Liberate your Struggles

by A Journey of Riches

  An older woman contacted me - I had previously worked with her daughter. She had lost her 24-year-old son to suicide two years earlier and had not moved forward from her grief. She then became involved in a violent relationship. At the end of our session, she told me it was the first time since her son’s death that she was able to speak his name. This was really emotional for her and for me as well. She now talks freely about her son, has left the violent relationship, and has moved to another part of the country.

  I agreed to work with a young woman that was introduced to me through a third party. I was told she was being restructured out of the job that she loved, she felt rejected and hurt and, naturally, was worried about her future. But, as it turned out, she wasn’t primarily concerned about her employment status. She had been a type 1 diabetic her whole life and feared having a baby because of the medical risks. She had been unable to fall pregnant. Medical tests indicated that both her, and her partner, were physically fine. The fear of pregnancy was profoundly ingrained in this young woman, but at the same she was determined to overcome this fear, and this is what we worked on. Months later, I was fortunate enough to be taken to the hospital to meet her new baby boy. Mum, dad, and baby were all healthy and happy!

  A woman in her 50s approached me, she had been in a 30-year marriage and her husband had had an affair. She only found out about the affair because their daughter accidently discovered text messages on his phone. Fast forward a year, acknowledging that she would have ups and downs every now again, she is now well and truly moving into her new life, happy at the opportunity to reinvent herself. After losing 30kgs, she now feels the freedom to follow one of her dreams and is well on her way to becoming a competitive body sculptor!

  These anecdotes about individuals I have worked with are not just stories about their personal transformations, their courage to be willing and open to allow change to occur. They are stories that show whatever you have been through, are going through or think about what may happen in the future, you can take steps to change your outcome. Everyone has a story and everyone can change their story like these individuals that I have worked with.

  One final story to leave with you – one of my passions is travelling and it is not uncommon for me wander around foreign places on my own. On one such adventure I found myself in Phnom Penh, then out of nowhere, I was hit hard and fast on the side of my body by a white car. I remember this because I saw it continuing its journey while the force of the impact had lifted me off my feet and up into the air. This is when I had the most surreal experience of my life! My brain quickly processed what had happened. I knew I was going to land hard on the side of the road and I didn’t want to hit my head so my mind swiftly reminded me to break my fall as I had learned in judo many years earlier. As a consequence of that lightening decision, I saved myself from damage to my head, which could have been very serious. I did end up with cuts, grazes and bruises along the entire length of my arm, which had taken most of the impact. That was not the only lightening decision I had made in those seconds, my NLP training about trauma and phobias, and how they come into existence, also flashed through my mind. I decided I did not want that, so by the time I hit the ground, I had reframed the whole incident to ensure that I would not get any phobias or suffer trauma from this event. The outcome of this split-second decision to focus on falling correctly and to reframe the accident was that I do not have any phobias and I have not suffered trauma as a consequence of this event. Now, when I look back at this event or tell others about it, it is not because I have any feelings of negative emotion or signs of trauma, it is merely from the perspective of a storyteller.

  I am truly grateful for the NLP training that enabled me to control my state of mind so that I could create a positive outcome even though the situation seemed very bleak indeed. I am grateful to my single mother who had the energy to find the resources to send me to judo week after week and, after all these years, the judo technique of breaking a fall came to me spontaneously.

  The point of this little story is to remind us that, as humans, we attach meaning to events or so-called signs that happen in our lives. Sometimes when we continue to have bad events happen in our lives we may attach the meaning that it is time to take a different direction, or it’s time to pay attention to the details, we may even think that someone is trying to send a message. Then forever after, every time a negative event occurs, we take it as a time to change direction or course.

  In this event I decided not to attach any meaning or feeling to the accident so that I would not anchor this event into any behaviour like crossing busy roads, or fear of vehicles, or label it the travel adventure from hell.

  As a takeaway, I encourage you to notice whenever you get a sign, reframe it to what you want to achieve, give it a positive feeling and meaning and take that forward in your life.

  I have thought a lot about passion and purpose. Many of the current lifestyle coaches and gurus sell you the story that you need to find your passion or purpose to be happy and to live the life of your dreams. Furthermore, they tell you if you do that, then you will have unlimited wealth. You see these stories on your social media feed and you hear success stories from people who have chosen to find their passion or purpose. Yes, I agree this can be the path for some, but it is not the only path. I have seen many people, including my own friends and family members, believing that this is the way, the truth and the life! Later they end up extremely disappointed after having spent hundreds of hours working on a project and having invested thousands of dollars in trying to achieve the expected results.

  I did a little exercise to find my life’s passion and purpose and quickly realised that this approach was too restrictive and prescriptive. It was counterintuitive to who I was as a person and how I love living my life. One of my passions and purposes was limiting and opposite to one of my core values … freedom. The notion of having a passion and a purpose was someone else’s belief that they were selling. Wealth and quantification of wealth are different for everyone. Wealth for some is large amounts of money, for others it could mean their needs are provided for and they are free to pursue their dreams. Do the numbers and figure out how much you really need to live the life of your dream, it may be a lot smaller than the millions promised by the life coaches and gurus.

  There are no rules, what works for one person may not necessarily work for you. If you find a formula that works for you, go ahead, go for it. If it doesn’t, take the best of what you learn and make your own decisions and set your own direction. What are your values? Let them guide you. What are your core beliefs? If they are working for you, carry on. If your values are not working for you and getting in the way, get rid of them. Once you are free of negative beliefs, self-talk and behaviours, your mind will be open to exploring what truly lights your fire. You know what, you may find you have many passions that you want to try out. You may discover you have a sense of purpose in a particular area and you can pursue that with focused energy and vigour. Whatever you do remember, there are no rules, don’t take on other people’s beliefs and values, find your own. Have the courage to go forward and honour what is in your heart.

  Start dreaming, then get out there, have fun, be curious and be courageous when trying new things. The only person that’s stopping you is you! Yes, on a practical level it may be time and money stopping you, solve the problem and just do it. There are no guarantees that this day is not our last, remember this and act as if every day is your last. What do you want to fill your life with?

  Listen to the wise ones that carry the ancient wisdom within them. These people surround you, but if you don’t listen, you won’t discover them. I have been fortunate to be amongst wise ones while leading our tribal negotiations against our government. They gave me unrelenting support to negotiate hard, they provided me with guidance at strategic moments and showed me the truth.

  Today we see images around us in marketing and social media of happy people being successful. These images are de
ceiving and never tell the whole truth about a person, but nevertheless many people take them as valid and compare their ordinary lives with them. The reality is we’re not always happy, smiling, and successful people all the time. Remember, it is okay to be hurt, angry, frustrated, and to feel like a failure. We all have moments of self-doubt and negative thoughts. However, don’t stay there, confront any negative feelings you have head-on, change your state to feel confident, happy, or whatever you want to be. You are in control of your emotions; you just need to decide how you want to show up in the world.

  As we move through life, we become bored, we are no longer growing or feeling alive. We are comfortable going through the motions doing what we did last year and the year before that. We lose courage to try new things and embark on new adventures. We may even be acting out our passions and priorities from years earlier, even though they are no longer fulfilling. Every year I revisit my passions and preferences and check that they are still relevant in my current circumstances. Some I carry over, some I stop, and some are completed so it’s time to set new goals.

  Many many years ago, when I reviewed my passions and priorities, I added one. I wanted to use my current knowledge, skills and relationships to represent my tribe. This became my focus. This became my reality. Then, in the following years, I realised I was carrying a lot of tribal knowledge and so I increased my goal … I wanted to become one of our negotiators; then this became my reality. Representing our tribe has been a commitment over many years and has led to a successful outcome. As it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a supportive tribe to support you as their representative. Even contributing to my tribe was driven by passion, it was not a journey I undertook alone, everyone contributed. I was the trusted mouthpiece at that time for my tribe.

  It was a sad moment to see these goals leave my plan after many years, but on the other hand, it meant I was now able to move into the next stage of my life’s journey with new goals. Life is too short; there are so many exciting things to fill it with. Be adaptable, be flexible and know that life changes whether we want it to or not, go with the flow into every stage with peace and ease to create your beautiful life.

  As I write this chapter I am aware that my life and priorities are changing, some current goals are coming to an end, new passions have already entered that have given me opportunities that I never expected. In addition to that, I am now committed to a bigger long-term goal thats time has arrived. Embrace change and go with the flow.

  Use everything you’ve got and more to achieve your dreams. It begins from the inside, find out who you are, what makes you tick, your values, what you love doing, what makes your heart sing. Undertake personal development with an open mind and an open heart. Be courageous when coming up against old hurts or failures, see them for what they are and move forward. When you feel like you are not progressing, notice the fear and challenges stopping you. Eliminate them at the unconscious level and carry on.

  Trust that you can achieve what you want in life, seek guidance when you need it, but make your own decisions. Prioritise, plan and take action on what is most important to you first. Life is too short, only focus on the most meaningful passions that make you feel alive.

  As I come to the closing paragraphs, I write confidently knowing that you will achieve what is important to you. I know this because on many occasions I have achieved even more than what I set out to achieve. From growing up in a small rural town in New Zealand, I have travelled to many countries. I was fortunate enough to represent my tribe in a multi-million-dollar historical settlement that will benefit our people for generations to come. With the skills of NLP, hypnosis and neuroscientific personal development that I’ve learned on my journey, I have been able to help both men and women transform their lives.

  As you read my words, you will recall many achievements, big and small of your own. Knowing this, you will understand that dreams are achievable and they do become a reality. Now go, dream of a bright future, the one that you see, feel and design in your mind’s eye. See it coming to life in technicolour, feel the energy vibrating throughout your body and notice how daringly exciting it is perched on the edge of your future. Go out into the world with confidence, knowing that your dream will become a reality.

  Make a plan, take action and move forward toward your dream. Look back every now and again to appreciate how far you have travelled, feel your achievements, smile from your soul, then set your eyes north again toward the future. Enjoy your journey in this life, relax and delight in the unexpected. It is the unexpected moments that give us great pleasure when we tell our stories. They become the experiences, knowledge and wisdom that we will share throughout our lives.

  Always do what is important to you first. For me it is family, for others it could be health, travel or a hobby they are passionately obsessed with. You don’t want to be the couple who work all their lives for the big overseas trip of a lifetime when they retire, then when that time comes, one of both are no longer fit or healthy enough to travel. Happiness is really important, whatever that means to you, do that.

  Love and light.

  “Never regret anything that has happened

  in your life, it cannot be changed, undone

  or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned

  and move on.”

  ~ Unknown

  CHAPTER TEN

  RISING ABOVE THE TIDE

  By Jason Stein

  In my chapter, I’m sharing several short stories that cover different time periods and experiences in my life, like different slices of the pie, so to speak. I’ve learned over the years that how we look at things makes a difference. So maybe some of these stories will resonate with you more than others, perhaps some will help you look at things differently. In any case, enjoy and hopefully, it’s not too much of a struggle to get through them.

  I’ve heard that struggling helps build character. But who wants to be constantly building their character? It sounds exhausting, right? The truth is, it can be, at times; but know that through the struggle comes progress and even success. The more you move forward, the more you learn and grow.

  Sure, you can see how others deal with situations and model them as best you can, but we all deal with our situations differently. I have found from my experience over the years that using humor has helped me take the bite out of a lot of things that ordinarily would have been more of a struggle than they really were.

  I’ve tried to continuously work on my personal development game, although lack of consistency, procrastination, and perfectionism have been issues for me over the years. When I became certified in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), I picked up so many helpful strategies that have assisted me interpret situations differently and allowed me to make adjustments that I would have initially called struggles. I became more adept at adapting to what I considered life’s struggles, enabling me to identify that most of the time, the real struggle was simply between my ears. But it’s my sense of humor that I always rely on to be that first voice response. My stand-up comedy/improv background has proven invaluable.

  From the D To the A…

  This isn’t about the New York City subway. When I was in college, I struggled with accounting and calculus, earning a “D” in both. They were like huge anchors bringing my entire grade point average down. I had put off taking a statistics class, as I figured I would struggle with it as well, but I needed to pass this class to graduate. To get through it, I had to adjust my mindset and approach it with a more positive attitude.

  I worked on changing my study habits, which required me to rewire how my brain looked at the subject of statistics. I looked at the patterns of the problems and started doing a lot of formulas and equations, and after a while, it became easier to solve the problems. All this preparation helped, and if I didn’t know something, I asked right away. At this point, I had a very high level of confidence and I really knew what I was doing. Well, it turned out that for the final exam I got an “A�
�! In the end, it wasn’t as difficult as I had made it out to be. The important lesson is that I had proven to myself that if I put my mind to it, worked hard, and applied myself, it can be done (for most things). It doesn’t mean I’m going to be a chemical engineer anytime soon, but I accomplished my goal.

  Everyone has their failures. How else do you learn what not to do the next time around? And everyone has their successes. Everyone navigates through their challenges differently, so we can all learn from one another. There’s more than one way to overcome obstacles in order to reach your goals and see your vision through. This is what makes us all unique! Some take the slow lane and others ride in the express lane, even though the end goal is the same.

  I think part of eliminating the struggle is getting clarity on what you want, whether it’s work-related, or what you want in a relationship. Where do you see yourself in five, ten, twenty years from now? The sooner you know what you want, the more time you can devote to achieving it. If there’s a career change, jump in and go full throttle ahead.

  Grand Central Terminal

  When I became a docent at Grand Central Terminal in 2013, I drew upon what I had learned in that old statistics class. (A docent is a fancy name for a tour guide who doesn’t get paid.) The new challenge was that I had to become certified, going through what they said was equivalent to an MBA-level program. So, how was I going to get through this study? I had been out of school and hadn’t studied for something on this level in over 20 years. I had to prepare something in NYC to talk about and they were going to record me. Once I started the interview, the woman interviewing me could see my natural enthusiasm. I noticed that she was using the same model camera that I had, so I began to use an NLP technique to build rapport: “We have the same camera, what a great camera!” I tried to make her smile and elicit any kind of positive response. (Building rapport is a very effective NLP strategy.)