So go ahead and express your excitement to him. Don’t worry about sounding silly or overly excited. Don’t worry that you’ll come across as self-centered or bragging. If a man likes you, he won’t see it that way. Men tell me they adore girlishness in women, so they will see you as delightfully expressive, quirks and all. Remember that he feels happy when you’re happy. Men who care about you want to support your passions and desires. Your unabashed enthusiasm will excite them.
4. Smile Radiantly
A man once said to me, “A woman is only as beautiful as her smile.” Every man I’ve talked to agrees with that statement. Much of the time, and without realizing it, we women smile halfheartedly, if at all. A genuine smile comes from the heart, from joy and appreciation. An authentic, radiant smile lights up your entire face, causing your eyes to sparkle. It tells a man you’re happy to see him.
To see the difference yourself, practice your smile in the mirror and bring your smartphone. First try smiling halfheartedly in the mirror and take a selfie. Then focus a real smile from a happy heart. To accomplish this kind of smile, close your eyes and move your attention down into your heart. Focus on a time when you were deeply in love or received a wonderful surprise. When you feel that you have fully embodied that feeling, smile, open your eyes, look in the mirror, and take another selfie. Compare the two photos and notice the brightness in your face and the sparkle in your eyes in the second one. You’ll see the difference immediately. You’ll notice how much younger you look because this kind of smile gives an instant face-lift! That’s the radiant smile that melts men’s hearts.
This radiant smile is much easier to come by with an attitude of lightheartedness. It’s your birthright to lighten up, laugh, giggle, and bring out the little girl in you. Lightheartedness is a gift that not only benefits you, but the men in your life as well. Your sincere smile helps take them out of their serious workaday world. If necessary, review Chapter 7: Feminine Attitudes Men Love for ideas on lightheartedness. Find out what brings you the most joy and pleasure and start doing it.
Men say that many women today have become too serious. It’s a woman’s lighthearted, cheerful nature that better illuminates her feminine energy. When women lose sight of their soft nature, it hurts them. It hurts their health and well-being. It hurts their relationships.
5. Be Receptive
“…Love like you’ll never get hurt...”
– Country song, Come from the Heart,
by Richard Leigh and Susanna Clark
According to men, receptiveness is one of the most attractive and feminine characteristics we can possess as a woman. Unless a woman can be receptive, her femininity suffers. Much of our aging is not merely the passage of time, but by continually keeping emotional walls up to avoid getting hurt again. Being receptive is the opposite of being resistant. Being resistant to what a man offers may be the number one reason why women find it so difficult to attract and keep men.
A masculine man is very loyal and wants to connect with the woman he chooses to have in his life. So it’s discouraging when he finds himself on the other side of a high emotional wall of distrust. Letting go of past hurts is a critically important skill for a woman who’s serious about her femininity.
Other than a genuine happy smile, eye contact is really important in showing your receptiveness. Let him gaze into your eyes, and return that gaze. Let him know you see him. It was very common during my research for a man to mention how sustained, comfortable eye contact with a woman really pulls him in.
When you are with a man you trust, watch for his taking initiative, and find a way to gracefully be receptive and follow his lead. Be open to this, even if it stretches your comfort zone a bit. Showing you trust him will make you more attractive to him.
Men long to give to us, and they feel more masculine when we graciously receive what they offer, including being receptive to their protective and chivalrous acts. As your feminine essence evolves, receptiveness will become more and more natural. You will appreciate the relaxation that comes from letting go as you embrace the generous gifts a man offers to make your life safer, easier, and more enjoyable.
By learning the skill and art of feminine receiving, you will find more and more wonderful things showing up from the masculine men in your life. Receiving is an ongoing practice.
6. Allow Men to Be Your Heroes
Men love to be of service to women. When you allow a man to serve you, he feels like a hero, which makes him feel great. Letting him rescue you here and there also lets you feel more feminine, because you are getting your needs met, by a hero. Men don’t have enough opportunities to play this role in today’s “I can do it myself!” world. And so, they are delighted to help whenever they can. When a man offers his assistance, he is not doing it out of obligation. For him it’s a form of courtship; a way of being courteous and his way of showing respect. He feels fulfilled by helping a woman because it makes him feel good in the best sense. If his offer is rejected, he can feel let down. He longs to feel useful to you. He longs to impress you.
Never forget that a key aspect of the art of femininity is being receptive to the hero in your life. When the man in your life wants to do helpful or good things for you, be open to what he offers. If he wants to open the door for you, allow him to with a grateful heart. If he offers to fix something in your home, let him. If he wants to treat you to dinner, say “yes” with a smile. If he offers to be protective, accept it.
7. Dress in a Feminine Way
Men value quality women, and one way they decide what type of woman you are is by the way you present yourself. Men who are seeking a life mate/wife prefer to see women dressed in a feminine way, not in an overtly sexy way. I’m not suggesting that you dress like an Amish woman. You want to look as attractive as you can without flaunting it all. Men want something to work for.
Wearing a dress or skirt is what differentiates us from men and their masculine clothing. If your closet is predominantly filled with pants (like mine was) then you’ll want to add feminine dresses or skirts to your wardrobe. Try several styles and colors until you find what’s most flattering. If possible, invite your man or a male friend to go with you and sit outside the dressing room. He can offer his opinion while you model different dresses for him. Many men won’t mind helping because you’re giving them a specific and important task by asking for feedback from a man’s perspective. Men generally don’t mind shopping if it’s for a definite purpose where they feel needed and it doesn’t take too long. They may even enjoy it because it implies that you value and trust their opinion, which makes them feel masculine.
Be sure to buy dresses or skirts that accentuate your curves, especially your waistline. A thin belt can also help you achieve the hourglass look. Don’t wear a belt that’s too wide. Remember, wide belts remind men of workmen’s tool belts.
Don’t wear dresses with busy, bold patterns or lots of added adornments such as bows, ruffles, buttons, or pockets. These extras distract from your natural curves and beauty. Solid colors or subtle patterns work best because they don’t fight with your form. You don’t want to look like a mannequin advertising the outfit. Remember, to a man, you are the work of art, not the outfit.
Buy dresses in pretty colors and refrain from buying drab or boring tones like black, brown, and gray. These are masculine colors that men say don’t do a thing to enhance our femininity. Remember, we are the color in a man’s black-and-white world. If you want to be noticed in a sea of women wearing black and dark tones, wear color. If you need help, find a color professional who can analyze your colors and find the most flattering shades for you. Men love seeing women in romantic colors such as pinks, reds, peaches, corals, or purples.
Accessorize with tasteful, delicate jewelry. Men love dangle earrings that move and sparkle in the light. They also like pearl necklaces as they are simple yet classy and make a nice frame for a woman’s face and bring out her smile. For added charm, include a flirty neck scarf or a pretty barre
tte in your hair. For feminine footwear, avoid large, clunky heels that make your feet look larger and more masculine. Choose simple classic pumps, strappy sandals, or feminine ballerina flats.
Make sure your look is not overdone with a lot of complexity. When dressing in a feminine way for men, think simple yet classy, and you can’t go wrong. For a review look at Chapter 8: Feminine Looks Men Love.
Results You Can Expect When You Practice These Seven Steps
You will raise your energy by being more positive.
You will feel more feminine.
You will feel younger.
You will feel more beautiful and radiate beauty from the inside out.
You will feel happier and your walk will be lighter.
You will be more authentic.
You will have greater self-confidence.
You will be more attractive to quality men because you will be a quality woman.
You will receive more compliments and attention from men.
You will receive more cooperation and help from men.
You will attract men who want to please you.
To summarize: Practicing these steps will make you more feminine in the eyes of men, and thus more attractive to them. Whenever I ask men about these steps—they agree.
Recap
Admire the masculine gifts.
Love your femininity.
Be authentic.
Smile radiantly at him.
Be receptive to him.
Let him be your hero.
Dress in a feminine way.
Explorations and Journaling
Start implementing some of the seven steps this week.
Observe and journal what changes you noticed in yourself.
Observe and journal what responses you got from men.
Describe how you felt when you tried some of the seven steps.
Continue implementing these steps until they feel natural and easy.
Share your success stories with me at simplyfemininebook.com
I would like to leave you with a femininity declaration list. Write these statements in your journal. Print this list and place it anywhere you will see it often or carry it in your purse. Read each declaration out loud whenever you get the opportunity. It will help to remind you of who you truly are.
Femininity Declarations
I am a highly valued, feminine woman.
I embrace all the feminine aspects of myself.
I am not ashamed of my feminine nature.
I allow beauty to have prominence in my life.
I dance and sing and laugh every chance I get.
I make lightheartedness a high priority.
I make time for sensual pleasures.
I have the courage to express my softer, kinder self to others.
I place relationships at a higher priority than tasks.
I work to overcome my fear of being vulnerable.
I listen to my intuition rather than my ego.
I am not swayed by what the crowd does; I follow my heart.
I honor masculinity in men, for I understand its immense value.
In Closing
We women can take the next step in our happiness simply by returning to our natural femininity. By doing so, we honor the best in men and their masculinity.
Now free to be our authentic selves, we are empowered to further accentuate all our natural talents, beauty, and brilliance. We can now attract and keep the kind of quality, loving relationships we’ve always dreamed about.
The men are waiting.
Appendix
Femininity Exploration Questions
For further inquiry into your views on femininity, I recommend answering these questions:
Were you ever taught that being feminine was not valued in some way by parents, siblings, school, teachers, peers, church or the media?
Did you have the belief that masculinity was better than femininity?
Was there a time when you decided that operating from masculinity would be better? What prompted that decision?
Did you feel that you’d have more value by taking on masculine qualities?
How did your mother or grandmother view femininity? Did they embrace it, or did they deny it?
What comes to mind first when you think of the word femininity? What do you associate with that word?
Did your father or mother treat the boys in your family with the same respect as the girls?
What did you learn about being feminine from your mother?
How comfortable was she in her femininity?
How did your girlfriends feel about being feminine? Did they embrace it or shun it?
What did you learn from TV shows and commercials about femininity? About masculinity?
How do you feel when you hear the word vulnerability? Is it a scary or empowering word to you?
What did you learn from religion about femininity and being a woman?
What do you love about being a female? What is the best part of it?
What would you change about how our society views femininity and why?
If you understood that your femininity is your most precious and highly valued gift, would it change the way you view and express it?
Authentic Feminine Traits
Checklist of qualities to focus on when adding more femininity to your life:
Heart centered
Compassionate/Empathetic
Healing
Beautiful
Colorful
Flowing
Receptive
Kind/Warm
Nesting
Graceful
Life-giving
Relationship-oriented/Connecting
Lighthearted
Intuitive
Soft/Sensual
Adorning
Feeling-oriented
Responsive
Influencing
Girlish/Free-spirited
Notice details
Curvy
Needs to be seen
Wants to be adored
Nurturing/Supportive
Needs to feel safe
Complex
Radiant Energy
Full Spectrum of Emotions
Authentic Masculine Traits
Checklist of qualities to look for when seeking a healthy male counterpart:
Leader
Protector
Provider
Linear
Logical
Direct
Stable
Strong
Simple
Loyal
Persistent
Rugged
Decisive
Builders
Assertive
Hard worker
Dedicated
Steadfast
Focused
Reliable
Courageous
Driven
Nuts and bolts
Practical
Producer
Task-oriented
Built for speed
Angular
Sees the big picture
Needs admiration
Motivated to be heroes
30 Ways to Enhance Your Femininity
Soften your edges.
Focus on the love in your heart.
Practice being warm and kind to others.
Practice surrendering to life.
Relax more, breath deeper.
Be open to receive.
Be responsive to your man.
Show your radiant smile.
Be nurturing.
Wear attractive colors.
Create beauty around you.
Beautify yourself.
Feel gratitude for what you have.
Practice admiring men.
Move gracefully.
Accentuate your curves.
Laugh often.
Go Barefoot.
Choose to be happy.
Be lighthearted and playful.
Be curious about life.
Forg
et your age and be youthful.
Wear longer hair.
Practice sensual rituals.
Practice vulnerability.
Use your intuition.
Wear dresses/skirts.
Think girl-next-door freshness.
Practice the art of touch.
Be classy in appearance and attitude.
Tips for Staying Youthful at Any Age
Do what you love to do.
Smile and laugh often.
Relax often.
Keep growing and learning.
Take fun classes.
Exercise and stay fit.
Practice yoga.
Take up belly dancing.
Get plenty of beauty sleep.
Eat organic, whole foods.
Drink plenty of water.
Get all the nutrients your body needs.
Be optimistic and happy by reframing your stories.
Choose to see the good in everything and everyone.
Spend time with happy people.
Engage in uplifting conversations.
Make friends with younger people.
Express gratitude daily.
Wear pretty, feminine colors.
Wear longer hair.
The Trellis Is:
Sturdy
Simple
Strong
Directional
Supportive
Angular
Unmoving
Protective
Straight
Steady
Steadfast
Reliable
Stable
Structural
Purposeful
Unyielding
Solid
Plain
Uncomplicated
The Vine Is:
Beautiful
Delicate
Enhancing
Flexible
Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men Page 13