2000 Light Years from Home (James London)

by Iain Benson

  “Yes!” Xia hit some keys and twirled the mouse. “They have recycling centres.”

  “Ideal,” said London. “That is very green.”

  “Wishbone only has the Earth’s best interest at heart,” Janet said.

  After a few more keystrokes from Xia, the two soldiers let go of Janet and John and left the room.

  With Janet and John in tow, they followed the soldiers down the stairs. Majors Keyes and Rivers were still waiting in the cafeteria. London righted a chair and dropped into it.

  “Any chance we could get a lift to Highbury,” London asked. “We’re double parked.”

  “Doubled parked?” Keyes asked.

  “We’re parked in a park.”

  “Ah,” Keyes nodded. “We’ve called for a ride. It’ll be here in a bit.”

  “These two are responsible for everything,” said London.

  “Where’s Wishbone?” Rivers asked.

  Vera held up the jar. “I have imprisoned him in here,” Vera said.

  “That’s quite disturbing,” said Keyes.

  “I think we’ll claim that these two fabricated Wishbone like they did the soldiers,” Rivers said. “It’s more believable than a shape shifting alien in a trade sized Nutella jar.”

  Rivers’ phone bleeped on the table. He lifted it up and looked at it.

  “Our ride’s here.”

  Thoughtfully, the soldiers had destroyed the ice-cream van when they stormed the office allowing them easy egress. The road up to the office looked like a war zone. There were holes in the sides of the buildings, a massive crater in the concrete path, bullet holes and scorch marks. The cooling towers were still up, which was a shame, as they always looked spectacular when they collapsed.

  There was a black helicopter in the parking lot, the blades spinning. It was difficult to see now night time had descended. Janet and John had been zip-tied and were unceremoniously dumped in the back. Keyes and Rivers had to go in the front, as the helicopter was crowded with two prisoners, two aliens and two humans in the back. Without lights, the helicopter lifted into the air, rotated lazily and set off home.

  As they disappeared southward over the horizon, the cooling towers collapsed. It was as spectacular as London thought.

  Epilogue

  In which everyone goes home

  Vera’s ship was where they had left it, which was not that much of a surprise, as it was unlikely the traffic wardens were dedicated enough to try and have it towed.

  The helicopter dropped them off in the park. The passers-by had stopped staring at the spaceship now. It was yesterday’s news, literally, as it was in the newspaper. Besides, H&M had an End of Occupation sale on, and that was far more interesting. There was a brief resurgence of interest from the crowd waiting for the shops to open when a shadow black helicopter landed in the park, but not as much as the time there had been a rare Pokémon there.

  “Are you sure you wish to return with me?” Vera asked Xia, who’d decided that interstellar adventures were more enticing than washing dishes in her parent’s restaurant.

  “We can always pop back any time,” Xia said. “I spoke to mum, she’s relieved I’m okay and asked if I was eating properly and why I wasn’t married yet. So yes, I’m sure.”

  “You can come too,” Vera said to London.

  “That’s okay,” said London. “I have milk in my fridge that needs throwing out, also I have a library book that needs returning and class tomorrow.”

  “It has been good being in your thoughts,” Bonbon said, and London had the sensation that he was being hugged.

  “Nice knowing you, too,” said London. “Please don’t tell anyone about what happened when I was fifteen.”

  “It’s our secret,” said Bonbon.

  The ship made a bleep-bleep sound. The door opened and the ramp extended.

  London watched as the three walked up the ramp. Xia paused at the top and looked back. London gave a casual wave, and she followed Bonbon and Vera inside.

  The ship lifted from the ground silently, which surprised London. He’d expected a roar, a backwash and other high-definition sound-effects. It looked graceful, the running lights coming on as the landing gear retracted. The ring around the centre started to rotate slowly. After a few seconds, it rose rapidly into the Sunday morning light; more like it was shrinking than rising.

  London watched it until it had gone. It suddenly dawned on him that he was quite some distance from his car. He stuck his hands in his pockets and headed for the tube, working out in his head the fastest route to Downing Street.

  “Victoria and Jubilee,” he decided. “I’ll probably need some milk, too.”

  James London will return in

  The Man Who Sold the World

  How much is too much gold?

  Why does Zeus play Dungeons and Dragons?

  What happens to mortals who drink Ambrosia?

  Why is Nigella Lawson the target of the Turkish Mafia?

  Did Mary Curr survive?

  Why is there no talent on talent shows?

  How high do numbers go?

  London will find the answer to most of these questions as he turns gold into lead; becomes a god for the day and saves the world from economic collapse.