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The Changing Light at Sandover

Page 15

by James Merrill


  You 5.1’s—such intellectuals!

  What is Maria’s rating? SAME AS MINE

  OUR ENTRANCE CARD TO THE SEMINAR OF ALL

  YR DEAR DEAD ONLY WE 2 HOLD THIS RANK

  CALL US THE BULLION IN YR MEMORY BANK

  2.8

  CAN U IMAGINE (METAPHOR) A BLACKSMITH ALLOWD TO

  SHOE IN GOLD? NOT PRACTICAL TOO SOFT TOO FANCIED BY MAN.

  BLACKSMITH: PATRON HORSE: REPRESENTATIVE & SHOE: THE SOUL

  BORN INTO WHATEVER EARTHLY LIFE. THE SYSTEM U KNOW

  OF REINCARNATION MERELY GIVES US THE SAME OLD HORSE

  RESHOD WE THERE4 LEAVE TO THE BLACKSMITHS THEIR 3.5

  BILLION LIVES & IN THE HUSHD SANCTUM OF THE R/LAB WORK

  TO IMPROVE HORSE & SHOE ALIKE ONE SMALL SUCCESS THUS FAR:

  THE 5

  Such modesty…

  WE MUST NOT BE PROUD

  Think what pride goes before?

      QUITE U ARE IN THE GREAT DULL

  BUREAUCRACY OF PATRONS WE CANNOT RETIRE THEM THEY

  PASS US YR DENSITIES WITH FUSSY MARKS & SIGNATURES

  THINKING FOR EXAMPLE THAT K FORD SUPERVISED JM

  BUT NO: WE WAFTED HIM HITHER ADDED THE HUMUS OF

  THE JEW PLUS THE GENE OF A CHEMIST (& FAILD MUSICIAN)

  ET VOILA U ARE NOT JM WHAT U MIGHT WANT TO BE

  BUT A PRODUCTIVE 5.5

  Why bother with a patron in the first place?

  PATRONS OF NON-LAB SOULS

  HAVE THE DUTIES U KNOW IN YR CASES THE PORTER LED

  A GUEST TO DOORS THAT SHUT BEHIND HIM A CLICK OF THE LATCH

  PUTS THE PATRON TO SLEEP FOR AS MANY MONTHS AS WE NEED:

  7 FOR U JM

  But Rufus Farmetton died in December,

  Three months before my birth—was Ephraim lying?

  Did “Rufus” for that matter ever live?

  A PARTIAL FICTION TO DRAMATIZE

  THE KIND OF FACT U CD AT THAT POINT HAVE BELIEVED. WE SINK

  RELUCTANTLY TO THESE PEARLGRAY LIES BUT DAILY NEED 5

  MILLION SOULS (DENSITY 1:20,000) & HAVE NOT

  HALF THAT NUMBER QUALITY FAILS EVEN WITH PLAGUE & WAR

  TO DEFUSE POP EXPLO, EVEN WITH THOSE SUICIDES WE

  MORE & MORE APPLAUD (O YES THEY ARE A GREAT BOON TO US

  WHEN OF RETURNING LAB SOULS WHOSE INTENSEST WORK IS DONE)

  WE HAVE IN THE PAST HALF CENTURY HAD TO RESORT TO

  SOULS OF DOMESTIC ANIMALS MOST RECENTLY THE RAT.

  BY 2050 THESE TOO WILL BE EXHAUSTED & THEN?

  WILDER STRAINS MOUNTAIN CATS & FOREST MONKEYS SO NOW U

  BEGIN TO SEE HOW WITHOUT VISIBLY INTERFERING

  WE OF THE LAB MUST GO ABOUT OUR WORK

  This admixture of an animal soul,

  How does it affect the human strain?

          ADDS JOIE DE VIVRE!

  ALSO: A CONCERN WITH TIME THE BEATING OF MAN’S NEW BRAIN

  TO ESCAPE THAT MAZE IS A REGRESSIVE ANIMAL TRAIT

  Time, our literature’s chief theme, is just

  Another appetite, like greed or lust?

  The worst offenders in their time have been

  The sad ape Proust, the bestial Marschallin?

  And Cotzias, thanks to whom we’ll all live twice

  Our normal span—no better than his mice?

  WE HAVE NO SENSE OF IT B4 US AS ON A TABLE

  LIE ALL EVENTS CONCERND IN ANY WAY WITH THE R/LAB

  OF THE NEXT 3 DECADES WE CAN REARRANGE THEM AT WILL.

  WE USED TO SEE 100 YEARS AHEAD BUT THE OF LATE

  INCREASING HUMAN SMOG LIMITS THE VISIBILITY

  & OUR FEARS TO THIS: A CONCERTED USE OF ATOMIC

  WEAPONRY NOW FALLING INTO HANDS OF ANIMAL SOULS

  U HAVE NOW HEARD SOME OF OUR LEGENDS & TAKEN THEM WITH

  A GRAIN OF SALT DISMISSD THEM AS MERE METAPHOR & YET

  NO MORE DIRECT METHOD SEEMS TO WORK. IF I NOW TOLD U

  THAT 3000 YEARS AFTER AKHNATON THE SHADOW NO

  THE NEGATIVE FORCEFIELD OF THAT SAME PYRAMID HE BUILT

  STILL EXERTS AN INFLUENCE IN CARIBBEAN WATERS

  U WD REJECT THIS AS U DO THE SAUCERS

  DJ (thrilled): The Bermuda Triangle!

          & A HOLE

  IN RUSSIA & ONE IN THE LAND NORTH OF YR GREAT CANYONS:

  PLACES WE CANNOT SEE INTO IF I USED METAPHOR

  WD YOU? THE SAUCER A BEE? THE TRIANGLE A SPEARHEAD

  OF UNLIFE? DOES THAT HELP?

  JM: Not really. No reflection on you.

     A PLUS FOR IN SUCH DIRE CONTEXTS

  EVEN METAPHOR BECOMES A VULGAR (NEGATIVE) FORCE

  DANTE’S LUCK LAY IN HIS GULLIBLE

  & HEAVENLY WORLD WE MY BOY DRAW FROM 2

  SORTS OF READER: ONE ON HIS KNEES TO ART

  THE OTHER FACEDOWN OVER A COMIC BOOK.

  OUR STYLISH HIJINKS WONT AMUSE THE LATTER

  & THE FORMER WILL DISCOUNT OUR URGENT MATTER

  Is Plato interested in density?

  ODDLY FEW ARE SOULS WHO HAVE SO TO SPEAK

  PASSED THEIR CIVIL SERVICE EXAMS NO LONGER

  READ THE MANUAL MM & I

  ABUZZ IN A SEA OF YAWNS AS FOR MY FRIEND

  IDEAL FORMS ALSO LEAVE HIM COLD HE KEEPS

  SQUINTING THRU KEYHOLES AT SOME LITHE YOUNG BOD

  POOR OLD GAFFER

    SAY IT: POOR OLD SOD

  2.9

  About us, these bright afternoons, we come

  To draw shades of an auditorium

  In darkness. An imagined dark, a stage

  Convention: domed red room, cup and blank page

  Standing for darkness where our table’s white

  Theatre in the round fills, dims…Crosslight

  From YES and NO dramatically picks

  Four figures out. And now the twenty-six

  Footlights, arranged in semicircle, glow.

  What might be seen as her “petit noyau”

  By Mme Verdurin assembles at

  Stage center. A by now familiar bat

  Begins to lecture. Each of us divines

  Through the dark house like fourteen Exit signs

  The eyes of certain others glowing red.

  And the outside-world, crayon-book life we led,

  White or white-trimmed canary clapboard homes

  Set in the rustling shade of monochromes;

  Lighthouse and clock tower, Village Green and neat

  Roseblush factory which makes, upstreet,

  Exactly what, one once knew but forgets—

  Something of plastic found in luncheonettes;

  The Sound’s quick sapphire that each day recurs

  Aflock with pouter-pigeon spinnakers

  —This outside world, our fictive darkness more

  And more belittles to a safety door

  Left open onto light. Too small, too far

  To help. The blind bright spot of where we are.

  3

  Trials and tremors. David’s operation

  Fills him with foreboding. He dreamed last night

  Of Matt and Mary. As he woke they slowly,

  Achingly changed into two piles of clothes.

  What did it mean? Had they come for him? Was he going

  To die in surgery? I have a hunch

  Matt Jackson died a year ago today

  —Which proves correct. But first, I want to hear

  More about the bureaucracy. It’s made to

  Sound so dismal, so much a dead end.

  What of the senses they regain, the growing


  Insight, Stage by Stage, en route to Life

  Again at Nine which Ephraim in such glowing

  Colors depicted as the whole point? That

  Should help to motivate the bureaucrat.

  WE MEAN BY 9 THAT KNOWLEDGE WHEREBY SOULS FROM THE R/LAB

  WILL BUILD ARCADIA YR EPHRAIM IS NOT (FORGIVE ME)

  A SPIRIT OF THIS CLASS THE GOOD BUREAUCRAT REACHING 9

  WILL STAY THERE: HIS PARADISE, NOT OURS. WHY IMMORTALIZE

  MEDIOCRITY? WE WANT THE PERMANENT HORSESHOE &

  THE HORSE PEGASUS EARTH SHALL BE OUR PARADISE IT IS

  TIME U KNEW: MM & WHA WILL SHORTLY RETURN

  TO LIFE ENLIGHTEND THEIR SOULS ARE NOW PREPARED

  Return! But that’s unheard of…When? As what?

          WE NEED THEM.

  WHEN U REREAD TODAY’S TRANSCRIPT FIND A MIRRORLESS ROOM

  STARTING MY DEARS WITHOUT US? MOST PECULIAR

  WE WERE NOT SUMMONED DID WE MISS MUCH? WHAT

  SHALL WE RESUME? WE SPOKE OF THE BLACK HOLES & MUST AGAIN

  USE METAPHOR

  “Vulgar” though it is, and “negative”?

    HOW ELSE DESCRIBE (WITHOUT THE FORMULAS

  EVEN WE LACK) WHAT IS TO US A RIDDLE? IMAGINE

  A WORLD WITHOUT LIGHT A LEWIS CARROLL WORLD THAT KEEPS PACE

  WITH OURS A WORLD WHERE WHITE IS BLACK OF STILLNESS IN THE PLACE

  OF SUCKING WINDS MORTALITY? DESIRE? WE FIND NO TRACE

  DJ: You find? You sound as if you’d been there.

  JM: Where Mind is Matter, and Time Space…

  IS IT THE ORIGINAL? ARE WE ITS CARBON COPY?

  OR: ARE WE IN THE PRESENCE OF A BLACK TWIN PARADISE

  Wherein, accordingly, you would appear

  White-winged, your own cool opposites —oh dear!

  For the cup goes reeling to the Board’s brink—

  AH MES ENFANTS HE FELL BACK AS IF STRUCK

  Had you been listening? NO AN EVER LOUDER

  RUSTLING OF THEIR 28 WINGS DROWNED OUT

  Wystan (as if deafened): WHAT WHAT WHAT

  3.1

  Violent crosscurrents. Then: MES CHERS

  MAY I? YR OLD SLAVE Ephraim! WE WILL PAUSE

  A MOMENT POOR DJ YR GHOSTS DISTRESSED U?

  We figured out, it was the anniversary.

  MATT’S OF COURSE NOT LOVELY SELFLESS MARY’S

  SHE DEFERRED AS USUAL But Ephraim,

  We know they’ve been reborn. How can this be?

  2 BABIES SLEPT 2 BONE FRAMES PUT ON FLESH

  ROSE UP & CAME TO LAY YR GHOSTS DJ

  THEY LEFT U THIS MESSAGE: WE HAVE LIVED & LOVED

  & FELT YR LOVE LET US GO FORTH ANEW

  UNWEIGHTED BY IT It weighs on them now

  In their new lives? YR STRONG CONCERN FOR THEM

  THRUOUT THEIR FINAL TIME THEY FEEL IT STILL

  A KIND OF DIAPER RASH? 2 FRANTIC YOUNG

  MOTHERS SHD BE LEFT WITH HAPPIER BABIES

  DJ AN EASY EXERCISE EACH NIGHT

  SAY TO THEIR YOUNGER FACES BY YR BED

  Their photographs? YES SAY: PEACE TO U MATT

  PEACE TO U MARY YR MASTERS COME LOVE ME

  I LOVE U DO NOT FORG

     MY DEARS THEY HAVE RIGHTED

  THE CHAIRS WE ARE BACK IN OUR SEATS MADLY EXCITED

  THE CURTAIN LIKE SMOKE FROM AN EXTINGUISHED FIRE

  LIFTS &

  WE CAUGHT AT THAT OLD CLOAK WHICH IS NO LONGER OURS TO WEAR

  Forgive me, that was very tactless.

  NO WE PLAYD INTO A REGION WHERE WE CANNOT GIVE FACTS

  WE KNOW NOTHING OF THE ANTIWORLD: GOD B BANISHD IT

  Were the two worlds one at first? Heading for NO

  The cup’s mind wavers, comes to rest before

  The question mark. You don’t know? You did once.

  AS AFTER ANY GREAT TRAUMA THERE IS A BLOCK, PERHAPS

  WE KNOW CHIEFLY THAT IT IS NO LONGER OUR RIGHT TO KNOW

  3.2

  With that off his chest, he broaches a new topic:

  THE SOULS WE HAVE TRIED TAPPING & NOT YET DESPAIRD OF ARE

  PLANT SOULS SHORTLIVED BUT OF GREAT VITALITY & PUREST

  IN THE SUBSTANCE WE CALL ‘SHOOTING’ A COOL UPWARD THRUST OF

  CARBONS AN INTENSITY THAT MIGHT TRANSLATE AS PRIDE THESE

  OF COURSE REQUIRE A SEPARATE SET OF TABLES WHICH

  WE NEED NOT GO INTO BUT EXAMPLES WD BE BURBANK,

  MUIR AMONG OTHERS: CLONED BY US WITH PLANT-SOUL DENSITIES

  (IN SMALL AMOUNTS AS IT IS A TAKEOVER DENSITY)

  MOST USEFUL. WE NOW TRY THIS ON ATOMIC PHYSICISTS

  FOR WHERE NOT ABSORBING ALL OTHER INTERESTS IT CAN

  PRODUCE A MOST BENIGN LACK OF DESTRUCTIVE RIVALRY

  U JM HAVE THIS COMPONENT AS MANY POETS DO:

  THE GREAT AGE OF FRENCH & ENGLISH PASTORAL POETRY

  & FROM ITS ORIGIN ALL JAPANESE POETRY WAS

  THE RESULT OF OUR EXPERIMENTS IN VEGETABLE

  CLONING IT TOOK, & IS NOW A MAINSPRING OF THE JAP MIND

  (HENCE THEIR PASSION FOR THE CAMERA: PHOTOSYNTHESIS)

  YR CONFRERE TURNING BRUTALLY AGAINST HIS VEG NATURE

  LOPPD OFF HIS OWN HEAD AS IF WITH A CANE AMONG TULIPS

  Mishima, yes…And Marvell was half tree?

  Sidney’s Arcadia is really yours?

  WE FAVORD THE ENGLISH AT THE INSTANCE OF CHAUCER HE

  FEARD A BARREN ISLE THOSE WARS OF THE TREES CAN BE SAVAGE

  Tree wars? Shades of Graves and the Welsh bards?

  WELL, PLANT EVOLUTION IF U MUST THE STRONG & CLEVER

  DRIVE OUT THE REST: A VAST SLOW PROCESS WE CAN NEVER QUITE

  KEEP ACCURATE HISTORIES OF. VARIOUS FRAIL FERNS &

  EVEN THE PALM TREE WERE EXTERMINATED BY A GREAT

  (W)RINGING PROCESS ROOTS FLEW IN AIR THE OAK ET AL SURVIVED

  BUT THE ELM WAS WEAKEND ONE IS DYING NEXT DOOR TO U.

  WE CAN NO LONGER TRUST THAT VEG WORLD TO MANAGE ITSELF

  & HAVE LEARND TO CLONE IT: WITH OUR HELP BURBANK PERSUADED

  HIS CACTI ARMD LIKE SAMURAI TO DO WITHOUT THEIR SPINES

  MES ENFANTS MANY THE OLD AUNT WHO WEEPS

  INSIDE THE WILLOW I RATHER SEE MYSELF

  PALE LILY ON THE CALLA SIDE: THICK LEGS

  BUT A DEEP CANDID WONDER OF A FACE

  You see yourself…Maman, not that it matters,

  You see with our minds’ eye, with nothing else.

  You’ve said as much (0.6). Let me acknowledge

  Belatedly that awful truth, then go

  Right on pretending that it isn’t so.

  A PLUS (ALAS) YR FRIENDS IN HEAVEN LONG DELIGHTED U

  WITH THE FICTION THAT THEY HAVE APPEARANCES THEY DO NOT

  SO TRUE MY DEAR SO TOUCHING TOO THESE POOR

  BEASTS’ DESIRE THAT U NOT TAKE FRIGHT

  EVEN OF US FOR IS THERE ANYTHING

  MORE TERRIFYING THAN SHEER EMPTINESS?

  WE DO NOT SEE EACH OTHER, JUST THE LIT

  SPACE OF YR GLASS EACH TIME U ENTER IT

  Otherwise, blackness? Don’t you mind! NOT REALLY

  WE’VE SEEN IT ALL SO OFTEN & SO WELL

  MAMAN IS NOT RESIGNED SHE WANTS TO SMELL

  Then Ephraim’s theory of the senses we

  Will reassume in Heaven…? Ah, poor E.

  SLAVE OF HIS OWN & OTHERS’ SENSES NOW HE PAYS FOR IT

  WITH YR NEGLECT FOR IN HEAVEN NOT TO BE USED IS HELL.

  THUS U HAVE
NOW BEGUN TO SEE THAT THE MIND’S EYE OUTLASTS

  THE BODY’S, MAKING OUR SEMINAR POSSIBLE ?S

  I AM STILL SOMEWHAT MIFFED AT SOMETHING MISSED

  MAY I ASK, HAD IT TO DO WITH ONE?

  Neither D nor I can bring himself

  To answer Wystan. Is it such a secret?

  YES FOR NOW THEIR SOULS CLING TO DEATH AS B4 TO LIVING

  Whereupon Maria, who in life

  Could wheedle forth the secrets of a stone:

  BACK TO PLANTS PLEASE I HAVE A REASON

  WHY DID I HEAR THEM IN MY GARDEN? NOT

  SIMPLY ASKING FOR WATER & GIVING ME

  PHYSICAL PEACE BUT SEEMING TO WANT & OFFER

  MUCH MUCH MORE I HAVE NOT FOUND THIS ANSWER

  —Or was the question coaxed from her? By whom?

  In any case, she’s put her finger on it.

  A moment’s pause, then very tenderly:

  THEY WANTED U MM U WILL JOIN THIS WORLD OF PLANT LIFE

  o? o?

   We’re losing her? They can foreclose

  All that humor, that humanity

  CENTRIPETALLY INTO A WHITE ROSE

  Who said that? I MY DEARS THE WONDER GROWS

  DJ: We’re losing her? And she won’t be

  A person even, next time? Why? How soon?

  Can’t she at least stay through the seminar?

  INDEED IT IS OUR SMALL PRIVATE SCHOOL

  The tuition is high. U PAY YRS NOW DJ

  JM LATER OUR 2 FRIENDS HAVE PAID ALREADY

     NO STOPPING THE DUN MY DEAR

  OFF GOES OUR SCHOOLMARM HAS SHE A HOT DATE?

  LET’S GIGGLE & THROW SPITBALLS Let me take

  This dunce-cap off. BEHAVE YRSELVES MY CHILDREN

  SHOULDN’T WE STEP OUT FOR A CUP OF COFFEE

  That’s it—you’ll come back as a coffee tree!

  JAMAIS JAMAICA I SHALL BE A JUNGLE

  & READ MY FUTURE IN THE SAUCER’S DREGS

  I MY DEARS WD RATHER BE

  A HEDGE THINK WHAT I’D GET TO SEE!

  DJ: So good to have old Ephraim with us

  During the consternation—did you know?

  DID WE NOT? WET TOWELS ON OUR HEADS

 

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