Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10)

by Jerry Boyd

  “I did. I tried to play it off, but I doubt I did as good a job as I wanted to.”

  “I’m beginning to get the feeling that they think the location of their home planet is some kind of big secret.”

  “You mean I’ve whizzed them off again, just by figuring out where they live?”

  “Probably.”

  “They remind me of some of the folks from back home. Just looking for something to be upset about.”

  Jane said, “You’ve got that right. Of course, they’ve had it all their own way for thousands of years, and along comes some ‘infamous monkey’ and upsets their applecart. You have to think it might take a day or two for them to get their heads around it.”

  I replied, “I suppose you’re right, but it doesn’t make my job any easier.”

  Dingus said, “If it was easy, we wouldn’t have had to find a hillbilly to do it, now would we?”

  “How do you mean, Dingus?”

  “Don’t they say you folks are too tough to beat, and too dumb to quit?”

  “I’ve heard something like that, I suppose, now that you mention it.”

  Jane said, “Whatever makes it work, we seem to be the folks on the scene, so I suppose we’re the ones who need to get it done.”

  The Grannies came back over, leading Captain Dressi. Dee said, “We’ve settled up on the trade goods, but he wants a whole pallet for hauling the prisoners home.”

  “He is taking a risk. What if he gets seen unloading them? He’s going to be answering questions for a long time.”

  “You’re going to give him the remotely activated badges, aren’t you?”

  “Some kid could catch him unloading. You do remember Charlie, don’t you?”

  Grandma Cachi spoke up. “You sound like you want to give him a whole pallet for taking them back.”

  “I want to give him what he thinks it’s worth, because he’s taking a big risk, for him and his crew. We take risks all the time, but we have Gene and all the bots backing us up. He has himself and his two, what, sons? Nephews?”

  Captain Dressi said, “One of each, actually. How did you know?”

  “You just don’t treat them like hired help.”

  The Captain replied, “That’s funny, coming from you. You don’t treat anybody like ‘hired help’.”

  Dee said, “He’s got you there, Captain.”

  “I suppose he does, at that. So, we’re agreed, an extra pallet for dealing with the passengers?”

  Captain Dressi stuck out his hand to shake, so I did. I said, “You have been to Earth. I’m a little surprised I’ve never heard stories of you folks.”

  He said, “The people I deal with are making good money, they don’t want to spoil it.”

  “Makes sense. How soon can we get some bots aboard to get you set up to carry those folks?”

  “Bots?”

  “Mechanical folks, like Shorty, here. They do most of the work around here.”

  “You trust these ‘bots’?”

  “Sure do. Not to say some of them aren’t ornery, if they get the chance, but I trust them to have my back, when I need it. Why else would I have them here for guards, in case you tried to pull something.”

  He looked around, apparently just noticing the Marine guards standing around the bay. “You mean they are armed?”

  “Show him, Andre.” They exposed their built-in stunners, and brought them to order arms. After a moment, they put them away. “I see. Those were stunners, weren’t they? What if I was the one in a thousand or so who is immune to them?”

  I drew my pistol, and held it in front of me. “One of those primitive projectile weapons you were talking about. The girl who is working on building us your style of weapons has yet to decide she has enough testing to clear them for general issue.”

  “You would have killed me?”

  “I doubt it, unless you have some strange anatomy. There are plenty of places to shoot you where you’ll be pretty much incapacitated, without too much risk of you bleeding out.”

  “You sound like you have experience.”

  “One of the fellows we hauled back threatened to break my dog’s neck. I shot him in the arms, and stopped him from doing it.”

  “You have autodoc codes for our people?”

  Jane said, “We do, but we didn’t see the need to use them for him. Just patched him up and let him heal normally.”

  Captain Dressi looked at me. “You like your dog quite a bit, don’t you?”

  I replied, “You don’t understand. He’s my wife’s dog.”

  “That explains a lot. I remember an Earth saying. ‘Happy wife, happy life’, I believe it goes?”

  “Exactly right.”

  Saucy spoke up. “Boss, we need to go aboard to start on those bunks. Sally needs Andre and the boys to go pick up this fella’s passengers, if you don’t need them here anymore.”

  “I think we can get by without them. Andre, come here a minute before you head out, please.”

  Andre came up. “Yes, Boss?”

  “Be sure and wash those idiots, before you bring them aboard. We wouldn’t want to stink up Captain Dressi’s ship.”

  “Wash the idiots, aye.”

  “Be careful about dunking them in rivers. There are carnivores down there.”

  “No fishing with the idiots for bait, yes, Boss.”

  He took off. Captain Dressi asked, “You’re not sending a human to supervise him?”

  “He can handle it. A supervisor would just get in the way and slow him down.”

  “I thought humans were paranoid about letting bots work on their own?”

  “Some are. I haven’t had any trouble.”

  B-128 and his crew of old-timers came into the bay, pulling grav pallets full of material. He said, “Hi Boss, is this the ship that needs bunks installed?”

  “Sure is. You fellas got the job ‘cause you’re built smaller?”

  “Yep. The newer bots couldn’t get aboard this ship, not and have room to work.”

  “Captain Dressi here can show you where he wants the bunks. You folks do all have nanny protocol up and running, right?”

  “Yes, Boss. Scotti checked before she sent us in.”

  Captain Dressi asked, “Nanny protocol?”

  “It allows them to ignore orders from people outside their chain of command. So you can’t order them to help you take over the ship.”

  “Do you ever miss a trick, Captain Wilson?”

  “More often than I would like, I’m afraid.”

  “I have trouble believing that.”

  “Well, Captain, what you choose to believe or not is up to you. Do you need to stick around while they are getting you fixed up for passengers, or do you want a tour of the ship to pass the time?”

  “Not that I don’t trust you, Captain, but if they are aboard, I better be here.”

  “I understand. You have to set a good example for your helpers, if nothing else. Perhaps the next time you’re out this way.”

  “I’ll look forward to that.”

  Tikki came into the bay. She was carrying a module of some sort. She said, “Hi Boss. I brought a transponder for Captain Dressi, so we won’t have to give him a show, the next time he comes to visit.” She handed it to him, and he looked it over. He said, “This is nice work, young lady. It’ll plug right in, no fuss.”

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  “Do you mind if I ask how you came to be working for the Captain, here?”

  “Some of the crew found my Dad and me marooned on Earth. I thought it would be more fun to work here, than to go back to Squirrel space.”

  “Your Dad is okay with it?”

  “He works here too. He’s away right now, but he’ll be back soon.”

  Captain Dressi looked at me. “I feel like there is much to learn here. I will have to return when I can stay longer.”

  I replied, “Feel free. It’s nice to meet a Squirrel who’s willing to do business, instead of wanting to blow us out of space.�
��

  “The walnut vendors are powerful. You’re trying to cut into their market. They aren’t going to take that well.”

  “How do you figure to move the walnuts you’ve traded for without getting in trouble with them?”

  “Sell them well away from Oak, for one thing. They aren’t as powerful on the smaller colonies.”

  Saucy stuck his head out the main hatch. “Boss, Captain Dressi needs to come and inspect our work.”

  The Captain looked surprised. He turned to Saucy. “You are finished?”

  “Yes, Sir. We would like to know if our work is up to your standard. If it isn’t, we’ll be glad to redo it so that it is.”

  Captain Dressi went aboard to inspect the bunks. I noticed Tikki chatting up one of his helpers. Dingus said, “It’s not like she has a lot of people to socialize with around here, is it?”

  I replied, “No, I don’t suppose so. Has Tex gotten ahold of you yet?”

  “No, I haven’t spoken to him. What does he need?”

  “Apparently, there’s a lady bot he’d like to see join the company. I told him you were in charge of acquisitions.”

  “I’ll go by the bridge and see what he has to say, when we get done here.”

  “Thanks. Gotta keep this crew happy.”

  Captain Dressi came back out of his ship, the bots trailing behind. He said, “Captain Wilson, your crew is amazing. They put those bunks in better than I ever could have expected, and fast, too.”

  I asked, “You won’t have any trouble getting them back out, when you’re done with them?”

  “Nope. They’re put in with our regular quick-disconnect fasteners. Your people do good work. You must treat them well. They laughed at me when I tried to hire them.”

  “Good workers like that, I’ve got to keep them happy.”

  My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  Abe said, “Boss, are you ready to receive the passengers? I’ve got the first load, and I’m nearly aboard.”

  “Bring ‘em on. They just finished putting in the bunks.”

  “Be there in a minute, then.” The connection dropped. I said, “B-128, hang around a minute. They’re probably going to need help getting those folks aboard.”

  “Sure, Boss. You think we might ought to move back so they can use the closest docking clamp?”

  “Trying to save yourself some steps?”

  “Yep. Is that a problem, Boss?”

  “Not at all.” We all moved out of the way, so the ship could dock next to the other one. It still amazed me that we could open that great big hatch and not lose any air. The ship came in and settled into the docking clamp. Ace waved from the cockpit window. I waved back. The Marines formed a line and started passing the unconscious Squirrels out. The smaller bots formed their own line, and handed them into Captain Dressi’s ship. Once they were all transferred, they closed the hatch, and Ace took off to put the ship away. Abe came up to me, and said, “The other shipload were dirtier. It may take them longer to get cleaned up.”

  “Was Morning Flower too upset about losing the cleaning help?”

  “I think she was glad to be rid of them. She said they were too small to do much work, and too mouthy to get along with.”

  Captain Dressi asked, “Why would she think they were too small? Our people aren’t that much smaller than yours.”

  I replied, “She’s not one of my people. Her people are bigger and stronger than us.”

  He got a strange look. “You mean there is another race of intelligent life?”

  “Yep. Back home, they’re legendary, but this is their home planet, as near as we can tell.”

  “What kind of people are they?”

  “Folks back home call them Sasquatch. The ones here have taken to calling themselves Starfoot.”

  He started messing with his watch. “All the information on this thing claims they aren’t real.”

  “They are very good at hiding.”

  “It also doesn’t mention anything about them having technology.”

  “They haven’t developed much of their own, but they don’t have any trouble using it. Three shiploads of your cargo, here, were captured by some of their females, flying fighters.”

  “Three shiploads? Really?”

  “The way I hear it, they came in one ship at a time, meaning to rendezvous here, and ambush us when we returned from Oak. Morning Flower had other ideas.” He twitched again. I asked, “Why does it bother you so much that we went to Oak?”

  “Because no monkeys are supposed to know we exist, much less how to get to Oak.”

  “As far as I know, no monkeys do. Only the bot who pilots the ship. Heck, I don’t even know how to get to the system we’re in. We’re trying to keep it as secret as we can.”

  “You mean you haven’t given the coordinates to the Commonwealth?”

  “Nope. They have too many rules, makes it hard to do business the way we want to.”

  “That’s a relief. The government back home is always afraid the Commonwealth would want to start a war, if they ever found out about us.”

  “I wouldn’t put it past them. They have some strange ideas. If your people were to get suddenly revealed, the humans would panic, and the Commonwealth would be forced into doing something stupid.”

  “So, it’s in your best interest to keep us secret?”

  “Yes. Isn’t it in your best interest to keep secret where you are getting all these walnuts?”

  “I suppose it is.” He looked over to where Tikki and one of the boys were talking. “It looks like I’m going to be coming back here, whether I want to or not.”

  “He could do a lot worse. She’s a good kid.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. She’s going to convince him how great it is to work for you, and I’m going to be looking for a new deckhand.”

  “I do seem to wind up officiating a lot of weddings. Nothing says you couldn’t contract your ship to us, I’m sure we could keep you busy.”

  “Sneaky monkey. I’ll think about it.”

  Abe said, “The other ship is coming in, Boss.”

  Once they were clamped down, Pete and Greg came out of the hatch. Pete said, “Howdy, Boss.”

  “Howdy. Giving the trainee some field experience?”

  “Yep. Thought he might come in handy getting them aboard that little ship.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Carry on.” Pete and Greg helped the old-timers get the prisoners arranged in their bunks. Captain Dressi asked, “You have a bot supervising a human?”

  Jane spoke up. “That’s my son. He was beginning to get into trouble, so I got Pete to give him some structure and training. It’s done wonders for his attitude.”

  The Captain said, “No offense intended, Ma’am. We just don’t use mechanical people in those kinds of jobs.”

  She asked, “What kinds of jobs do you use them for? I would have thought you might have one with you to help with loading and unloading.”

  “Some ships do, my sister keeps me supplied with crew, so I don’t bother.”

  The bots finished moving the prisoners. Andre came over and said, “You’re all loaded, Sir. Anything else we can do for you?”

  “No, thank you.” He turned to me. “Pleasure doing business with you, Captain Wilson. Hope to see you again soon.”

  I shook the hand he offered, and said, “Indeed, a pleasure. Stop by whenever you’re in this part of the galaxy.”

  He collected his crew, and boarded his ship. We all backed away to give him room to maneuver. Dingus said, “He was a nice fellow, wasn’t he?”

  I replied, “He sure was. Hard to believe, after all the turkeys we’ve dealt with so far.”

  Jane said, “He’s not out of the system yet. Don’t jinx it.”

  We stood and watched as the ship left. The hatch closed behind it. I said, “That force field holding out the vacuum still freaks me out.”

  Dee said, “It does feel better to have a solid hatch between us and the univers
e.”

  Tikki came up and said, “His nephew says they tend to skirt the law once in a while.” The assembled humans looked at one another. Finally, I said, “We don’t know anybody like that.”

  Jane replied, “Nope. Not a soul.”

  Dee said, “Can’t think of a one.”

  Dingus said, “Outlaws? Oh, my goodness!”

  Tikki said, “You guys are hopeless. I told him that you guys would be cool with it, but he didn’t believe me.”

  I said, “Maybe you can convince him next time.”

  “They’re coming back?”

  “That’s the way Captain Dressi sounded. I just hope he can get those people dropped off without getting caught.”

  “What will we trade with them?”

  “It may come down to gold for walnuts. I’m guessing you and Scotti can figure out how to duplicate all the goodies we traded for this time?”

  “We should be able to, yes. You don’t think there will be more people for them to haul home?”

  “I hope not, anyway.”

  “How long do you think it will be before they are back?”

  “Don’t know. The Captain was talking about peddling those walnuts among the smaller colonies, that will take some time, I would think. You missing him already?”

  “What? No. I asked him to bring me some parts we don’t have. I don’t know enough about them to print them, so I need examples to copy from.”

  Dee asked, “He’s doing that out of the goodness of his heart?”

  “Of course not. I told him I would make sure he got paid when he was able to deliver.”

  Jane asked, “And just what does he want to get paid?”

  Tikki said, “Probably just what you think, but I’m going to give him cash.”

  Dee said, “You’re right, Bob. She is a smart one.”

  My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Bob, this is Bill Rottum. I’m not calling on my regular phone because I don’t want to get tracked. I just got a strange call, claiming there were aliens in the system where you are. Can you shed any light?”

  “I can say that to my knowledge, there are Sasquatch and employees of Bob’s Saucer Repair in the system at this time. I’m not aware of anyone other than that.”

  “Bob, there are holes in that statement that you could drive one of those semi-trucks your planet is so fond of through. How long ago did they leave?”