The Forever Gift

by Donna K. Weaver

  “Is it too personal to ask how old you are?”

  “I’m thirty. It took me a while to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up.” Tim glanced at her from the corner of his eye, wearing a teasing grin. “And what’s your age if it’s okay to ask?”

  “I’m twenty-seven.”

  “Here’s the exit for the cemetery.” Tim took the turn indicated on a sign. “Are you divorced?”

  “I’m a widow. My husband was killed in a car accident a year ago last July.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss.” Tim glanced at her, his brows furrowed in concern. “Have you been dating again very long?”

  “Not really, and I doubt I’d have agreed to it if I wasn’t being pushed by a friend. She thinks I need to socialize more.”

  Tim burst out laughing. “That’s almost exactly what my sister said. She pushed me into doing this.”

  Rae chuckled, feeling again she might have met someone she could be friends with. But what if he were looking for something more? He was such a nice guy. She had to make sure he understood.

  “I know most of the people on the site are interested in finding relationships, so I need to be completely honest with you. I’m not looking for that.”

  “That’s good since this is only our first date.” His tone was still light, but his expression had turned serious. “Why, if I can ask.”

  “I won’t get involved again until my children are grown.”

  They’d reached the parking lot, and Tim pulled into a shady spot. He shifted in his seat so he could look at her. “Your children are really young, Rae. Isn’t that a long time for you to be alone?”

  Rae moved to face him, debating with herself whether or not she should explain. She’d only confided in Jason. She studied Tim’s face. He wasn’t pressuring her and looked sincerely interested. And, she might never see him again.

  “You’ll probably think I’m stupid, but I sometimes listen to Dr. Aurora. Have you heard of her?”

  “I think my sister listens to her, but I don’t know more than that.”

  “Well, she recommends waiting until the children are grown before getting involved after a split. She says the children already suffer when their parents separate. Too often, when you hear about cases of child abuse or neglect, it happens at the hands of the new significant other.” Rae stared out the window, thinking back to her friend. “It was my choice to bring children into this world. Just because their dad isn’t here anymore doesn't mean I can set aside their needs.”

  “I guess I can understand your concern,” Tim said, looking thoughtful. “And I get that some people don’t do well stepping into the role of stepparent, but I think your Dr. Aurora is painting the situation with a pretty broad brush. I have a stepfather who adopted me when I was ten. My father had bailed on us a couple of years before Larry met my mother. He is one of the best men I know. I’d hate to think of you missing out on what my mom and he have in a misguided desire to protect your children. You can be smart and protective.”

  Even as Rae shook her head, a part of her argued that Tim was right. But it didn’t change the statistics. Before she could think what to say, her phone rang. It was Dylan.

  “It’s my babysitter. I need to take this.” As Tim nodded, Rae accepted the call. “What’s up?”

  “Sorry to interrupt your date,” Dylan said. “Beth woke up shrieking. When I went into her room, she’d thrown up. The boys helped me get it cleaned up, but she’s still vomiting. And she’s got a fever.”

  “Poor baby. I’m sorry this happened on your watch.” Rae’s stomached knotted with alarm as she mouthed to Tim I have to go home. He nodded and started the car again.

  “It happens. Not to—” Before Dylan could say more Beth made a heaving sound. “Oh, princess, I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

  “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

  “Hey sweetie, your mommy’s coming home.” Dylan ended the call.

  “My daughter’s sick,” Rae explained.

  “I understand.”

  She was preoccupied as he drove her to her car where it was still parked at the first restaurant. What had Beth caught? Would Preston get it too? And Jayden? Poor Dylan.

  “I really enjoyed this evening with you,” Tim said as he pulled up next to her car. “I’d love to see you again, even if it’s only as friends. I think it’d satisfy my sister’s demands if I’m seeing a female—” He lifted his hands and made air quotes. “—friend. Would you be willing to go out with me again under those circumstances?”

  “Yes. I think I’d enjoy that too.”

  “Great.”

  He hopped out and came around the car to open her door. It reminded her of Dylan, who was attentive to that kind of thing too.

  “Thank you again, Tim.” Rae extended her hand. “It’s been a pleasure to make a new friend.”

  “It has.” He shook it. “I hope your daughter feels better soon.”

  “Thank you. Good night.” Rae jumped into her car, her focus on getting home to her daughter.

  Still patting Beth’s back, Dylan slowly sank to the couch. The poor baby had finally stopped heaving and fallen into a troubled sleep. He was afraid any abrupt motion or noise would wake her again. The Littles had gone to bed without complaining, which was a miracle.

  He couldn’t believe it had been fifteen months since Jayden had first come to stay with him. Dylan hadn’t dreamed then how it might become a permanent thing. Should he stay his nephew’s guardian or adopt him? It would make Dylan a father. He gently brushed aside one of the damp curls stuck to Beth’s forehead. He would like to do the same with her and Preston, but would Rae be opposed to it?

  Of course, she’d have to agree to marry him first. Dylan gave a dark chuckle, which startled the little girl. He had to pat her back for a few minutes to quiet her.

  He’d started to doze when he heard the sound of Rae’s familiar footsteps running up the stairs to their landing. He moved a hand to cover Beth’s ear so the sound of the keys in the door wouldn’t wake her. When Rae entered the living room, her gaze fell on him. With wide eyes, her expression turned even more concerned.

  “She only fell asleep again a few minutes ago,” he whispered, as Rae sat beside him. “I think I’m either getting used to how hot she is or her fever’s coming down.”

  “She wasn’t showing any signs of being sick when I left. I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice soft as she put a hand on Beth’s forehead. “I’ll get the thermometer.”

  “It’s on the kitchen table.”

  “You’re a wonderful man, Dylan Rademaker.”

  Her gaze met his, and a sweet warmth filled him with a powerful intensity. It was a good thing he held a sick baby in his arms, or he’d have grabbed her mother and kissed her the way he’d been wanting to for months. His feelings must have shown because Rae frowned, looking troubled, and turned away. If he wasn’t careful, he could mess up what they had.

  Yet the more deeply he came to love Rae and her children, the more he was realizing he couldn’t live like this much longer. What if she never came to care for him as any more than a friend? He was starting to understand he could lose her either way.

  Rae sat beside him and put the device in Beth’s ear. It beeped, causing the little girl to stir, and her mother removed it. Dylan patted Beth’s back and whispered soothing words. She settled down again.

  “It’s just under a hundred,” Rae said softly. “What was it earlier?”

  “A hundred and one,” Dylan whispered. “I didn’t give her anything, but I checked online, and one article said to wet her hair and have her eat a Popsicle. I tried that, but it made her throw up again.”

  “It looks like her temperature’s coming down, so you did good.” Rae held out her hands. “You’re a natural at this.”

  He shook his head, keeping his voice low. “Let her sleep a while longer before trying to move her.”

  “I hate to take advantage of you,” Rae said but dropped her hands.
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  “It could just as easily be you looking after Jayden when he’s sick.” Dylan leaned back his head. “How’d your date go?”

  “Really nice.” Rae yawned. “Tim’s a great guy.”

  Dylan gave a little nod, trying not to show his disappointment. From her attitude about the dates and a few comments he’d overheard her make to Amelia, he was pretty sure Rae would probably quit eRapport soon. She yawned again, and her head slid to his shoulder. Making sure Beth was in place, he slid his arm across Rae’s shoulder. Both of them snuggled closer to him.

  With a sigh, Dylan closed his eyes. When would she see how right this was? What was he going to do if this Tim was the guy she finally connected with?

  13

  Dylan paused at the bottom of the stairs leading up to his apartment and listened to the sound of crickets. The warm August evening hadn’t cooled off much, in spite of the lateness of the hour. He felt sluggish.

  Rae’s comment about being uncomfortable going out with people who were looking for a relationship had kept coming back to him. Like her, he’d been upfront on eRapport about not looking for anything serious. But the women he’d been dating still came on the dates hopeful they could change his mind. Disappointing them had started to wear on his soul, like he was some kind of cheat. In a sense, maybe he was, since he was in love with Rae.

  Dylan trudged up the steps. He wasn’t normally a bummer kind of guy, but this whole thing with her was turning him into one. In the past, when he’d been into a woman who didn’t reciprocate his feelings, he’d been able to move on. Not with Rae.

  His life was so intertwined with hers. The time he spent in her company was turning into torture. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her how he felt. He needed to be so much more than the friend she went shopping with every Saturday, who she traded babysitting with, or who maintained her car. Something had to change.

  At the top of the stairs, he paused outside her door. Taking a deep breath, he gave it a soft tap and called, “It’s me.”

  “Come in.”

  Dylan did and found her in the rocking chair with Beth asleep on her lap. He knelt by the chair and kissed the toddler’s forehead, wanting to do the same to her mother. The little girl’s forehead was warm to his touch, and her slow breaths rattled a little.

  “Ah, she’s sick again,” he said.

  “She’s had a rough month. I think it’s the sniffles,” Rae said. “The fever came on after dinner.”

  “I can take her for a while.”

  When Rae gave a relieved nod, he gently took the child and sat on the couch with her. Beth curled up against him as she always did, and his heart swelled. He might not be her father, but he loved her as though he were.

  Rae rose stiffly from the chair like she’d been there a long time and stretched.

  “I’m sorry I was out playing while you had a tough night.” Dylan wished once again he could offer her the comfort and support a husband would have.

  “She wasn’t too bad, only a little fussy.” Rae gave him a tired smile. “So don’t you go feeling guilty about me being here with the kids. You know very well the Littles keep each other occupied.”

  That did make Dylan feel a little better, but it didn’t relieve the ache he carried all the time now for something he couldn’t have.

  “Would you like something to eat?” she asked, turning toward the kitchen.

  “I just took someone to dinner, remember?” Dylan said. “I’m full.”

  “Would you like some cookies?” She reached over to brush a strand of the baby’s hair aside and then surprisingly ran her knuckles down his cheek.

  He glanced up, a rush of hope washing through him. It died at the flash of surprise and dismay that crossed her face. Her cheeks flushing, Rae turned and hurried into the kitchen, not waiting for him to say anything.

  Dylan leaned back, Beth’s little face resting against his chest, and wondered if the look on Rae’s face meant what he’d hoped. Too often, since they’d shared that sleepy kiss, he’d caught himself wondering if he’d dreamed it. Or worse, maybe she’d been thinking it was Mike she’d kissed.

  But Rae had been fully awake when she’d caressed his cheek—and it had absolutely been a caress. He heaved out a breath; he had to get a grip. It’d been a tough week, and he was tired. If he weren’t careful, he’d say too much. And he wanted to say too much, to get this over with.

  Rae returned with a glass of milk and a few cookies on a plate.

  “Whenever you do this for me,” he said, “I know what it must feel like to be Santa.”

  She rolled her eyes and set the food on the table near his hand. He hoped she’d sit by him on the couch, but she took a chair instead.

  “How did it go tonight?” Rae asked. “Is she girlfriend material?”

  “You know I’m not in this for a girlfriend, any more than you’re looking for a boyfriend,” Dylan said with a flat look.

  “I know.” She glanced everywhere but at him. What was with her tonight? “The community ed catalog came, and I was looking through some of the class offerings. A few of them look interesting.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, I’ve been thinking about taking up cake decorating again.” Rae shot him a sidelong glance. “Do you have your schedule yet for the fall?”

  “Yeah. It’s the same as the spring, Monday and Wednesday nights.

  “That’s perfect then. The advanced cake decorating class is on Thursday nights.” Rae rubbed her hands together like she was nervous. “It only runs for six weeks, so it shouldn’t be too big a deal for you to watch the children. I hope.” She looked at him then.

  “What if we have Amelia watch all the kids?” he asked. “I’ve always thought it’d be fun to decorate cakes.”

  “You?”

  “Don’t look so surprised.” Dylan scowled. “You know I like to bake. I’ve done it enough for you.”

  “I didn’t mean to offend you.” Rae rubbed her hands together again.

  “You didn’t offend me.” What was bothering her? She’d seemed on edge the last couple of weeks, but when he’d asked her about it, she’d told him it was nothing.

  Rae clasped her hands tightly. “I’ve never heard you mention interest in anything like that before.”

  The feeling that something had to change struck Dylan again. His pulse quickened, and he knew he was done holding back, done pretending he wasn’t in love with this woman. She was already the center of his life, but he needed her to want him to be the center of hers too. It was time.

  “It’d be fun because I’d be spending the time with you.” He gently moved Beth to the couch, and he stood. “I want to spend time with just you.”

  “Stop right there.” Alarm flashed across Rae’s face, and she jumped to her feet. “Don’t say anything more, Dylan.”

  “I have to; I’m in love with you.” He said the words softly.

  At first, she didn’t move, her eyes closed, her head shaking back and forth as though denying his words.

  “Rae, please.” He took her shoulders, and she opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.

  “I love you too, Dylan.” The words came out in a flat tone, like something inside her had broken and was causing her terrible pain.

  She’d said the words he’d been longing to hear for months, but her tone and the expression on her face filled him with dread instead of joy. Maybe she hadn’t understood what he meant.

  “No. I’m in love with you, Rae. I want to be the one taking you out on dates. I want to be the one you spend your life with, share the raising of your children with.”

  Dylan cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes again and rested it against his hand. His heart galloped. His patience was paying off. With his thumb, he gently lifted her chin. He moved closer until he could feel her warm breath and smell the cinnamon from her baking, waiting to see if she pulled back. When she didn’t, he brushed her lips with his, soft at first and then letting his desire show.

  Rae s
lid her arms up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer. Heat and electricity coursed through him. Yes. She loved him too. He thought he might explode with happiness. Rae had become the center of his world, and the feel of her in his arms completed him.

  Dylan deepened the kiss, and it seemed to ignite her too. She pulled him closer, an almost desperate intensity in the way she ran her hands through his hair. She loved him; she wanted him. Dylan kissed her mouth, her cheek, and then her neck.

  Only then did he feel moisture and realized she was crying. He lifted his head, and she opened her now tortured eyes. His gut twisted.

  “I can’t get involved, Dylan,” Rae said, her tone sounding dead now, all signs of the earlier fire gone. “I won’t remarry, so I can’t give you what you want.” Her voice cracked, and she tore herself from his arms.

  “I don’t understand,” he said. “I love you. You love me. I want to marry you.”

  “I can’t.” She lifted Beth from the couch, the little girl not waking. “You don’t have to take Jayden with you. He’ll be fine to stay the night.”

  Dylan reached for Rae, but she stepped back, holding Beth against her like a barrier. To keep him away.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” he said, his voice sounding dead now.

  Rae’s eyes widened, fear in her expression. “What do you mean?”

  “Did you not hear what I said?” he asked, disbelieving. “I can’t just be your friend anymore. This is killing me.”

  “Dylan, I never meant to hurt you, but I can’t get involved with anyone, not even you.” Her voice broke on the last word, and her eyes pleaded with him.

  A terrible sense of defeat settled on him, and he thought he saw her for the first time. The bile at the back of his throat tasted bitter.

  “All these months you’ve happily taken everything I’ve offered you. You claim to love me, but you say you can’t get involved with me.” Dylan’s voice turned hard. “You mean you won’t. There’s a difference.” His heart ached as he bounded up the stairs to Preston’s bedroom.

  “Hey, little dude,” Dylan said softly as he shook his nephew. “It’s time to get you home to your own bed.”