Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10)

by Jerry Boyd

  Ruth replied, “I know a little more about how you had things arranged, back on Earth. They would just want to get it done, and we might not find some things for months.”

  I asked, “Where are your brothers?”

  “They’re figuring out where to put the safes.”

  Nikki said, “They don’t waste any time, do they?”

  Ruth said, “We have missed working closely with you folks. We wanted to show you that we were glad to get the chance to do it again.”

  I said, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be stuck in the mud, than flying all over the galaxy, finding new people who want to shoot at us?”

  “Very sure, Boss. Flying the Gene is the most fun I’ve ever had.”

  Nikki started helping Ruth decide where things needed to go, and I wandered off to find the boys. When I got to the bedroom, Topper said, “Boss, there just isn’t a good way to hide it like we did at the old place. The best we can do is set it into this wall.”

  “There’s enough empty space back there?”

  Taz said, “We called when they started redoing these houses, and made sure they left us a place for the safe.”

  I said, “What would I do without you boys looking out for me?”

  Ozzie said, “We’d rather not find out, if it’s all the same to you, Boss.”

  “That’s just fine with me, Ozzie. How have you been? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

  “I’m doing alright, Boss. Scotti keeps me busy.”

  “What’s she got you working on?”

  “Sorry, Boss. It’s a surprise.”

  “This big secret in Engineering is beginning to worry me. You building a bot captain to replace me?”

  “The story I heard is you’re trying to get Sally to take that job.”

  “It’s amazing how fast stories get around the Gene.”

  “Don’t worry, Boss. If we can get it to come out the way Scotti wants it to, you’ll like it a lot.”

  “I’ll take your word for that, Ozzie. Do you fellas have this part under control?”

  Topper said, “I think so, Boss. If you see Mr. Bailey, you might send him in. There are a couple of the finer points we’d like his input on.”

  “If I see him, I’ll send him your way. Thanks for your hard work, guys.”

  I got a chorus of “No problem, Boss.”

  I went back out to where Nikki and Ruth were working. Nikki asked, “Is it about lunchtime, Caveman? Your kids are hungry again.”

  “I could stand to eat. Is the galley on the Evans stocked?”

  Ruth said, “Yes, Boss.”

  We went out to the Evans, and went forward to the galley. Jim and Janice had beaten us there. Jim said, “Will and Fred have a good stock of supplies. We’ll have to make a run over there and stock up, so we can cook in the houses.”

  I replied, “Maybe we can get that done by suppertime. Topper has some questions for you, when you get done eating.”

  Jim asked, “What about?”

  “I’m not sure. I got the impression he didn’t think I had the right skills to tell him what he wanted to know. They’re in the middle of installing the safes they had made up. If I had to guess, I’d say they’re having trouble with how to trim it out, since they weren’t able to hide them like the last time.”

  Janice asked, “They hid your safes? How did they do that?”

  “There was an old chimney that had just gotten walled in, rather than being torn down. They were able to use that space to hide my gun safe. You ought to have a look, when we get back to Earth. They used a loose knot in the paneling for a button to open it with. Slickest job I’ve seen. When Jim and those boys get together, good things happen.”

  Janice said, “Sounds like he likes your work, Jim.”

  “He must. I told you the story about him rescuing me when I got snakebit, didn’t I?”

  “You mean that was true? I thought you were just pulling my leg.”

  Nikki asked, “How do you think Molly got so much pep?”

  “Good grief! That whole story was true?”

  Jim said, “Yes, dear, it was.”

  I should have known better, really I should, but my mouth started moving before my brain engaged. “So, he didn’t tell you about all the fun stuff we found in the chimney?”

  Jim said, “Are you trying to get me in the doghouse, Boss?”

  “Nossir. Just stirring up a little orneriness. I’m guessing you’d rather I quit it?”

  “If you don’t mind. I’d rather sleep indoors, if it’s all the same to you.”

  “I think we brought a couch, if you wind up needing it.”

  Nikki said, “You might need it, if you don’t quit giving him grief.”

  I said, “Sorry, Jim.”

  He replied, “No problem, Boss.” We almost got away with it. I was managing to maintain, till Jim cracked a smile. Then it was all over. I laughed, and that cracked him up. Janice looked at us like we were out of our minds. Jim said, “At least we got all the booby traps defused, without anybody getting hurt.”

  “Yep. Even Odie lived to fight another day.” The look on Janice’s face said Jim had some explaining to do, when she got him alone. Jim said, “I better go see what Topper needs.” He got up to go. I decided he had the right idea, and got up to go with him. Nikki looked at me, with malice. I knew I would pay for leaving her with Janice when she was upset. Once we got to the house, I asked, “You didn’t tell her about finding all that stuff in the chimney?”

  “I suppose I left out that part of the story. Didn’t seem important at the time.”

  “I surely didn’t mean to get you in Dutch. Guess I should be more careful.”

  “She would have found out sooner or later. Guess I was just trying to introduce her to the joys of working for Bob’s Saucer Repair a little at a time.”

  “Nothing wrong with that. I just wish you would have given me a warning, before I opened my big mouth.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up about it. If it was that big a deal, I should have warned you beforehand.”

  “As long as we’re still good.”

  “Always, Boss.”

  We went back to the bedroom, and Topper started showing Jim where they were unsure how to proceed. Snitz came wandering in. He looked up at me and tilted his head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my weapons laying on the bed. I said, “You’re right, Boy. We do need to check out the new neighborhood.” I strapped on my Vaquero and picked up the Squirrel rifle Nunya had converted for me. Jim asked, “Going on safari, Bob?”

  “Andre was worried about some of the animals around here. I figure it’s easier to be prepared than to listen to everybody complain after I get hurt.”

  “Holler if you need help.”

  “I will.”

  I checked to make sure I had a translator badge. Fred and Will said there weren’t any Squatch on the island, but as good as they are at hiding, I figured it was better to be prepared. Snitz and I went through the gate, and out into the woods. It still amazed me how similar it was to Earth. We had been walking for half an hour or so, when I smelled smoke. We went to see where it was coming from. Soon enough, we walked up on an old Squatch sitting by his campfire. I got out my badge, and asked, “Hello, the camp. Mind if I come in and sit a while?”

  He grunted, “Come ahead, Smallfoot.” Snitz ran ahead and gave him a smell. He must have passed, because Snitz sat down beside him. The old fella looked at Snitz, and then up at me. He said, “You must be Bawb, that the folks on the mainland talk about so much.”

  “How did you figure that out?”

  “I watch them flashing the stories back and forth, when I don’t have anything better to do. They talk about you and this little fellow like you were as tall as me. I just guessed the only Smallfoot brave enough to come into the woods alone must be the mighty Bawb.”

  “I think you might be confusing brave and stupid, but whatever you say.”

  “The stories I have seen them flash say you don�
�t act like the Smallfoot who come to take our daughters. I see now that they are right.”

  “We didn’t know there was anyone on this island. Hope we aren’t too bad for neighbors.”

  “Not so far. I suppose I could always go back to the mainland, if you get too obnoxious.”

  “So, our village isn’t in a bad spot?”

  “Well, it’s right where the deer used to bed down. They’ve all found new places, now.”

  “We should have checked the place out better before we started building.”

  “Not a problem. Supper was easy to catch, till they got settled into new spots.”

  “You know who I am. What do I call you?”

  “The young ones wanted me to take the name ‘Voice of the Mountain’. That’s why I moved out here by myself. When I was younger, they called me ‘Running Skunk’. I’m afraid I’m more like ‘Walking Skunk’ these days.”

  I stuck out my hand to shake. Walking Skunk asked, “Do you not fear my strength?”

  I replied, “We have a machine that will fix me, if you hurt me, but I don’t think you need to do that, just to prove your strength.”

  “You are smarter than you look, Smallfoot Bawb.”

  “’Bout have to be, wouldn’t I?”

  Walking Skunk laughed, and shook my hand. “It is as the flashes say. Bawb is a good Smallfoot.” We sat and talked for quite a while, till my comm rang. “What is that noise, Bawb?”

  “Someone wants to talk to me. Probably my wife, wondering where I got off to.”

  “It is good to have a mate when the night is cold. Maybe not so much when you want to hunt.”

  “Exactly.” I answered the comm. “Captain Wilson.”

  “Caveman, where did you get to? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Just getting acquainted with the neighbors. Did you need something?”

  “We were wondering if you wanted to have a cookout tonight, to celebrate moving in?”

  “That sounds like a good time. What are we having?”

  “We thought maybe you were going to bring a deer or something.”

  “I’ll see what I can do. My new friend Walking Skunk knows where they live.”

  “Did you say Walking Skunk?”

  “I did.”

  “How do you find the windiest people, wherever you go?”

  “Just lucky, I guess.”

  “Bring him to supper. I want to meet this new friend of yours.”

  “I’ll see what he says. Might be he don’t like dining with Smallfoot.”

  “See you later, Caveman.”

  “Love you, Space Cadet.”

  Walking Skunk said, “She wants you to bring supper?”

  “Yep.” He got up, slowly unfolding himself. “Come this way.”

  I followed, rifle at the ready, trying to be as quiet as I knew how. He pointed, and I took the shot. He helped me dress the deer. I saved the hide and head, saying, “We’ll send them over to the mainland. This will make a couple of good baby blankets.”

  I shouldered the dressed deer, and said, “C’mon, my wife wants to meet you.”

  “I am scared, Bawb.”

  “You should be.”

  He laughed. When we got back to the village, Ruth and Topper were waiting on us. “What’s up?”

  Topper said, “Just worried about you, Boss.” I pointed to the hide and head that Walking Skunk was carrying. “Could you take those over to one of the villages on the mainland, Ruth. It would be a shame for them to go to waste.”

  Ruth said, “Sure, Boss. Mind if I take the Evans?”

  “Nope. Might want to wash it out, before Nikki sees it, though.”

  “Gee, you think so?”

  “Okay, I’m being dumb. I didn’t introduce you, either. This is Walking Skunk. Walking Skunk, this is Topper and Ruth.”

  Walking Skunk said, “Hello, I haven’t met metal people before. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Topper said, “It’s nice to meet you, too. You must be very good at hiding. We didn’t find you with our scanners.”

  “One old man, living alone, I don’t leave many tracks.”

  Ruth said, “If I can have that hide, I’ll take it where it can do some good.”

  “That would be a good thing. Please don’t tell them who you got it from, though.”

  Ruth asked, “Why not, Sir?”

  “They want me to be an elder. I do not think I am wise enough, so I stay here where they cannot make me do it. I fear I would make foolish decisions that would hurt the tribe.” Ruth pointed at me. “You sound like our Captain, but he has guided us safely through many hard times. Could it be that the tribe knows you better than you would like to admit?”

  Walking Skunk said, “You have much wisdom, little one. Perhaps you should be the Voice of the Mountain.”

  “Sorry, Sir. I already have a job, flying the finest ship in the galaxy.”

  “All the same, please don’t tell them you saw me.”

  “As you wish, Sir.” Ruth took her load and headed for the Evans. The rest of us headed toward the barbecue that had been set up in our backyard. Walking Skunk helped break down the deer for cooking. I noticed he was still using a flint knife. I hollered, “Taz, front and center.”

  “Yes, Boss?”

  “Do you have one of your knives handy? Our new friend is still using flint.”

  “Sure, Boss. Do you suppose he would like an ax as well?”

  “Probably, but I doubt you could get him to admit it.”

  Taz took off. Walking Skunk asked, “What was that about?”

  “Gonna get you some better tools, so we can get more work out of you.”

  He looked like he wasn’t sure what to think, but he didn’t say anything. Taz brought him a knife and an ax, and the rest of the deer just kind of fell apart. The old man was good at butchering. He said, “These are fine tools. Where are they stored?”

  I replied, “Your belt.”

  “You mean you want to give me such fine tools? What do you want in return?”

  “Nothing. Just trying to be a good neighbor.”

  “There is plenty of room for all of us. You don’t have to give me gifts to get me to let you stay on the island.”

  “I like you, and I want you to have what you need to have an easy life. Do I have to want something back for that?”

  “I suppose not, but it seems strange to me. I think maybe you are trickier than you seem.”

  “Are tricky friends bad to have? Seems to me, it would be better to have someone tricky as a friend, just in case.”

  “You make an old man’s head hurt, with all your talk. We cook now.”

  Once we got the meat started, Taz came back around and showed Walking Skunk how to care for his new tools. About then, Ruth got back. She came up to us, and said, “Mr. Skunk, Sir. I didn’t tell them where you were. Morning Flower recognized the way the skin was taken off. She knows you are here.”

  Walking Skunk said, “Little Morning Flower is home? How did that happen? The bad hair-comes-off took her.”

  I said, “We found her being kept as a slave, and set her free. We had a little trouble figuring out where her home was to bring her back, but we got it done.”

  One of the fighters landed next to the Evans. Morning Flower got out and ran over to where we were. She said, “Grandpa! You had me so worried when I got back, and they told me you had left.”

  “It is good to see you, Morning Flower. I thought you were gone forever.”

  “Bawb brought me home. He is a good man, for a hair-comes-off.”

  “I’m learning that.”

  “I’ve been to the place you told us about. Bawb is from there.”

  I spoke up. “Walking Skunk here is the elder you said told you about ‘The Cat in the Hat’?”

  “He is. He told us many stories of the planet of the hair-comes-off.”

  I asked, “You’ve been to my world, and you still trust me enough to eat with us? You’re a forgiving man, Walking Skunk
.”

  “You asked before you came into my camp. I knew then you must have respect for the people-with-hair.”

  Ruth spoke up. “The Captain has respect for all kinds of people. Even us metal people.”

  Morning Flower said, “You deserve respect. You are a better pilot than I can ever hope to be. When I recognized the way you skin, Grandpa, she wouldn’t tell me a thing about where she got the hide, or who skinned it. She is a good person.”

  “I’m surprised you could tell it was me, with those fancy tools Bawb gave me.”

  “I saw how Bugling Elk’s skinning changed with the new tools.”

  “Bugling Elk?”

  “You know him as Busy Squirrel. He is my mate, now.”

  “Little Busy Squirrel grew up to be your mate? I would have never thought he would have the guts to ask you.”

  “Bawb told him the worst I could do was say no. I think some days, he thinks the worst I could do was say yes.”

  Walking Skunk looked at me. “All the other things you do, and you still find time to marry off my Granddaughter?”

  “He came to me asking for advice. He had done a lot of good work for me, I thought it was the least I could do to help him out.”

  “You are a good man, Bawb. Strange, but good.”

  “Let’s eat.” Walking Skunk thanked the deer’s spirit, and everyone dug in. I suppose it was just getting a chance to slow down, but it seemed like the best meal I’d had in a long time. Nikki came over to sit with me, and I introduced her to Walking Skunk. Morning Flower had to hear the latest about Nikki’s pregnancy, and we all enjoyed the meal, and the company. Then something happened I wasn’t expecting. Ruth and the boys brought out their instruments and began to play. Before long, people got up to dance. Nikki and I danced a couple of songs, and Morning Flower wanted me to dance with her, so I did. Then I saw something I’m still not sure I believe. Beatriz Cachi walked up to Walking Skunk, and said, “What are you doing sitting there, old man? Get up and shake your hind end with the rest of us.” He did, and after a while, he seemed like he got to like it. After a few dances, he sat down to rest, and Morning Flower went over to talk to him. I saw the old fella getting more and more insistent, but Morning Flower kept trying to talk him into something. Finally, she came and got me. She said, “Bawb, would you please talk to my Grandpa? I want him to come back to the village, but he doesn’t want to come.”