Defiant Heart

by Jeanie P Johnson

  “You taste very sweet,” he told her, as he lifted his head, licking up her neck until he came to the corner of her mouth where the liquid had spilled from. “Your lips should taste as sweet,” he predicted, and she felt his tongue lick over her lips ever so slowly.

  Eleanor closed her eyes. She felt suddenly tired, but Garth’s mouth on hers seemed warm and assuring, as he converted his licking the wine into a kiss. She breathed out slowly, when he lifted his head. “Am I upsetting you?” he asked tentatively, watching her expression.

  “Let me have another sip of wine, and I will tell you,” she giggled.

  “Certainly,” he said, holding the glass for her, and letting her swallow as much as she wanted.

  “That is very good wine,” she told him, her voice a little slurred.

  “Yes. It is my best vintage, I have been saving it just for you.”

  “That is so sweet of you,” she said putting her arms around his neck. And then she leaned in and kissed him, and he welcomed the kiss prolonging it longer than she had intended.

  “Anything for you, my dear,” he breathed, as she slowly fell back against the pillows, smiling up at him.

  She was feeling confused, because she felt that she shouldn’t be kissing anyone, and was trying to remember why.

  “But you look like you are ready for bed. I will have to carry you up, since you probably may have a hard time walking up the stairs on your own,” he said as he swept her up into his arms. “Come along my sweet. It has been a long day. I know you are tired.”

  She nodded, as she was vaguely aware that he was carrying her. She clung to his neck, remembering a time that Sebastian had carried her from the ocean. But that was so long ago, she thought. Sebastian was dead. The thought made her want to cry and she found tears spilling down her cheeks. “Don’t cry, Eleanor,” Garth begged. “I thought you were happy,”

  “Sebastian is dead,” she sobbed.

  “But I am here. I will take care of you,” he whispered. They had reached her door and he opened it, bringing her in and placing her on the bed. “There isn’t a maid, so I will just have to help you with your clothes,” he told her.

  “Where is the maid?” she asked as he began to unfasten her dress.

  “I told you. They all have the week off,” he reminded her.

  “Oh, oh yes, you did say that,” she said softly, closing her eyes, as he continued to undress her. Garth slowly pulled the dress away from Eleanor’s body, taking in the beauty of her, dressed in her under things. She was so intoxicated, that she did not even know that he was undressing her. She probably would not remember a single thing about what was happening, he thought, as his heart quickened its beat. His hands hovered over her corset and then he felt he should unlace it, for she couldn’t sleep with it tied up so tight, he reasoned, and his fingers found the ties and released them, tossing the corset aside. Next he removed her petty coats until she was down to her bloomers and chemise.

  She lay against the bed, breathing softly, as though she was already asleep, and he watched her breast rise and fall, as she breathed. The tie at the top had come untied, and part of the material fell away from one side revealing part of her breast to his view. He could not remove his eyes from the soft white mound, almost completely visible, but not quite. He longed to see the rest of it, and he struggled with his ethics, as he looked down on her sleeping body. His eyes drank in her beauty.

  Just to touch her soft skin, he thought, and knelt down beside the bed, bringing lips against her neck, watching as her body rose and fell she breathed. She was probably oblivious to it in her muddled state of mind, that he was even touching her with his lips. He stole a glance at her face, and his heart jumped, when he heard her whisper, don’t stop, Sebastian. Your lips feels so nice.”

  She thought he was Sebastian. She must either be dreaming or unable to separate her desire from reality. He knew she desired Sebastian, not him. She didn’t even desire Bernard. It was Sebastian and probably always would be Sebastian, he thought sadly.

  “I am not Sebastian,” he whispered, and her eyes fluttered open for a moment.

  “Of course you are,” she smiled, reaching out her hand and touching his face. “You have come back to me, like you promised you would.”

  “Sebastian is never coming back, Eleanor,” he whispered, but she had closed her eyes again, and her hand had fallen from his face. Only to kiss her lips, the way he had long to, from the moment he met her, he thought as his breath started to pick up speed at the thought. He looked at her lips. If she ever remembered, or discovered he had taken the liberty, she would never speak to him again, he thought, as he struggled with his own ethics, and desires, which were at war with each other. His lips brushed her cheek and she let out a contented sigh.

  “I love you, Sebastian,” he heard her whisper so softly he could barely hear her.

  “I love you too,” he whispered back, as his mouth lowered over her lips, longing to feel them beneath his own.

  And then he was lost in the taste of those lips, as soft whimpers that fell from her mouth encouraged him on, loving the thrill of it, while feeling guilty for giving in to his need of her.

  Perhaps she would remember it as a mere dream, he hoped, as he continued to enjoy the feel of her lips responding to his. As she continued respond, he had to fight himself from going beyond a mere kiss. He finally came to his senses.

  Garth straightened up, pulling the covers up over her, wishing he could have spent the entire night kissing her. He only prayed that someday this would become something she desired to share with him, knowingly, but for now he merely savored her smell and the memory of her warmth lips, before he left her and went to his own room.

  Somehow he would have to break down her defenses he resolved. This love he felt for her was taking over his better judgment, and he would regret it if anything happened to cause her to turn from him. He vowed in the future, he would keep a better distance, until he could win her over. She was just too tempting for his own good. She filled his ever waking thoughts and his dreams, and yet she always remained the cool contented friend, until tonight when she was influenced by the wine she had ingested.

  A shame he could not keep her in that state of mind continuously. But to be truthful with himself, if he always had to give her too much wine to make her respond to him, he would rather not have her love at all. That in itself was a painful thought.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  When Eleanor woke in the morning, it felt like the twelve drummers drumming from the familiar Christmas carol sung every year, had moved into her head. She put her hands to her temples as she searched for snatches of memories of the night before. There had been grape throwing. She remembered that with a glimmer of amusement, and tried to laugh but it hurt her head too much and her forehead ruffled at the pain. She paused as she vaguely remembered Garth kissing her. The thought upset her. She would have to speak to him about it.

  Yes, and then he had carried her upstairs. That part was a little foggy. She pushed back the covers and saw that she was dressed only in her chemise and pantaloons. How did she get in this state of undress? A frown marred her mouth. The memory of taking her own clothes off evaded her. If she had undressed herself, she never would have just discarded them in a heap in the corner, the way they were. She felt herself starting to shake, as she tried to control her rising temper, and it made her head ache all the more.

  The taunting remembrance of a dream started to cut through the curtains of her troubled thoughts. It had something to do with Sebastian returning to her and kissing her. The sweet memory of it washed over her causing her skin to warm at the thought. It almost felt real, she thought, but just to try and remember it, hurt too much, both physically and emotionally, so she tried to put it out of her mind. She sank back against the pillows and closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain that throbbed in her head.

  She had barely fallen back to sleep, when a tap brought her back to awareness and Garth entered the room with a
tray.

  “How is your head?” he asked when he saw her opening her eyes a mere slit to look at him. “You had a lot of wine last night, so I am assuming you are not feeling too well this morning.” His smile was gentle and understanding.

  “Why did you let me drink so much?” she groaned. Closing her eyes again, and putting her hand to her forehead.

  “I shall not let you do it again. That is for sure. You were acting most unusual, so I suggest you be more careful about how much wine you drink in the future,” he admonished her, and her mind went back to the time she had allowed Percy to seduce her, when she had had too much wine.

  “What happened, last night?” she asked, trying to pull herself into a sitting position, but failing, so she sank back down into the pillows. “The last thing I remember is you carrying me upstairs.” She paused, trying to focus her eyes on him, and then giving up, as she closed them again. “Who took my clothes off?” she asked in a tight voice.

  Garth let his lips stretch in a smile, and tried to keep them from twitching. “I had no other choice. I could not let you sleep in all those layers of petty-coats, and falderal. So I disrobed you,” he told her outright. “I hope you don’t fault me for it.”

  “And that is all you did? I seem to have memories of someone kissing me,” she said trying to lower her voice, since it hurt so much to talk.

  “Yes, I did kiss you,” Garth admitted, with a little laugh, “but that was before I took you upstairs. As a matter of fact, you kissed me as well. It was all just fun and games though. Nothing serious, I assure you.” His eyes did not leave her face. Her eyes remained closed.

  Eleanor remembered how she used to tease Teddy with her kisses, and perhaps last night she got confused and thought Garth was Teddy. “Just fun and games,” she whispered, trying to calm her wild thoughts.

  “I made you some hot tea, and toast. That is about the extent of my cooking ability, I am afraid,” Garth interrupted abruptly. “When you are feeling better, I will take you out to lunch. Until then you just stay here and relax. I am sorry about your head. You are right, I never should have allowed you to have so much wine, and in the future, I will stop you before it is too late. But you had seemed so distraught, having discovered Sebastian was actually dead, I felt you needed something to calm your nerves. I hope you will forgive me.”

  Eleanor did not look back at him. It was too hard to open her eyes, so she just gave a little nod. She wasn’t even sure she could lift a cup to her mouth, the way she felt at the moment, but through the fog in her head, she felt Garth lifting her up and putting pillows behind her back as he sat on the bed next to her, and then he was putting the cup to her mouth.

  Eleanor stiffened a little. Hadn’t he fed her like this last night, she thought? Yes, he was the one who kept giving her more wine, tipping the glass to her mouth just as he was doing now. “You…you are the one who kept giving me the wine,” she mumbled, when he removed the cup from her lips. “You fed it to me the same way you are giving me tea now,” she accused, but she was so tired, her voice did not sound very forceful.

  “That is right. As I said, I wanted to calm your nerves. I was not paying attention to how much you had taken,” he defended. “It wasn’t until you started to slur your words that I realized you had had too much, and then it was too late, so I took you up to bed.” Garth studied her face, wondering how much she remembered of the night before?

  She was silent taking in even breaths, as though trying to gather her thoughts, and Garth found himself holding his breath.

  “And…and you removed my clothes.” The words came slowly. “You…you said something about not having a maid, so you would have to do it…” Her forehead puckered as she tried to remember.

  “Yes, that is true. I had no other choice. You were in no condition to undress yourself.”

  “And I…I thought Sebastian had returned…” her words drifted off.

  “You kept calling me Sebastian and I told you Sebastian was dead and could never come back,” he reminded her, in a rush.

  “But I… I thought Sebastian was…was making love to me…..” she faltered.

  “I don’t know what you were thinking, or dreaming, Eleanor. You were half asleep, you know, and you would wake up and say things about Sebastian. Saying that you loved him, so I said I loved you too, which I do, so you would feel happy, thinking Sebastian really had come back. You wouldn’t believe me when I told you Sebastian was dead, so I just decided to allow you to believe I was Sebastian, if it made you happy. You…you begged me to stay, thinking I was Sebastian, so I did for a time, until you calmed down.”

  “And you were not touching me while you remained?” she asked, trying harder to remember.

  Garth paused for a long moment. “Well…well of course I touched you. I had to take your cloths off, and that constitutes a certain amount of touching. Your chemise was untied, so I had to retie it. Perhaps you thought Sebastian was undressing you, because you called me Sebastian thinking he had come back. You want Sebastian back so much that in your foggy condition, you created him there. I just wanted to make you feel happy, like I said, so I went along with what ever it was you were dreaming about Sebastian.” Garth had told her the truth, yet had to admit to himself, that he was also trying to make himself happy by remaining beside her, enjoying the feel of her lips beneath his.

  Eleanor vaguely remembered what she had been dreaming, but she didn’t know if Garth had anything to do with what she thought she had dreamt and felt. He wasn’t acting very nervous, so she assumed he had just been there, helping her to get undressed, and just the touch of a man’s hands brought back memories of Sebastian’s hands touching her.

  “Well, from now on, leave my clothes on, if I can’t take them off myself,” she instructed, not knowing whether she should be angry that he helped remove her clothes, or grateful that he had been there to make her more comfortable.

  “I will make sure that situation will never have a reason to arise again,” he promised.

  “Thank you, Garth.” She paused and then went on. “It was thoughtful of you to bring the tea and toast. But I would like to rest for now.” All the talking was making her head throb, and she did not want to think about anything at the moment.

  “I will wake you at lunch time, then,” he told her, and quietly left the room. That was almost too close, he thought, realizing that his hands were shaking slightly. From now on he would act the proper gentleman if it killed him, he decided.

  By noon Eleanor was feeling much better, and so she was up and dressed before Garth had a chance to come wake her. She had just finished getting dressed when Garth tapped on her door, and then stuck his head in. “Up already? You must be feeling better,” he announced, as he pushed the door open all the way. When he came into the room, he handed her a bunch of flowers, and Eleanor took in her breath in surprise.

  “They are lovely,” she smiled, as she took the mixed assortment of flowers and brought them to her nose to smell. “You didn’t have to bring me flowers,” she insisted.

  “It is to show you how sorry I am that I let you drink too much last night, and they come with the promise that I will never do it again.” He came up to her and kissed her on the cheek. “Now I hope you have forgiven me, because I could not face it if you held any grudge against me.”

  “I would never hold a grudge against you,” she assured him. “You are my dearest friend, next to Teddy. I have told you that, and I mean it.”

  “I am relieved to hear you say it,” he said, bowing his head, and then slowly lifting it and smiling at her, with a twinkle in his eye. “Let’s go to lunch then. My horses are all harnessed and waiting.”

  “Gladly, but I should put these flowers in water first,” she suggested, and went ahead of him and down to the kitchen to find something to put them in. She couldn’t find a vase, so she arranged the flowers in a drinking pitcher and sat it on the kitchen table.

  “The cook will be ever so pleased to find flowers in her pict
ure,” Garth laughed behind her, as he came into the kitchen.

  “I hope so,” Eleanor laughed back.

  Garth offered her his arm, and led her out to the carriage. “If you want me to bring one of my maids back, I could arrange it for you,” he offered, feeling bad about the events of the night before, and wanting to make it up to her somehow.

  “I can manage quite well by myself, when I am not too full of wine,” she laughed. “As long as you do not serve me more than a small glass at meals, I should do nicely.”

  “Just let me know if there is anything I can do for you, other than undressing you,” he smiled.

  “I will have to put that episode behind me for now, as long as it doesn’t happen again,” she insisted.

  “That makes me feel much better,” he told her, and knew it was the truth. He pulled his carriage up to one of his favorite eateries, and assisted Eleanor down. “Everyone knows me here,” he told her. “We will get the best of service.”

  Just as they entered, Eleanor was surprised to hear a deep voice call out to her, and then Dutton was coming up to them. “Eleanor, I am so surprised to see you in London,” he said coming up and taking her hand, kissing it through her glove. “And this is a friend of yours, I presume,” he nodded towards Garth.

  “Yes, a very good friend to be exact. This is Garth Wellington. Garth, this is Sir Dutton Galesburg.”

  “Ah yes, Dutton, the man I do believe who tried to blackmail you at one time,” he looked down his nose at Dutton.

  “That was a silly business and I have made it up to Eleanor since then. Please come and join me, won’t you? I hate eating alone, and any chance I have to visit with Eleanor is treasured.”

  “Of course we will join you,” Eleanor answered. “I want to hear all about Percy and Nelly and how the wedding plans are progressing. Also I left quite abruptly the night of the dinner, with Sebastian’s cousin showing up so unexpectedly, I was at my wit’s end, and I would love to hear what is happening with Teddy and Brenda as well.”