Lost: The Complete Series

by Lila Kane

  Joseph’s eyes flashed to mine. “I didn’t know this.”

  My cheeks heated. I smacked Tom’s arm. “That was an accident.”

  Tom’s lips curved. “Seems like you were ‘accidentally’ around a lot when Joseph was over.”

  My hands twisted together in my lap. I remembered that day vividly. For months after that, I couldn’t get Joseph out of my head. Or his chiseled body. I’d seen everything—well, almost. Enough to know that the rest of him would be just as perfect.

  But I never said anything. Joseph was five years older than me at the time. Now, five years felt like nothing, but then it had seemed like a lifetime.

  Tom’s laugh echoed in the kitchen. “Okay, I won’t talk about it anymore. Besides, you’re over men, right? After…” He sobered a little and went without saying Don’s name. “Sometimes we all need a break from the opposite sex.”

  Taking a break wasn’t at all what I had in mind when it came to Joseph. But there’d never been anything there to begin with. And Tom was right, it made sense to keep it that way.

  After lunch, I walked outside with my brother. The sun had completely vanished, and the air was turning cool. I’d changed into leggings and a T-shirt, but I shivered when the wind blew.

  Tom paused outside of his car, leaning against the door with his keys in hand. “Are things going okay here? You seemed…sad when I got here.”

  I glanced away. “I’m still adjusting.”

  “I know it’s an adjustment. But this is best for now. Until things cool down.”

  I nodded. “You’re right. This is best. I’m fine.”

  He smiled and put his arm around me. “Good. Call me if you need anything.”

  He got in his car and I hugged myself against another breeze. I would be fine. I’d lived through the worst year of my life with Don. Living with Joseph should be a piece of cake.

  But when I turned and saw him standing in the doorway, I had to repeat that mantra over and over to make myself go back inside.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The rain started early that evening, and by the time the sun sank behind the horizon, the grounds outside Joseph’s house were filled with fog as well.

  I stared out the window in the living room, memories of the figure I’d seen outside the pool this afternoon still haunting my thoughts.

  When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I gasped and whipped around, my fists automatically swinging out to hit whoever was there.

  “Allison!” Joseph gripped both wrists, his body pinning mine to the wall. “What the hell?”

  My heart pounded painfully in my chest. “You scared me.”

  His chest rose and fell with deep breaths, his body still hard and strong against mine. “You scared me. I couldn’t find you.” His grip loosened on my wrists, but he didn’t release me. “I looked upstairs in your room and in the kitchen and you weren’t there.”

  “I was…” I dropped my chin, hating how vulnerable he made me feel but wanting to be honest anyway. “I was lonely. I didn’t want to be up there by myself.”

  His grip loosened all the way, and then let me go. He still blocked me in with his body, his gaze dark as onyx as he pinned me with his stare.

  “You can call Tom,” he said, voice so low I almost couldn’t make out the words. “As long as you use the secure line.”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to bother him. I want…”

  He exhaled. “What do you want?”

  I looked up and swallowed. “I want to know why you hate me so badly.”

  “Hate? What?” He looked genuinely bewildered, but I knew it was just an act.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I ground out. “What else am I supposed to think with the way you’re treating me?”

  “I’m not treating you any way—”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  I pushed around him, prepared to head back up to my room. No sense in arguing with someone who couldn’t even see what they were doing. But Joseph grabbed my arm.

  “Let go!” I screamed in his face.

  “Stop.”

  “No! I won’t let you treat me like this.”

  I jerked my arm, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he gripped my other arm and backed me to the couch. “Stop fighting me—”

  “You’d better let go right now!”

  He wrestled me to the couch, pinning my arms with one hand, and holding my hips down with his knees. “Calm the fuck down.”

  “I won’t. You need to—”

  “I don’t hate you,” he bit out, stopping the next thing I was going to say. “It’s the opposite, and it’s pissing me off. You—”

  He broke off, and before I could tell him to finish what he had to say, he swooped in. His lips collided with mine, his mouth an instant and hot assault. My body responded with a second of shock, and then immediate capitulation.

  He still had my body pinned, my wrists secure in his grip, one hand holding me in place and the other lifting my chin so he could plunder my mouth with his tongue. My body arched against his, demanding more. And when his hips rolled expertly against mine, I groaned.

  “I don’t hate you,” Joseph said. Anger warred with desire in his voice, the combination a husky rasp that had me throbbing for him.

  I grew wetter and wetter the more his mouth touched mine. My nipples pinched into tight peaks. I squirmed in his grasp, partly out of pleasure and partly out of the need to touch him. “Joseph—”

  “Tell me you understand. I don’t hate you, Allison.”

  I nodded, barely a bob of my head because he still held my chin. “I understand.”

  “Fuck. I’ve pictured you underneath me so many times. Your tight little body.”

  His head bowed to trail kisses down my cheek. I lifted my chin to give him better access, his words making a dizzying circuit through my head. He’d pictured me like this? Us together? His body on top of mine?

  Then I lost all coherency when his free hand slid underneath my shirt. It climbed up my stomach, then my ribs, and squeezed my bare breast.

  He groaned, and it was all I could do not to come right there. I’d been waiting for this for so long. He wasn’t the only one who’d pictured us together, his body pinning mine while his hands and mouth sought every part of my bare skin. Kissing, sucking, licking his way over and inside every inch of me as I moaned his name.

  “Joseph,” I panted. “Oh, God.”

  I couldn’t speak. His mouth and hands felt so good.

  With one smooth motion, he shoved my shirt up, so he could lick my nipple. It tightened even further, and when he nipped it with his teeth, I felt it right in my center. I cried out, my clit throbbing hard, my panties getting even wetter.

  “I want to taste you,” he murmured, breath hot on my wet nipple.

  “Yes.”

  He released my wrists, and I helped him pull down my leggings and my panties, so he could get to my pussy. He gripped my hips almost roughly and shifted me on the couch so my legs hung over the side. He knelt in front of me, his hands gripping my thighs, kneading them as I writhed on the couch.

  When the heat of his breath touched my mound, I grabbed the couch cushions in a death grip. “Oh, God, you’re going to make me come—”

  “Not yet,” he commanded.

  He spread my legs even wider and leaned in. His tongue made one slow circuit from the bottom of my slit to the top, where he flicked it against my clit.

  I gasped, my eyes slamming shut so I could revel in the feel of his mouth on my pussy. I reached out, my fingers diving into Joseph’s hair as his tongue came out again. He swirled it expertly on my clit, and when I’d almost hit my peak, he slowed down and slid his tongue back down my slit. He was still breathing heavily, and when his tongue entered my heat, I nearly blacked out.

  “Joseph, I can’t—”

  “Hold on,” was all he said.

  I wasn’t sure if he was telling me to wait or telling me to hold onto something because he was preparing to m
ake me come so hard I couldn’t function.

  Then he slid two fingers inside of me, set his mouth on my clit again, and my whole body jerked. He fucked me with his fingers, lashed his tongue against my sensitive nub until fireworks exploded behind my eyelids.

  I yanked in a sharp breath as my body tensed. Then it hit me. My body rolled in waves of painful ecstasy as the orgasm rushed over me. He continued to torment me with his fingers and mouth, making me peak again. When I couldn’t take anymore, his fingers squeeze on my thighs, and I reached for him.

  “Joseph,” I murmured. His eyes locked on mine, spearing me with their intensity. “I need you.”

  He started to stand, already reaching for his pants.

  “I’ve wanted this for a long time,” I told him.

  His hands froze on his button. He looked at me again, and the haze of desire started to clear in his eyes.

  I was laid out bare before him, but he stepped back. His mouth opened and closed, like he couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

  “Joseph?”

  He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. You—you’re—this isn’t right.”

  Not right? What was he talking about?

  “I shouldn’t have done that,” he repeated, backing away even more.

  In the blink of an eye, he turned and vanished from the room. I was too shocked to call after him, and too humiliated to follow him. Numb, I fixed my clothes and stood, my legs still wobbly from the mind-blowing orgasm.

  The rain still fell softly outside. It could have been the perfect evening. Joseph and I had finally connected. And then…

  Holding back a sob, I walked back to my room and stepped inside. I didn’t know what had happened, but it was worse than before when I thought he hated me. Because now he’d seen me at my most vulnerable. He knew how I felt about him.

  And he’d walked away.

  With my cheeks flaming, I opened the drawers to the dresser and started pulling out my clothes.

  There was no way I could stay here now. I’d figure something out—anything but living under the same roof as Joseph.

  I’d let Don control me and humiliate me, and I wasn’t going back to feeling like that. Ever.

  Once my bag was packed, I took one last look at the room I’d actually started to like, and then turned for the hallway.

  I was sick of feeling helpless and lonely in my own skin. It was time to take action and take care of myself.

  I walked down the stairs and to the front door, ready to take control of my own life.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Shit.

  I forgot about the alarm.

  Being empowered didn’t mean acting like an idiot. I needed to think smarter from now on. I gripped the strap of my bag, considering.

  I didn’t want to wake Davies. It wasn’t just rude, I also didn’t want him to get in trouble with Joseph. If I was going to leave now, my only option was to undo the lock, open the door, and walk straight out into the rain.

  And then what?

  Then I’d call Tom. No, I’d call a cab. I said I was going to deal with this on my own and I meant it.

  “What that fuck’s going on here?”

  I yelped and spun around, looking directly into smoky eyes. Joseph’s mouth was set into a firm, unforgiving line. I could see the tension in his shoulders and in the set of his jaw.

  I lifted my chin. “I’m leaving.”

  “Allison,” he said, his voice low and full of warning.

  “I’ll figure this out without you.”

  I reached for the handle again and the snap of his words almost stopped me.

  “Don’t you dare,” he said.

  I took a deep breath and twisted the handle. The shrill squeal of the alarm sounded immediately.

  The noise only drove my desperation to get out of there. To run as far and as fast away from there as possible. If Joseph couldn’t understand how hard the situation was, I was better off somewhere else.

  I ran into the rain, my hair immediately getting soaked by water pounding down. But all I could think was, Run!

  “Allison!” Joseph yelled after me in the damp darkness.

  I gasped. He sounded so close, almost right behind me. My bag slipped off my shoulder, and I was too afraid to stop and adjust it, so I let it fall to the ground and continued running.

  He tackled me from behind, his arms coming around me in an iron grip.

  “No!” I screamed. Flashbacks of Don raced through my mind. They were so vivid and terrifying all I could do was yank in sharp breath. “Let go!”

  I fought with everything I had. I was battling against Don again and trying to win my freedom. No, more like trying to win my life. Joseph turned me around, my arms in his strong grip. “Allison,” he said through gritted teeth. “Stop it.”

  “No. Please—” I panted through my fear. “Please don’t hurt me.”

  Even in the rain, I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I was too overwhelmed with the memory of Don, those times when he towered over me and made me feel like I was never going to be myself again. Like I was never going to have my freedom.

  “Hurt you?” Joseph said, his fingers automatically loosening. Water streamed down his face and into his eyes—that inky stare that used to hold me captive. He seemed oblivious to the rain, and right now oblivious to anything but my pain. Then his voice softened. “Allison, I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”

  And then I broke down. My body was wracked with huge sobs. I yanked in breath after breath, almost like I was hyperventilating, but I couldn’t stop. More tears came from my eyes and my body went limp in Joseph’s grasp.

  “I can’t—I can’t—” The words wouldn’t come. “Joseph—”

  I was spiraling out of control. Part of me still wanted to race away into the darkness, and the other part of me wanted to collapse into Joseph’s arms and take any comfort he was willing to give.

  He made the decision for me. His arms closed around me, pulling me close against his chest. “Allison,” he whispered. “Don’t cry.”

  His voice sounded raw, in pain, like it hurt him to be this tender and gentle. But he didn’t let go. He reached up and brushed one thumb along my cheekbone before he gripped my jaw and turned my face so I had to look into his eyes. A thousand words floated between us, but all of them were drowned out by the rain, and by Joseph’s hesitation. Then his arm tightened around me, and he said, “Let’s get inside.”

  I was still gasping, still full of fear and uncertainty and worry, but Joseph was right. We should get inside. I looked back to the house and saw Davies standing there with an umbrella. He walked out to meet us and when he reached us, Joseph turned back to retrieve my bag from the driveway.

  I stopped and waited for him, my heart racing. I didn’t want him to have to deal with my issues, just like I didn’t want Davies to have to deal with my drama. But they were both there. Davies guided us back through the courtyard and into the foyer of the house, where he had disabled the alarm and it was quiet. Dim.

  I was shivering by the time my wet feet hit the tiles, and even though my breath was still measured, I could already feel the heat of embarrassment climbing my cheeks. I turned to Joseph, my eyes wide. “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I should—”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Joseph said.

  That wasn’t what I was going to say, but he was right. That’s what I wanted. To run as far and as fast away from here as possible. I still thought it would be better for Tom to come pick me up, or for me to leave on my own and to deal with this on my own.

  Before I could say or do anything else, Joseph turned to Davies and started barking out orders. “Make sure the alarm is set and the doors are locked. And then make Allison a cup of tea and bring it to her room in twenty minutes.”

  I opened my mouth to tell Davies he didn’t have to make anything, but he walked off faster than I could blink. And suddenly, I felt so worn down and so tired of everything that I’d gone throu
gh that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes were still full of tears, and when I turned back to Joseph, his face was swimming in them. Blurry.

  “You’re going to go upstairs and take a shower,” Joseph said, “and then Davies will bring your tea and you’ll feel better.”

  “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. No, what I was trying to get away from.” I ran a hand over my eyes, but the tears leaked out anyway. “I can’t be around someone who talks to me like that. Joseph, don’t you think—”

  “No, I don’t think—” He broke off and shoved a hand through his wet hair, scattering water on tile floor. He sighed. “Okay, stop. It’s the middle of the night and you’re freezing. You’re shivering. We can’t do this now.” He looked at my eyes, the tears still streaming down, and reached out to bring his hand a breath away from my cheek.

  “Fuck,” he said. “You know I’m not good at this. I’m not…”

  And there it was. Just a flicker. The hint of something vulnerable, something deeper. Maybe it was the man my brother saw. Maybe it was the man he was trying to be with me now, because I could tell he was trying. Walking a thin line between being the powerful man he was, and someone gentler, someone I could relate to.

  I pressed my hands over my face, my voice muffled behind them. “This is too much. I don’t understand you. All this.”

  “All right,” Joseph said, the familiar snap in his voice. “That’s enough. We’re going upstairs right now.”

  With that, he scooped me into his arms and carried me toward the staircase. Startled, I could only let him take me where he wanted. When was the last time someone tried to take care of me? I didn’t even think about trying to wiggle out of his grasp or to tell him to stop. This was Joseph’s way, and right now his way was trying to take care of me the only way he knew how.

  When we reached my room, Joseph brought me straight into the bathroom and sat me down by the counter. I leaned heavily against the surface and watched as he walked to the shower and turned it on. He reached his hand under the spray to check the temperature and then turned back to me. “A shower,” he said, “will give you a new perspective. Get in.”