, or let it run wild and free. Men like the variety of styles we can create when our hair is long. Surprisingly, men love it when we wear ponytails because they are youthful, they move, and they expose the back of the neck.
Adorning our hair with clips, barrettes, bows, headbands, flowers, or hairpieces enhances our femininity. Men notice and appreciate pretty objects in women’s hair, especially flowers. Whenever I wear a flower in my hair, a man will almost always comment that he likes it.
To keep our hair healthy, we can use shampoos and conditioners with natural ingredients. The shinier the hair, the better. Use a leave-in conditioner or natural oils if need be.
If growing long hair is a challenge, consider other options, such as hair extensions or hair pieces like ponytails or add-on falls.
“When a woman has different looks with her hair, I love it.”
– Jerry
“Long hair is curvy, flowing and there is artistry and creativity to it.”
– Nelson
Footwear Men Love on Us
Most men don’t understand women’s fascination with shoes. This is the one area men think we’ve gone crazy! They don’t understand the need for our closets full of shoes. Again, the name of the game for attracting men is simplicity. To men, nothing beats a classic, unadulterated pump or a simple, strappy sandal. These styles flatter women’s feet without stealing the show.
Most men love seeing us in bare feet. They say it’s simple and natural and makes us look more delicate. There’s an innocent girlishness about our going barefoot that brings out their protective nature. That’s why, according to men, the more the shoes reveals our feet, the better.
Men also love women in heels. However, they don’t need to be uncomfortable stilettos. Even a two-inch heel can accentuate our calves and make our legs look more attractive. Most men don’t want women to suffer in heels that are too high or uncomfortable. There’s an art to wearing high heels, and a man’s attraction level depends on how we carry ourselves in them. Not all of us can pull off wearing heels. If a woman has difficulty wearing high heels and her man loves stilettos, she can tell him she’ll wear stilettos at home if she doesn’t have to walk in them and he agrees to carry her from room to room! He might just love the idea.
Men dislike clunky-looking shoes on women because they make our feet look bigger and more masculine. They also hate gladiator sandals because they remind men of … well … gladiators.
One nice accent that men find attractive is a simple ankle bracelet. It draws his attention to your ankles and feet. If you love your ankles, go for it. Men love the added touch.
“There are no shoes made that are more attractive to a man
than a woman’s bare feet.”
– Rob
Men Prefer Us in Natural-Looking Makeup
Men love a natural look. They don’t mind us in makeup as long as it enhances us. Women who wear too much makeup appear unapproachable to men—porcelain dolls too perfect to be touched. It’s as if we are wearing face armor!
If our lipstick is either too dark or too bright for our skin tone, it can look overdone or artificial. Although some men like red lipstick on women, most find it to be too garish because it implies our lips are un-kissable. They also worry they’ll have red smeared all over their faces and collars. Instead of red lipstick, choose a more natural shade of lipstick or lip gloss.
Men also tell me they don’t like overly done eye makeup because it’s too harsh-looking and detracts from the natural beauty of our eyes. Men want to gaze into our eyes without seeing tons of eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara. Too much eye makeup can age and harden us, especially as we get older, because it takes away from our softer, more youthful look. It also gives men the impression that we’re trying too hard; it projects an aire of desperation and insecurity, which in turn has them feel sorry for us. Women who’ve gotten used to wearing lots of eye makeup can experiment with wearing a little less at first, and then gradually softening it even more.
Men Notice Our Posture
One important attribute of physical beauty often overlooked and undervalued is posture, but our posture can make a significant difference to our attractiveness. Men view women who have good posture as being healthy and youthful in addition to having good breeding and class. When a woman appears slouchy, she appears less feminine to a man, and she seems to have lower self-esteem.
Some helpful tips:
Have a girlfriend point out if you’re not sitting or standing up straight.
Remind yourself throughout the day to keep your head up and shoulders back.
Imagine a wire above your head pulling you up straight.
Look at candid photos of yourself and observe how your posture looks.
Practicing yoga is a great way to improve posture.
Sexy vs. Classy Feminine Looks
Modern society has taught women that “sexy” is the new feminine. It’s nearly impossible these days to find a woman’s magazine that doesn’t have the word “sexy” on its cover. One woman I spoke with told me that it seems today’s women have only two choices: to be a man or to be sexy. If the options in women’s clothing stores today are any indication, I would have to agree with her.
If a woman is trying to get maximum attention from men with a seductive, plunging neckline and a micro-mini skirt, it’s true that she will successfully appeal to and arouse men’s desire for sex. As mentioned in chapter 3, men’s brains are compartmentalized. They have different compartments for seeking sex and for seeking a relationship or wife. So, when a woman is dressed in a sexy way, this appeals to men who just want sex and are not thinking beyond that.
Given these social trends, that’s why women who are seeking a long-term relationship are wise to choose a classier, more modest look over a sexy look. Men tell me that a woman who focuses on dressing sexy is not seen as feminine. In fact, dressing in such a way can even have a masculine aspect to it because she is being somewhat aggressive in an overtly suggestive way. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement, provide
d that’s all we want. However, dressing sexy is not a good fit for a woman with a more receptive feminine energy who wants to find a man who wants a long-term relationship that can lead to marriage.
Men view a modestly yet attractively dressed woman as mysterious, interesting, and alluring. Being feminine in a modest way means leaving no question you are a woman, while leaving something to the imagination. Modest does not mean wearing shapeless, boring clothing. Accentuating our womanly curves is important to men, and it can be done in a tasteful way. We don’t need to be poured into a dress. Modest dress awakens both respect and intrigue in men. The sense of mystery it engenders makes men want to learn more about us. We are a prize to be sought after and won. Revealing too much too soon takes the mystery away. We can see ourselves as a gift that needs to be unwrapped slowly as a man proves himself to us. We don’t want to go outside already unwrapped.
One example of a woman who exudes femininity in a modest way is Kate Middleton. Although she’s a member of the British royal family, she demonstrates a quiet class. Notice that she doesn’t wear large, obvious jewelry or loud, or complicated patterns. Her style is modest, tasteful, and congruent with who she is. Her dresses feature simple lines and feminine colors. The styles she wears flatter her figure, yet they appear modest. Even though Kate dresses modestly, she also gives off an unmistakably mysterious appeal, which men adore.
“My vision of femininity is a woman who has long hair and wears a simple sundress with semi-high heels, hoop earrings and a scant scent of perfume. Nothing is overstated. When a woman tries too hard to be sexy, it often backfires.”
– Rick
Girl-Next-Door Look
Another look that men often say they like is the “girl next door.” Who is this woman many men dream of? Hint: she’s not a Cosmo vixen. Men describe the girl-next-door woman as fresh, wholesome, natural, and sweet. She’s a minimalist in makeup, fashion, and jewelry. She doesn’t feel the need to attract attention by being flashy. She is not overdone or dramatic. She is approachable and secure in herself. She’s down-to-earth. The girl-next-door type of woman is not afraid to be a girl. Although she is secure in herself, the girl next door doesn’t feel the need to put herself on a pedestal. Consequently, the man in her life raises her up above himself.
“I believe any woman at any age can be a “girl-next-door.”
– Robert
Men Love Our Radiant, Healthy Looks
I would be remiss if I left health off this list. Good health is the basis of all radiant beauty. It’s vitally important to take care of our health if we want to be attractive to men. When we’re healthy, our eyes sparkle, our skin glows, our hair shines, and our nails are strong. Our weight is within a healthy range for our height and bone structure.
If our health is out of balance, we lose the vitality that makes us attractive from the inside out. Men subconsciously pick up on this. Women who need to work in this area can start with internal detoxification, supplementation, and drinking enough water. The foods we eat are crucial to our beauty. We truly are what we eat. Junk food is just what it says … junk. Eating it on a regular basis can make us less attractive over time. I recommend David Wolfe’s book Eating for Beauty.
Weight drops naturally when our bodies are given the right nutrients. It’s also important to add an exercise program by joining a gym, taking a yoga class, or simply walking in our neighborhoods.
“Just as the crashing waves caress the beach cliffs every day, relentlessly, and thus shape those cliffs ever so subtly, so too do the foods we eat shape our forms subtly, slowly, and methodically over time.”
– David Wolfe, author of Eating for Beauty
Recap
Our smile and eye contact attract a man first.
A dress or skirt is the number-one garment men find feminine.
Men want to see our hourglass curves.
Men love to see us in colors because they see us as beautiful flowers. Choose colors congruent with your natural coloring.
Wear soft fabrics that men want to touch.
Men are drawn to our movement, including clothes and jewelry that move.
Men love flowing long hair on women of all ages.
Simple heels, strappy sandals, or bare feet appeal to men.
Men like women wearing natural-looking makeup.
Our posture is an important element of our attractiveness.
When looking for a wife, men prefer a feminine, modest look over a sexy look.
Men prefer simple, understated classiness.
Our overall health is a great part of our beauty and attractiveness to men.
Explorations and Journaling
Which of these feminine attraction elements from this chapter do you already have or do? List them.
Which outer beauty aspect would you like to add, if any? Try it, then journal about the outcome. How did you feel? How did men react?
Do you smile easily and in a genuine way? Describe what makes you laugh and smile.
Are you happy with your current wardrobe? What would you like to change and why?
Do you own any feminine dresses? If not, why not?
What are the predominant colors in your wardrobe? Why did you choose the colors you chose? Have you consulted a professional colorist to make sure they work for you?
Describe your jewelry. What simple pieces might you add to your collection?
Describe any circumstances that have held you back from focusing on your beauty. Are any of those conditions within your power to control? What can you do to accommodate more time for your outer beauty?
Have you asked your man’s opinion of your appearance and dress?
Does your man feel safe enough to be honest with you when you ask his opinion about your appearance? If not, what can you do so that he will trust you more?
Have you ever asked a man/your man to shop for clothes with you? If so, how did it turn out? If not, consider asking him to go with you to help you select clothes you’ll both love. Then observe and journal his reaction.
Chapter 9
Feminine Sensuality Men Love
“I have a new found respect for sensuality. The only way I can indulge is being in the present moment…and those moments can last as long or as short as I need them to be.”
– Patty Contenta, Author of Sensuality Secrets
Men Look to Women for Sensuality
Although sensuality is predominately a feminine domain, it’s one that men greatly appreciate. We women are all about experiencing the sensual. Men know and love this aspect about us. Having been a personal image, color, style, and interior décor consultant, I have experienced more than my share of creating sensual atmospheres using all five senses: visual beauty, soothing sounds, soft touches, fragrant scents, and of course, delectable delights for tasting. Exploring the senses is like meditation for me. Time stands still as I lose myself in creativity.
Some conflate the idea of “sensuality” with “sexuality,” but these two concepts are very distinct. Although sexuality can include the sensual arts, sensuality does not necessarily involve sex. Sensuality is all about indulging in the five senses for greater life enjoyment. We can incorporate sensuality into everyday aspects of our life: cooking, decorating, lighting, movement, dance, fabrics, music, and aromas. Our kitchen can be as sensual as our bedroom. We can even bring sensuality into our workplace.
Because men represent the nuts and bolts of life, they look to women for the enhancements and sensual pleasures. As I mentioned earlier, men build strong, sturdy houses with studs, wiring, and plumbing, and then women turn them into cozy, comfortable homes with lovely furnishings, pleasant colors, and all the wonderful creature comforts.
Our feminine gifts are the perfect complements to the masculine gifts. One without the other would be incomplete. A newly built house with no furnishings or décor feels Spartan—cold, barren, and lifeless. Likewise, women’s creative ability to turn a house into a beautiful home would be rendered pointless without th
e house.
The feminine adds flavor, texture, and delight to men’s lives. We bring it to them through our sensuality (our five senses). Recall the trellis and vine allegory. Men provide the structural support for our beauty and enhancements. It’s their strong trellis that supports our beautiful, flowering vine. While men tend to focus on working hard on serious tasks, women are the ones who bring the relaxing and renewing sensual arts.
Before we can be sensual for the men in our lives, it’s important that we reclaim sensuality for ourselves. But making time for sensuality can be challenging in today’s culture of working women. Many who have demanding careers often don’t have the time or the energy to indulge in sensuality after a stressful workday. As a consequence, we lose touch with our sensual selves. In evoking the five senses, we reawaken our femininity. Sensuality grounds us in our natural feminine essence, thus raising our self-love. That’s why we need to experience these five senses for ourselves first before we bring them to our men. We can’t give what we don’t have.
Even if a woman is working full-time, she can make time at work for sensual healing practices. I’m not talking about dressing sexy for work. I’m talking about practices and rituals to connect with our femininity. For instance, she can hang a picture in her work area of a relaxing beach scene from Hawaii or Tahiti or Bali and gaze at it whenever she feels overwhelmed. Or she can take a one-minute “vacation” at her desk by closing her eyes, visualizing relaxing in that beautiful place, and taking three slow, deep breaths.
If desirable, we can schedule an evening to practice sensual healing once a week at home. If we can’t make the time once a week, we might set aside time every two weeks or once a month. The list below offers a sampling of suggested sensual activities to awaken the feminine part of us that may have been dormant for a long time. After implementing these relaxing experiences, we will show up differently for the man in our life. Even when we do these practices for ourselves, it truly is a gift for him.
Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men Page 11