I yanked my arm out of his grip. ‘I don’t like being choked or slapped or pinched.’
‘What?’ His mouth was smiling, but there was a dangerous hardness to it now, his eyes like flat pebbles at the bottom of a creek. ‘You’re always encouraging me. You practically beg me for it.’
‘No. No, I don’t.’
He advanced towards me. ‘Yes, you do. I bet you’d blow me right here if I asked you to.’
I shook my head furiously, but before I could protest again, the bell over the door tinkled and a couple of kids from school came in. Scott took their orders and they sat down at a table near the window. While I was making the coffees, he sidled up to me again, his mouth close to my ear.
‘If you didn’t like it, you would’ve said something earlier. You’re no good, Layla. You’re depraved, like me. That’s why we’re so good together.’
I left the coffees half made and fled to the bathroom. I sat down on the lid of the toilet, my head in my hands. Was I bad because I let him do those things to me? Was there a part of me that liked being treated like that? Why hadn’t I ever asked him to stop?
I opened the door of the cubicle and went back out to the cafe floor. Scott was unstacking the dishwasher. He didn’t look up. ‘You can’t quit. We’re not discussing this again.’
Impotent rage wormed into my limbs. ‘You don’t have a choice. This is my last shift. I’m done.’
He looked up at me with a bland smile. ‘I’m not letting you go that easily. You’re mine, Layla.’
My fingers began untying my apron, and I lifted it over my head and let it drop to the floor. ‘Not anymore. I don’t want to see you again.’
Before he had the chance to respond, the cafe door opened and Bob Keen walked in. ‘Layla!’ he boomed. ‘Get us a long black, will ya, love?’
I stepped out from behind the counter. ‘Sorry, Bob, I would, but I don’t work here anymore.’
I didn’t look back as I crossed the cafe floor to the door. With every step, I felt stronger. I’d done it. I was free.
NOW
The gym was dark as they stepped inside, out of the bright sunlight. Layla pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head and hung behind Renee as she began to greet their old classmates. She didn’t immediately recognise anyone, but if she looked closely enough, features began to embed themselves in her brain one by one, until she remembered. After a few minutes, she realised others were doing it to her too. She grabbed a handful of chips from a bowl on one of the tables.
‘Layla?’ A woman stood by her elbow, a glass of bubbly in one hand. She looked older, and it took Layla a second to remember they were the same age, which made her wonder what others were thinking about her. ‘It is Layla, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, hi …’ Layla racked her brain to work out who she was without looking too obvious. ‘I’m sorry, I have a terrible memory.’
‘Jodie.’
Layla almost inhaled the chip she was eating. But no. She’d seen Jodie Telford’s picture; this was definitely not her. With a rush of relief, she recognised the woman. ‘Jodie Wilson, right?’
The woman smiled. ‘Yep, still Jodie Wilson. What about you? Still Layla Flynn, or did you get married?’
Layla picked up another chip and popped it into her mouth. ‘Both. I’m married with two kids, but I didn’t change my name.’
‘Oh, one of those, are you.’ It was a statement rather than a question. ‘How nice that you managed to find a husband of your own.’ She gave a little titter.
Layla bit down on the urge to do something violent. ‘Well, nice to see you again, Jodie. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab a drink.’
‘Sure, Layla. Talk to you again later.’
‘Not if I can help it,’ Layla muttered under her breath. She found Shona and linked arms with her. ‘I need a drink.’
‘Fuck, me too. Over here.’ She steered Layla across the room to the long table lined with empty glasses and bottles of wine. Shona picked up one of the bottles of red and studied it with distaste. ‘Rawson’s Retreat? Jesus Christ. I thought if I came back to South Australia I’d at least get some decent fucking wine.’
Layla laughed. ‘What did you expect from Glasswater Bay?’
‘Should’ve brought a hip flask.’
They poured themselves generous serves of the least offensive of the wines, then turned to survey the room. ‘Jodie Wilson just called me one of those because I didn’t change my name when I got married,’ Layla said.
Shona threw her head back and barked with laughter. ‘Let me guess, she’s still single?’
‘Well, yeah, but so are you,’ Layla pointed out.
‘Touché.’ They clinked their glasses together.
They watched Renee as she moved from group to group, chatting and laughing. ‘I still can’t believe she moved back here after uni,’ Layla said.
‘For him.’ Shona gestured to Daniel, who was never far from his wife’s side. The two of them exchanged smiles from time to time.
‘I’m glad it worked out between them,’ Layla said.
Shona glanced at her. ‘They were always going to end up together. Even when he was with me, it was always her he was looking at. Nothing anyone did was ever going to change that.’
Layla turned away to top up their drinks for the third time. ‘At this rate, we’re going to be sozzled before the food comes out.’
‘With any luck.’
‘I bet there’ll be party pies.’
After a while, Jodie came over to stand with them, and Layla groaned inwardly.
‘Having fun, girls?’ Jodie trilled. ‘It’s so great to all be together again, isn’t it?’
‘Absolutely.’ Shona raised an eyebrow at Layla, and Layla had to suppress a laugh.
‘I must say, when I decided to organise this thing, I didn’t expect you two to come,’ Jodie said. ‘You were both always so … sarcastic. I didn’t think it would be your kind of thing.’
‘You organised this?’ Shona’s voice rose an octave.
Jodie nodded proudly. ‘I wasn’t sure how to get in touch with you, but Renee told me she’d pass on the invitation.’
‘So you’re the one responsible for the Comic Sans on that invitation?’ Shona’s voice wobbled with barely contained laughter.
‘And the typos,’ Layla added.
‘And this shithouse wine,’ Shona said.
Layla lost the fight and laughed out loud. Jodie shot them both an annoyed look. ‘At least one of us is making an effort,’ she hissed. ‘I must say, Layla, I’m surprised Renee’s letting you stay at her house after your little performance at the party after the formal.’
Layla’s amusement shrivelled.
‘How would you know? You weren’t even at the afterparty,’ Shona said, an edge to her voice.
‘It’s all anyone talked about at school the next week.’ Jodie smiled smugly. ‘Everyone certainly kept their boyfriends close by their sides after that! Although I must say, it wasn’t much of a surprise once we all found out you’d been carrying on with Scott Telford all that time.’
Layla’s whole body was vibrating with anger, but she forced herself to keep leaning casually against the table. ‘I must say, Jodie, do go and fuck yourself.’
Shona burst into laughter. Jodie’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times. ‘Wow, rude!’
‘She turned into a bit of a cow, didn’t she?’ Shona remarked as Jodie stormed away. ‘She was always so nice at school too.’
‘Mmm.’ Layla’s mood had soured. How stupid of her to think her reputation wouldn’t have stuck with her. ‘I think I might go.’
‘You’re not going anywhere.’ Shona grabbed her arm. ‘Let’s mingle.’
And Layla allowed herself to be swept up by Shona’s outrageous vibe, as she always had back in high school. For an hour they circulated the room, chatting to their old classmates and catching up on what they’d all been doing for the last twenty years. Layla began to relax again, and when Sho
na nudged her and pointed out the trays of party pies and sausage rolls that were coming out, they laughed until tears streamed down their faces, and she realised she was actually enjoying herself. No one else said anything about the formal, or about Scott. No one else cared. She felt another load slip from her shoulders. She spoke to Katrina, and not even the school bully who had once taunted her had anything bad to say. In fact, she was quite nice.
She and Renee were in animated disagreement about which teacher they’d had for Maths in Year Ten when there was a tap on Layla’s shoulder. She turned around to see a very good-looking and very tall man. ‘Hello, Layla.’
She stared at his black hair and olive skin and the smooth angles of his face, and it took her several seconds before she realised who it was. ‘Oh my god, Rasheed?’
‘Dude, you got hot,’ Renee said approvingly. She glanced across the room, where Jodie had bailed up Daniel. ‘Uh-oh, I’d better go and rescue my husband.’ She threaded away through the crowd.
Rasheed turned back to Layla. ‘It’s good to see you again. I didn’t think you’d come.’
‘Why does everyone keep saying that?’ Layla was feeling a little tipsy and her usual filter had dissolved. ‘Why wouldn’t I come when I left such a great impression on everyone?’
He blushed a little. ‘How are you? Got a family?’
‘Uh, yeah, a husband and two kids.’ She showed him photos on her phone. ‘What about you? Are you married?’
‘I am.’ He got his own phone out and showed her the photo on the home screen. ‘His name is Adam and he’s a stockbroker. We live in Sydney and we’re having a baby in May.’
Layla almost choked on her mouthful of wine. ‘That’s great. Congratulations.’
He grinned. ‘Thanks.’
‘So what made you come back? Most of these people weren’t very nice to you either.’ She looked down. ‘Including me.’
He shrugged. ‘Because they don’t scare me anymore. And it doesn’t matter now. You of all people should know that.’
She studied him for a moment. ‘It still matters to me. For twenty years, it’s mattered. But then, you didn’t hurt people the way I did.’
He smiled sadly. ‘If it helps, I never blamed you.’
She nodded. ‘It does a bit. Thanks.’
They watched the crowd in silence for a few minutes.
‘You were only seventeen, Layla,’ he said eventually. ‘You made mistakes. Maybe it’s OK to let it go now?’
If he knew what she’d really done – the suffering she’d caused – he probably wouldn’t be quite so generous, but Layla allowed herself a small smile. ‘I’m glad you came, Rasheed.’
‘Me too.’
Then the lame music that had been playing cut out abruptly, and they looked over to see Shona plugging her phone into the stereo.
‘Hey!’ Jodie cried. ‘I spent hours putting that playlist together.’
‘Well, it sucks arse!’ Daniel yelled from the other side of the room, and everyone laughed.
‘Yeah, let’s listen to something decent,’ someone else said.
‘Dirty Jeans’ by Magic Dirt began blasting from the stereo. Layla’s eyes met Renee’s, then Shona’s, and she whooped and joined her old friends to sing and dance like they had when the song had first come out twenty years ago. Ten minutes later, almost everyone in the room was dancing to Shona’s playlist of Australian indie music, their normal, serious, grown-up lives temporarily forgotten as they abandoned themselves to the music of their youth. Even Jodie joined in. And Layla felt happy. And for the moment, she allowed herself to believe that everything might be OK after all.
THEN
It was over. I didn’t see or hear anything from Scott. I studied hard, I hung out with my friends, and I began to imagine what life would be like when we all moved to Adelaide together next year.
But then, the morning before the formal, when I got out of my car at school, there he was, leaning against his car, arms crossed. I shivered with apprehension. Given his previous aversion to us being seen in public together, I’d assumed he wouldn’t try to get to me once I’d left the cafe, so it was a shock to see him here, in broad daylight, waiting for me. I hoisted my bag onto my shoulder. ‘What are you doing here?’
He smiled sadly. ‘I’ve missed you. I wanted to see you again.’
There was something about his vulnerable expression that slowed my blood. ‘I have to get to school.’
He looked at his watch. ‘It’s only eight thirty. Surely you have time to talk for a few minutes?’
‘I told you, I can’t see you anymore.’ I tried to walk past him quickly, but his arm flashed out and caught my hand. ‘Let me go.’
‘I’m not going to hurt you, Layla. I could never hurt you.’
‘But you did.’ I pulled my hand out of his and gestured at my arm. ‘What do you think these bruises are from?’
His gaze darted to my arm, then back to my face. ‘I hardly touched you. I was just upset because you said you were going to leave me.’
‘I have to go.’ But my feet had turned to lead, and I couldn’t seem to walk away.
‘Meet me tomorrow night,’ he said. ‘I want to make it up to you.’
‘It’s the formal tomorrow night. I’m getting ready at Renee’s house.’
His mouth turned down at one side, as if I’d disappointed him. ‘Those people don’t care about you, Layla. Not the way I do.’
‘They’re my friends.’ My voice was growing weaker by the second.
‘And all they’ve done is try to get between us. You’re better than them. You always have been. They’re just girls; you’re a real woman.’ His voice was low and gentle and curiously hypnotic. The strange, leaden feeling was creeping up my legs, filling my belly, climbing up to my chest. It would be so easy to give in to him. The optimism I’d carried inside me for the last few days now seemed pointless. He was in my system, pulsing through my veins, beating inside my heart, poisoning me from the inside out. He’d been right. I was no good.
‘Layla!’ came Renee’s voice from up the street, and the spell shattered. I broke my gaze with Scott to wave to her as she got out of her car.
‘She’s not going to be there for you when you need her, Layla.’ Scott opened his car door. ‘The sooner you realise that, the better.’
I ran. Even as his car pulled out from the kerb and drove away, I ran all the way to Renee.
She scowled. ‘What was he doing here?’
‘He wanted to see me, but I told him to go.’ My voice shook with the half-truth.
‘Well, good.’ She glanced at me as we walked towards the school gates. ‘I can’t believe he had the hide to turn up at school. Are you OK?’
I gave her a sideways smile. ‘Sure I am.’
After the adrenalin of seeing Scott again had drained out of my body, I felt as if I’d been run over by a truck. If Renee hadn’t shown up, I didn’t know what I would have done. I couldn’t understand why I found it so impossible to say no to him, why he was always able to convince me that I needed him. Over the course of the day, I kept telling myself it was really over, but that dead feeling was still inside me, dragging me down.
*
Shona managed to sneak a sixpack of pineapple Bacardi Breezers in the bag of stuff she brought to Renee’s, and we were already tipsy and giggling our heads off.
‘What do you reckon Katrina’s gonna wear?’ Shona said.
‘Something skimpy to show off her eating disorder,’
Renee said, and we all laughed.
There was a knock on the bedroom door. ‘Are you girls dressed yet? I want to take photos of you!’
‘Not yet, Mum,’ Renee called back, hastily draining the last of her bottle and stashing it under her bed.
‘We’d better get going,’ I said. ‘Daniel’s going to be here soon and we’re all still in our underwear.’
‘That’d fuel his wet dreams for months.’ Shona winked at me.
Renee pushed her. ‘D
on’t be gross. He’s not like that.’
‘Oh Daniel, my one true love!’ Shona shrilled, crossing her hands over her heart.
‘You joke, but one day you’ll meet someone you’re really into, and then you’ll understand.’
‘Me? Nah. I don’t need a man.’
We zipped each other up and preened in front of the mirror. We’d all had our hair and make-up done that afternoon, and we looked like supercharged versions of ourselves. My hair hung over my shoulders in soft, Hollywood curls, Shona’s was all bunched up on top of her head in an artfully messy bun held together with about a thousand bobby pins, while Renee’s was done in fifties pin curls.
‘We look hot,’ Renee said.
‘Totally,’ I said.
And we really did – even me. I’d never had my make-up done before and I couldn’t believe how different I looked – my freckles had disappeared under the even coat of foundation, my eyes looked even bluer against the dark, smoky eyeshadow, and my normally thin lips looked luscious and full. There was no sign of the pimples I hated. This was the first time since the early days with Scott that I’d felt sexy, and it was definitely the first time I could see it for myself. I couldn’t stop staring at my reflection. Maybe if I could learn how to recreate this look myself, I wouldn’t need Scott to feel good after all.
‘We’d better go out so Mum can take a million photos of us.’ Renee rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was looking forward to it.
We made sure we’d hidden the empty bottles properly and then emerged from the bedroom. Mrs Kennedy covered her mouth with both her hands when she saw us, her eyes bright with emotion. ‘Oh, girls, you look so lovely! Derek? Derek! Get the camera, quick!’
We posed together and separately so Mrs Kennedy could take photos, promising to print extra copies for us and our parents. Daniel knocked on the door, and it was kind of cute to see how obviously bowled over he was by Renee’s appearance and how shy he was with her parents. He kept sneaking looks at her as he shook her dad’s hand, and blushed when her mum kissed him on the cheek.
When it was time to go, we piled into Daniel’s car and waved goodbye to Renee’s parents.
The Girl She Was Page 23