The Complete If I Break Series

by Portia Moore

  “Drinking alone isn’t good,” I wink at her.

  “Well it’s a good thing you’re here then,” she says sarcastically.

  “To you,” she says, lifting her glass briefly before downing the champagne. She stands as I near the table and starts to walk past me. I grab her wrist and she lets out a deep sigh.

  “Really Lauren? You’re going to act like this at our engagement party?” I ask.

  “How should I be acting Cal?” she asks, wryly. I step closer to her and whisper in her ear

  “Like the sight of me makes you wet.”

  “You are disgusting,” she says but I can hear the slightest amusement in her voice.

  “I have to know if I’m right,” I tell her pressing her up against the wall. She stops my hand as it starts to creep under her dress.

  “Am I really enough for you Cal? Just me, one woman for the rest of your life?” she asks me. I can hear the sincerity in her voice, her eyes revealing everything, and it hits me. She thinks that Gwen could have been another woman. I have to lean down so we’re face to face. She’s in her come fuck me pumps, they’re tall but she still only comes to my chest.

  “You’re it for me. Right now, tomorrow, always.” I tell her and her smile is back, the distance is gone and she’s mine again. She kisses me like she missed me. She moans in my ear as I push her underwear to the side and slip my finger inside of her.

  “We’re going to get caught,” she pants.

  “You want to be more discreet I take it?” I ask her sarcastically and she nods her head while licking her lips. I grab her hand and pull her to the table she was sitting at before and her eyebrow raises.

  “Have a seat Ms. Brooks,” I say, gesturing to the chair she was sitting in. She eyes me suspiciously with a smirk but sits down. I walk behind her and push her chair underneath the table.

  “What are you up to?” she laughs. I wink at her and take off my jacket and hand it to her before lifting the thick grey table cloth up and climbing underneath it.

  “Should I climb under there with you?” she giggles.

  “Nope, just sit back and relax,” I tell her as I move her legs apart.

  “Cal no!” she says trying to shut them.

  “Have a drink Lauren. I’m about to,” I tell as my tongue slides up her thigh.

  “Oh my God,” she says nervously. I see her hands making sure the table cloth covers her lap as I tug her underwear down.

  “Cal this is so bad,” she purrs, as my tongue finds its way inside her.

  “What if someone…” she says tightly as she melts around me. She doesn’t finish her sentence as her hands grip my hair.

  I start to go faster, and glance at my watch. I can usually get her off in about five minutes tops if I really wanted to, it only takes longer if I want to tease her, but since I know she’s scared as hell of getting caught I won’t do that right now.

  “Cal,” she pants out, trying to be quiet. The little whimpering sounds she’s making has me thinking that pulling her under the table might not be such a bad idea.

  “Shit,” she says as her legs start to get tighter around my neck and I know she’s almost there.

  I hear her phone vibrating on the table.

  “It’s Helen. They’re probably looking for us,” she cries.

  “They’re probably c-coming,” she says digging into my shoulder, her legs start to shake and her body goes limp. I climb out from under the table and take a seat next to her. Her eyes are closed but the smile on her face is priceless.

  “I owe you,” she says, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  “You’ve got time to pay me back,” I tell her, running my hand through her hair.

  “How much time?” she asks with a giggle.

  “Forever.”

  Chris

  I’m going to Chicago. When the words came out of my mouth, I heard them, they felt right to say but really what the hell am I thinking? Chicago? Chicago isn’t me. I don’t know anyone there, I don’t have a job there, and Cal has home field advantage. But Dr. Lyce, and Dex can keep an eye on me if Cal comes back. Most importantly I’ll be with my family, Lauren and Caylen, and that’s how it should be. They’re what’s important, right?

  A new start.

  It could be good. It’s going to be good. It’s all going to be great.

  I’m excited, big city, new relationship, sort of. If I can quit thinking about the fact that Cal is a potential murderer, hell bent on killing my biological father, it would be a lot easier, but since I can’t then we’ll just have to deal with it. The fact that Cal remembers things from my childhood and I don’t isn’t comforting either. To know my dad, the person who brought me into this world, could be a cold blooded killer and Cal wants us to follow right in his footsteps, is more than a little disconcerting.

  “Hey!” Aidan knocks on the door to my bedroom twice.

  “What’s the occasion? Since when do you knock?” I laugh at him. He shrugs.

  “What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the bags and boxes I have scattered around the room.

  “Lauren's going to Chicago and I’m going with her.”

  “Dude, you’re taking enough stuff to move,” he chuckles and I grin at him.

  “I am moving,” I tell him and his eyes widen in disbelief.

  “Wait a minute, get the fuck out,” he laughs. I spend the next fifteen minutes catching him up on everything that’s happened between me and Lauren, Dexter and Jenna and my dad. Afterwards he lets out a deep breath.

  “Whoa. I think I need a minute to process all of this,” he laughs. “I don’t know where to even start. Just to make sure I got all of this—you’re moving to Chicago because you ended it with Jenna and you can see your doctor whose husband is having people follow you around because your alter ego wants to kill your real dad because he thinks he killed your mom,” he asks, and I nod.

  “Yeah you’ve kind of got it all down I think.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

  “And your parents are cool with you moving?”

  “They’re not thrilled. My mom doesn’t want me to go but she knows we can’t stay here with my dad acting like a jerk,” I say, sitting next to him.

  “So as far as your murderous alter ego goes,” he says, covering up a laugh, “Lauren doesn’t know about this, or about you having people follow you?”

  “She has enough to deal with,” I say, standing up and starting to pack my things.

  “You think it’s better for her not to know?” he asks, frowning. I shrug.

  “It’s not that I’m hiding things from her. It’s just…yeah, I think it’s better that she doesn’t know,” I admit.

  “If the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want to know?”

  “No. Sometimes ignorance is bliss,” I shrug and he begins to laugh.

  “What?”

  “I’m just surprised, you know, seeing how upset you were about your parents hiding everything from you,” he says sarcastically.

  “That was different,” I say defensively.

  “How was that different?” he says smugly. I have no defense. He’s right, I should tell her. She has every right to know but it’s all been so much on her. I wish we could get a day, just one day, without disaster rearing its ugly head. I sit down on my bed and pull a Snickers out my pocket to eat.

  “I mean it could even give you an edge up on this thing,” Aidan shrugs.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I doubt she’d be hoping for Cal to come back if he wants to kill someone,” he laughs.

  “I don’t want her to not want him back because of that. I want her to not want him back because she loves me, who I am. I don’t want to win by default.”

  “Chris this isn’t a game man,” he lets out a frustrated groan and I’m caught off guard.

  “This is your life. In all seriousness,you have got to stop looking at this as a competition,” he says, and it sounds like he’s scolding me.

  “I’m sorry, when did
you become my dad?” I ask, trying to hold in a laugh, but the expression on his face is anything but jovial.

  “Do you really think Lauren just wants Cal back?”

  “I-I don’t know,” I shrug.

  “That girl wants all of you. Not just you or him. She wants her daughter to have a father, for her to have a possibility of a normal life. I have to tell you the worst thing in the world is not you having DID. Life comes with a shitload of problems and you really need to get yourself together because whenever something goes bad you guys can’t keep flipping the switch.

  “What’s going on?” I ask him suspiciously.

  “What do you mean? I’m giving you advice as your friend. As your best friend!” he exclaims. I stand up and look at him.

  “What are you not telling me?” I ask him, crossing my arms. He looks caught off guard.

  “Nothing. I’m just trying to help you!” he says defensively.

  “You’ve never been a good liar, and you rarely take your head out of your own butt long enough to care about what’s going on around you. Something’s up, what’s going on?” I demand.

  “So that’s what you really think of me? I’m a self-absorbed jerkoff who doesn’t care about the people I love. Real nice Chris,” he says angrily.

  “No, don’t flip this. What the hell is going on?” I demand, and he looks down at the floor guiltily.

  “When are you leaving for Chicago?” he asks quietly.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” I ask him impatiently.

  “It’s not for me to tell you man, but there's some things you need to know before you leave,” he says, crossing his arms.

  “What things?” I ask and he just looks down at the floor. “Oh, so you can bring it up but not say anything?!”

  “I didn’t bring it up. You brought it up!”

  “Okay, whatever it is just say it,” I urge him.

  “I can’t!” he says throwing up his hands.

  “You know what’s worse than knowing there’s a monster under your bed?”

  “Knowing there’s one under your bed but not knowing what it looks like,” I laugh angrily.

  “It doesn’t involve me. I told her to tell you, she needs time.”

  “Who? Lauren?”

  “No, Lisa,” he says. I remember her calling me, and Lauren mentioning it, but so much has happened it slipped my mind.

  “What would something with Lisa have to do with me?” I say, feeling my anger cool some. There isn’t really anything Lisa can tell me that will knock my world off its axis. Now I’m more worried about her than anything. I grab my cellphone and dial her number.

  “She hasn’t been answering, she left town…”

  “Hello,” Lisa says.

  “Hey,” I reply, and see Aidan’s stunned expression.

  “Is there something you need?” she asks sheepishly and I look at my phone in disbelief.

  “What do you mean is it something I need?” I laugh.

  “It’s just been a really—I have a lot going on Chris” she stutters and I glance at Aidan whose gaze won’t leave his feet.

  “Look, I’m going to Chicago with Lauren, and Aidan thinks there's something important you have to tell me. I don’t want anything hanging over my head before I leave. My mom wants to have dinner tonight but since our record with those haven’t been great I'd rather not,” I chuckle. There’s a long pause.

  “When are you leaving?” she asks quietly.

  “Why does it matter? Are you home?” I ask, feeling my annoyance grow.

  “Yeah, but I have…” she stutters.

  “Cool, I’ll see you in about an hour,” I say before hanging up the phone.

  “Are you coming with me?” I ask him and he only nods.

  “You know what, you’re being really weird, maybe you should stay here,” I laugh, leaving him in my bedroom. I head down the stairs and see my dad standing there.

  “Can I talk to you?” he asks and I let out a sigh.

  “Did you think about what I said this morning?”

  “I did,” he says quietly.

  “I want to speak with both you and Lauren.”

  Chapter 14

  Lauren

  He’s coming with me.

  Chris and I are going back to Chicago. This time there isn’t a question of his motive. He’s told me that he loves me, that he wants to be with me and raise Caylen together. I should be ecstatic, everything is coming together—but on what type of foundation? Secrets and lies? This doesn’t feel right. I can’t shake Dexter Crestfield's smarmy smile from my thoughts. I keep trying to get Lisa's looming secret out of my mind. Helen’s instructions, which I basically threw out the window, are making me rethink everything. I keep thinking that going back to Chicago may not be the right move, but whenever I think about Chris’ dad I can’t imagine us staying here another day.

  If we left we could avoid the entire Lisa ordeal until…I don’t know, until…If things somehow become perfect then she ruins it with whatever she has to tell Chris. It’s selfish and stupid but I really just wish she wouldn’t. If it’s not life and death and it will hurt him, I wish she’d just keep it to herself, but then again, whatever it is Aidan thinks it could be the cause of Chris creating Cal. What could Lisa have to do with something so big? But if she tells him, could that be the key to them integrating? I have to know that Chris is committed to that before doing a re-run of what I did last night with him.

  “Hey,” I turn and see him standing there a nervous smile on his face and it instantly makes me feel better.

  “How is the packing going?” I ask, letting out a pent up breath.

  “It was good until Aidan interrupted me,” he sighs.

  “Aidan’s here?”

  “He just left,” he says, rubbing the back of his head.

  “Did he want anything in particular?”

  “Other than to irritate me,” he chuckles and I smile relieved. Aidan didn’t budge on telling me anything about what Lisa told him, but he’s a very straight forward guy and doesn’t seem like the type who’d be able to keep a secret in plain sight.

  “We sort of had an argument, but he’s going to meet me at Lisa’s later,” he shrugs and my heart speeds up.

  “Lisa’s,” I can’t help but repeat.

  “Yeah. He said she has something important to tell me. I want to get it out of the way before we leave,” he says, sitting down on the bed I have been sharing with Caylen during this visit.

  “Are you okay?” he asks concerned. I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Of course, why would you ask that?”

  “Well you’ve folded that shirt over almost three times since I’ve been in here,” he chuckles. I toss the stupid shirt on the bed.

  “I’ll admit my nerves are a little on edge,” I sigh, and he does the same.

  “This probably isn’t going to help but my dad wants to talk to us.”

  “Really? He hasn’t dished out enough verbal abuse before we leave?” I ask sarcastically, grabbing another shirt.

  “He says he wants to apologize to you and doesn’t want us to leave on a bad note,” he adds. I look at Chris in disbelief.

  “I know my dad’s been a real prick lately,” he laughs and I nod. He’s been more than a prick.

  “But that’s not the man he usually is. That’s not the dad I know. It’s just I think this Cal thing…”

  “If you want us to talk to him Chris, I can do that, but the moment he says anything negative or remotely insulting I’ll be exiting the conversation,” I shrug and he smiles relieved.

  “Okay. Are you ready now?” he asks.

  As ready as I’m going to be.

  “Yeah, let's get this over with.”

  I follow Chris into the dining room. Mr. Scott is sitting at the head of the table, his hands folded but his face relatively relaxed and the hardened frown I’ve become accustomed to absent. When he sees us he even smiles and that shocks the hell out of me. Since I’ve
met the man he’s never smiled at me once. I don’t know what Chris said to him after our conversation this morning but it really must have been something. When we’re seated he takes a deep breath, and shifts his body weight towards me.

  “First I’d like to apologize to you Lauren,” he says without a hint of bitterness or anger hidden beneath his tone. I nearly fall out of my chair.

  “I have been extremely unhospitable to you since you’ve arrived,” he continues. “Just a plain jerk,” he adds with a chuckles.

  Yeah you have.

  “I blamed you for things that were not your fault. I used you as someone to take my anger out on since they weren’t here for it and I am truly sorry for how I have behaved towards you.”

  Has hell just frozen over? Who is this man sitting in front of me?

  “Christopher, what you told me this morning really was a wakeup call for me. You did exactly as you should have and stood up for your wife, for her respect and I couldn’t be more proud of you,” he says putting his hand on Chris’. I can’t help but note how pleased Chris looks, how much stress seems to have lifted off him just in these few minutes.

  “I want you both to know that, if you choose to stay, it will be different around here on my end. I will be here to support whatever decisions that you make, but both Gwen and I would be thrilled if you chose to stay.”

  So that’s what this is about. He wants Chris to stay, God forbid he steps out from under papa’s wing.

  “Well dad that’s…”

  “You don’t have to answer me now. I’ll give you both time to talk about it. I just know that one of the main reasons you’re leaving is because of the way I have been acting and I couldn’t sleep tonight if I knew that I was breaking up our family,” he says and I can’t believe my eyes when I see that Mr. Scott is actually tearing up. What in the world has just happened? He turns towards me.