Lost: The Complete Series

by Lila Kane

  I reached up for the zipper on my jacket automatically and noticed the way his eyes followed my hands. But then he swallowed hard and strode quickly to the door. “Davies will be up with your tea soon. I’ll grab your bag.”

  I felt numb as I went through the motions of taking off my clothes and getting into the warm shower. It should feel good on my skin and warm me up from being in the rain and from feeling so alone. But instead, I felt like a robot, like I used to feel with Don, just trying to get through the day, the evening, or even the next ten minutes. I automatically washed my hair and washed my body, dimly aware that the shampoo in here wasn’t mine. At least, not the shampoo I’d brought with me. But someone, probably Joseph, had put in the exact brand of shampoo and conditioner I normally used. There were other things too, like a loofah and body wash. Even a razor. He’d thought of everything. Or someone had. Maybe it was Davies. Maybe that was one of his jobs among all the others Joseph had assigned him.

  But something in me said it wasn’t Davies. In fact, now that I was starting to come out of my haze, I was beginning to realize there were a lot of things that had been done to cater to me. The meal the first night I was here was my favorite meal. And the flowers that were on the counter in the kitchen. Tulips. Those were also my favorite, and I knew they weren’t even in season this time of year so someone had to have gone out of their way to get them. To do something special for me. Tom knew all those things about me and even if Davies was the one to carry out those assignments, Joseph had still had to ask my brother about what I liked.

  I stepped out of the shower and found a robe hanging on the door. I hadn’t noticed that before either. It was like my own little mini suite, like a hotel room I could visit, and everything was set up just right.

  When I stepped back into the bedroom, I was alone. Joseph had turned on the lamp next to the bed and left my bag, but otherwise the rest of the room was dim and quiet. I could still hear the rain falling softly and it made me shiver. I sat on the bed just as I heard a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” I said. My heartbeat picked up just a moment when I expected to see Joseph standing there. But it was just Davies, with a teacup resting on a saucer.

  “Where would you like it?” he asked.

  I walked to him and took the tea before he could protest. “I’ll take it. Thank you, Davies. I’m really sorry about tonight.”

  “Don’t apologize. I just hope you can feel more settled soon. You know where my room is, and if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

  He stepped back out the door and I heard soft footsteps as he walked away, leaving me feeling alone again.

  I glanced at the clock and saw how it late was, cursing myself for making such poor decisions that evening. I wanted to call Tom. I wanted to talk to someone. But it was too late, and I didn’t want to wake him. But then…I had no one. I truly was alone. When I was with Don, I’d cut off most of my relationships. I had just a few acquaintances at work, but that was all. I had no one right now to call or to talk to or to be comforted by.

  Leaving the tea on the end table, I climbed into bed and shoved my legs under the covers while a wave of sadness rolled over me. I covered my face with my hands to muffle the sobs, but it didn’t help. The tears started again, and I curled onto my side in a tight ball, not for the first time wishing that I could be a normal person. That I could have made better choices so I wouldn’t have ended up where I am now.

  I didn’t hear the footsteps until they were right behind me. When I glanced over and saw Joseph standing there, I only continued to sob.

  “Scoot over,” he said.

  Confused, I moved toward the middle of the bed. Joseph climbed in behind me, shut off the light, and plunged the room into darkness. Then he laid down and put his arm around me. I could feel him there, strong and steady. And dry. At least his clothes were. He smelled like soap, as though he’d gone to take his own shower.

  “Close your eyes,” he said. I felt his lips brush my hair, the strength of his chest against my back. “Things will look better tomorrow.”

  I did as he ordered, too tired to make any other decisions right now. And with Joseph’s arm around me and the rain falling softly on the house, I finally fell into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up until the morning.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  When I woke the next morning, the sun streaming through the windows and the covers warm over the top of me, I stretched my arms out with a lazy smile. And then it all clicked. Everything that happened last night, that happened in the last few days and in the last few months with Don. It was like a load of bricks, falling down on top of me and covering me again.

  I jerked to a sitting position, already searching the room for Joseph. But he wasn’t here. Relief hit me first, then a little bit of disappointment seeped in. Joseph had treated me well last night. He’d taken care of me and given me exactly what I’d needed. Comfort.

  But that still didn’t change the fact that I’d acted like a madwoman.

  Oh God, had I really run out of here like a teenager trying to sneak out of her parent’s house in the middle of night? Mortification washed over me. I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head even as my cheeks continued to burn. This didn’t used to be me. Before Don, I was actually a normal person. An independent person. I’d go out with my friends, I’d spend time with family, and I’d make rational decisions. But for a while there everything I was and did depended on Don and what he was okay with me doing. To the point where I had to ask him where I was allowed to go and who I was allowed to go with. It stripped me of everything I was, and this was what was left. Just a shell of the person I used to be.

  I sat up straighter. No, that’s not the Allison I was going to allow myself to be. I had to be something else for myself and even for the rest of the world. Especially for Tom, who had helped me out when I was at my lowest. I was still young with a whole life ahead of me. And this was my chance to become a new Allison.

  First off, I’d figure out where to stay. Joseph had tried to help me, but this clearly wasn’t working. I needed somewhere safe, and somewhere close to Tom so that I could still spend time with him. So I could show him that I was changing and things were getting better.

  Then my stomach rumbled. I didn’t want to go downstairs and chance running into anyone right now, but then I remembered it was all right. Joseph would be at work and Davies probably had his own duties to do along with the rest of the staff in the house. I’d make myself breakfast, I’d get myself dressed. I would take things one day at a time just like last time I’d left Don. And then I would be a big girl and tell Joseph that I was leaving instead of trying to run out of here in the middle of the night.

  I was still cautious after I got dressed. I listened for other people in the house as I walked down the stairs. I passed a lady dusting bookshelves off the lobby, gave her smile, and continued walking. When I arrived in the kitchen, I was alone. There was a note on the counter from Davies which said, Please come find me if you would like me to cook you breakfast. Otherwise, there is juice in the refrigerator as well as fruit. The coffee is fresh in the pot.

  Relief washed over me. One less thing I had to deal with. But the feeling was instantly replaced by guilt. Davies, just like everyone, was trying to help. I made a note to remember to thank him before I left.

  When I heard the familiar voice around the corner, I gasped. Joseph! What was he doing? He was supposed to be at work. I tried to dash out of the kitchen before he saw me, but I wasn’t fast enough.

  “Allison?” he called after me.

  I continued as fast as my feet would carry me. Joseph called out twice more, and I finally stopped with my hand on the post at the bottom of the stairs. I was a new Allison, which meant dealing with problems head-on. Joseph caught up to me quickly, crossing the tiles in long purposeful strides.

  I noted that he wasn’t wearing a suit. He wore a casual dark shirt, one that showed the definition in his chest and made my eyes li
nger.

  “You didn’t hear me calling your name?” he asked.

  I blew out a breath and opted for honesty. “No, I did. And sorry. I was nervous to see you again.”

  “You were trying to hide from me.” His eyes darkened on mine, trying to draw out more secrets. Trying to get me to open up. Strange how much things had changed since I got here even in such a short period of time. It was like the more I tried to run away from Joseph, the more he wanted to be around me.

  “Yes,” I said, honest again.

  “Why?”

  I looked down at my feet, pulling together all the composure I had. Joseph was intimidating and hard for me to talk to. He’d catch me with the stare, the one that demanded I tell him everything. “I need to talk to you, but not right now. I have to figure out what to say first.”

  “Listen…Last night was…” His eyes locked on mine. I’d never seen him so hesitant before. He always seems so sure of himself, so confident. Until he wasn’t making commands. When he just looked at me like a real person, things changed between us.

  “It was a mess.” I blew out a short breath of laughter, relieved when he didn’t seem upset. “I’m sorry. Things have been a mess since I got here. Which is why it makes sense for me not to be here.”

  His eyes darkened, and I expected one of his quick retorts, or maybe another lesson on why it was so dangerous for me to be out there. But then he gestured to the front door. “Let’s go somewhere.”

  “Wait—what?”

  “I’ll have the car ready in an hour. Meet me right here.”

  Before I could agree—or disagree—he turned on his heel and strode in the opposite direction. I heard the low murmur of his voice and assumed he was talking to Davies.

  Go somewhere? I’d finally gotten up enough courage to tell him I shouldn’t be here and now he wanted to go somewhere? But I had to admit, I was intrigued. And I hadn’t left the house since I got here, so anything—even if it was the garden out back—felt like an adventure.

  What did I have to lose? It wasn’t like I had anywhere else to be.

  I walked up the stairs, finished getting ready by doing my hair and putting on a touch of makeup. I felt almost normal again.

  If I didn’t think about Don or everything else that was out there.

  Once an hour had passed, I walked back downstairs to find Joseph waiting for me with a windbreaker in hand.

  “Good,” he said with an approving nod. “You’re wearing a jacket.”

  “Where are we going?”

  I reached the bottom of the stairs and waited for his response. To my surprise, his lips curved in a secretive smile. “You’ll see.”

  He opened the door for me, and just like he’d said, there was a car waiting outside. Not just a car, a limousine. I halfway expected Davies to be inside, as it seemed like he did every other job around here. But it was a man I didn’t recognize.

  Davies caught up to us just outside the door and passed over a basket for Joseph.

  Joseph nodded. “Thank you, Davies.”

  Davies returned the nod. Then he smiled at me. “Miss Tolson.”

  “Hi, Davies.”

  Joseph brushed my arm with his fingers to get my attention. Then he held his arm out to the limo. “Let’s go. We’ll try to get ahead of the rain.”

  I got into the back of the limo and scooted across the seat when Joseph came in behind me. Our driver took the basket and set it in the front seat with him before driving us away from the mansion.

  I stared out the window, taking note of the churning clouds overhead. Joseph was right, it looked like it was going to rain. Just like last night.

  I jumped when something touched my hand and glanced over swiftly.

  Joseph narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you okay?”

  I looked down at the space in between us where his fingers were just inches away from mine on the seat. They were strong, capable. I couldn’t help but remember those strong fingers all over me, caressing me, sliding down my body and demanding what he wanted to take. And also giving some of the best pleasure I’d ever had.

  “I’m okay.”

  His jaw clenched. “I don’t believe you.”

  Part of me wanted to laugh. Who cared if he didn’t believe me? It wasn’t like we were friends. It wasn’t like we were anything, really. So I had a crush on him when I was younger. Yeah, and I thought about him a lot after that. But also…we had this connection. This physical chemistry, something he acted on the other night. Something I would’ve acted on further if I’d been given the chance. But Joseph had pulled away—he’d humiliated me, and that wasn’t an easy thing to forget. I had to remind myself that was just one more reason why I should leave. This arrangement didn’t seem to be working for either of us. But today… There was something different about Joseph. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yet my mind was warring with my heart. And so far, I had a bad track record with going with my heart. Going with my heart, following that physical attraction, had brought me to Don. The biggest mistake of my life.

  “You’re worrying me here, Allison,” Joseph said, the low timbre of his voice sending chills through me. “Say something.”

  I looked away, staring out the window again. I couldn’t seem to control myself when he looked at me like that. I wanted to do things that didn’t make sense, open up to him in ways that made me vulnerable. I’d already been vulnerable with him and look what had happened. So, I opted for honesty once again. “No, I’m not okay. But let’s just get where we’re going, and then we can talk.”

  He didn’t respond, and I could only hear the quiet sound of his breathing behind me. I kept my gaze focused out the window, watching other mansions and fancy cars go by until we pulled away from the housing units and wound up a hill. I was confused why we were heading what seemed to be away from civilization instead of toward it.

  But after another few minutes of silence and more windy roads, we pulled into a clearing. Joseph touched my arm, making my eyes come back to him.

  “We’re here,” he murmured.

  I reached for the door handle automatically, but Joseph cleared his throat, making me glance over. His eyes were amused. He gestured to the driver coming around the car. “Let him get the door. It’s his job.”

  I dropped my hands in my lap and waited. Okay, so I wasn’t used to this life. I was used to opening my own doors and taking care of myself. Or at least I had been, until Don. He was a gentleman. Old-fashioned as well. Open doors for women, pay for their dinner, make sure they stay home to take care of the house.

  I swallowed and squeezed my hands together in my lap. I’d hated it.

  The driver opened the door, and I stepped out into the chilly air. We were high on the hill, where the breeze could get to us, but where we could see for miles. My mouth dropped open in awe as I walked farther out into the clearing and noticed we were on a hill similar to Joseph’s backyard, where we could see the entire city. The Space Needle and other buildings rose up into the cloudy gray sky. It was beautiful.

  Joseph arrived at my side, his hands folded in front of him, jaw clenched.

  “This feels weird,” I said, gesturing generally to the air. “Out here in the open when I’ve been in your house for the last week without leaving.”

  Joseph nodded. “I know. And I think that’s part of the problem.”

  “Problem?”

  He shook his head as though dismissing that part of the conversation. “Our driver is also security. He’ll make sure we’re safe, and we’ll only be out here as long as you’re comfortable.”

  Security? Of course. That made me feel better. Don probably had no idea where I was right now, but regardless, I wanted to know I was safe. I might as well hold onto that for as long as I could today. I walked farther into the clearing and out toward the cliff, taking a deep breath. Then I closed my eyes. I felt the wind on my cheeks, felt every inch of my body which, yes, was worn down from the emotion last night, but otherwise felt amazing. No a
ches and pains or bruises from Don. Normal. Healthy. This was freedom.

  When I heard Joseph’s voice beside me, I gasped and opened my eyes again.

  “You weren’t looking,” he said. “At the view. That’s why I come here. But you were closing your eyes.”

  “I was feeling.”

  “Feeling what?”

  Honesty. This was the new Allison. “Freedom.”

  Joseph’s gaze caught mine and lingered there a long time. I was close enough to see the dark specks around his irises. His eyes were the darkest I’d ever seen, which explained why they seemed to go almost black every time his mood turned.

  I broke the connection by saying, “Joseph. Why are we here?”

  He looked out over the city, a place he was probably so comfortable with. He probably didn’t think twice about it being home, it being safe.

  “It’s a big city,” he said, “a huge place. You could get lost in it. Someone could also find you quite easily.” His jaw shifted, and he looked over again with eyes that were stormy. “Don could find you. In fact, he’s out there looking for you right now.”

  I gasped. “How do you know?”

  “It’s my job to know. I’m in the business of knowing.”

  My throat dried as I shivered.

  “That’s why you can’t leave,” Joseph said. “With me, you’re safe. If you’re out there, anywhere out there, he will find you. And trust me, Allison, your ex is already looking for you.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  What was he doing? Trying to change my mind? He had to realize just how wrong this relationship was.

  Those words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say any of them because he turned abruptly and pointed.

  “There’s a bench,” he said. “I know you didn’t have breakfast. Sit there.”

  He walked back to the limousine, and the driver got out at the same time. They exchanged a few words and a brief nod, and then Joseph was carrying back the basket. He stopped by the bench. “Please it, Allison. You need to eat.”