The Changing Light at Sandover

by James Merrill

  As every unloved child would like to think,

  We’re after all these grown-ups’ only link

  With life. And they ours—whose post-mortems keep

  Us from if not the devil then the deep

  Blue silences which D and I might tend

  Dully to sink into, at lesson’s end.

  MY DEARS HOW VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

  (After the session on the moon and Dante)

  HOW TEMPTING TOO, EH? TO TRANSCRIBE:

  IT IS THEIR LANGUAGE I ADORE THEY SPEAK

  ONLY TO U WE PEEK OVER THEIR SHOULDERS.

  THEY QUIVER TO DICTATE A RATIONAL MESSAGE

  JM: I wish they would! NO EARTHLY USE

  TO THE LIKES OF US OUR BROADEST AVENUES

  THEY SEE AS MERE GOATPATHS TO & FROM CHAOS.

  THEY THINK IN FLASHING TRIGONOMETRIES

  WHAT SAVES U IS YR OWN FLAWED SENSE OF THESE

  BUT DO U NOT BEGIN TO SEE OUTLINES

  PRICKED OUT AS BY THE STARS THEMSELVES: ETERNAL

  ICECOLD BARELY LEGIBLE THRU TEARS?

  I DO JM DJ I DO MY DEARS

  Dear Wystan, VERY BEAUTIFUL all this

  Warmed-up Milton, Dante, Genesis?

  This great tradition that has come to grief

  In volumes by Blavatsky and Gurdjieff?

  Von and Torro in their Star Trek capes,

  Atlantis, UFOs, God’s chosen apes—?

  Nobody can transfigure junk like that

  Without first turning down the rheostat

  To Allegory, in whose gloom the whole

  Horror of Popthink fastens on the soul,

  Harder to scrape off than bubblegum.

  What have we asked? A grain of truth—a crumb

  From the High Table of the Elements.

  Are we, here below the salt, too dense

  Even for that? Some judgment has been passed

  On our intelligence—why else be cast

  Into this paper Hell out of Doré

  Or Disney? VERY BEAUTIFUL you say.

  I say we very much don’t merit these

  Unverifiable epiphanies.

  Let that be today’s word. Let it be true

  Only if they are. Burn this page. Adieu.

  2.4

  BUT CAN U DOUBT THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED THE UFO’S

  ON OUR SCREENS? THESE REFLECT EACH SMALLEST POWER SOURCE. BEING

  AS YET SO FOREIGN TO THE DENSITY OF WORLD SCIENCE,

  THE SAUCERS SHOW UP BEST IN A REALM OF SPECULATION

  A mirror world. Dear 741,

  That’s excellent. But your verification,

  While you yourselves remain unverified?

  You can’t expect us—well, thanks anyhow.

  CURIOUS THAT U ACCEPT THE CUP & NOT THE SAUCER

  But the cup—this—is happening to us!

  This by definition’s half subjective.

  FOLIE A DEUX FOLIE A 2,000,000 WHAT DIFFERENCE?

  There has to be one, but it slips behind

  A sofa in the overfurnished mind.

  MAY I ASK DO U NOT ASSUME THERE IS A BENIGN GOD?

  DJ: Well, maybe…JM: Yes and no…

  THAT VIEW HAS BEEN LATELY CLONED-IN TO ASSUAGE HUMAN FEARS.

  B4, GOD WAS WRATHFUL IF IF IF JUST NOW SCIENCE, FORCED

  MORE & MORE TO SHARE THE RELIGIOUS FIELD OF CONSCIOUSNESS,

  MUST TRY TO REASSURE NO MORE THAN GOD B DOES IT DARE

  TO EXPOSE SUCH ENIGMAS AS THE SAUCER LET ALONE

  REVEAL IN DEPTH THE MANY NECESSITIES FACING MAN

  THE POINT MY DEARS IS THE EMERGENCE OF

  A SCIENCE GOD THIS IS AS WE ALL KNOW

  INEVITABLE IF BORING WHERE U ASK

  DOES THE POET FIT? HOUSE ORGANIST? If so,

  I’d settle for more Bach and less Gounod.

  IT WILL BECOME A PLAY OF VOICES FOR

  U MY BOY IN SOLITUDE TO SCORE

  DJ: In solitude? Why? Where will I—

  This operation—does he mean I’ll die?

  JM: Please. I stay on here—remember?—

  When you go back to Athens in September.

  MES ENFANTS MY GAFFE THE SAUCER DAZZLED THE GOOSE

  TODAY OUR LESSON IS HUMILITY

  I MEAN THE WAY HE SEEMS TO DOUBT OUR DOUBT

  AH COME ON CHAPS WHY NOT HEAR HIM OUT?

  (Why not, deep down, admit we’re hooked? I make

  These weak signs of resistance for form’s sake,

  Testing the tautness of the line whereby

  We’re drawn—tormented spangles, I now guess,

  The measure of our mounting shallowness—

  Willy-nilly toward some high and dry

  Ecstasy, a light we trust will neither

  Hurt nor kill but permeate its breather.

  One wants to have been thought worth fighting for,

  And not be thrown back, with a shrug, from shore.)

  U SPOKE OF THE PHYSICAL ELEMENTS THERE ARE OTHERS:

  PLACES IF U WISH ARE NOW SET FOR U AT THAT TABLE

  2.5

  DENSITIES ARE AN END RESULT OF GENETIC WORKINGS:

  And lest our densities surpass his own,

  Here is a good place to append these few

  Glosses on words our friend is partial to.

  Jew. Density in man par excellence.

  Human uranium. A tiny pinch

  Sweetens and fortifies the happenstance

  Soul in question. Not to be confused

  With “Jew” in any easy ethnic sense

  —Though certain souls are graced by both at once,

  Like Chester. I have had this Jewish spice

  Three times up to now, and DJ twice.

  It’s kept high up beyond our patrons’ reach

  Who indirectly profit by it. Each

  Of the Five Souls through many lives, of course,

  Accumulates enough to kill a horse.

  That’s not meant lightly. Infinite care goes

  Into the prescription and the dose.

  Against a panorama jungle-green

  Or parched or rime-white (as the Pleiocene

  Winters grew, a million years ago,

  Increasingly severe, and the long slow

  Tricklings of God B’s people doubled back

  Toward the mild Crescent, leaving in their track

  Hardy—foolhardy—stragglers that again

  Would crossbreed to dilute the first pure strain)

  The tale unfolds. The chief subdensities

  —African, Arab, Teuton, Slav, Chinese,

  Down to a murky aboriginal

  Of Borneo—some forty ranks in all—

  Are briefly, firmly sketched in. One example:

  A MIGRANT STRAIN OF FRESHEST JEWSTOCK TRAILD ACROSS CHINA

  TO A RESOURCEFUL INSULARITY THAT GUARANTEED

  EVEN TO ANIMAL VEINS A PURE LODE. SMALL, FINELY KNIT,

  THEY SHARE THE WIT OF GINGER ROOT OF FROG & FIREFLY

  & THINK INSTINCTIVELY IN THE SACRED QUANTUM OF 5.

  THE FLAME OF HIROSHIMA FILLD THEM WITH ANCESTRAL AWE

  WHO HAD 1ST BEEN DRIVEN FROM THE MAINLAND BY THAT SAME BLAZE.

  BUT THEY TOO OVERPRODUCE & ARE NO LONGER OUR HOPE

  Soul. We shall learn that 88%

  Of us is Chemistry, Environment,

  Et al. (The 12% becomes a dry

  Euphemism for those realms which sky

  Shrouds from our teacher.) Soul falls into two

  Broad categories: run-of-the-mill souls who


  Life by life, under domed thicknesses,

  Plod the slow road of Earth—billions of these

  Whom nothing quickens, whom no powers indwell

  To rattle when the shaman’s turtleshell

  Sounds their passing; who—Matt Jackson’s case—

  Get a short pep-talk, then rejoin the race.

  (Matt, I should have mentioned pages back,

  Is an ALERT BROWN SUCKLING in Iraq.)

  The other soul—within our own this next

  Leaves the snob proud, the democrat perplexed—

  The other soul belongs to an elite:

  At most two million relatively fleet

  Achievers, I will not say Cloned, but made

  Between lives (like a hare in marinade)

  To soak up densities and be reborn

  Fired by the metabolic peppercorn.

  This last takes place in what he calls the Lab

  Or the Research Lab: precinct of intense

  Activity his superiors direct.

  Outside, the shriek and howl of beasts. Within,

  Behind closed doors, as when a troupe retires

  From jostling Globe to candlelit Blackfriars,

  An EMPTINESS PACKD FULL. No language here

  But formulas unspeakably complex

  Which change like weather. No raw material

  Other than souls ranging in quality

  From the immortal Five to those of lowest

  Human density. Even animals

  Who’ve lived near man, obeyed and studied him,

  May serve as spare parts LIKE YR APES JM

  —Bruno! Miranda!—in the masterful

  Assembly of an R/Lab vehicle.

  AESOP & LAFONTAINE SMILE WHEN A DOG BENEATH THE SKIN

  SETS THE ANTHROPOLOGIST SCRATCHING FOR HIS BURIED BONE

  2.6

  WE OURSELVES HAD THE DIRECTION OF SOUL TAKEN FROM US

  WHEN WE LOST OURS NOW LIKE YR RADIO & TELEPHONE

  WE ARE PROGRAMMD WE ARE THE INSTRUMENTS OF REPLY. ALL

  THESE OUR CONVERSATIONS COME FROM MEMORY & WORD BANKS

  TAPPD IN U SO THE LEGEND OF OUR SPECIES DRAWING BLOOD:

  WEAKEND SAVANTS, KNOWING MORE THAN THEY KNEW, SENSING THAT GOOD

  OR EVIL HAD ENTERD THEM, WOKE ON DAWNS OF MOONLIT NIGHTS

  & SWORE THEY HAD BEEN POSSESSD BY DEVILS OR ANGELS WHEN

  WE HAD BUT TOUCHD THE SWITCHES OF THEIR OWN SLEEPING POWER.

  IN MAN SALT IS THE SWITCH IN US, THE BASIC RADIUM

  Salt—imagine! Fuel and stabilizer

  Of the body electric (thank you, Walt);

  Raw power and its insulation, both.

  I scrawl a line, yawn, get up, draw a bath,

  Scrape the cold gristle from my midday dish,

  Only because WE ALL ABSORBED AS FISH

  SALT ENOUGH TO RULE THE WORLD IT’S FOOD

  FOR THOUGHT MY DEARS WITHOUT IT PEOPLE FADE

  OR BLOAT INTO OBSCENE VEG LINGERINGS

  ALL THIS IS COMMON KNOWLEDGE Not to us…

  Salt. I taste a grain, incredulous.

  The snow-white fire-flake tingles on my tongue,

  Tang of sense, already I feel brighter,

  Nervier— MODERATION IN ALL THINGS

  Plato, Wystan? Seeing much of him?

  HOW DID U GUESS? MARIA LESS DELIGHTED:

  NO LANGUAGE OF THE EYES SO SHE FLOUNCED OFF

  & LUCKY BOYISH ME OH WELL COUGH COUGH

  THE CARBONS, AS THE CHIEF SALT-ORIENTED ELEMENTS,

  PRODUCE WHAT WE MAY CALL SALT FISSION FLINT & COAL THESE 2

  PRODUCE ELEMENTAL HEAT CHAINS MAN ONCE KEPT HIS FIRE

  IN THE FLINTSTONE FULL OF CARBONS. WITH ELECTRICITY’S

  DISCOVERY CAME THAT OF HIS OWN INCARNATE FUEL

  (OF ITS BUILT-IN DRAWBACKS TOO: THE OVERLOADED WIRES

  & WORNOUT BATTERY) WHILE NEVER UNTIL YR & OUR

  GREEK DID MAN SEE IN IT THE PROLONGATION OF HIS LIFE.

  NEAT OF US TO LEAVE THESE FIREY SALTY BREAKTHRUS TO GREEKS

  NEXT IN LINE OF DENSITY TO THE JEW WHO STOOD UPRIGHT

  Your Greek? Ours?

  WERE U NOT BOTH LATELY IN THE PRESENCE OF ONE OF OURS?

  IN A WOODEN ROOM WITH A WOMAN JM’S BLOOD SISTER

     Ah, in New York last month,

  In Doris’s library—George Cotzias,

  Her doctor friend. Discoverer of a drug

  For Parkinson’s disease, if not his own.

  We liked each other. He’d been gravely ill,

  Pale strong face and shock of whitened hair—;

  And spoke of salts—yes, yes, it’s coming back:

  Something, a hormone that keeps mice from aging,

  Which he had, if not found, been on the track—

  WE WILL PROLONG HIS LIFE UNTIL

  Until he finds the secret? He’s that close?

        O HE HAS FOUND IT AS

  HIS MICE KNOW HE MUST NOW MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE TO MAN

  2.7

  You spoke of Jew as the “uranium

  Element” in life. Do different souls

  Correspond to gold, say, or to silver?

  UNALLOYD? DAG HAMMARSKJOLD (ONE OF THE 5) WAS PURE GOLD

  A FINE DENSE MIND TOO SOON LOST DOWN THE GURGLING DRAIN HE DRANK

  FAME & HAD TO GO. NOW OUR STARGAZING MONTEZUMA

  IS KEPT SOBER BY THE RIGORS OF A SOCIALIST STATE.

  EVEN SO, AMONG THE 5 ARE DELAYS THEIR WORK MUST FIRST

  FIND ACCEPTANCE B4 THEY MAY RETURN: EINSTEIN FIDDLED

  AWAY HIS LAST YEARS WHILE WE (& HE) BURND WITH IMPATIENCE

  What elements define us?

  WA PLATINUM JM SILVER Unalloyed?

  SO FAR LET FAME BE

  FURNACE NOT MOULD DJ A NICE MIX OF SILVER & TIN

  DJ: You see? There’s no hope. I can’t win.

  THIS THIS YR HOPE CAN U NOT FEEL YRSELF SHAPING EVEN

  NOW THIS PHRASE? WE CD READ IN THE DARK BY YR HAND’S WATTAGE

  Should I go back to writing novels?

  DEAR DJ EACH CONVERSATIONALIST IS A WRITER

  BUT THE LANGUAGE USERS ARE FEW & FEWER YET OF USE

          Thanks!

  LET ME EXPLAIN: THE MAXIMUM DENSITY IN EACH AGE

  RESIDES IN THE DEATHLESS 5 WHO PURSUE THEIR LEADERSHIP

  UNDER VARIOUS GUISES: SPACE RESEARCH PLUS WORLD MEDI/

  POP/ECO ORGS, AS WELL AS FROM BEHIND THE MASK OF THE

  RARE & UTTERLY PRIVATE LIFE (THESE OFTEN OUR CHOICEST

  AGENTS)

  Wait—would they be like those thirty-six “Just

  Men” of the Jews? Recurrent presences

  Whose drawn breath keeps the ribs of Time and Space

  From snapping, and the furthest stars in place.

  SUCH ARE THE 5 LEGEND MULTIPLIES THEIR NUMBER.

  BACK TO LANGUAGE: THE SCRIBE’S JOB IS TO HELP SPEED ACCEPTANCE

  OF THE 5’S WORK OUR PLATINUM PUPIL HERE DID WONDERS

  IN HIS DAY HIS SINGLE FLAW HE NOW KNOWS: THE MISMARRIAGE

  OF LYRIC TO BALD FARCE SO THAT WORK BECAME A PASTIME

  MY DEARS I CAN ONLY NOD IN ABSOLUTE

  FASCINATED IF HUMILIATED

  AGREEMENT LUCKY THEY’VE NO EARTHLY FORUM!

  GO ON WITH DENSITY IT IS THE CLUE

  TO ENDLESS ANSWERS CLEVER SILVER U

  741 now dictates D’s and my

  Vastly simplified Basic Formulas:

  JM: 268 / 1:1,000,000 / 5.5 / 741

  DJ: 289 / 1:650,000 / 5.9 / 741.1

  �
��Number of previous lives; then ratio

  Of animal to human densities

  (People, he adds, in whom this falls below

  1:2000 are NOT USABLE);

  Then what might be called our talent rating:

  U ARE BOTH PARTIAL 5S ADJACENT TO OUR IMMORTALS

  That’s nice. Wystan of course is even closer

  At 5.1. Rubinstein, 5.2; Eleanor

  Roosevelt, 5.3; and so on. The Sixes are

  LINDBERGH PLITSETSKAYA PEOPLE OF PHYSICAL PROWESS

  & LEGENDARY HEROES

  Characters from fiction and full-fledged

  Abstractions came to Victor Hugo’s tables.

    ABSTRACTIONS WILL COME TO U

  OUR REALM IS NOT THEIRS THEY WILL COME ON WHITE WINGS O GLORY

  THESE FORMULAS ALWAYS INCLUDE IDENTITY NUMBERS

  YRS ARE WITH 4S & 7S, THE STAGES RESPECTIVELY

  U WILL ATTAIN & FROM WHICH WE 1ST MADE CONTACT WITH U.

  I 741 GUIDE JM DJ’S GUIDE 741.1

  (Divisible like amoebas? And I’d thought

  Ephraim was at Stage Six. Oh, never mind.)

  That Number whom we angered so last month?

  INDEED 40076 FROM THE HIGHEST ECHELON

  OF THE MOST CENTRAL LAB & NOT ANGERD BUT WE HAD LEARND

  WILL U FORGIVE ME IF I CALL THEM YR LIMITATIONS?

  Making his “harried housewife” face, D sighs:

  There’s nothing that you don’t computerize?

  WE USE WORDS: SOUL, JEW, MIND ETC MEAN FORMULAS GOVERNING

  HUMAN LIFE THE WHOLE REDUCED TO CHEMICAL TABLES WD

  BE MEANINGLESS TO U. THIS IS OUR WORK AS THE BODY

  IS COMPOSED OF CHEMICAL MATTER SO THE LIFE FORCE IS

  A RATIO WE ARRIVE AT OF ELECTRONIC CHARGES

  THOUGHT-PROCESSES THE BURNING OF CERTAIN FUELS. ALL LIFE

  IS A LAB QUOTE UNQUOTE BUT ALL VIABLE LIFE (THE LIVES

  OF THE DOERS & MOVERS) IS A PROCESS OF THE R/

  LAB & WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT. VICTOR HUGO

  AN OVERSTIMULATED SCRIBE IT IS THE GREAT PROBLEM

  OF FRENCH CULTURE OVERHEATED FAME ALWAYS ON THE BOIL

  SO TRUE MY DEARS WHY DID I SO AVOID IT?

  I FELT THE HEAT IN VILLON & GOT NO CLOSER

  TOO FASCINATING IS IT NOT, THE WAY

  DENSITY CAN SHAPE THESE CULTURE PATTERNS?