Defiant Heart

by Jeanie P Johnson

  “In a way, yes, but it was really from Sebastian. Our wedding ring, Bernard says. Sebastian probably had it when he had expected to marry me from the beginning, only he was never able to give it to me, because I refused to marry him,” she explained.

  “Yes, that does make this charade of the grieving widow a little more authentic,” he said, wishing she did not have to play the widow, because it would give him a better chance to win her over, if she were not supposed to be in mourning for a year.

  “I hate playing it,” she said in defense, “but I am grieving. I loved Sebastian and he was willing to marry me from the very beginning had I not been so prideful and stubborn. So by all accounts, I am a grieving widow.”

  “Sorry,” he said softly. “I know this has all been very hard for you, Eleanor. I am just here for you to lean on. I was being sarcastic. I should not have spoken so.”

  “I didn’t want to do it,” she insisted. “I begged Bernard to just take Sebastian’s estate and have done with it, but he did not want to see me brought down by my own lies.” She gave a little sob.

  Garth turned her in his arms. Placing the other one about her as he did so. “Don’t worry, Eleanor. We are all willing to stand by you, and support your story. What difference does it make anyway? Sebastian is dead, and you don’t need his estate, so it is only your honor we must be concerned with, and you can rest assured, all of your secrets are safe with me.”

  “I am glad I can count on you.” Eleanor tried to control her crumbling spirit and suddenly realized it was because Bernard had left, that she was feeling so suddenly lonely. He left just like Sebastian had left, promising to return. What if Bernard never did return? The thought made her shiver and Garth held her tighter.

  After a moment, she pulled away, feeling a little improper to allow Garth to hold her out on the drive where anyone could see them. She did not want to give the wrong impression to the staff or her grandfather, that her feelings for Garth went beyond anything but close friendship.

  “I will go tell Grandfather,” she said softly. “I will have my maid pack my things. Perhaps I should bring her with me,” she suggested.

  “There are plenty of maids at my townhouse. If you need any assistance once we arrive, I can assign you one,” he told her.

  “Then why don’t you come in and wait and I will join you in the sitting room while we are waiting for my things to be packed,” she invited.

  “I would love that,” he said with an engaging smile. The thought of spending exclusive time with her, showing her his kind of life in London, and then returning with her to Clifford House, made him feel almost giddy, and he had to refrain from jumping for joy and clicking his heels together.

  Eleanor sat beside Garth as he whipped his horses up, once they came out onto the open road. Garth was a pleasant enough person and he had been so helpful to her from the very beginning. Also he was a lot like Teddy in the sense that she liked everything about him. Only he was not the kind of person she could see herself falling in love with, or spending a lifetime with.

  As a friend, he was more than she could ask for, but while she enjoyed being with him, she felt guilty, because she knew how much he was hoping for something more. Even Bernard had noticed it, and it was the only thing that made her feel nervous about coming to stay with him at his townhouse. She had to admit though, he had always acted the perfect gentleman, so she did not worry that he would suddenly change his natural friendliness towards her and try and compromise her in any way. She gave an inward laugh, since she appeared to be so easily compromised in the past.

  Eleanor scoffed at herself. She was so afraid to trust men that she was even questioning her trust in Garth, who had gone out of his way to help her get the certificate to further her claim of widowhood. Also, he had been responsible for lifting her spirits when she first came to Clifford House. He had been there with her when she had her miscarriage, and gave her as much moral support as he could. Certainly this was just more of his charming friendliness towards her. He knew how she had felt about Sebastian, and he knew how she felt about possibly never loving anyone again.

  “I am so glad you agreed to come with me,” Garth broke the silence, that was only disturbed by the rhythmic clopping of the horse’s hooves.

  “I am happy that you invited me. I am looking forward to spending time in London,” she smiled.

  “But not looking forward to spending time with me?” he asked, turning to look at her.

  “Wanting to spend time with you goes without speaking. I would not be spending time in London, if I were not willing to spend time with you as well,” she rescued her remarks.

  “You know how much I like being around you,” Eleanor. “I just wish you liked being around me as much,” he pleaded.

  “Of course I like being around you. You are my dearest friend, next to Teddy, and now since Teddy will soon be married, he will not have as much time to spend with me as before.”

  “I don’t want to just be your best friend,” Garth complained. “I was hoping eventually to be more than just your friend,” he admitted.

  “I am not ready for that kind of relationship,” Eleanor insisted. “I told you that when…”

  “Oh, but you would gladly have that kind of relationship with Bernard, wouldn’t you? I saw how you kept looking at him. The same way you looked at Sebastian.”

  Eleanor was taken aback a bit by his remark. Was it so obvious, she wondered? “I…I…was looking at him like that because he reminds me so much of Sebastian. It is hard to separate him from Sebastian because of their close resemblance and the fact they are related,” she faltered.

  “I suggest you learn to separate them, or you will be thinking Bernard is Sebastian. He is not Sebastian, Eleanor. You would be cheating him if you made him believe that you wanted him for any other reason than to revive Sebastian in your life,” he told her harshly. “I am your friend, Eleanor. That is why I am telling you this. You can not build a relationship with someone because they happen to look like a man you once loved. If that is the only reason you are looking at him that way…I suggest you rethink things,” he said lowering his head, and then flashing his eyes up at her again. “Marriage and love takes a lot more than loving someone that happens to look like an old lover. Don’t let it confuse you, Eleanor.”

  “I…I suppose you are right. But I have learned more about Bernard in the two days that I have known him, than I ever learned about Sebastian in the whole time he stayed at my uncle’s house. In fact, I learned more about Sebastian in two days from Bernard, than I had while I was with Sebastian.”

  “What makes you believe Bernard is telling you the truth about Sebastian?” Garth asked.

  “Why wouldn’t he tell me the truth? He told me how much Sebastian loved me, but I learned a lot about his past, and why he and Bernard were not the best of friends.”

  “Which puts Sebastian in a bad light in a way, doesn’t it? Seems Bernard is trying to wean you away from your fond memories of Sebastian so you will begin to have fonder memories of him instead,” Garth accused.

  “What purpose would he have for doing that?” Eleanor insisted, feeling a little peeved at Garth for suggesting it.

  “Because you happen to be one beautiful and wealthy woman, Eleanor. Sebastian wanted you in spite of your position. Bernard would have it all, if he persuaded you to…”

  “He has the run of Sebastian’s business. Sebastian was well off himself, you know. I would gladly give him the business, if it makes any difference. I offered it to him and he refused. There is no reason for him to desire me because of my wealth, and as for my beauty, every man I meet wants me because of that, you included,” she spat.

  “It’s not just your beauty,” Garth’s voice was low and quiet. “It is so much more than that,” he choked.

  “And maybe Bernard sees beyond my beauty, the same as you,” she returned in a strained voice. “I think you are jealous,” she accused.

  “You are right. I am. But I am al
so wanting to look out for your best interest. Just don’t think because Bernard looks like Sebastian, that you should fall into his arms.”

  Oh how close he was, Eleanor thought. She had already fallen into his arms, and she liked the feel of his arms around her. But Garth was right. Just because Bernard looked like his cousin, did not mean that he was the man she should love.

  “I can take care of myself,” she said at last. “You trust my judgment in you as a friend, so at least give me credit for knowing who to choose as friends.”

  The remark stung. She was accusing him of thinking she did not have the best judgment, but then her past experience indicated it. Unless she had learned from those mistakes, he thought to himself. He did not want her angry at him, not when there was the week ahead to enjoy each other’s company.

  “Yes, of course you know what you are doing,” he retreated. “I just wanted to make sure you were thinking it all out completely.”

  “I am,” she assured him. “I am.”

  “Then we will not speak of it again. I want you to feel happy with no stress to mar your experience. So just be content with being my guest, and anything you wish will become my command,” he offered.

  It was almost dinner time by the time they arrived, and the footman met the carriage, and began taking their luggage into the house, while Garth helped Eleanor down and showed her into his house.

  Eleanor had been to Garth’s house before, during the times she came to London to buy clothes, so this was not a new experience, except in the sense that her grandfather was not with them, and she was alone with Garth. However, Eleanor had been alone with Garth before during short periods of time, and since she thought of him as almost as close as Teddy was, she felt relaxed in his company. Garth enjoyed the fact that Eleanor always treated him so naturally, like she had known him all her life. That was one of the things that endeared her to him.

  “I’m afraid the cook is not in residence, since I let most of the staff off, while I was to be away. I just have the barest of servants here at the moment, but I am sure we can make due. We can eat out most of the time, and what little service we need, the foot man and the butler can provide. I even let my valet go for the week. I had planned to remain at Clifford House, but when I saw your disposition, I changed my mind and decided London would be much better for you.”

  “What about the maid, you said would be available?” Eleanor questioned.

  “If you cannot manage on your own, I will have to contact one of mine and request they return,” he told her, “but they were all looking forward to a well earned holiday,” he added.

  “I suppose I wouldn’t want to spoil their fun,” Eleanor shrugged. The house seemed very quite though, she thought, with just a footman and butler in residence.

  “The cook always has plenty stored in the cooler, for times that she is away. I am sure we can find a cold meal to tide us over for tonight,” he offered.

  “That will be fine,” Eleanor agreed. “Where can I wash up?”

  “I will show you to your room. There is a bowl and pitcher there, and once you feel freshened up, meet me downstairs in the drawing room. I would rather eat in there than the dinning room. The dinning room is much too formal for friends like us,” he assured her.

  Eleanor nodded, and went into the room he had indicated. She had never been upstairs before though, because she had only had dinner at his house while they were in town a few times. His town house was rather large, and yet he lived alone. But men who entertained a lot of guests needed a lot of room to put their friends up on those special occasions when there was a week end affair, she thought.

  She was quite aware that Garth had many friends, and several women who had their eye out for him, if she considered all the women they passed on the street or in the park that would call to him and visit, when he passed. Certainly there were plenty of beautiful women for him to choose from, so it was silly for him to consider her, when she was not really interested in anything more than a friendship.

  When Eleanor came into the drawing room, she discovered Garth seated on the floor on a blanket he had spread. “I thought we would have a picnic,” he laughed. “There were only cold cuts and bread and wine, so I decided to make this meal comfortable and casual. Please be seated.” He motioned to some pillows he had scattered on the blanket across from him.

  “How fun,” Eleanor laughed, as she seated herself on one of the pillows.

  “Oh, do take your shoes off,” he insisted. “I have tossed mine aside. It is much more comfortable that way.” He gave her a broad grin, and she could not resist his friendly demeanor.

  “Well, since this is a picnic. At least we don’t have to worry if it starts to rain,” she pointed out, remembering another picnic she had attended.

  The room was rather dim, because Garth had not lit all the lamps. Just a few candles here and there, and Eleanor looked about, thinking how charming the room was and how the soft candle glow made it almost intimate.

  “Here, have some grapes with your meat,” he offered, holding out the bowl to her. “Better yet, let me feed them to you,” he suggested, as he moved beside her and held a grape out to her mouth.

  “Dear me, Garth. I can feed myself,” she laughed.

  “I know, but I want to feed you. Just lay back against those pillows, and I will play your slave for the evening. You seem a little tired and tense. I want you to relax. Here, have a sip of wine. That will relax you some.”

  He brought the glass up to her mouth and tipped it, as she swallowed the dark liquid down. He had tipped it so much that she drank a little more than she had intended to, and a little ran down the side of her mouth.

  Garth, wiped the wine from her lip with his finger, and then licked it, smiling at her as he did so. “I can’t get over how beautiful you are,” he whispered.

  “You have known me long enough to try,” she laughed lightly, as he handed her some meat to sample.

  “Well every time I see you, I find something else that is beautiful about you, like your hands.” He lifted one hand and examined it closely. “They are so dainty, and slim.” He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. “You should never have to lift a finger, because that is what I intend to do. Wait on you hand and foot while you are here.”

  Eleanor laughed a little nervously. “That is not necessary,” she told him, as he kissed each finger in turn.

  “Of course it is necessary. I intend to show you that you can’t get along without me. Here, have another drink,” he encouraged, as he lifted the glass to her lips again.

  “Are you trying to get me to over imbibe?” she asked, after she obediently swallowed the amount he tipped out. She tried to erase the memory of Percy giving her too much to drink, and what happened because of that.

  “I just want you to relax. You seem nervous. Don’t feel nervous, Eleanor. You know I am your dedicated friend.”

  “Yes, I know that,” she told him, already starting to feel more relaxed, as he popped a grape into her mouth, laying down beside her and looking into her eyes as he fed her.

  “Then as a dedicated friend, I insist you do as I request and just stop being so nervous in my company.” He tipped her glass again, and when a little of the wine, ran down the corner of her mouth, he reached over and licked it away with his tongue.

  Eleanor pulled back in shock, but she only managed to crumple down against the pillows, and then found herself giggling like it was funny.

  “That is better,” Garth encouraged. “You are starting to enjoy yourself. Here, see if you can catch a grape in your mouth,” he suggested. “Open up and I will toss it.”

  Eleanor obeyed, and Garth tossed the grape. “I caught it,” she laughed, as the grape was captured between her teeth, and she began to chew it.

  “Very good. Now it is your turn. Toss one at me,” he directed.

  “I am a terrible aim,” she warned.

  “But I am a good catcher,” he bragged.

  Eleanor tossed the
grape, and he managed to catch it, which made Eleanor dissolve into giggles.

  “See, you are very good,” he praised, as he brought the glass to her lips again.

  “I believe I am drinking more than I am eating,” she noticed. “Surely that is not a good combination.”

  “Then eat some more,” he told her as he handed her a dinner roll.

  Eleanor took a bite, and cocked her head at him. “I do believe I am having fun,” she said, and then paused to take another drink from the glass he was offering. She watched him pour more into her glass, as he popped another grape into his own mouth.

  “I am glad you are having fun,” he told her truthfully. “I want you to remember the kind of fun we have together, and know I am here to make you happy.”

  Someone else had said something about wanting to make her happy, she thought idly, but was having a hard time remembering who said it. She took a grape and tossed it at him, but he had not anticipated it, and they both laughed as the grape bounced off of his cheek.

  He offered her another bite of the roll, and she chewed it thoughtfully, as she gazed over at him.

  “You are quite a fun individual,” she told him, “but you are looking a little blurry at the moment,” she said, trying to focus on him.

  “I will come closer so you can see me better,” he said, scooting up next to her, as she leaned her head forward and looked into his face. “Is that better?” he asked, his head inches away from hers.

  “Yes, I can see you fine now,” she laughed, and she picked up the glass and took another swallow. “This is very good wine,” she complimented. “It must be a happy wine, because it is making me feel very happy at the moment.”

  “That is what I like to hear,” he said as he sank into the pillows beside her, and she lowered her head to the pillow beside him.

  She was still holding her glass, and started to lift it to her mouth, but miscalculated, and spilled a little against her neck, and it trickled down over her breast, above the low cut gown she was wearing. Garth leaned his head over and began licking the wine away from her skin, and it did not seem unusual to her, since he had licked the wine off of her mouth earlier. She just giggled, as she felt his warm tongue against her skin.