Liberate your Struggles

by A Journey of Riches

  In the end, I was selected for their program! Hooray! Now what?! I looked back and tried to use a similar approach to how I had passed my statistics class as best I could. It was a long time ago, but the same study habits applied. Here I used another NLP strategy known as modeling. Just like for my statistics class, I blocked everything out around me and focused like I was on this “special ops” mission. Rather simply, I just immersed myself into Grand Central Terminal. I lived and breathed it. Anything related to Grand Central, I was on top of it. The key was welcoming the challenge with enthusiasm. I talked about things that I learned in having conversations with others until it just became part of my subconscious, and there were a lot of things to go over. At times it felt very overwhelming. I often told myself to stay positive, have fun, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. I learned a lot more after my first couple of tours, and going through the docent education program was an incredible learning and growing experience. Becoming a docent has made a big difference in my life, as I realized that I have a passion for history, and by adding a little humor in the mix, I can really bring my tours to life and found that people are much more engaged. The positive feedback I’ve received confirms this. I’m glad I stuck with the program, as it has been a very fulfilling experience for me and has also opened so many other doors. I am now a professional tour guide in NYC. You never know where things can lead or what other opportunities may present themselves to you!

  You Can Do That?

  After college, I worked on Wall Street as a stockbroker for a short time, then moved over to the trading desk. After a while, I felt it just wasn’t for me, but the level of experience I had received was invaluable. After about a year on the trading desk, the creative side of my brain was saying it was time to move on. At the time, I didn’t know where my income would come from once I left. I was talking with one of the traders one day and he asked, “Why don’t you look at temping?” I said, “What’s that?” He explained that I could work for some time and then have the option to stay on or go somewhere else, and sometimes it can turn into a full-time position. I was young and didn’t even know that such a thing existed, so this is an excellent example of the importance of being aware of your options. There’s a saying that goes like this: “You know what you know, you know what you don’t know, and you don’t know what you don’t know.” There’s always something new that you can learn; this is what makes life an adventure. So, through temping at various jobs, I was able to support myself while still having the flexibility to pursue other interests.

  Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

  In my NLP training, it says that unresourceful people do not exist, only unresourceful states. This served as a good example as I was visiting friends in Florida whom I had met earlier in the year on a trip to one of the Caribbean Islands. I went by myself, and it turned into one of the best decisions I’d ever made, as it developed into new relationships and a new circle of friends. I had forced myself to get out of my social comfort zone, as many of my friends at home were getting married and having kids, so we couldn’t hang out as much as we used to do. There was a special price on a club membership where my Florida friends belonged. Considering that I was still living in NYC, I needed to make a list of the pros and cons of joining their club. Is this even feasible? How often would I get down to Florida to make it worthwhile? Can I afford to do this? I figured it’s the same travel time whether it was a two-to-three-hour drive to the Hamptons, or to the Jersey Shore for a summer share (which I wasn’t really into), or flying south to Florida where I had a place to stay with no lodging expenses. I decided to do it, despite that it might be a stretch financially when adding up food, drinks, and miscellaneous expenses.

  So, I thought about what I could do to make some more money to cover these extras. I made up some funny sayings and put them on t-shirts and sold them while I was visiting, and to my surprise, I was able to cover most of my food and drink costs. Then, after about a year, I created a website and started selling t-shirts and other things online; and this is how I first got involved in affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing has helped me bring in an extra income for many years, and this would’ve never happened if I had not stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at ways to become more resourceful. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

  Now, there were plenty of times being an affiliate marketer that I’ve often felt like I’ve been struggling through it, dealing with one technical issue after another that would throw me off for what seemed like hours or days. I could feel the frustration building and just wanted to throw the computer out the window. One thing that helped me get through it was to take a break and go for a walk in the park. There’s something very therapeutic about being in nature. It helps to clear the noise from your head, and oftentimes, I would come home and figure out exactly what I needed to do. I’m currently working on various projects online, and I know that if I stay consistent, good things will happen.

  Working in a Cartoon

  Have you ever worked for someone that when you wake up in the morning, you’re hoping it’s the weekend? Well, I had that very feeling many times during the workweek. I had a boss who wasn’t the easiest person to work for. She had mood swings, was overly demanding, and would say some of the craziest things that sometimes didn’t make any sense. Now before me, there was another guy in my position who, from what I can recall, had gone out to lunch and never returned to work (I wonder why?) He just left and never came back. I mean, how bad does it have to be for someone to leave without telling anyone and not return?! And here I was, his replacement. What was I getting myself into here? You kind of get a taste of it above. From what I can remember, I seemed to be in her direct line of fire every day. If others saw her approaching, they would run the other way. I remember always saying to colleagues in the office that it was like working in a cartoon. They agreed! I didn’t know it at the time, but I was using an NLP technique called Timeline Therapy, where you can dissociate and float up above your timeline, whether it be past, present, or future, and observe yourself and your surroundings in the scene below. (This is often used in visualization strategies, which is a very valuable skill set.) It felt like we were all in this wacky cartoon where green means stop and red means go. It was hysterical, yet our reality at the time.

  Now I understand that people’s behavior can change under stress. Stress can turn the nicest of people into monsters, and you don’t have to wait for a full moon for this to happen. Combine that with sales quotas, deadlines, quarterly reports, and pressure from top execs, and you have yourself a tough situation. Dealing with the nine-to-five in a hostile environment is not my idea of a good time; but after work, my boss was a different person - she was actually nice! Every day, I wondered who would be showing up. It was like a Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde scenario. “This is all gold for a comedian,” is what I would say to myself in order to keep my sanity as I was on the verge of leaving. I had other people in the office telling me to hang in there and that things would be changing for the better very shortly

  At the time, I was doing stand-up comedy, and I had put together a new ten-minute set at one of the comedy clubs. It was mostly about my office experience, and I had a lot of material; many of my co-workers showed up to watch my set. There were plenty of laughs, and people in the audience could definitely relate to it, as they had their own office politics to deal with. It was a fun night all around and, in a way, it was also my therapy session. It was worth me waiting it out because there were changes to our business unit and she ended up leaving. I had great rapport with the guys I worked directly with. There was more latitude and flexibility and a very congenial working atmosphere with much less tension overall. This was one case where waiting it out paid off. So, don’t underestimate the power of rapport. And having a sense of humor really helped, too.

  Another time where my sense of humor helped me was at a temp job. (This was after three months, and from what I understand, there were around four other peo
ple before me in this position. They had trouble keeping anyone.) I had just gotten back from jury duty and received a call from HR asking me to please come up to see them. So, I sat down in their office and the woman in HR told me that it’s not working out. I said to myself, “It may not be working out for you, but it’s working out for me!” I never got a clear explanation as to why they let me go, as no one ever mentioned anything to me before this. As I left the building, walking down to the sidewalk, all I could think about was all the rain and flooding happening in the Midwest at the time. On the news, they showed the water levels up to the street signs. I thought to myself, “At least I don’t have to swim home!” Imagine losing your job, and now you have to swim home! And just by saying that, it made me smile. It helped deal with that for the moment.

  I found that using humor can act as a coping mechanism. I know we don’t want to cope through life permanently. It’s a protective coating that acts like a shield. It’s good at deflecting all the crap being thrown your way. And this will give you time to address your issues and find solutions.

  And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes just by talking something through with someone can be very helpful. They can possibly help you come up with a game plan. I know who I can call to help me, and I know I can help others. Just work through the struggle and in the end, you usually find a way to work it out and see progress.

  Iceland - A Meaningful Event

  One of the things I learned in studying personal development over the years is that events in and of themselves have no meaning. We give meaning to events. Events are going on all around us, yet we don’t attend or observe them because they may not have any meaning to us. So, don’t create an issue where there isn’t one.

  This lesson reminds me of my trip to Iceland in 2006. This was the first time I had gone on a group trip where I didn’t know anyone. Of course, the drama of certain events between a few people was inevitable, but I didn’t let any of it bother me. These events had no meaning to me. I rose above the tide and stayed true to my mission, which was to experience Iceland. I was so focused on being in the moment; it was special. When you’re standing on top of the continental tectonic plates that had collided into each other hundreds of thousands of years earlier and buckled up above ground, somehow the other “drama” around you pales in comparison. I had the most amazing time; and even though I didn’t know anyone at the beginning, I still keep in touch with some of the people from that trip.

  Another thing I took away from this adventure was that I didn’t let friends who couldn’t go because of conflicting schedules stop me from going. Some people never go anywhere because they don’t have anyone to go with. Leaving your comfort zone is the only way to expand your horizons, and who knows, you may make new friends along the way.

  Just a Little Extra

  There were times when work wasn’t consistent, causing a struggle to cover rent for a month here and there. I swore I would never be in this situation again, so I started to put a little extra away every month to build up a separate rent account. When my girlfriend moved in with me, she agreed to do the same, and each month, we would contribute more than what was necessary. Over time, it added up. If something should happen where someone loses their income, we had a safety cushion that gave us both some serious financial peace of mind. I’m grateful that we have this rent account, and it feels much better than the alternative. It’s a tough road living paycheck to paycheck so just become a little more resourceful and you’ll be surprised how much of a difference this can make. You may have to sacrifice some things in the beginning, but hopefully, you’re able to see the future benefits.

  Keep Scraping

  I often go exploring around New York City, and once I visited the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side of New York. This building has no plumbing and they have a replica of the outhouses outside. On this day, I had signed up for a tour through some of the apartments that were in the same physical condition as when they had unboarded them years earlier where 7,000 immigrants lived from 1863-1935. You can see all the layers of old paint on the walls, which reminded me of all the emotional baggage one would carry around that builds up over time, one layer on top of another. Most of us place a band-aid over our issues, and instead of scraping all the layers of paint off first and adding a new coat, we just paint over the old. The issues never really go away. They are still there, buried under more crap with the inner voice haunting you from time to time. What if we were able to scrape off all the layers first then start fresh? It is possible.

  There are a couple of NLP techniques that have helped me with my negative internal dialogue. One of them is to change the tone of your inner voice. Replace your voice with a Mickey Mouse voice, for example, or some other character that helps take the seriousness away when you find yourself starting to beat yourself up verbally.

  The other technique is the Meta Model strategy. So, I might say, for example: “I can’t do anything right.” The Meta Model would ask questions such as, “You can’t do anything right, EVER?” There’s not one thing that you’ve ever done, right? Did you get out of bed? Yes. Did you get dressed? Yes. Made yourself breakfast? Yes. Did you get to school or work? Yes.” This is proof that the phrase “I can’t do anything right” is a false narrative, and this sort of negative self-talk can get stuck in your subconscious mind, causing you to start playing the tape over and over. The dangerous part is that you really start to believe that you can’t do anything when, in fact, it’s not true. I’ve found the Meta Model a very effective tool at stopping those negative thoughts from permeating inside my head.

  You can also learn how to look at things differently through reframing, which is another NLP technique where you can give a different meaning or context to a situation; therefore, the meaning of the situation changes. For example, you might see something one way, and then you’re shown other possibilities and all of a sudden, the light bulb goes off and it is a wonderful moment when you know you have options and you’re not stuck like you initially thought. It’s something that you would not have been aware of otherwise, and there’s a sense of relief and hope knowing that as you take action to help yourself move forward, you can persevere through the fog and become unstuck. Studying NLP has helped me to better understand the human condition and stuck states of behavior.

  Changing your environment can also do wonders for finding solutions. What happens - at least in my experience - is that my negative inner voice starts to crash over me like a tidal wave. You need to implement a pattern-interrupt as fast as possible. Start repeating positive affirmations, as this will help tone down the negativity. Or, for example, I might turn on the radio and listen to a song from the ‘80s! All you need is a one-hit-wonder to do the trick! Playing a favorite song that makes you feel good will help change your state quickly. Start laughing at something, even at your own situation. It will help get your creative juices flowing, and a possible solution could be right around the corner. The worst thing is to do nothing to counter negative thoughts. You can make yourself sick from concentrating on negative thoughts. So, I found that staying positive, especially while struggling through whatever may be happening in life, is 100% better for my mental health. When you hear the phrase “stay positive,” this is like your superpower. Positive thoughts can counter negative thoughts, and when you’re negative, it’s easy to become jaded and take on a victim mentality. I look at the power of positive thoughts as a gift that I can call upon while struggling through something.

  Much Ado About Nothing

  I remember when I first started doing stand-up comedy, I would get such anxiety getting ready to do a five-minute set. True story. I would get all worked up, and for what? I realized that it’s only five minutes, and it goes quite fast when you’re on stage. You blink and it’s over. It seems like two deep breaths later and I’m done. I think much of life is like these five minutes. You get crazy and all worked up about something - drama, drama, drama - and in the end, it’s much ado about not
hing. Just know that it gets easier the more you do something. It did for me, and it will work for you. We must understand that no one ever got really good at anything by doing it just once so there’s no point in beating yourself up over it. Instead, use it as a learning experience. This mindset has helped me when creating new tours as well. Just be as prepared as possible, have confidence in yourself, and have fun. You’re the teacher/master, and they’re the students. I’ve found that I can apply this principle to many areas of my life.

  There are two sides to every situation, one positive and one negative; which one you decide to focus on will determine how much pleasure or pain you attract into your life. When it comes to my approach towards life, I live by a very common saying: “Always look on the bright side of life.” I would often hear my grandmother say that the alternative is not an option. She was a very positive woman and was right. Look at it this way, if it’s too bright, you can always put on sunglasses.

  “Struggles are a part of life but they are not

  the totality of what life entails. So we

  must remember to discover all the other

  ingredients that make life worth living.”

  ~ Unknown

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SURFING THE WAVES OF STRUGGLE