Sensuality We Can Give Ourselves
Visual (Sight):
At home or the office, surround yourself with objects of color and beauty.
Drink your tea or coffee out of a pretty mug you enjoy looking at.
Hang a print of your favorite painting near your work area.
Eat off a colorful plate at lunch; collect various colors and patterns.
Add a beautiful decorator pillow to the couch or bed.
Hang pretty towels of different colors in the bathroom.
Place candles around your room; light them for ambiance.
Bring yourself fresh flowers; take them to work too.
Declutter your work areas to make your space more tranquil and beautiful.
Wear feminine dresses or skirts in pretty colors to feel more feminine.
If appropriate, consider moving into a home with a better view, or at least start exploring the idea.
Get your car detailed, and consider what you can do to make the inside of the car more attractive.
Go to a high-end salon or spa, and get your hair styled and nails done.
Auditory (Sound):
Play soothing, relaxing instrumental music at work, or listen to it in your car on your way to and from work.
Listen to relaxing music while taking a bath.
Add a small water fountain for a healing sound both at work and at home.
Hang wind chimes on your patio or deck.
Listen to inspiring music while exercising or cleaning.
Dance around the house to energetic, upbeat music.
Enjoy hearing your own laughter often.
Olfactory (Smell):
Use essential oils in your bath.
Burn an aromatherapy candle in the bedroom, bathroom, or living room.
Put fragrant sachets in your lingerie drawers.
Open windows and doors to freshen stale air in the house or office.
Use natural calming scents around you, such as lavender, jasmine, or vanilla.
Use a lemon scent to stimulate your mind if you need to perk up.
Somatic/Tactile (Touch):
Buy the softest, fluffiest robe you can find.
Wear silky pajamas to bed.
Use a silk pillowcase for a touch of sensual luxury; it helps to avoid face wrinkles.
Add a colorful, cozy throw to the bed or couch for cool evenings.
Give yourself hand and arm massages with coconut oil.
Wear soft, fuzzy slippers in cold weather.
Buy cheerfully-colored large fluffy towels.
Purchase high-quality luxurious sheets in soothing colors.
Take a warm bath with bath salts or bubbles.
Get a massage or a facial after a stressful day at work.
Enjoy a pedicure with a foot and leg massage.
Wear sensual lingerie under your work clothes; only you will know.
Move and dance sensually.
Watch YouTube videos on sensuality; I recommend Patty Contenta.
Gustatory (Taste):
Prepare a special coffee or tea in the morning before work; if need be, wake up a little earlier so that you can take your time. Make it with love and savor every sip, enjoying it like a meditation.
Enjoy a little dark chocolate for a treat; savor it as it melts slowly in your mouth.
Experiment with easy, healthy recipes and add delicious spices.
Watch the cooking channel for ideas and try an easy recipe.
Take an evening or weekend cooking class to learn chefs’ secrets.
Go wine tasting or host your own wine tasting at home to experience different varietals and tastes.
Take yourself to a high-end restaurant known for flavorful, healthy dishes and savor the experience.
Our Sixth Sense: Intuition
A woman’s sixth sense is her intuition. It’s one of our greatest natural inborn gifts, our natural GPS system. Unfortunately, due to our modern-day stressful lifestyles, our inner voice is oftentimes drowned out by a noisy culture. We’ve lost touch with our intuition because we’ve forgotten how to listen to it. Many of us don’t even trust this voice anymore.
But it’s not too late. Although our intuition may have atrophied, it is still within us. We are simply out of practice. We need to give it priority and focus again. We need to check in with ourselves and deeply feel what our intuition is telling us. Practice asking questions, then listen closely for the answers. We can listen to our body’s innate language. We can pay attention to the way our bodies feel when we are faced with a decision. We might notice that one choice makes our stomach tight, while another brings us calm. We can use our intuition to guide our decisions about how to bring sensuality back into our lives, how to develop our femininity, and how to bring out our man’s masculinity using our sensuality.
We can train ourselves to more clearly hear our intuition by regular practice of meditation. Because of all the distractions we have today, sitting quietly may be difficult to do. Meditation can be made so much easier by using the modern tool of meditation soundtracks.
Ways to Create Sensuality for Him
Visual (Sight):
Create a beautiful home environment that combines feminine and masculine elements, for example, a leather chair with a soft throw; add works of art you both love.
Ask your man what his favorite color is and bring that color into the home; most men love blues and greens. Create an inviting space for him.
Men like simplicity, so remove the clutter in the main areas of the house.
Men think of us as “works of art,” so think of yourself that way. Be a treat for his eyes by dressing in a soft feminine way; wear silky fabrics in pretty feminine colors.
Find out what your man likes to see you wear, and wear it when you’re together.
Set a lovely table for dinner; think of delighting the eyes. Why not use your best dishes every day? My aunt Helen used her best china on a daily basis, even when serving breakfast; her table was always beautiful and inviting.
Turn your bedroom into a romantic love den with exotic bedding, silky fabrics, soft lighting, and lit candles.
Dance for him; men love watching women dance in a provocative way.
If you’re at that point in your relationship, do a strip tease for him.
Auditory (Sound):
Laugh, giggle, sing, or whisper in his ear; men love the sound of our voices, especially when we’re happy.
Moan in ecstasy when turned on.
Talk to a man softly, slowly, clearly, and calmly; it’s alluring to him.
The sound of an indoor waterfall can be calming to him after a hard day.
Find out what soothing music he likes and play it for him.
Use Pandora to explore endless music possibilities.
“Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life.”
– Ludwig van Beethoven
Olfactory (Smell):
Men don’t care for strong or cheap perfumes on women; they appreciate softer, natural oils and lotions. Ask your man about his fragrance preferences.
Men typically love the following natural scents: vanilla, sandalwood, lavender, musk, jasmine, and orange.
Uplift the home aura by adding essential oils or scented candles. Get the quality candles with natural scents; cheaper candles can smell artificial and even be toxic.
Prepare a delicious meal; one of the most intoxicating smells for men is the aromatherapy that comes from the kitchen while we are cooking!
“Men like the perfume a woman is wearing if it is sweet and faint. Faint is good because it’s flirty. Faint perfume subconsciously tells a man she wants a male (perhaps me!) to get closer to her, so that he can experience the perfume more vividly. Perfume can be exceptionally alluring to men because it triggers associations in their minds. In short, perfume done right is intimacy.”
– Robert
Somatic/Tactile (Touch):
He wants to touch and be touched by us.
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br /> He wants to feel our soft skin.
He wants to snuggle with us.
He wants our soft and passionate kisses.
He wants to feel our skin next to his at night.
He may enjoy having his hair shampooed or brushed.
He would appreciate a massage, even a five-minute shoulder massage, head massage, or back scratch.
He would likely enjoy giving a massage too.
If massage is your thing, invest in a massage table.
Take a weekend massage class together, or watch massage videos together.
Take a beginner Tantra class together, and learn the art of sensual touch.
Go out dancing with him, or dance in the privacy of your living room.
Gustatory (Taste):
One of the ways to a man’s heart is through his stomach; men tell me this statement is still true. Find out his favorite foods, and make them for him, even if it’s only once or twice a week.
For those who work full-time and don’t have a lot of time to cook, I recommend preparing simple meals in a slow cooker in the morning. When arriving home at night, enjoy a no-fuss but delicious home-cooked meal.
Men feel cared for when a woman cooks for them. Even if a man is a chef, he appreciates it when she cooks for him. Make it with love, and he will feel it.
Men say they don’t expect a woman to be a gourmet cook. We could simply open a can of soup, heat it, and serve it to him; he would be happy because he would feel cared for.
Bring an appetizer tray to him on a wooden cutting board; fill it with an assortment of cheeses, salami, crackers, grapes, and nuts.
Blindfold him and feed him sweet and savory bites with your fingers; try chocolates, strawberries, pickles, olives, or mint leaves.
Feed him orange segments with your fingers. Don’t worry about getting messy—he will love it.
Do a blind wine tasting for him. Open two or three wines at home, and then hide the bottles and have him guess and rate the wines. This is a fun experience that will leave him both engaged and relaxed.
“Eating is so intimate. It’s very sensual. When you invite someone to sit at your table and you want to cook for them, you’re inviting a person into your life.”
– Maya Angelou
On Sexuality
Of course sexuality is also a big part of sensuality and a very important one. However, in this book, I am choosing to focus on all the other wonderful ways men value and appreciate us, which I feel have not received enough attention. And so—I leave it as an exercise for the reader to study sexuality through other books and programs that cover it in depth.
Recap
Men look to us for the sensual pleasures and enhancements of life.
Men build the houses; we decorate them and turn them into homes.
In evoking the five senses, we reawaken our femininity.
Self-love is about taking care of ourselves first.
Take the time to have a sensual healing evening once a week or once a month.
Surround yourself with beautiful objects and fabrics, soothing sounds, healing scents, and tantalizing tastes for you and your man.
Even the smallest act, like drinking out of a pretty mug or water glass, can feel sensual.
Hang a beautiful picture near your work area that conjures up relaxation or ignites your passions.
Men are task-oriented, and women are relationship-, sensual-, and pleasure-oriented.
Our natural GPS system—our intuition—needs to be re-cultivated.
Explorations and Journaling
What do you enjoy most about being a sensual woman?
What sensual rituals do you already engage in?
How often do you relax? When was the last time you took time to do so? How did it feel?
What sensual rituals do you do at work, if any, to reconnect with your femininity?
How long has it been since you added color to your home or workspace?
List things you can do to bring added sensuality into your home/work life.
If you’re in a relationship, in what ways do you bring sensuality to your man?
Have you asked your man how he would like to be pampered/touched by you? If yes, how did he respond? If not, ask him and record what he said and what you did.
List some ways you could bring more sensuality to your man.
Do you dance for your man? If yes, how does it feel to you? If not, why not? Give it a try.
Do you listen to your intuition? How often? Do you trust it? Why or why not? Practice listening to your inner voice daily and journal what it says to you.
Do you listen to your intuition? How often? Do you trust it? Why or why not? Practice listening to your inner voice daily and journal what it says to you.
Chapter 10
Be “Simply Feminine” in Seven Steps
“The eternal feminine draws us upward...”
– Goethe’s Faust
Seven Steps to Attract Men with Your Feminine Energy
If you’re ready to unlock the beautiful femininity within you that men adore, I invite you to participate in a seven-step process that will help you to achieve that goal. Over the course of researching this book, I have personally worked on each of these steps myself. Although I saw results in a surprisingly short amount of time, I continue to refine these feminine attributes. The more I learn, the more joy and freedom I have in my life.
I encourage you to create a list of these seven steps and put it on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself of this process. Read and practice these steps often until they feel natural to you. With practice and the shift in perspective doing this will bring, you will increasingly enhance your femininity and attractiveness to men.
I’m certain that by implementing these seven steps with earnest intention and the right mindset, you will feel yourself rediscovering your femininity. You will notice a shift in men as they respond to you in a more positive and attentive way.
Here are the seven steps:
1. Admire the Masculine Gifts
Step one is the foundation for all the remaining six steps. Appreciating and admiring the male gender for the many gifts they bring to females is essential. For a reminder, refer back to Chapter 3: Understanding the Nature of Men.
To be more attractive to men, it is vital to develop a positive, open-minded, and appreciative mindset toward them in general. I’m not saying you need to love all men. You surely won’t. But the more you admire the men around you for their masculine gifts, the more you will reap the rewards from your relationships with them. Reframing your perception of men so that you trust and admire them will be the number-one step and the foundation for making this process work.
Contemplate the gifts masculinity offers you: strength, honor, decisiveness, and protectiveness. Imagine for a moment what life would be like if no men existed in the world. Imagine they all left for a year’s sabbatical. They wouldn’t be around to repair the roads when they’re in disrepair. Think of your car’s alignment driving over those potholes. They wouldn’t be here to align your car either. They wouldn’t be around to work on the power lines when the electricity goes out in the middle of the night in subzero weather. They wouldn’t be around to plow the roads after a winter snowstorm. There wouldn’t be men around to fish the oceans or truck the crops to the grocery stores or the many thousand other things that we forget they do. Sure, some women could do these jobs, but really, how many of us want to? In short, this world would be a dismal place without men.
If this reframing of men seems difficult due to past experiences, perhaps some deeper work will be required. If need be, consult a professional for help. I’ve personally had good results with NLP, hypnosis, and tapping (emotional freedom technique) for quickly moving through old wounds, as I have had my share.
Personal-development courses that focus on understanding men can produce profound shifts in perspective for women. The biggest shift in my attitude toward men happened in 2003 when I took Alison Armstrong’s cour
se “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women” (now called “The Queen’s Code”). For a transformation in how you perceive men, I cannot recommend her courses highly enough. They will change the way you view men forever.
2. Love Your Femininity
Step two is to embrace everything about being a feminine woman. Men tell me that there’s nothing more attractive than a woman who loves being feminine.
Love your softness. Enjoy your voice. Feel the joy in your laughter. Adore your gentleness. Embrace your variety of feelings. Show your curves. Worship your bodily form. Delight in your lighthearted nature. Appreciate your warmth. Acknowledge your inner beauty. Value your compassion. Cherish your empathy for others. Practice eye contact. Experience your sensuality.
Meditate on each of these qualities and any other feminine qualities you’d like to add and ask yourself if you truly value them. Be honest. If you don’t value that quality in yourself, ask why not? Then ask, what would it take to value this quality?
Value the femininity you see in other women. Next time you’re out running errands, take a look at other women. Do you notice their femininity? What is it about them that makes them attractive? Perhaps it’s their graceful walk, or the way they laugh, or their lovely smile, or the way they dress, or the beauty in their face.
Acknowledge these women. Except between girlfriends, women rarely get compliments from other women, especially women they don’t know. Tell them how beautiful and feminine they are. Trust me, I promise they will appreciate it. You might even make their day. Observing other women is a wonderful way to learn how to be more feminine too. These women can become your role models.
3. Be Authentic
When you meet a man you like, or with a man already in your life, be willing to engage him by sharing your authentic nature and talking about the things that mean the most to you. For instance, share some of your innermost joys and passions with him. Men do want to hear about the ideas that light you up and bring you the most joy and fulfillment in your life. Discuss your dreams, talents, travels, hobbies, family, friends, philanthropy, books, music, movies, gardening, and cooking. Opening yourself up at this level may require a little vulnerability on your part, but this kind of vulnerability is very attractive to a man.
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